Well, spring is fresh in the air again, which means it's time for our annual visit to the Original Ideas Research and Development Lab. Yep, there's no better place to enjoy spring than in a place where there is no winter: Palo Alto, California.

Of course, this meant we had to take a plane, and apparently there are no direct flights to the U. S. A. out of Canada. So, after a brief stopover in Helsinki, then in Tel Aviv, we arrived in California. We quickly rented a car, then headed to the Lab.

When we got there, we met Doctor Henry Jones, who is in charge of the operation of the Lab. Here is a brief transcript of our interview:

SPU: Good evening, Doctor Jones.
Dr. Jones: We meet again. SPU: Where is the ark, Doctor Jones?
Dr. Jones: You'll never find the location of the Ark! I'd rather die!
Japanese Thug: As you wish.

Whoops, I guess that was a different interview. Here is the interview with Doctor Jones the scientist:

SPU: So, could you show us around the different sections of the lab, Doctor?
Dr. Jones: Certainly. Let's proceed to the audio / visual lab.

We walked for a little while, until we overlooked a large room filled with many TV sitcom sets, recording studios, and other equipment.

SPU: Wow, looks pretty darn original. So what are these great ideas?
Dr. Jones: Well, over there we have our new news program project. It's pretty exciting, but not as much as some of the others. Here we have our TV department.
SPU: What's that show?
Dr. Jones: Oh, that's one of our greatest ideas. See, it's this talk show, except that no-one actually does anything. All they do is hit each other with chairs and swear alot. We think it will be extremely popular with today's youth.
SPU: That is just too original for words.
Dr. Jones: And here we have our animation studio. We're testing a show in which a bunch of little kids do stuff and swear alot. We're thinking of calling it, "Northern Playground".
SPU: Very catchy.
Dr. Jones: And here is our pride and joy. This show is actually about nothing! There's this guy, a comedian, and he and his friends just go around and talk about stuff. There's this crazy neighbor that always bursts in...
SPU: Fascinating. What's that over there?
Dr. Jones: Well, we were thinking that there aren't enough, how should we say, "white" rappers. So we came up with the idea of one guy, with some really catchy yet annoying songs. We're thinking of calling him something to do with coolness, like "Creamsicle", or "Vanilla Ice Cream". SPU: Well, that certainly is original.
Dr. Jones: And here we have the women's group. Imagine this: five young women, all from some foreign country like France, with a catchy name. Oh, and they'll all have nicknames, and they'll have a great slogan, like, ummm.....
SPU: Girl Power?
Dr. Jones: Excellent! Now where did I put my pen so I can write that down....?
SPU: You don't get out much, do you, Doctor?
Dr. Jones: No, I stopped paying attention to the world ever since some people took my idea for this great little machine called a "microwave". It was really breathtaking science. But anyway, moving along...

We followed Doctor Jones to their Computer Sciences and Technology Lab, where he showed us some of their revolutionary ideas.

Dr. Jones: Here's a dilly of an idea. Back in the 1970's, the United States government worked on what they called the "Internet", but it wasn't very useful. So we figured that we could make it graphical, and more easy to use. We developed a "browser" that can surf the "web" of documents. If I wasn't a man of science, I would get a patent for this one. Our browser is called "Netscope Explorer". We think it'll really catch on.
SPU: You don't say.
Dr. Jones: Oh, and this is one of our greatest creations. We call it "Doors 98". See, it's an operating system for your personal computer. It has this wonderful little "Go" button at the bottom that you use to access everything you need. The best part is, the program comes built in with a whole lot of defects, so you have to buy a new copy every couple of years. We think there will be a real demand.
SPU: Brilliant. Well, we really hate to go, but we have other places to go to peruse new ideas, like the Sears store. We'll see you next year, Doctor Jones!
Dr. Jones: It was nice to talk with you. Next time, I'll have some better inventions for you, like these little electronic pets we call "Narotachis". Kids will love them.

Well, that was almost too many new inventions for me to handle. We can hardly wait until next year, when we're hoping to see some really revolutionary products like these "CD-ROMS" and "Sports Utility Vehicles" that Doctor Jones kept hinting at. Keep your eyes open for a sneak peek.

Agent 001