Reviews

Basics, Part II-(For Sudder, poor guy) Here Janeway went to a different a hairstylist (and we're not talking about the one who gave her the HORRIBLE really short do). Sudder dramatically dies after saving the ship from the evil, wicked, bad Kazon.

Flashback- The one were the creators thought that they needed to get a little more use out of those old uniforms.

The Chute-No Pips!(shudder) Paris-Kim-Janeway-Gun-Chute-Shudder.

The Swarm- Freddie Barstow gets rejected by B'Elanna. The Doctor gets a bad case of Alzheimer's disease.

False Profits- Ferengis are gods. Captain Janeway dislikes this, and sends Neelix to be in a bon fire. Voyager, once again, screws up a chance to get back home. (I'm convinced-they must really like it out in the Delta Quadrant. Arg!)

Remember- Really good episode where B'Elanna starts getting someone else's dreams--only they're not dreams-they're actually memories. I don't know, just watch it! Good Scene: B'Elanna comes in and bites off everyone's heads (not litterly, but close). Great acting by Roxann Dawson!

Sacred Ground- 1/2 Kes & Janeway try to get killed. It was their own darn fault for running into the glowing thing!

Future's End, Part I- 29th Century (just don't ask) who tells them the secret of the universe: (The nectarine! Sorry.) point A leads to point B which leads to point C which leads all the way back to point A. (Don't worry-Kath didn't get it either. Wait a sec-I just insulted you....) The Doctor goes for a joy ride & Paris goes girl watching, groovy.

Future's End, Part II-1/2 We find out the secret of modern technology, and Voyager gets put back in her rightful time & place (a.k.a. the Delta Quadrant, in the 24th Century). The Doctor gets out of Sickbay, yeah! Tom loses babe #500, major bummer man. I don't know how, but TPTB did it again-created a really sucky part #2. (sigh)

Warlord-(Just Because) Kes wears leather & dumps Neelix. (Yes, it was Eric's dream come true.) You go girl!

The Q and the Gray- Oh, Q's back-and wants to mate with... Kathy? (Ugg!) Scary-I was almost ready to vote for J/C at that point. Heck, would you have slept with a all-powerful being to get home (ensigns start lining up all over the ship. FEMALE-ENSIGNS-Vorik-this does NOT mean you!).

Macrocosm-1/2(Because of the P/T) a.k.a. The tank-top, big gun, high heal, misquotes from hell episode.

Fair Trade-No Pips! NO!!! It was a BAD Neelix episode! No! No! Avert your eyes!!!

Alter Ego- Tuvok, I want Tuvok! Bad Vorik-leave B'Elanna alone. Harry, I know you're desperate, but a HOLOGRAM? And, an ugly one at that, sheeze!

Coda- 1/2(Because she dies!) Janeway's dead! Yeah! Our dreams have finally been answered! Damn.

Blood Fever- 1/2 OHH!!!!! P/T!! (Paris/Torres for all you uneducated minions out there.) She wants to MATE-with Tom!! In the CAVES!! She tries to kill Neelix!! Yeah!! Stupid Chakotay-go away. Good Tuvok!! Let them MATE!! DAMN!!!!!!

Unity-(We arn't sure why) Chakotay. Bad Sign. Borg. Bad Sign. Female Borg. Bad Sign. More Chakotay. Really Bad Sign. He's still alive. Damn.

The Darkling- Oh, it's the Doctor! And there's B'Elanna! Dr. Jeckle & Mr. Hyde-good Dr. meets bad Dr.. It's a face off! ("Summer lovin', had me-" And no, we're not talking about John Trovolta.) Good episode-bad subplot-even worse catsuit (more drolling by Eric).

Rise-(For Tuvok, he tried) Tuvok, Neelix, elevator music & a breath of fresh air. Tuvok & Neelix play with new friends until they have to return to the surface. Damn.

Favorite Son-No Pips! Damn.

Before and After- (For the KISS!!!!) and 1/2 for the rest. Oh! Kiss! They KISSED!!! (No nimrods-not Tom & Kes-THEM!!!) Oh, yeah, Kes traveled in time. Janeway died, YEAH!! B'Elanna died, Damn. (Only the good die young--damn....)

Real Life- Ohh, it's "Woman Warriors at the River of Blood!" A real Clinton (this is how my computer wants to spell "K-l-i-n-g-o-n"-ugg) romance novel. I even know where you can get a copy! Oh, and the Dr.'s daughter died. (Bet you didn't even know he had one.... unless you saw the episode....) It was "Twister", is space! (Complete with flying cattle!)

Distant Origin- Barney meets Chuckles. They start to sing & dance. Damn.

Displaced- Mulder and Scully fall into a big hole in the middle of a glacier and get chased by aliens, and bees, and cornfields...wait a sec-wrong universe. TOM and B'ELANNA fell into a big hole in the middle of a glacier and got chased by aliens, and bees, and cornfields-wait a sec-there weren't any bees or cornfield. But there were aliens, and ice, and caves. CAVES!!! Remember what happened last time THEY were stuck in CAVES??? (Nincompoops, listen up: think, "Blood Fever"...) And then, he was warming her HANDS, and he started ordering her around, and pulled her up and said, "ON YOUR FEET, TORRES." Then he threatened, to put her OVER HIS SHOULDER and carry her out, but she didn't like that idea. That's when they got beemed out, and they were IN EACH OTHERS ARMS, and people were looking at them, like they had been in the middle of SOMETHING PERSONAL! And, then, we saw ENSIGN!! That's when we rewound the tape, and watched the scene over again, sigh. For the 5th time.... 10th time.... 12th time.... 15th time.... Alright, ALRIGHT, WE'VE SEEN THAT SCENE 21 TIMES (and counting)!! Thank God for video tapes! THERE WERE CAVES!!! ((All right, now don't start that again!)) WARNING: This was written under the influence of NO sleep and LOTS of sugar. If you were under the influence of NO sleep and LOTS of sugar, you'd be rolling on the floor right now goin', "This review's hilarious!" If not, then Damn.

Worst Case Scenario- 1/2 (It would have been an Admiral, but STUPID Chakotay screwed things up, again.)You realize, that we could go all out on this one as well, but we won't. ((I know, I can hear you all sigh in relief.)) SESKA'S BACK!! Small bugs get killed-oops sorry-that wasn't in the episode-Molly-put down the dead bug. Sorry. But it was 'bugging' me. Boo, hiss, hiss. Let's recap: SESKA'S BACK!! CHAKOTAY GOT SHOT BY SESKA, AND WAS DEAD!!!!! GO SESKA!!! Wait-a sec-who the hell is that plump man in the red uniform trying to feel Janeway up-Damn.

Scorpion, Part I- Izzy, put down the small dead bug. But, Molly, it tastes a lot like Chicken! Shut up nincompoop. ((Molly likes that word-Izzy just shakes her head & continues typing after short disclaimer: "Small bugs are invading! Be careful! They contain the Black Cancer! Cut off your left arm! Or eat them! They taste like Chicken!" Oh, did you say 'Chicken'? Sorry, wrong universe (and corner). End of Disclaimer.)) So, anyway, Janeway, got stung by a Scorpion, which was containing a mutated form of the Black Cancer.... Then she died, and that was the end of "Scorpion, Part 1". Damn. If you REALLY want to know happened, just watch the stupid episode. Ha.

Scorpion, Part II- A blond Barbie with torpedoes, a outfit which is spray painted on her, and a major attitude problem gets adopted by Janeway. The number of male viewers between the ages of 15-29 jump by 30%.

The Gift- KES LEFT!!! Eric goes homicidal. KES LEFT!!! DOES THIS MEAN LESS NEELIX??? No. DAMN!!!!

Day of Honor- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!! THEY'RE A COUPLE!!!!! SHE SAID "I LOVE YOU, TOM!!!" HE, UH, LOOKED AT HER!!!! AND SHE LOOKED AT HIM, THEN SHOOK HIM AND SAID, "SAY SOMETHING!" HE SAID, "YOU PICKED A HELL OF A TIME TO TELL ME!" AND SUDDENLY, THEY'RE IN THE ABYSS, AND HE SAID, I LOVE YOU, AND SHE GOES OFF ABOUT HOW SHE'S SUCH A CAST-IRON "BLEEP"-ONLY SHE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SAY "BLEEP"-SHE SAID-WELL, I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHAT SHE SAID. ((by the way, did anyone here see that X-Files where they kept on saying "Bleep"?? Oh, I guess not. It was funny, trust us. How could a face like this lie to you (you guys have never seen her face:-) Oh. Damn. )) ANYWAY, ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS IS THAT TOM & B'ELANNA WERE STUCK IN SPACE & THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO DIE. AND THEY ALMOST KISSED IN THE MOVIE-wait a sec... BUT NOW THEY'RE TOGETHER, FOREVER, or until they break up. YEAHHH!!!!! THE END. DAMN.

Nemesis- Chakotay-was in a decent episode. It would have been "good", if he just....hadn't....been.....in....it. He gets kidnapped, by aliens, who let him live. Crud. Oh!! And the end has a nice twist!

Revulsion- OH-IT'S THE "CRAZY ISOMORPH EPISODE"- AND THERE WAS THE KISS!!! ((And we hereby promise NOT to talk about the X-Files, the Abyss (which is a really good movie-rent it!), bugs, MIB, or the cat named "Spooky".... Or was it "Sparky"…. It's "Shadow you nincompoop! (by Molly, sigh-it's her monster-"I agree totally!") & even stay sort of normal! THAT'S HOW GOOD THIS EPISODE WAS!!)) It had everything in it! Good acting, the Dr., B'Elanna, blood, horror (sorta), more blood, action, a GREAT plot, suspense, TOM!! (only good when relating to TOM & B'ELANNA), P/T, blood (never play gross-out with Molly, you'll always lose. Her teacher can even tell you so…. Shudder-she wants to be a forensic pathologist & work for the FBI, just like Scully-wait, we promised no X-Files. Shut up. MOVING ON….) THEN THERE WAS THE KISS!!! TOM, B'ELANNA, LIPS, TONGUES (shh, shh, PG, PG!!)!!! Under no influences, alien encounters, or stressful situations. JUST THEM, KISSING!!!! REALLY KISSING!!!! YEAH!!!! (if you don't know who THEY are by now, then you need to leave, quickly & without breaking anything make sure the door hits your "bleep" on the way out).

The Raven- 7of9, Birds, memories, cheep costumes, bad directing, poor acting, 7of9-nice Tuvok though. Next?

Scientific Method- THEY WERE ROLLING ON A CONSOLE!!! IT'S TUVOK!!! LOOK BEHIND YOU!! Damn. Oh, Janeway's being a "bleep". It was a nice change. They should just leave the erector set on HER head.

Year of Hell, Part I- 1/2 Do you remember someone by the name of Kes? Kes? Ring any bells? Ocampan, short, blond, went out with an ugly little troll, turned into a ball of light? Yeah, her? Didn't she, uh, mention this before? Sheez.

Year of Hell, Part II- Janeway died!!!!! HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO KILL HER BEFORE SHE'LL LEAVE??? Damn. Chakotay & Paris got kidnapped-KEEP THEM, PLEASE, PLEASE!! Damn.

Random Thoughts-1/2 Bad episode, good B'Elanna. Those stupid people want to take her memories! They need to be shot! Now! With a BIG gun! HOW'S THAT FOR A HOSTILE THOUGHT!!! Huh? BTW, what the hell is in that box, anyhow?

Concerning Flight- 1/2 (for DiVinci) Leonardo DiVinci--hey, I thought he was dead? What's he doing in the Delta Quadrant playing around with hang gliders?

Mortal Coil-No Pips! Neelix wants to commit suicide after being brought back from the dead-THEN CHAKOTAY TALKS HIM OUT OF IT!!! KILL THEM BOTH, DAMN IT!!

Waking Moments- The crew has mass hysteria, and think they're sharing dreams. Certainly put us to sleep. Yawn! DIE CHAKOTAY!!! DIE!!!

Message in a Bottle- Coming soon! (We're running out of energy, and it was SUCH a good episode we don't want to do a half ass defacing)

Hunters- They all get letters form home, (except for Tom, who gets nothing) and there's a lovely P/T moment. 7 of 9 meets Hirogen, Arg.

Prey- This one include species 869755489663256.3....wait a sec, damn.

Retrospect- 7 of 9 get "violated", the lying "bleep".

The Killing Game, Part I- The crew plays in the holodeck, with there friends from WW2.

The Killing Game, Part II- 1/2 The crew plays in the holodeck, with there friends the Klingons.

Vis Á Vis- 1/2 (For the Camero) Tom and a pudgy alien, trade bodies, and piss B'Elanna off.

The Omega Directive- The whole crew finds out a BIG secret because the computer has a big mouth.

Unforgettable- Uhhh, I can't remember. Ummmm, Chakotay was in it, and the only thing I remember about this episode is written on a piece of paper somewhere.....

Living Witness- This was REALLY good. The Doctor is alive and Janeway is rolling in her grave.

Demon- 1/2 Tom, Harry-on a planet, and there's Yar, and Tar!! Hey wait.....

One-(Get it????)Naw, really it was Voyager is officially renamed the 7 of 9 show (like it wasn't already).

Hope and Fear-1/2 They think there going home, but there not, and 7 of 9 learns that all she has to do is click her heels together three times to get home. (Actually, it only takes two clicks because her heals are soooooo big.) Gosh, why couldn't Janeway have come up with that five years ago? Sheesh.

Night-- Everything is wonderfully BORING until the lights go out and Captain Proton had to save the day. (This was almost a bad a Deep Space Nine's premire.)

Drone-1/2(mostly because we can't rember if it was good or not) Seven of Nine and the Doctors holoemitter procreate

Extreme Risk-? I really want to see this episode, if anyone knows where I could find a script (for free) e-mail

In the Flesh-

Once Upon a Time-

Timeless-

Infinite Regress-

Nothing Human- B’Elanna lies under a rug for an hour while the crew has a moral debate (I see we’re veering from our usual plot… this one has a rug!)

Thirty Days-

Counterpoint-

Latent Image-

Bride of Chaotica!-

Gravity-

Bliss-

Dark Frontier, Part I-

Dark Frontier, Part II-

The Disease-

Course: Oblivion-

The Fight-

Think Tank-

Juggernaut-

Someone to Watch Over Me-

11:59-

Relativity-

Warhead-

Equinox, Part I-

Equinox, Part II-

Survival Instinct-

Barge of the Dead-(It got one more pip becuase the end was cool and it had B'Elanna) B’Elanna goes to Klingon hell, finds out she doesn’t like it, and plans a jailbreak

Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy-

Alice-

Riddles- 1/2 Tuvok gets a sense of humor and we find the real purpose for dates

Dragon's Teeth-

One Small Step- (Again, why does Chakotay end up holding these episodes back?) A hungry, hungry bubble eats an historical relic. Seven finds out she likes touching things

The Voyager Conspiracy-(Too much Chuckles) Look, it’s a bird, no a plane, wait, its Voyager and the only crewmember on bored is Seven-o-Nine!

Pathfinder- Home phones Voyager without the Hirogen getting mad

Fair Haven- No Pips! Shudder

Blink of an Eye- Janeway turns out not to be a benevolent god

Virtuoso- The doctor makes musical math equations and then gets tossed aside for a better hologram

Memorial- (and that's only because of the wonderful scene at the beigning with Tom and B'Elanna) B’Elanna makes Tom a TV and it turns out he has epilepsie

Tsunkatse- Any excuse to get pro-wrestling involved...

Collective- Hansle leaves a tail of cards to only have them collected by the witch

Spirit Folk- No Pips! Fair Haven, with a vengeance

Ashes to Ashes- Harry and his women, necrophelia this time

Child's Play- Icheb gets a chance to leave the voyage of the damned to start his own voyage of the damned

Good Shepherd- Janeway forms a band, Motley Crew

Live Fast and Prosper- Voyager is duped by… Voyager

Muse-(it gets the second one only because B'Elanna was in it) Star Trek tries to do a primitive civilization and fails, again

Fury-(for not making any sence) Kes comes back and is mad for no discernible reason, but talks herself out of killing the crew

Life Line- The doctor talks to himself for an hour

The Haunting of Deck Twelve-1/2 Neelix tells ghost stories around a closed plasma lantern and Tom flies the crew in circles

Unimatrix Zero, Part I-

Unimatrix Zero, Part II-

Imperfection-

Drive-

Repression-1/2 Tuvok evidently is the hardest criminal to catch because he is so illogical. Oh, and note to B’Elanna, stay with Chell you idiot!

Critical Care- The doctor goes on a curing spree much to the displeasure of the people who bought him

Inside Man-

Body and Soul- The doctor violates Seven by getting her drunk and forcing her to eat cheesecake. I wish the doctor would violate me...

Nightingale-

Flesh and Blood, Part I-

Flesh and Blood, Part II-

Shattered-(could have had more if it wasn't Chuckles running around) Voyager goes on daylight savings time with Chakotay acting as the only logical state in the union, Arizona

Lineage-

Repentance-

Prophecy-1/2(the half is because it was a P/T episode, and they are always a 1/2 step up in our minds) Evidentially, Tom and B’Elanna’s kid is a god, who would have thunk? Hey, they got a cool Batleth out of the whole deal

The Void-

Workforce, Part I-

Workforce, Part II-

Human Error-(It could have been good) Ummmm, Seven and… oh, its to gross to recount. If only she would have picked Harry or the Doctor or hell, Neelix! Damn, she could have been going at it with a holographic Tom, just as long as… oh, it would have been a good episode except for… the unmentionable

Q2- Q drops by and wants Aunt Kathy to raise his son for him. Qkid uses Icheb and then learns the meaning of friend ship

Author, Author- The doctor writes a holonovles that pisses everyone off, and then gets pissed off himself. Great name change, Lt. Marseilles

Friendship One- Joe Cary, may he rest in peace

Natural Law-

Homestead- Bye, bye Neelix

Renaissance Man-5/6 The doctor experiences multiple body syndrome and refuses fried chicken on the assertion that a pregnant woman should eat it

Endgame- So good in the beging... so bad in the end: "Guess what? We're home!"