I can't believe it's November already! In case you haven't realised it, this month is the 1 Year anniversary of The SPU Worldwide. Scary, Huh? And to top it off, our "Canadian, Eh?" campaign is doing really well (in fact, it has more hits than The SPU itself. That's pretty good for an idea I thought up one day while writing for The SPU and then gave to Agent 001 to make a page for. Anyway, I'll have to get back to the article.
If you looked around on Halloween this year, you'll notice that the
same odd co-incidence that happened last year has taken place this year
as well. "What co-incidence?" you may ask. Well, if you notice, there
are either no or very few people over elementary school age that
actually go Trick-or-Treating. We at The SPU realised that only 3
days before we needed to begin writing a new article, while we were
discussing if we should actually give out the candy we have this
year. Well, our secretary came in and said that that was just about
the lamest thing she had ever heard of and that she was going to
give out ALL of the candy this year just because of that
argument. She also said that if we did anything to discourage kids
from coming to The SPU, she'd take the candy home herself. She did
this evil laugh right after that (kinda makes you suspicious).
Well, that was about the biggest shock we had recieved all year
and we knew we had to do something in order to have our yearly 3 day
sugar binge that usually follows Halloween. So, we began discussing
why only little kids get to go Trick-or-Treating, and why we couldn't
go ourselves. It came to the general consensus that there was no
reason why we coudn't go, and we were all for any way to get free candy
for little or no work. At the same time, someone decided that we
should write about how many people give out what on Halloween, and we
all thought that that's the best (if not easiest) idea for an article
we had had all month.
And so, on Halloween, The SPU staff took to the streets to see if
only kids can get halloween candy. Our first stop was the house of the
nice, old lady at the end of the block, where we were supprised to find
that we did get candy! She gave us all a bag of caramel corn,
and then went to keep looking for her glasses. We then went to the next
house and rang the bell. A man came out and immediately started asking
where we had been all this time. We obviously assumed that he was
remarking about how there are only kids trick-or-treating, and that he
was glad to see some other ages of people coming to his door, but then
he took us into his living room, pointed to the T.V., and said "Well?
Get to work!" We didn't know what he was talking about, but then we
realised that he thought we were actually the cable repairmen (we had
borrowed some genuine uniforms from the cable company next door). We
tried to leave, but he barred the door, and wouldn't let us go until
we fixed the T.V.. Knowing that every minute wasted was lessening our
candy supply, er, I mean "Slowing down our research", Agent 001 and
myself pretended to fix the T.V., while Agent 001/2 searched the house
for candy. After 15 minutes, Agent 001/2 came back with about 1/2 a
bag full of candy, and Agent 001 and I told the guy that we were done,
and that he shouldn't try the T.V., because it was still recovering.
Surprisingly, he believed us, and we got out of the house.
Knowing that the guy would eventually realise that half his candy was
gone, we decided to try a few blocks over. The first door we knocked
on was opened by a middle-aged man who looked at us and then slammed
the door in our faces. We, of course, know where we aren't wanted, so
we decided to stick around for a while and get our hard-earned candy.
The second time we knocked on the door, he opened it and said, "What
are you still doing here? Halloween is just for kids. Get lost."
The next time we knocked on the door, he opened it up and slammed it as
soon as he saw us. The next five times, he didn't even answer and
made a big show of going to the chair right in front of the living
room window and starting to read the paper. We finally got fed up, and
opened the door ourselves, yelled "Trick or treat, Eh?" in the direction
of the living room, and helped ourselves. We did give a generous
amount to a few kids who were standing with us, though. We aren't
selfish. The next couple of houses all gave us candy, but the one at
the end of the street was a different story altogether. This "guy"
(we hope) opened the door, and gave us all an apple with a knife
sticking out of it. We looked at him and said, "Is this some lame
attempt at the 'razor-blade-in-the-apple' stunt, or what?". He
looked at us, and said, "So what're you gonna do about it? Call the
cops? No. Wait. Don't call the cops. I was just joking around. I meant
uh, um, walk, away! Yeah, that's it! What're you gonna do? Walk away?".
Well, we did walk away, just like he said, and then we phoned the cops
and had him arrested. It turns out that we were the only ones that
ever went to the house, probably because there was a big "Go Away" sign
on the front lawn. I could have sworn that I didn't see it, but,
apparently it had always been there.
Well, it was getting late, and we decided to head back to The SPU building
and sort out our candy and make a list of what we got, but we also decided
to knock on all the doors on the way back to The SPU. Surprisingly, we
got a lot of candy, and concluded that it really doesn't matter how old
you are, all that matters is how good of a costume you have, or how well
you can convince people that you are doing this for a research project.
So, as promised, here is The 1997 SPU Halloween Loot List
CANDY____________________________________Number of Units
Chocolate bars--------------------------------------------------------24
Candy apples----------------------------------------------------------3
Gummy bears---------------------------------------------------------12
Smarties---------------------------------------------------------------20
Staplers----------------------------------------------------------------3
Caramel corn---------------------------------------------------------7
Cupcakes--------------------------------------------------------------5
T.V. Guides-----------------------------------------------------------1
Chocolate coated almonds------------------------------------------10
Funny looks-----------------------------------------------------------too numerous to count
Cookies----------------------------------------------------------------12
Chips-------------------------------------------------------------------2
Potato chips-----------------------------------------------------------3
Eggs--------------------------------------------------------------------1
Helpful hints-----------------------------------------------------------3
Assorted no-name candy--------------------------------------------35
Well, that's the list, and until next time, this is Agent 00-1 saying:
Halloween is for everyone. Make the most of it.
Agent 00-1