Dear Dejah
Advice from the Princess of Helium
Dear Dejah
Dear Dejah:
My mother and father had a forbidden love. She was tortured to death
because of it. He does
not even
know I was ever born. He's now a very powerful chieftan among my people.
All the other Tharks
would
probably make fun of him if they ever found out. They wouldn't let him play
in the Thark Games.
What should
I do?
A very blue green woman
Dear Blue-Green:
Tell your father who you are and then plant a fat, sloppy kiss on his
cheek. Personally, I think
that harsh
exterior green men are known for is all a front for a cuddly soul. You go,
girl!
Dear Dejah:
I've been telling the woman I love that it doesn't matter if her brain
has been transplanted into
the hideous
body of an evil jeddara. But the truth is, it does matter. Tur! She is
BUTT-UGLY now. I gag every
time I look
at her.
The other Jasoomian
Dear Jasoomian:
Men are scum.
Dear Dejah:
How did this Barsoomian taboo against marrying a woman whose fiance you
have killed ever
come about?
I hate it.
A Jealous Swordsman
Dear Jealous:
I think it's just a plot device.
Dear Dejah:
Do Jasoomian men, uhmm, you know. Have bigger swords?
Curious
Dear Curious:
Yes. And they really know how to sak.
Dear Dejah:
Emma and I have been wondering when you and Uncle Jack will be coming for
another visit.
The guest
bedroom is all made up. But, Aunt Dejah, please try to observe Earth customs
in regards to
proper attire in
broad daylight this time.
ERB
Dear Edgar:
I was treated most rudely by your City Guard during my last stay on
Jasoom. Frankly, I don't
see what John
Carter ever saw in that planet. Perhaps a visit to the family plantation in
Virginia would be better
than
Chicago.
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