Home > ATXF > Nostalgia > A Matt-5 Christmas Celebration

Subject: A Matt-5 Christmas Celebration
From: am.fraser@qut.edu.au (Annette Fraser)
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 97 15:12:56 GMT
Organization: Temple of the Big Penguin

Many of you who now frequent aus.tv.x-files were not around at the end of 1995 
when Matt-5 first wrote X-Files Christmas Carols.  Myself, I can no longer 
listen to Jingle Bells without automatically hearing Matt-5's substitute words 
in my head.

In my opinion, Matt-5 was the brightest and best of the carol manglers and so, 
as a community service to those who have not had the pleasure of seeinf these 
songs, and as a nostalgic trip backwards in time for those who have, I've 
decided to post some of his best work.

Enjoy

Annette
--
God Rest Ye Stretchy Mutant Men

God rest ye stretchy mutant men let nothing you dismay,
May bloody, steaming livers never be too far away,
From where you nest for thirty years in papie^r mache'.

God rest ye stretchy mutant men let nothing you dismay,
When your eyeballs go yellow everything you see is grey,
And no-one will take notice of what Mulder has to say.

O tidings of murder and gore, murder and gore,
O tidings of murder and gore.

God rest ye stretchy mutant men, the judge has set you free,
To tear and rip and shred and kill just like in sixty-three,
And shatter your own jawbone in front of Mulder's TV.

O tidings of murder and gore, murder and gore,
O tidings of murder and gore.

God rest ye stretchy mutant men, the escalator's on,
And though you be quite flexible you cannot live for long,
Your mangled flesh inside the works will soon begin to pong.

O tidings of murder and gore, murder and gore,
O tidings of murder and gore.

--
Krycek, The Ruthless Killer

Krycek, the ruthless killer,
Had a very shiny gun,
He murdered Mulder's father,
Then escaped when he was done.

But later Mulder found him,
And it was a sight to see,
He had the shit kicked through him,
'Cause Mulder was on LSD.

Then when someone bombed his car,
Krycek came to say:
 "Cancer Man, you lying scum,
 "As of now I'm on the run."

Then how the viewers loved him,
And they shouted out as one,
 "Ratboy, we all forgive you
 "For everything you've ever done!"

--
Cancerman is Coming to Town

You'd better watch out,
You'd better not try
To find out the truth,
I'm tellin' you why:

 Cancer Man is coming to town.

He's makin' a list,
And checkin' it twice,
Gonna find out 
Whose genes have been spliced.

 Cancer Man is coming to town.

He smokes in Skinner's office,
He doesn't have a wife,
He lied to the conspiracy,
Now they might just end his life

You'd better watch out,
You'd better not try
To threaten him: He's
Watched presidents die.

 Cancer Man is coming to town.

--

EBEs (to the tune of 'Jingle Bells')

EBEs, EBEs,
Beings from the stars,
Covered up by Men In Black
Who drive expensive cars,

EBEs, EBEs,
Corpses in a row,
Locked away on Level 6
In a base in Idaho.

 Dashing through the clouds,
 In a saucer painted white,
 Mutilating cows,
 In the middle of the night (ha ha ha)

 Weapons click and jam,
 And blinding floodlights shine,
 What fun it is to meddle with
 The natural course of time.  Oh!

EBEs, EBEs,
Fallen Angels too,
If only Mulder had found out
Just what his father knew.

EBEs, EBEs,
Scully whisked away,
Dumped back in a hospital
With altered DNA.

 With alllte-e-ered Deee Ennn Aaaaaaaaa!

===+===+===+===+===+===+ am.fraser@qut.edu.au +===+===+===+===+===+===
==+ The Merchandise Queen | Kheldarian | Stark raving mad Pterryist+==
===+===+===+===+===+= Annette's Word of the Week =+===+===+===+===+===
  jactitation - the offence of falsely claiming to be someone's wife
               or husband - Complete Oxford Dictionary
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