Cyrano Jones' Quotes

Cyrano (enters a bar)
Cyrano (walks past Chekov, Uhura, Kirk, and Spock) Oh, 'scuse me, 'scuse me.
Kirk (and company) (discuss Quadrotritakayly)
Bartender I don't want any; I told you before and I'm telling you again. I don't want any more Spike and Flame gems. Thanks to you, I already have enough Spike and Flame gems to last me a lifetime.
Cyrano How sad for you, my friend. You won't find a finer stone anywhere. But I have something better...Surely you want some...Anterian glow water. (heh, heh, heh)
Bartender I use that to polish the Flame gems.
Cyrano You're a difficult man to reach. But...I have something from the far reaches of the galaxy. Surely you want... (pulls a tribble out of his pocket)
Bartender Not at your price...
Uhura Oh what is it? Is it alive? May I hold it? Oh it's adorable. What is it?
Cyrano What is it? Why lovely lady, it's a tribble.
Uhura A tribble?
Cyrano Only the sweetest creature known to man, exceptin', of course, your lovely self.
Uhura (laughing) Why it's purring. (to chekov) Listen, it's purring.
Cyrano It's only saying that it likes you.
Uhura Are you selling them?
Bartender That's what we're trying to decide, right now.
Cyrano My friend, ten credits a piece is a very reasonable price. Now you can see for yourself how much the lovely little lady appreciates the finer things.
Bartender One credit a piece.
Chekov He won't...bite will he?
Cyrano Sir, transporting harmful animals from one planet to another is against regulations or weren't you aware of that? (laughs) Besides, tribbles have no teeth.
Bartender Alright, I'll double my offer. Two credits.
Cyrano Twice nothing is still nothing.
Uhura Well if you're not gonna take him, I'm gonna take him. I think he's cute.
Bartender Four credits.
Cyrano Is that an offer or a joke?
Bartender That's my offer.
Cyrano That's a joke. (reaches to take his tribble)
Bartender Five?
Cyrano I can see you're an honest man, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to lessen my price to eight and a half credits. (laughing)
Bartender You're talking yourself out of a deal, friend. Six credits; not a credit more.
Cyrano Seven and a half...Seven? Alright you robber, six credits.
Bartender Done. When can I have them?
Cyrano Right away.
Uhura Alright, what are you selling them for?
Bartender Well let me see little lady, eh six credits, eh figure a reasonable mark-up for a reasonable profit, say eh ten percent mark-up, eh ten credits.
Cyrano Thief!
Bartender In fact, I'll sell you this one.
Chekov Hey! He's eating my grain.
Bartender That'll be ten credits.
Cyrano That, happens to be my sample, and I'll do with it as I please...And I please to give it to the lovely little lady here.
Uhura Oh I couldn't...could I?
Cyrano I insist.
Bartender What are you trying to do, ruin the market?
Cyrano Once this lovely little lady starts to show this precious little darling around, you won't be able to keep up with them.

[Stanley Adams] [Star Trek TOS]

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