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This is an earlier version of my story "More Than Just Friends", so don't be surprised if some of the paragraphs are the same... ;-) Disclaimer: Star Trek: The Next Generation and all its characters belong to Paramount Pictures; no infringement of copyright is intended. The story however belongs to me.
Re-Attached
He blew out the candles and stared into nothingness. Her voice echoed in his mind. Maybe we should be afraid. Afraid of what? Of getting too close? He slowly walked about the cabin, picking up their glasses and clearing the table. Maybe we should be afraid. He did not know what he had expected from her; actually, he had not expected anything at all. He had not even planned to say anything about what he had sensed from her during their time on Kesprytt; after all he had told her that his one-time love for her had mellowed into friendship. But when she sat there, eyes shining, her face illuminated by the candle light, and talked about his dreams... He suddenly realized that the love was there all over again, maybe even stronger than before. And from the look in her eyes, he knew that she knew as well. Maybe we should be afraid... He straightened, heading for the door. Maybe I should not be afraid to ask some more questions. * * * When the door chime sounded, she was not surprised. Somehow she had known that he would follow her. "Come in." The door slid aside, and he slowly crossed the threshold. Beverly turned from her position at the window and faced him. "I knew you would come." "You know me too well." She smiled. He advanced towards her, but stopped a few paces away. Dozens of possible opening lines rushed through his head, but there was just one question he knew he had to ask. "Why, Beverly?" "What do you mean?" Her eyes met his, holding his gaze. He took another step. "Why should we be afraid?" She crossed the distance between them, taking his hand, her eyes never leaving his. "It was you who told me that you were no longer in love with me. Remember, down on the planet?" "I know." He could not stand her gaze any longer. "I was lying." His hand slipped away from hers. He went over to the window and looked out at the stars. His voice drifted over to her as if from very far away. "I really thought I wasn't in love with you any more, that we were only friends. But then I found out that I was wrong. And you knew it, too." "Yes." Her answer was no more than a whisper. He turned to face her again. The lights in the cabin were low, and he could barely make her out. The star light reflected in her eyes, making them two stars of their own in the darkness. He decided to take his chance. He needed to know. "Beverly, do you love me?" She cast her eyes downward, hiding the stars. "Yes." It was barely audible. The next moment, he was by her side. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her, but she eluded him and moved over to her desk, putting some distance between them. "Jean-Luc, don't." "Why not?" He stood forlorn in the middle of the room, puzzled by her actions. "Remember the last time anything like this happened?" "What do you mean?" "I'm talking about Nella Daren." The blow caught him unexpected. It had been almost a year since Lieutenant Commander Daren had left the Enterprise, and to be reminded of her now was something he had not anticipated. Nonetheless, he plunged ahead. "Beverly, this is different." "Different? In what way is it different?" She came around the desk again, facing him closely. "She was an officer under your command. Well, so am I. She was a head of department with whom you were working closely together. So am I. She had to go down into a dangerous situation in order to do her job, and so do I, over and over again. She had to leave because you could not stand sending her into such situations anymore." Despair crept into her voice. "If I get involved with you now, will you be sending me away in a couple of weeks as well, because you can't stand seeing me in danger?" He did not answer. Suddenly realizing how close she had gotten to him again, she backed off, seeking support on the back of a chair. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Jean-Luc, we've been such close friends. I don't want to lose you." "I don't want to lose you, either." He did not know what to say. Could she be right? He slowly walked over to the couch and sat down. She followed, settling a little distance away. For a long time, neither of them spoke. Then he turned toward her. "Do you remember the time you beamed down to Rutia IV, after the bomb attack?" She nodded, not sure what he was getting at. "I was furious when you refused to come back at my command. You could well have been killed, and it was your stubbornness which placed you in additional danger." "There were people who still needed my help." "I know, but that's not my point. Another example. I suppose you remember Dr. Reyga?" "The Ferengi scientist who invented the metaphasic shielding? Of course I remember him; I was the one who brought him aboard the Enterprise in the first place. And his invention almost cost me my career." The recollection brought a frown to her face. "Yes, and it could have cost you your life as well. You did not know for sure that his shield would work when you took that shuttle into the sun's corona. For a couple of minutes we actually thought we had lost you. "Beverly, I don't mean to say that you risk your life needlessly, but there have been several instances when you put yourself in the line of fire and nobody could hold you back. Over the years, I have come to realize that no matter how hard I try to protect you -or anybody else, for that matter- there will always be circumstances that are beyond my control, be they natural forces or just the fact that someone cannot or will not listen to my orders." She wanted to say something, but he went on without giving her the chance to speak. "When Nella was presumed dead, I grieved for her, but I knew that the decision to have her stay on the planet had been right. When she was found alive and returned to the ship, I did not know what to do, how to act towards her. It was actually her who suggested a transfer, and I did not stop her. Had she stayed, maybe things would have worked out differently. But I was a coward; it was easier to let her go than to think about how far I would go to protect her. "However, the thought came back to me almost every night. I finally realized that if I ever wanted to have a serious relationship again, I had to find out what I could have done differently." He reached for her hand. "Beverly, I've thought about this a lot. All I can say is that I'd act the same way again. My first priority always has to be to Starfleet and to the Enterprise, and if this affects the people I love, I'll have to deal with it. Being a captain isn't always easy, but that's part of the job." He moved closer, letting go of her hand to touch her face instead. Gingerly brushing back a strand of red hair, he made her face him. His voice was hoarse, but full of determination. "Beverly, I love you. You said you love me as well, and I'm asking you to give us a chance." He smiled slightly. "I promise you that I won't send you away if it doesn't work out, and we would still be friends. All I ask is that we explore the possibilities" She returned his smile, but there was still a trace of uncertainty in her voice. "Do you really think it could work?" "I don't know. But we'll never find out if we don't try." He leaned even closer. The temptation was great. His eyes were filled with an intensity that almost made her tremble, and she had to look away. She was surprised to discover what an effect his close proximity suddenly had on her; she had never quite realized it before. Still she hesitated. He did not rush her. If she needed more time to think he had to accept that; but he would not leave without an answer. His hands grasped hers again, his thumbs lightly moving over them in gentle strokes, trying to reassure her of the sincerity of his feelings. Her eyes dropped to regard his movements. For years she had longed for him to do just that, hold her and caress her, kiss her and love her. Why couldn't she bring herself to give in now? Maybe we should be afraid, it rushed through Beverly's mind. Yes, maybe. But maybe not. There never would be any guaranties, and he had given her enough reasons to question her resolve. She knew he would never consciously hurt her. She met his gaze again, which seemed even deeper than before. He was still waiting, hope and fear of what she might say mingling and reflecting in his eyes. Give it a chance, a voice inside her whispered, tugging at the part of her that wanted so much to be in his arms. Tossing all her fears aside, she closed her eyes and awaited his kiss. His lips were soft and their touch uncertain. He was still giving her the opportunity to pull back, but she had made her decision. Linking her hands behind his neck, she closed the remaining distance between them. The stars shone even brighter than before. the end
© 1995-2000 by Hester
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avid readers since October 5, 2000
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