*The sounds of a tape recorder being clicked on.  A smoke being lit and a slight cough.*

Davey Pahakah.  Bahstoniahn trapped in Necropolis, New fahkin' Yo'ahk.  Day 11.    Hey bro.  What th' fahk's up?

'Ey.  Yeah.  It's me again.  Thought I'd sit he'ah in the dahk again with a fahkin candle an' try an tell ya a bit moah about waht's been goin ahn in mah life again.  I know it's been a fahkin' while since I last bahthed to send yah a tape ya fahk so I don' wahnna heah no shit frahm you.   Shit what's it been now, t'ree maybe fouah months since I left you shits back in beautiful ol'e Bahstahn?  Fahked if I can remembah.  I spent a day oah two ridin' that fahkin' train up he'ah.  But I finally made it.  And I'm wonderin why the hell I came up he'ah.

It was about three oah foah a'clack, when I gaht he'ah so I did what I do best.  Found a place to lay mah fahkin' head.  I tell yah, Mason.  This place shuah as shit ain' as good foah squats as Bahstahn.  Tha fihst pictuah I got heah is of the cabin in the woods outside tha shithole city wheah I crashed that night.  Fahkin lucky I had some spa'ah batteries foah my fahkin stereo oah I wouldah went fahkin' nuts.  Anyway's.  Fahkin' lota wolves oah sahm shit up in he'ah.  Spent tha night listenin' ta d'em howlin an puttin' up a ruckus.  Wishin' I had mah dad's se'vice piece, I tell ya.  But eventually I just passed the fahk out.

So when I woke up tha next fahkin mo'nin' I beat feet the fahk outta delivehance woods.  *The sound of a haughty laugh and a lighter being struck.*  Went tah fahkin find me a little bit bettah squat.  Ended up findin this next one.  Th' blue one on th' Right.  I know ya ain' ganna be able tah fakin' tell you asshair.  Shat th' fahk up fo' I tell yah mom we'ah ya keep ya po'ahn.  Anyway's.  Wahs a good squat.  Me an a few othah punks who had some cash to kick with buaght a few twelvahs and pa'htied.

So we wahs the'ah foah about two oah three days 'fore tha fahkin pigs bounced us.  Almost lahst mah best cap, fahkin' fahks.  So me an tha kids (they called them selves tha kids foah what eveh fahkin' reason) went to find ah new squat.  Found this next one, tha big one  with all tha shit sprayed ahn it.  Had ta fahkin' kick a boahd down tah get intah it, but what tha fahk eve'ah.  Those was another few good nights.  Tha kids brought ovah some chicks and we had a fahkin blast.  Got drunk and laid.  Can't much camplain.  But tha fahkin' cops bounced us frahm the'ah too.  Lost mah backpack that time.  Gottah fahkin' go out an buy a new fahkin' pad and some boots.  Time tah retiah these finally.  Tha duct tape jes ain' holdin fah shit no mo'ah.

But yeah.  Piss. Befo'ah Wallace boots mah ass I'm gonna finish this tape.  Gah I fahkin' hate Wallace.  Uptight snotty wanna-be fahk.  *coughs* Anyway's.  I put a pic a tha kids in he'ah.  Th' one in frahnt on tha left is Camel.  Behind him is Schlitz.  The punk fahk in the back back is Twiggy.  The oahn with tha light jeans is Grommat.  Straight frah'm fahkin' London that one.  Cool cat too.  And on his riaght is Shitter.  Fahker'll take a shit any fahkin place.   Believe me he told me ahlmost ahll'a 'em.  Fahkin back of a cop cah cause the pig wouldn't let him finish takin' his shit when they arrested his ass at a fahkin O'Tolly's.  What kindah fahked up shit is that, eh?  Anyway's.  I'm outtah he'ah brotha.  I'll catch up to yah latah.  Maybe you'll get off you'ah ass an come up he'ah and keep me fahkin' company.  But I don't fahkin bet on it.