(as sung by Lacroix to the tune of "Black Rose" which I really,
really love, despite subjecting it to this abuse)

Take me to the edge of the tub
Scented bubbles warn of my defeat
It's so tragic, that here I stand
Too proud to wash my own feet
There is a bathroom on the right
There is a shower, heaven knows
Will I be gagging at the sight?
Of my crusty old -- Black Toes

Start the whirlpool jets without me
Take away the towels too
When your only love is yourself
No one to wash your feet, but you
There is a bathroom on the right
There is a shower, heaven knows
There is no freedom from this blight
For all eternity -- Black Toes

I need to hypnotize to get a date
It's not too hard to do the math
One true love in near two thousand years
It's tough to be a sociopath

There is a bathroom on the right
There is a shower, heaven knows
There is a limit to my might
Can't gaze upon my own -- Black Toes

There is a bathroom on the right
There is a shower, heaven knows
There is no freedom from this blight
For all eternity -- Black Toes

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