For A.A. -- thank you for making me write this! ;-D
Friends
by Hester
"But Chakotay, I feel fine. I don't have to go to sickbay!"
"You may feel fine, but have you looked at yourself recently? Frankly, you look like hell."
"Chakotay!" She was shocked that he would talk to her like that. Then she looked down and only now noticed the state of her uniform. Cuts and tears everywhere, bare skin showing in more places than she could remember showing in a long time. She was also bleeding from several scratches and minor abrasions, mostly on her hands and wrists. What she couldn't see was her face, but she guessed that her eyes were still red and puffy from crying, and she could only guess that she would have a few scratches there as well. "All right", she relented, letting Chakotay pull her towards sickbay.
Miraculously, they didn't meet anyone on their way. When they entered sickbay, the doctor was just finishing off a biological experiment and greeted them exuberantly, ready to relate all about his newest discoveries to whoever it was that came through the doors. When his eyes fell on Janeway however, his whole demeanor changed in an instant and his face turned grim.
"Are you going to tell me what happened, or should I save my breath?" he inquired, adopting his usual sarcastic undertone which indicated he already knew the answer.
Janeway shot Chakotay one of her maybe-we-should-reprogram-that-obnoxious-hologram-after-all looks, then turned back to the doctor and, in the sternest voice she could manage, said, "You guessed correctly, Doctor. I'd rather not talk about it."
The doctor huffed, but didn't say another word. The captain looked over at Chakotay, victory gleaming mischievously in her eyes.
After ten minutes of waving different instruments up and down her body, the doctor announced, "There, good as new. May I suggest you leave the safety protocols in place the next time you 'enjoy' the holodeck?"
Janeway's head shot up and she glared at him, but he only smiled smugly.
"You didn't seriously think that you could endanger your life on this ship without my knowledge? Captain, you should know me better than that. As soon as a member of the crew disables the safety protocols, I am automatically informed so I can prepare for possible casualties." This last was said with a satisfied nod.
Chakotay, who had been standing off to the side ever since they entered the doctor's domain, had a hard time suppressing a grin.
Janeway slid off the biobed and tried to nail the doctor with one of her famous "captain stares" but he didn't seem the least bit affected. Her tone of voice however actually made him take a step back. "We'll have to talk about this 'casualty warning', Doctor. I want a report about who installed this 'wake-up call' for you, and I want it on my desk first thing tomorrow morning. Is that understood?"
"Completely, Captain," replied the hologram, not quite as self-assured anymore as before.
Without another look back, Janeway walked out the door, Chakotay trailing behind her.
"What?" Janeway asked, slightly annoyed, when they entered the turbolift and she noticed the still spreading grin on her first officer's face.
"Oh, nothing," he replied, "I'm simply amazed at how you always do that."
"Do what?" She was intrigued now and leaned closer, effectively invading his personal space and forcing him to take a step back -- a very small step since the turbolift didn't offer much room for escape.
"You're probably the only person aboard this ship who can threaten the doctor with deactivation in a way that he believes it, and you don't even have to say the words."
"He'll get over it," she replied dryly. "By tomorrow morning he'll have a whole bunch of excuses and justifications for his actions. He might even convince me that this is a good idea." Her smile returned, turning mischievous. "If not, I'll simply have to 'threaten' him again."
"You're the boss." Chakotay grinned.
The turbolift doors opened and they stepped out, advancing towards Janeway's quarters. The doors opened at their approach and Janeway headed straight for her bedroom. "Why don't you sit down? I'll only be a minute," she called over her shoulder.
"All right," Chakotay replied, not really listening since his attention was caught by a few padds lying on the floor, seemingly having been strewn about the room in a random manner. He bent to pick them up and noticed that one of them was broken. It didn't take much to imagine what had happened to it, the memory of the devastated holodeck was still too fresh in his mind. Looking around, Chakotay also noticed a pile of cushions on the floor near the far wall. He correctly assumed that Janeway had taken out her frustrations on these relatively safe objects before deciding to actually break something that couldn't be replaced. He admired the fact that, angry as she had been, she had still had the ability to think clearly enough to realize that she would only be sorry and more depressed later if she destroyed her quarters. The holodeck had been the only sensible choice.
His musings were interrupted by his captain's return from the other room. She blushed when she saw him cleaning up the mess she had created and hurried over to snatch the pillows from his hands. "I didn't mean for anyone to see this..." she murmured, more than a little embarrassed.
"It's all right," Chakotay assured her. "I smashed a coffee cup or two over there." A slight motion of his head indicated his own quarters next door.
"Really?" Janeway was intrigued. "When was that?"
Chakotay's expression darkened. Thoughts of Seska and her betrayal of him, Reilly Frasier and his subsequent feelings of guilt, as well as several arguments with Janeway flitted through his mind. "I'd rather not talk about it."
"I understand." Janeway's comforting hand on his arm and her sympathetic gaze calmed him and chased the dark thoughts away. Smiling again, he offered her his arm. "Shall we?"
"By all means." Together, they exited her quarters, the broken padd on the couch table the only remaining indication of the storms that had reigned earlier.
The mess hall was busy, but not overcrowded. Most people had already eaten and only stayed on for a drink and a chat, and Neelix was busy cleaning up his kitchen and at the same time making sure that everybody was happy.
When he noticed Janeway and Chakotay approaching his counter, the Talaxian greeted them with his usual exuberance. "Captain, Commander, it's so good to see you. Although," he eyed Chakotay curiously, "aren't you usually on the holodeck at this time, Commander?"
Chakotay shot Janeway an amused look, once again surprised at how Neelix kept track of everything going on aboard Voyager. "That's right," he began slowly, searching for an answer that wouldn't add to Neelix' insatiable curiosity. "I... Someone got the time schedule confused. The good captain here was so nice as to escort me to dinner instead."
Neelix nodded happily. "Ah, and if I may say so Captain, you look much better." He beamed at Janeway who coulnd't help laughing.
"Better than when?"
The little alien leaned towards her and whispered conspiratorially, "Of course I didn't believe it, but someone -- let's not mention any names, all right? -- someone claimed that you looked ready to push someone out an airlock today, or that you would even jump out yourself if no one else was handy. But," he leaned back and his voice regained its normal volume, "those were just rumors. Everybody can see that there's no truth to them whatsoever."
Janeway was taken aback by what she had just heard and didn't respond, so Chakotay took the initiative.
"Neelix, is there anything left to eat? I'm starving."
"Of course!" Neelix instantly jumped into action. "In fact you picked a very good evening indeed! There is some Tenerian stew left -- I guarantee that you will love it!" Before Chakotay could say another word, Neelix had already disappeared towards the back of the kitchen.
Chakotay turned towards Janeway. "Kathryn? Are you all right?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine," she replied, still somewhat absent-minded. Then she looked at him and laughed, but it wasn't the genuine, happy laugh from before. "Looks like I'll have to be even more careful in the future. This crew is far more perceptive than I thought."
Chakotay's reply was cut off by the returning Talaxian. "Here it is, Tenerian stew -- the best you will get on this side of the galaxy," he beamed proudly.
They took the proffered plates and Janeway thanked Neelix with a smile that almost fooled Chakotay, but he could see that she was still deeply troubled.
They chose a table near the back of the room, secluded enough so they could speak without being overheard. They were completely unaware of the conversation which was going on on the other side of the mess hall.
"B'Elanna, you're seeing things. Look at her -- she's smiling."
"Oh, you can be such an insensitive pig sometimes. Didn't you see how her face fell when Neelix talked to her? And Chakotay didn't look too happy, either."
"She's right, Tom. Neelix must have told her. I told you to keep your mouth shut! Now it'll be all over the ship, and sooner or later we'll get in trouble."
"Harry, Harry, you still don't realize it. We already were in trouble before those two ever walked in. The captain wants the doctor's report first thing tomorrow morning, and she'll not be pleased when she finds out that we helped him set up that automated call. Hey, how did you find out it was her in there anyway?"
"The doctor asked me to download the holodeck logs for his report, and I accidentally glanced at it long enough to see who had fallen into the trap."
"Accidentally? I don't believe you. B'Elanna..."
"All right, all right. I was curious. What would you have done?!"
"The same." He grinned.
"So what are we going to do about this?"
"I'd say, let's wait and sit quietly until tomorrow morning. See, she already looks much better again. Chakotay will calm her down."
"He's definitely good for her. Did you see how happy she was when they walked in? No comparison to her mood this afternoon. She didn't even notice me when she stormed down the corridor. I wonder if he found her in the holodeck or if she came to him to talk later?"
"Ah, so you do have a romantic side lurking behind that fierce Klingon exterior. I knew it -- ouch!"
"Watch your mouth, Lieutenant! I was merely saying --"
"-- that he is good for her. I know. But did you have to kick me for that?!"
"I'm sorry."
"I bet you are."
"Hey, calm down, you two. People are beginning to stare."
"Stay out of this, Harry. Or, on second thought, what do you think? Is the commander good for the captain?"
"I... err, I don't know. I guess she does need someone to talk to occasionally..."
"What if she needs more than just 'talking'?"
"Look, I really don't think we should be prying into her personal life like that. We'll get in trouble if she ever finds out about this."
"Which brings us back to the old problem with the doctor's call..."
On the far side of the room, Janeway was picking at her food. Chakotay tried his best to cheer her up.
"If you keep that up, Neelix will be over here in no time, asking what's wrong."
"Huh? I'm sorry, I was thinking..."
Chakotay leaned closer and covered her free hand with his. "Stop worrying about it. You needed an outlet for your frustration, and you found it. That's only human, end of story. They won't think any less of you because of that, rather the contrary."
Janeway sighed heavily. "I know, but to think that they saw me like that, completely out of control -- how can they still trust me to control the ship, if I can't even control myself?"
"But that's just it, you don't have to control yourself every single minute of the day. Sometimes a good temper tantrum in front of the crew can work miracles."
Janeway finally took a bite of Neelix' food and was pleasantly surprised at the taste. "Really? I take it you're speaking from experience, so do tell."
"There was no fixed command structure within the Maquis, so whoever had the best leadership abilities and/or the loudest voice became captain. Once you had the job you were constantly challenged by others who thought they could do it better -- or had an even louder voice."
Janeway chuckled, and Chakotay was gratified to see her good mood return.
"Was that how you got command of that ship we followed?"
"Almost. B'Elanna had the loudest voice, but she decided to play with the engines instead. So she vibed for me -- and you know how charming she can be once she's set her mind on something." He grinned.
Janeway returned the grin, all the while digging into her food with newfound appetite. "I remember hearing about a broken nose or two in Engineering..."
"You should have seen her in the Maquis. We redefined the term 'short-tempered' especially for her."
The captain laughed out loud, then self-consciously looked around the room to see if anyone had noticed -- and looked straight into B'Elanna Torres' eyes. Blushing slightly, she turned away, but from the corner of her eye she watched her chief engineer turn back to her companions -- Tom and Harry, who else would it be -- and start up a heated discussion over the course of which both men attempted to steal secret glances in the direction of their commanding officers.
"They're talking about us," Janeway whispered, pretending to be immensely interested in her food and nothing else around her.
"Who is?" Chakotay looked around.
"Don't look! The 'terrible threesome' -- Tom, B'Elanna and Harry."
Chakotay cast a casual look in the direction she indicated. "How can you tell? To me, it rather looks like they're fighting."
"Oh, they are, but about us. When B'Elanna saw me looking at her, she almost crawled under the table in embarrassment."
Janeway's remarks made Chakotay more than a little curious. "And just what do you think they have to say about 'us'?"
His emphasis on the last word did not go unnoticed. Janeway squirmed, slightly uncomfortable. "You know... Or did you think I wasn't aware of the rumors?"
"Actually, I didn't think you were." Chakotay's face had turned serious. Then he smiled. "Your spies must be better than I thought. Does it bother you?"
"The rumors? I don't know... Most of the time, no." She finished off the last part of her meal, then leaned back and looked straight at her first officer. "Does it bother you?"
"Not really. There was a time when I had to threaten a few people to keep it down, but it's been relatively quiet since then."
"I see." She was touched. He went to so much trouble to make sure most of the crew's problems were resolved without her ever hearing about it. She had her own ways of keeping up-to-date though, and there wasn't much that passed her by.
The mess hall had cleared out considerably by then, only four tables remained occupied. Neelix scurried over to his favorite customers.
"Well, how did you like the stew?"
"It was wonderful," Janeway assured him, and Chakotay agreed. "I think this was the best meal you've offered all week."
Neelix beamed with pride. "And it's not even that difficult to make. You simply take --"
Chakotay rolled his eyes and Janeway could barely suppress her laughter. She got up and stretched, for the first time that day actually feeling somewhat relaxed.
Neelix' voice droned on in the background. "Then you take a little pepper, black pepper, just a small amount, not too much, and --"
Suddenly Chakotay's mouth was right next to Janeway's ear. "If we left now, do you think he would even notice?"
She shot him an amused look. "You wouldn't dare."
Chakotay shrugged, a half-grin playing on his lips.
Janeway turned back to Neelix and placed her hand on his arm in an attempt to catch his attention.
"... for about 30 minutes. Then -- Yes, Captain?"
"Neelix, that really is a fascinating recipe and I'll make sure to try it one day. However, I am quite tired and all I want right now is a long, hot bath and then my bed. If you would excuse me?"
"Oh, of course, Captain. Pleasant dreams."
"Thank you, Neelix. Good night."
"Good night, Captain. Commander."
"Good night, Neelix," Chakotay added and followed Janeway who was already on her way to the door. He was keenly aware of three pairs of eyes following their every move, and he would have bet a week's worth of replicator rations that a certain discussion would start up again as soon as Janeway and himself were out of earshot. He didn't mind. If the gossip got too out of hand, he had his ways to stop it.
Janeway was quiet during their walk through the corridors. She had always liked the ship at night, it was so peaceful. This was the time when she could most easily forget the fact that they were in the Delta Quadrant, still thousands of light years away from home and surrounded by a multitude of unknown and potentially hostile aliens.
Chakotay's thought were much the same. Their talk about the command structure -- or rather lack thereof -- in the Maquis had suddenly made him realize that he didn't miss that old life at all. If anything, he missed his comparatively quiet life as a commander in Starfleet, which was essentially what he was again now. He also realized that part of Janeway's earlier accusations were true; even though he did want to see his friends and family in the Alpha Quadrant again, it did not make that much difference to him whether their journey back took another two or another twenty years. He had no strong binding ties to anyone back home and thus could cope quite well with their present situation. For most of the other crew members the transitions had not been that easy, but sooner or later they had all found a way to adjust. And at last it seemed like their captain was ready to take that step as well.
They arrived at the entrance to Janeway's quarters and she turned around to face her first officer. She smiled apologetically. "I would ask you in, but I'm really tired. Like I told Neelix: a hot bath and then my bed, that's all I want for now. I might even fall asleep in the tub."
"Just be careful you don't drown, or I might have to rescue you again." Chakotay smiled. "On the other hand, we don't know yet how widespread the doctor's 'early warning system' is..."
"He'll get his share in the morning. I look forward to hearing his no doubt well-formulated excuses."
They laughed, but then Chakotay's expression turned serious. "Are you sure you'll be all right?"
Janeway smiled, touched by his concern. "I'll be fine. And if not, I know where to find you." Her right hand came up to lightly trace his jawbone. "Thank you again for being such a good friend," she whispered, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on his cheek. She smiled at him again, then turned around and disappeared into her quarters.
Chakotay watched as the doors slid closed behind her. Then he resumed his walk down the corridor to his own cabin.
...no, because there's a third part already: Worries by A.A.
avid readers since July 11, 1998
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© 1998 by Hester