"I will not waste chalk"
"I will not skateboard in the halls"
"I will not burp in class"
"I will not instigate revolution"
"I will not draw naked ladies in class"
"I did not see Elvis"
"I will not call my teacher 'hot cakes'"
"Garlic gum is not funny"
"They are laughing at me, not with me."
"I will not yell 'fire!' in a crowded classroom"
"I will not encourage others to fly"
"Tar is not a plaything"
"I will not xerox my butt"
"I will not trade pants with others"
"I am not a 32-year-old woman"
"I will not do that thing with my tongue"
"I will not drive the principal's car"
"I will not pledge allegiance to Bart"
"I will not sell school property"
"I will not cut corners"
" " " " "
"I will not get very far with this attitude"
"I will not make flatulent noises in class"
"I will not belch the national anthem"
"I will not sell land in Florida"
"I will not grease the monkey bars"
"I will not hide behind the fifth amendment"
"I will not do anything bad ever again"
"I will not show off." (written in fancy letters)
"I will not sleep through my education"
"I am not a dentist."
"Spitwads are not free speech"
"Nobody likes sunburn slappers"
"High explosives and school don't mix."
"I will not squeak chalk."
"I will finish what I sta"
"'Bart bucks' are not legal tender."
"Underwear should be worn on the inside"
"The Christmas pageant does not stink."
"I will not torment the emotionally frail"
"I will not carve gods"
"I will not spank others"
"I will not aim for the head"
"I will not barf unless I'm sick"
"I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge."
"I will not conduct my own firedrills"
"Funny noises are not funny"
"I will not spin the turtle"
"I will not snap bras."
"I will not fake seizures."
"This punishment is not boring and pointless"
"My name is not Dr. Death"
"I will not defame New Orleans"
"I will not bury the new kid"
"I will not teach others to fly."
"I will not bring sheep to class"
"A burp is not an answer"
"Teacher is not a leper"
"Coffee is not a drink for kids"
"I will not eat things for money"
"I will not yell 'she's dead' during role call"
"The principal's toupee is not a frisbee."
"I will not call the principal 'spud head.'"
"Goldfish don't bounce"
"Mud is not one of the 4 food groups"
"No one is interested in my underpants."
"I will not sell miracle cures"
"I will return the seeing eye dog"
"I do not have diplomatic immunity"
"I will not charge admission to the bathroom"
"I will never win an Emmy"
"The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy"
"All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy"
"I will not say Springfield just to get applause"
"I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers"
"My homework was not stolen by the one-armed man"
"I will not go near the kindergarten turtle."
"I am not delightfully saucy"
"Organ transplants are best left to the professionals"
"The pledge of allegiance does not end with 'hail satan'"
"I will not celebrate meaningless milestones"
"There are plenty of businesses like show business"
"I will not re-transmit without the express written permission
of Major League Baseball"
"Five days is not too long to wait for a gun."
"Beans are neither fruit nor musical"
"I will not use abbrev."
"I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis, Jr."
"I will not send lard through the mail"
"I will not disect things unless instructed."
"I will not whittle hall passes out of soap."
"Ralph won't 'morph' if you squeeze him hard enough"
"Adding 'just kidding' doesn't make it okay to insult the principal"
"'bagman' is not a career choice"
"Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does"
"Next time it could be me on the scaffolding"
"I will not hang donuts on my person."
"I will remember to take my medication."
"I will not strut around like I own the place."
"The Good Humor Man can only be pushed so far"
"I do not have power of attorney over first graders"
"Nerve gas is not a toy"
"I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface."
"The first amendment does not cover burping."
"This is not a clue ... or is it?"
"I will not complain about the solution when I hear it"
"'Bewitched' does not promote satanism"
"I am not a lean mean spitting machine."
"No one wants to hear from my armpits"
"The boys room is not a waterpark"
"Indian burns are not cultural heritage"
"Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things."
"I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist"
"I am not certified to remove asbestos"
"I did not learn everything I need to know in Kindergarten"
"The truth is not out there"
"I am not licensed to do anything."
"I will not hide the teacher's prozac"
"A fire drill does not demand a fire"
"I did not invent Irish Dancing"
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