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Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 1:
SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER!
by Joe GrendelThis story takes place after "Pantheon Comics" #23
This afternoon on
J Street,
more specifically,
Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill"No, no deliveries today. ... We're open, but we're doing take-out or in-house only ... Because my staff is off on Earth A helping up with the clean-up after the War Council's invasion."
Cordless phone cradled in the crook of his neck, Joe Grendel waved to the jukebox to quiet down and went back to flipping burgers as fast as he could.
"Yes, I agree, I should get some staff that aren't superheroes. Right now I've got a psychic cow pouring drinks and that's it. ... Same to you, Sparky."
Dropping the phone receiver into the pocket of his apron, Grendel's spatula moved quickly over the large grill, dropping toasted buns onto hamburgers, flipping the two onto another bun and sliding the whole onto plates which Daisy telekinetically floated out the door and to the patrons in question even as Grendel dropped slices of cheddar cheese onto waiting burgers and dropped new patties onto the grill.
He mopped his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand as the phone rang again.
"Hello, Officer Gina. ... Emergency? You know the Pantheon are all on Earth A. You called Minuteman Comics? They're all throwing a 'Welcome Back From the Dead' party for JYu and Merlin. Hero Heaven actually had balloons that say that ... no one there? Damn. I wonder where they're having the party ..." Backing out the door to the bar and pulling off his apron, he nodded to Daisy to take over in the kitchen. She lumbered past him as he continued to talk with J Street headquarters.
"Well, who is around? The JSTF?" He paused as he slipped his pistol into his shoulder holster, under the watchful eyes of a partially full bar. "What is the emergency?"
Grendel almost dropped the phone as he ran to the door, slamming it open and staring into the sky.
"A comet ... headed for J Street?"
Pantheon Team-Up #13
The J Street Task Force
and Joe GrendelSummer Blockbuster!
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 2:
Godzilla...RRGGHASHHAGHGH!
by Impulse and Nope.Impulse gringed while picking up the package of new comics. The pain in his legs from running into the Speed Force and the breaking of it weren't exactly fun. Material Girl perched daintily on the edge of the counter, painting her nails. Sharpshooter and Snow Sabre, over in the corner, were discussing the new member of the team, Babs, the lady speedster.
"I don't think that it'll be a problem fitting her in around us,” commented Kyoko. “Four speedsters is not necessarily a bad thing fot the team."
“Buried certainly seemed quite taken with her.”
This wasn't going over well with Impulse. Besides, between this and the leg, life sucked.
Material Girl gave a long, self pitying sigh. How dare Dougie treat me like that? [See JSTF #23]
"Hey, Jeannie. What's up?" asked Sharp.
She gave him a withering look.
Suddenly, the entire store shook with something.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!?!?" yelled Impulse at the top of his lungs. "C’mon guys!"
The four ran outside and saw just a big-ass foot of a lizard.
They looked up.
"Oh, *defecation*." mumbled Impulse.
Godzilla, for some damn reason, was on J Street. And she... he... (frickin' bad movie continuity...) was causing unbelievable amounts of havoc.
Oh, and there was a comet coming towards J Street.
Not a pretty situation.
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 3:
How To Dispose of Godzilla the Marvel Way
by SharpshooterBarely able to maintain their balance as the leviathan's footsteps shook and rattled the bedrock of J-Street, the JSTF could only gape in awe at the mammoth specimen of life that now towered over their community.
The civilians pointed as one at the beast -- just like in all those old Toho movies -- screaming, "GODZILLA!!!!".
Sharpshooter and Snow Sabre watched helplessly as the creature flattened the J-Street Civic Auditorium in one mammoth footstep.
Snow Sabre's beautiful, wide eyes narrowed in recognition.
"Gojira," the Sword Goddess hissed, "This beast has ravaged my homeland time and again. Now, it seeks to turn J Street into a wasteland as well. IT SHALL NOT BE!".
Snow Sabre drew her Dragonslayer Sabre and charged towards the beast -- with a single slash, she inflicted a miniscule wound on the monster's ankle.
The powerful blow inflicted by the Goddess of the Sword was far too small to do any true harm to Godzilla, but it was enough to attract the creature's attention.
Godzilla stared down at the tiny figure of Snow Sabre. The monster's jaw opened.
Sharpshooter knew what was next. Radioactive flame would spew forth . . . immolating his wife.
"Look out!" Sharpie pulled Sabre out of the way just in time to avoid being flash-fried.
Sharpie and Sabre took cover behind a half-ruined wall from a building that had been the recipient of a brush with Godzilla's tail . . .
Kyoko's hand flew to her belly and she groaned slightly.
"Are you all right?" asked Sharpie, concerned.
Sabre took a few shallow breaths and nodded, "I will . . . be fine. What I attempted was foolish. I don't know what . . .".
"Forget it," said Sharpie. Mike looked at the field of battle to see the rest of the JSTF and Joe Grendel doing their best to contain the beast.
* * * Joe Grendel leveled every single firearm he had at Godzilla and opened fire, to little effect. His weapons were able to do damage, but the monster's radioactive G-Cells healed themselves almost instantaneously.
Buried Alien approached Joe Grendel, "Looks bad, Joe. We can't contain him.".
"No goog!" said Grendel, exasperated, "Look, I didn't come back to J-Street from exile just to see it turned into compost by a B-movie monster. Got any ideas, Sparky?".
BA said, "Well, they've got one resource over in the Marvel Universe for just this particular problem."
As BA said this, he pulled Grendel out of the way of Godzilla's footstep.
"You can't mean . . .?" began Grendel.
"He does," said Snow Sabre, who approached with Sharpshooter, "The RED RONIN is our only hope!".
Red Ronin. The Cybernetic Samurai built by S.H.I.E.L.D. and Stark International for the express purpose of destroying Godzilla.
Buried Alien began opening the vibrational barrier to the Marvel Universe.
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 4:
I need blood and he's got more than enough!
by Wesley DoddsGodzilla bent over.
“Hello, Impulse,” the behemoth quaked.
“That’s right,” Sharpshooter whispered, “Godzilla served the forces of good after the first attempts to play him as a monster! To think we made such a mistake!”
Rokkit hovered close to the eye of the creature, staring into the abyss.
“What do you want,” he screamed.
Godzilla twisted his huge face towards Rokkit, and roared “I was called from Monster Island to deal with a threat to the very earth!”
Godzilla sat on the convenient Chandler building, and extended a paw to Kyoko. “Forgive my behavior, but I sometimes get away from myself.
Kyoko took hold of the claw and was violently shaken up and down.
“Which monsters are you here for,” Impulse salivated. “Mothra? Gorgons? The one with the six heads that comes from outer space and the name of I keep forgetting?
Godzilla put Kyoko down, and turned his face to Impulse. “Actually, you know the one from the same movie, the one with the buzz saw belly?”
“Yesyesyes?”
“That’s him,” the monster thundered, small huffs of radiation bearing down. "Hello, Mr. Grendal."
"Yeah yeah, you're fighting for the good of mankind." Joe thought about just how less fun that was.
“Great… But what about Buried Alien?”
* * * * * (Neila Deirub)
Feed me!
Feed me!
Feed me!
Feed me Wesley,
feed me all night long,
That's right boy!
You can do it!
Feed me Wesley,
feed me all night long,
'cause if you feed me Wesley,
I can grow up big and strong.Would you like a Cadillac car?
Or a guest spot on Jack Paar?
How about a date with Hedy Lamarr?
You gonna git it!Would you like to be a big wheel?
Dinin' out for ev'ry meal?
I'm the guy to make it all real,
you gonna git it!I'm your genie, I'm your friend,
I'm your willing slave,
take a chance just feed me and,
you know the kinda eats the kinda red-hot treats,
the kinda sticky licky sweets I crave!Come on Wesley, don't be a putz,
Trust me and your life will surely rival King Tuts,
show a little 'nitiative, work up the guts,
and you'll git it!(Wesley Dodds)
I don't know,
I don't know,
I have so many strong reservations,
should I go and perform,
mutilations?!(Neila Deirub)
Think about a room at the Ritz,
wrapped in velvet, covered in glitz,
a little nookie gonna clean up your zits and you'll git it!(Wesley Dodds)
Gee I'd like a Harley machine,
toolin' around like I was James Dean,
makin' all the guys on the corner green(Neila Deirub)
So go git it!(Wesley objects, but looks out the window and notices how mean Buried Alien always is to Impulse. Buried complains about how Impulse fell of the motorcycle, Impulse apologizing. They get into the apartment, Buried Alien inquiring about the handcuffs, and then slapping Impulse.)
(Together)
And if you want a rationale,
it isn't very hard to see no, no, no,
stop and think it over pal,
the guy sure looks like plant food to me,
the guy sure looks like plant food to me,
the guy sure looks like plant food to me,(Neila Deirub)
He's so nasty treatin' her rough,
smakin' her round and always talkin so tough,
(Wesley Dodds)
You need blood and he's got more than enough,
(Neila Deirub)
I need blood and he's got more than enough,
(together)
You/I need blood and he's got more than enough,
(Neila Deirub)
So go git it!!(Neila taps Wesley on the shoulder.)
* * * * * “We’ll bag you your monster,” Colonel Nick Fury huffed between puffs of his cigar, “Just point us in the way.”
Buried Alien’s salute was tall and erect. “Yes, Colonel!”
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 5:
The Ronin Man
by Joe GrendelBuried Alien returned moments later through the dimensional barrier, chalking up some of what had just transpired as mere hallucinations.
Red Ronin towered over J Street. His massive head rotated toward Godzilla, arms coming up with the sound of a thousand construction cranes clanking to life.
"Let's rock."
"Change of plans, SHIELD boy," Grendel barked into his Joe Corps communicator [see PC# 23: "Cry Havoc!" as to where and how he obtained it]. "Godzilla, in spite of all logic or sense of suspense has just turned good guy. If you'll turn your long-range sensors up and east, you'll see a comet heading for J Street. Go get it, boy."
There was a moment's confusion as the SHIELD agenst aboard quietly cursed each other for how easily an outsider hacked into their communications relay, then with a roar of boot rockets, they were off, vanishing towards the comet.
"Now, to find out what the goog's going on," Grendel muttered, heading for a quiet doorway with his radio.
The JSTF, clustered around Godzilla and asking him all sorts of embarassing questions about Godzooky, began to scream in fear as the giant lizard began to morph into the speechless, flameless, 1998 version.
Grendel just waved over his shoulder at them as the JSTF headed for shelter, shrieking.
"Interesting. He seems to be some sort of psychoactive manifestation. I wonder ..." Patching into the J Street phone system on his appropriated Joe Corps communicator, he called the Abbey of the Overly Attentive Madonna.
"Hello?" He watched as Impulse, Rokkit, Babs and Buried Alien raced up and down the lizard, attempting to tickle him all over at once. No dice: There's no such thing as a ticklish lizard.
"Hi. I'm calling to ask about the status of one of your long-term patients. ... Fanboy ... Not a relative, I'm a member of the Pantheon, investigating a metahuman disturbance. OK, I'll hold ..."
Someone had gotten the bright idea, a la "Jaws," to use compressed air to beat Godzilla. So off Rokkit and Impulse streaked, sending newspapers and debris flying as Grendel listened to a panpipe version of "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" and waited on hold. "In spite of your rage, you're still just a rat in a ... hello? Yes. ... Yes, I was holding for the Fanboy information. ... He woke up? When? ... I see ... I hope the sisters get better soon. Thanks." He disconnected from the phone system just as Godzilla burped mightily, then returned to clawing at the street. The JSTF stood a respectful distance away and discussed their options.
Grendel stepped out of the doorway to hail them and tell them he was going to look for Fanboy, when a loud explosion made him look up:
The Red Ronin robot had met the comet head-on. The good news was that the comet had shattered into countless smaller pieces, most of which were now vanishing into high-atmosphere dimensional nexii, where they'd appear in other universes, possibly millions of light years from the nearest living being.
The bad news is that Red Ronin was no longer under warranty and wouldn't be fighting monsters any time soon.
"Good, that's over. Now if we can just grab Fanboy before ... hey, guys!"
He raced after the JSTF, who waved as they followed Godzilla down into the J Street sewer system. Grendel stopped, smelling the fumes wafting up from below. He bent over, yelling into the hole.
"OK, you guys take on Godzilla, I'll investigate another angle."
He straightened up, checking the ammunition in his Tarterus .666, and hailed a cab.
"This is going to be a very bad day."
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 6:
THE FEEL-GOOD HIT OF THE SUMMER
by RokkitNow this was a little strange.
Rokkit had seen many things in his life; as the champion of Epic he had faced a wide array of threats to his homeworld. Unimaginable creatures of evil that had crawled from the farthest corners of the universe to destroy his planet.
And even in the short time he had spent on Earth with the Task Force he found himself constantly surprised at the various events occurring around him. Earthling culture often gave him reason to laugh out loud or sit in stunned silence. Usually he would do both whenever the earthling Vindicator sat him in front of the television to watch what the Canadian referred to as 'Skin-a-max'.
But now, after years of fighting intergalactic menaces from a near-utopian city, after traveling through the dark depths of space, after battling an evil tyrant intent on destroying the world, now he faced...
Well, now he and the JSTF were chasing a huge lizard through a sewer system.
"I think I be seeing this before once on the television, speedster Impulse."
Impulse nodded as he, Buried Alien and Babs dropped into the massive tunnel below J Street. "Yeah, well Rok you're getting to see this in living color now. I don't know why exactly, but Godzilla is tearing through J Street."
He frowned as they stared into the grimy tunnel before them. "...And he's pretty freakin' fast, too..."
Rokkit hovered above the other JSTFers as he peered into the darkness. "Monster being gone?!?"
"There is an extensive tunnel system down here," said Buried Alien. "If he can burrow through this easily, it could take forever to find him."
He threw a smile at Babs. "Luckily, we are well stocked with speedsters."
Above them, they heard a sarcastic grunt from street level. "That's good, 'cause I'm not spending the day trudging through a googin' sewer."
As one, the JSTF looked up to see the black-costumed form of Vindicator join Sharpshooter and Snow Sabre at the edge of the Godzilla-made hole in J Street.
Buried frowned. "Vindicator, even when we do find the beast we will still need everybody's help to-"
"Blah, blah, yeah I know," Vind interjected. "Tell you what, you find this big iguana, and I'll kick its-"
An ear-piercing screech echoed through the tunnel. Everything around them shook slightly.
The team fell silent as they tried to figure out where the roar had come from. Heads spun as everyone tried to scan both ends of the tunnel.
Sharpshooter frowned and crouched down to peer deeper over the edge of the crater. "Guys," he said quietly, his voice filtering down to the JSTFers below him, "maybe we shouldn't-"
Then he saw it; from his vantagepoint it looked like a thin black snake was slithering along underneath his teammates' feet. And then another. And another.
The floor was coming apart.
"HOLY- Scatter, everyone!!"
Rokkit flew farther upwards as the speedsters scrambled out of the way in a blur. Huge claws tore into the spot they had been standing moments before with a deafening boom. Snow Sabre, Sharpshooter and Vindicator fell back away from the tunnel entrance as they dodged debris.
Godzilla barreled through the tunnel floor with a scream. Rubble and water sprayed everywhere as the monster stepped up through the gaping hole he had just made. With blinding speed Godzilla lowered his head and snapped at the scrambling trio of Buried, Impulse and Babs.
The monster roared as he whipped his tail around, trying to take another shot at the JSTFers. Rubble flew everywhere as Impulse streaked around Godzilla, avoiding huge feet and the spiked tail. Buried and Babs zipped around the monster, taking random shots at Zilla's body. The behemoth shrieked in frustration.
Rokkit knew his colleagues would be able to avoid the creature, but he was at a loss for what to do. Obviously, despite Godzilla's earlier pleas for help, the beast wasn't very friendly. The rest of the team would be scrambling soon, but it was causing immense damage every second it was on J-Street. He would have to try and immobilize it somehow. Eyeing the claws, spikes and huge teeth, he realized that would be a difficult task. The creature seemed to be built for destruction.
Worse yet, the thing seemed to be outlandishly athletic. Its legs appeared entirely too big for its body. Awkwardly shaped, it occurred to Rokkit that the lizard looked more like a leathery kangaroo.
It annoyed him a bit that he already knew what a kangaroo was. Probably a good sign, he thought, that I should lay off the 'Discovery Channel' for a while.
He jabbed at the translator built into his costume, not wanting to bother wasting time trying to speak his butchered English, then activated his JSTF communicator.
"Guys," his words rang in a flat monotone as they filtered through the translator, "I don't think there's any point in trying to communicate with this thing anymore."
"You think?" Came Impulse's slightly annoyed reply. "What gave it away? Thefactthatitstryingtodrillmyskullintothestreet??"
"Right. I think I'll try the direct approach."
Rokkit dove towards the tunnel floor. Water sprayed in his wake as he skimmed above its surface briefly; the epicstone planted in his belt glowing slightly as he drew more energy from it. His eyes began to flare as he banked back upwards, beside the towering beast.
"Let's see how this thing handles an energy blast to the head."
Before he had a chance to fire, something from above caught his attention. His enhanced hearing picked up the sound of screams as they filtered down from street level. With the chaos around him, he couldn't make out what the screams were saying. And there was another sound. Feet. People. He frowned in confusion.
People running.
LOTS of people running.
He turned to peer up through the hole above him, hoping to catch a glimpse of what was going on. Maybe Vindicator or Sharpshooter could see what-
"ROKKIT! What are you doing?!?!"
Impulse's cry and a sudden tinge of heat at his back jarred Rokkit's attention back to the matter at hand. A sickening stench filled his nostrils as he spun again, only to be faced with a terrifying sight.
"Goog." muttered Rokkit in clear English. The translator didn't bother.
The jaws of Godzilla closed around him.
* * * * The comet was a little surprising, yes. But for a man such as Joe Grendel, it was not a cause for panic. Life on J Street, and life in general, had thrown more than enough at the Pantheon veteran for a simple little rock to shake his confidence.
Then, of course, there was the Big Freakin' Lizard.
Granted, this had given him pause. Particularly when it appeared that the monster, who had been tearing into J Street moments before, stopped to have a delightful little conversation with the JSTF.
But, what the hell, you had to work with what you were given. It's always something, Grendel thought as he leaned into the back seat of the cab he now occupied. If things go according to plan, for once, he should be able to wrap things up quite nice-
Grendel was suddenly thrown forward as the cab jarred to a screeching stop. His head slammed roughly against the partition separating him from the front of the cab.
"What the goog-!" He rubbed his sore forehead with one hand and angrily slammed his pistol against the partition with the other. "Are you crazy? I got enough people trying to kill me as it is!!"
The cabby was ignoring him.
In the rearview mirror, Grendel could see the driver's terror stricken eyes staring past him.
Oh so slowly Grendel turned his head to look back down the stretch of J Street behind him.
One huge, rolling mass was barreling down the street towards him. Battle cries and angry roars echoed between the J Street buildings. Dust rolled through the air as it was kicked up by countless pairs of legs.
Now Grendel was a little worried. Because he was pretty sure, as the gleam of swords flashed and trails of flame-drenched arrows filled the sky, that he knew what kind of hell-bent army was descending upon J Street.
He'd bet the bar they were Huns.
LOTS of Huns.
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 7:
The Truth is Out There
by Vindicator"Rokkit!", Impulse cried, seeing the jaws of the giant lizard close over the flying body of the JSTF’s newly sworn-in teammate. "This is going badly…this is goingverybadly-"
"Keep moving, Impulse!", Buried Alien ordered as he zipped by at superspeed.
Impulse gulped and instantly took off as Godzilla’s gargantuan foot came crashing down where he’d been standing seconds before. The shockwave should have been enough to send him to the tunnel floor, but he’d anticipated at the last minute.
A growl that seemed to echo louder than any of them could scream filled the tunnels as the giant lizard raised his head, a gesture that could only be interpreted as a swallowing motion.
"Oh!’, Babs, the JSTF’s newest speedster, said in horror as she neared, staring upward. "Oh, good lord…!"
"Calm down, Babs, everything’s going to be fine.", BA called to her.
"Okay B-Buried, if you say so…"
’Okay Buried, if you say so…’, Impulse played over again in his mind, but a little more sarcastic.
"Impulse, I need you to draw Godzilla to that large water pool, through that north tunnel.", BA explained, pointing in that direction.
"Okay, Grandpa Buried.", Impulse said reluctantly, darting a glance at Babs before taking off towards the giant lizard.
Running at superspeed up the monster’s back, he managed to make a couple of circles around it’s head, annoying it and getting it’s full attention. After the last turn, he descended along it’s belly, and ran slow enough to let Godzilla see where he’d headed. He sped along the north tunnel, nearly tripping as he came upon the large water pool. With the sound of the tunnel being torn apart to accommodate the monster’s enormous size, Impulse looked up to see Buried Alien and Babs set up opposing sides of the large chamber. With a grin, he charged off in Babs’ direction, appearing at her side in an instant.
"What…?", Babs said, turning to see him. "No, head to that platform, Buried Alien said we need to surround it for this to work."
"For what to work?", Impulse asked.
"He said you’d know what to do when it started.", she said impatiently, expecting the giant lizard to burst in at any second. "GO!"
Impulse frowned as he took off, settling to a stop at the platform she’d mentioned. Looking at their positions, he noticed that they were indeed in positions that would surround Godzilla once he entered.
And it did with tremendous force, shattering the wall into many fragments as it entered the large chamber. It seemed to falter for a moment before the force of it’s entry sent it a couple of paces into the large water pool, which only rose to the giant lizard’s underbelly.
"NOW!", BA called out.
The fastest post alive began whirling his arms around, like the blades of some super-powered fan, faster and faster. Impulse turned to see Babs mimicking him exactly, and figured out what they were trying to do. Spinning his own arms around as well, Impulse couldn’t help but grin.
The water surrounding Godzilla began to frost over, as the monster tried to get it’s bearings. The three speedsters continued to spin their arms, setting up a cold wave in the chamber, trying to freeze the water solid in hopes of capturing the creature.
Godzilla roared as the water pool froze completely, trapping most of it’s legs. It thrashed about, it’s tail smashing debris from the tunnel wall it’d busted through moments before.
"Wow! That was great!", Babs called out.
"Let’s get topside!", BA yelled, signaling to the other two speedsters. "This was a desperate gamble at best, it’ll buy us some time, but it won’t stop this monster!"
* * * Oh, this makes sense., Joe thought.
Huns, a nomadic Asian people, who spread from the Caspian steppes to make repeated incursions into the Roman Empire during the 4th and 5th centuries AD, seemed to somehow be in the present timeline, and headed straight for them.
"What are you waiting for, gun it!", Joe ordered, turning to face forward again.
The cabbie was gone.
"Oh, goog this…", Joe muttered as he leaned back, lifted a leg up and kicked forward, breaking the partition. He winced as he squeezed into the front seat, flipped the gear into reverse, and pressed down hard on the gas, making the cab’s wheels screech as they spun, starting to speedily send the cab barreling straight for the Huns.
Several flaming arrows hit the cab as it proceeded backward to meet them, but did little in the way of damage to the bright yellow vehicle. Joe steadied the wheel as several bodies of Huns hit the back bumper, some going under the cab, some flying over the roof.
The car jolted backward as he stomped on the brakes, having broken through the line of the Huns. Those that remained gathered at the center of the street, shouting and screaming as they raised their swords in the air.
"For an aggressive people, they sure do get run over real easy.", Joe stated to no one, jamming the car into drive, and readying for another charge.
* * * A gray Lexus screeched to halt before the large, gaping footprint, one of many that littered the street. Both doors opened, as two people in overcoats exited the vehicle, stepping to the front of the car to examine closer.
"There.", the tall, brown haired man said with satisfaction. "Now do you believe?"
"Believe what?", the short, red headed woman retorted. "That some giant lizard just stomped it’s way through here?"
"Absolutely.", he responded.
She sniffed, crossing her arms. "Mulder, the multiple depressions in this street could have easily happened for many different, plausible reasons. It’s been proven that given a certain amount of time, common street tar will eventually weaken under constant stress…"
"So…you’re saying this is a big pothole?", Mulder asked.
"Yes."
"And that one?"
"Yes."
"Even that one?"
"Yes."
"Sculley, doesn’t it strike you as odd that all these ’potholes’ have the same distinct shape?", Mulder asked, waving all about. "Like giant lizard feet!?!"
"Not at all.", Sculley said, making her way back to the car. "I find your ‘giant lizard’ theory about as believable as flying, superpowered beings."
Vindicator happened to float by the arguing pair. "Uh…in case you two haven’t noticed, we’re sort of in a state of emergency here, you might want to take this squabble somewhere else." With that, he flew off.
Mulder pointed, looking smugly at his partner.
"There’s a fine mist in the air, combined with the rays of light shining through the clouds, it’s provided some variety of optical illusion, not unlike a rainbow.", she answered just as smugly.
"Okay, but he spoke to us.", Mulder countered.
"Voices echoing off the remaining structures, perhaps from miles away.", Sculley replied, leaning against her car door.
Mulder sighed. "Sometimes I just want to strangle you, Sculley."
* * * The theater manager met with his usher near the concessions counter, where dozens of people were lined up, ordering various snacks.
"What is it, Billy?", the manager asked impatiently.
"I’m not sure sir.", the usher began. "But I’ve gotten several reports of someone sneaking from movie to movie…"
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 8:
Men in Tights
by Joe GrendelStill in the Sewer Kingdoms beneath J Street
The ice binding Godzilla began to quiet him as his metabolism slowed. The four speedsters heaved a big sigh of relief.
The previously unmentioned Mister Excitement cleared his throat.
"Guys? Do you smell something funny?"
Impulse turned slowly towards him.
"'Smell something funny?'"
"Yeah!" Mister Excitement nodded.
"ME," Impulse rubbed the bridge of his nose, shifting his weight from leg to leg, the muck sloshing around him, "Does it occur to you THAT WE ARE HIP-DEEP IN A SEWER?"
Barbara -- named that as every team on J Street other than the Pantheon is required to have a "Babs," by legal statute -- tapped the teen speedster on the shoulder, pointing at a dark smear atop the, well, liquid. (We don't really need to go into detail, do we?)
"There seems to be a black oil spreading across the surface of the, um, the goog."
Rokkit, holding his nose, leaned down, peering (against his better judgement) at a strange series of lumps in the black smear.
"Are those skulls?"
"Why are you guys straining your eyes?" Mister Excitement piped. "I'll just turn to energy and light up this tunnel!"
"NO!" Buried Alien screamed. "The fumes ..."
The resulting explosion did a number of things:
First, it did indeed light up the black oil and the skeletons floating within it, if only for a brief moment, during which everyone present was distracted by more pressing concerns.
Secondly, it shattered the ice trapping Godzilla.
Thirdly, it brought down the ceiling of the sewer on the five JSTFers, burying them in debris and goog.
* * * Up on the surface, near the intersection of 142nd Street and J
It wasn't the first flaming arrow, or even the 100th flaming arrow fired by one of the gray-skinned Huns that finally punctured the taxicab -- battered by the bodies of corpses and hefty Hunnish weapons -- but all that mattered is that Joe Grendel looked down in the driver's side mirror just as one struck a little too close to the gas tank for his comfort.
"TIME TO GO!" Slamming open the door, he dashed for cover. Fortunately, no J Street residents were around. Just Huns.
From behind the corpse of a strangely bestial horse, Joe cackled as the explosion tore through the crowd of curious warriors.
"Wish I'd had the brains to bring my sword with me," he said, scooping a massive curved blade out of a burning corpse's hand.
"Goog. They're between me and the movie theater." He looked around as the Huns attacked locked buildings and overturned rickshaws, cars and landspeeders. On this block, it looked as though all the residents had been able to get inside their homes and seal them from the inside. After all the residents had been through, including the successful invasion of the War Council (followed by their mysterious decision to quit the conquered street), J Streeters had become old hands at dealing with crises of this sort.
Checking his ammunition clip, Grendel snapped his pistol into his shoulder holster and shoved his sword under his belt. Scrambling up the edge of a brownstone, he began to climb up the surface of the building, attracting the attention of several animalian Huns.
There were dimensional portals nearby, true. That was the POINT of J Street, after all. But side trips to the Dr. Seuss universe or to the locker rooms of Super Bowl III wouldn't do him much good at this point. So he climbed, repeatedly yanking his foot away from the grasping hands of climbing Huns.
Wrapping an arm around a gargoyle, hanging three stories above the street, he pulled out his pistol and fired point-blank into one's face. His body fell pleasingly to the pavement below, startling his fellows.
"BEWARE!" Grendel waved the gun over his head. "Mighty thunderstick! ... Oh, forget it." He climbed quickly up to the roof, running along the rooftop in the direction of the theater, leaping from roof to roof, and trying to avoid a persistent screeching yellow-eyed falcon.
Below on the street, a knot of Huns stood in awe around a single lone figure. Without slowing, Grendel squinted at her.
Snow Sabre stood over the corpse of a Hun who looked as though he could arm-wrestle the Incredible Hulk and win. Below him were two dozen more. The slight woman wasn't even breathing hard. Most remarkable of all was that she appeared to be at least seven months pregnant.
She stood waiting, her sword before her, her body still, all senses ready for the next Hun to step forward. One did, moving so subtly and swiftly that Grendel almost didn't see him before he was about to grab her. But Snow Sabre did, her body and blade snapping around, the air splitting with a brief "HAI!" and then the Hun's head went arcing off into the crowd, who remained still, none too anxious to join the pile of bodies.
"Wow." Grendel breathed.
"Not bad."
"AH! Goog it!" Grendel panted, eyes wide. "Don't DO that, JYu! Don't you know how to say 'hey, how you doin'?' Do you HAVE to sneak up on a guy like that?"
The Minuteman sharpshooter said nothing, cradling a nail gun in his arms and watching Sharp Shooter expressionlessly.
Grendel felt his heart, wondering at what age he'd finally have his heart attack.
"I thought you were at the party with the Minutemen."
"No. I left when Merlin somehow got his head stuck inside a keg of beer. They're trying to get it off of him, but he won't let them, because he doesn't want them to spill any of the booze."
Grendel blinked at this.
"Besides," JYu flipped the safety off the nail gun, "It's open season on Fanboy."
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 9:
And Now I Understand You're God...
by Wesley DoddsAbout a half an hour later...
* * * * * Impulse started dancing. Everyone he bumped into seemed to know the steps.
"Sandy," a bewildered Impulse asked the woman on his left.
"Yah. How'd you know," she chewed.
"John? John Travolta?"
"That's not my name. Mine's - wait, my number's starting."
The dance score skidded to a halt.
"This car is systematic..."
Impulse faced a quandary. Would he face the other monsters with the group, or participate in a live production of his favorite musical?
* * * * * "I don't like this, Dana..."
"But Mulder... Fox..."
The two stared into each others eyes and launched into a torrid embrace.
"Uh... Guys, couldn't you do this later?"
Mulder ripped off Skully's top.
"Look, can't you at least do this somewhere else," Vindicator suggested.
"Yes! Yes! Yes!"
"Dana... Oh, I've waited so long..."
"Great," Vindicator murmured.
* * * * * Rokkit decked Spock. The bastard had it coming to him.
"Have you got Kirk," he yelled back.
"No," Emerald Void replied. "I lost him!"
Rokkit murmured a sign of disapproval, and threw Spock onto the pile with the rest of Star Trek. "What do we do with them?"
"Burn them," panted Emerald Void as he ran up.
"No. I don't think we're allowed to."
* * * * * Mr. Excitement was still trudging through the sewer.
"Hello? We have a situation," Babs' voice crackled through his communicator.
"I'm listening."
"Well... the Fanboy must have been watching the Greatest Story ever told..."
"Yes," Mr. Excitement sung back.
"He's brought back Jesus Christ."
"What's he doing?"
"He's... uh... healing cripples and raising from the dead. How should we proceed?"
"However you want, I'm busy. Try Paper Bag Boy."
"Right."
* * * * * "What are you doing, Impulse?"
"Oh. Hello, Ken..."
"Hey... is that John Travolta?"
"Nope," Impulse said, and stopped dancing.
"Why were you doing that, anyway?"
"Well, the score was really catchy..."
"Come on. We're needed," he said, and sprinted off.
"Yes, Buried." Impulse frowned, gave Sandy a hug, and said goodbye.
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 10:
Of Saurians and Speedsters
by Buried Alien"Just a second folks, we'll have you out of here in a flash!", quavered the voice of Buried Alien.
Rokkit and Mr. Excitement counted their blessings. They would be dead, buried alive under tons of earth and debris had they not been lucky enough to be in the company of four Superspeedsters.
Buried vibrated Rokkit through to the surface while Mr. Ex! teleported into the clear. Per Buried's orders, Babs and Impulse had ghosted on ahead.
The six JSTFers dusted themselves off and sat on the pavement to gather themselves.
"What now?" asked Babs.
Buried, exhausted from the effort of vibrating through to the surface, said, "We'd better find that beast. Who knows how much damage Godzilla might do if . . .".
"Say," said Mr. Excitement, "do you guys hear something? A kind of shuffling sound?".
The JSTFers fell silent. A distant, ominous rumbling was soon evident, increasing in volume by the moment.
"W-what is it?" asked Impulse.
"Godzilla?" Rokkit ventured.
"No," said Buried, "the sound is too varied . . . too widely distributed. It's not ONE thing that's coming towards us, it's . . .".
The ground began to vibrate.
Babs eyes widened in horror, "Ohmigosh . . .!"
They saw it.
A horde of thousands of 9-foot tall Godzillasaurs . . . offsprings of the larger beast . . . their numbers seeming to grow geometrically.
The Godzillasaurs began chasing after J-Street civilians . . . seeking fodder for their monsrous appetites!
"Scatter!" called Buried.
The JSTF went into action!
Babs noticed a schoolbus filled with children being accosted by a pack of Godzillasaurs. Got to clear the civilians first!
Lithe lightning burst into the midst of the raging Godzillasaurs. Babs ran around the schoolbus at just the right speed to create a soft air cushion that gently lifted the schoolbus into the air. Then, Babs directed the air currents to set the bus on the roof of a 20 story building . . . beyond the reach of the Godzillasaurs.
Babs then turned her attention to the beasts, redirecting the wind currents she created to spin the mutant reptiles like tops, rendering them unconscious.
Buried Alien was watching these proceedings even as he plucked as many civilians as he could from the jaws and claws of the advancing horde of Godzillasaurs. BA smiled, Attagirl!
Meanwhile, Impulse, Rokkit, and Mr. Ex were not faring nearly as well against a living wall of an unaccountable number of Godzillasaurs bearing down upon them. Despite their combination of Superspeed, star-spawned power, and explosive energy, the three JSTFers were hard-pressed to halt the advance of the monsters.
Emerald Void, meanwhile, was standing in a boiling cloud of energy, pushing his power ring to its limits. As fast as he came up with a new way to bind one of the giant lizards, another one managed to free itself.
A Godzillsaur's foot was about to drop upon him.
"Look out!"
Babs pulled EV out of harm's way just in time.
"Babs!" BA called. The Lady Speedster was at BA's side instantly.
BA said, "I've got a plan . . .".
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 11:
Lethal Weapon 2
by Joe GrendelJYu blinked in surprise, something that normally Grendel would have been thrilled to have witnessed.
"What was that from Dodds?" The gunman murmured. "Was your radio cutting out?"
Grendel shrugged.
"Lord, I hope so. Otherwise, Dodds is a total loony."
The pair of them raced across the rooftops, ignoring the Huns on the street below, who seemed more than content to smash parked or abandoned vehicles and terrorize pack animals.
Up ahead, though, a large clearing in the street suggested something was going on.
Grendel slipped around a large smokestack, pistol at the ready. JYu, when he looked for him, was nowhere to be found. Cursing silently, he edged further ...
And found a lone archer smiling at him, sitting with his back to the lip that ran around the edge of the building.
"Mister Grendel? Sharpshooter. We've crossed paths a few times during the crisis of the day, but we've never met." He looked back down at his empty quiver. "I apologize for not getting up, but I'm out of arrows and I think the Huns are a bit annoyed with me."
Grendel dropped down beside him.
"Saw your wife back there."
"Snow Sabre?" Sharpshooter sighed heavily. "She's with child. I asked her to stay home."
Grendel winked.
"She's doin' fine, man." He slapped the other man cordially on the knee. "Well, cool. I'll catch you later. Good look with the Huns. I'm off to the J Street Omniplex."
"Wait!" Sharpshooter yelled, grabbing at the Pantheoneer's sleeve, to which Grendel raised a disapproving eyebrow. "We've got to stop the Huns!"
Grendel shrugged.
"I've got three clips of ammunition and a supervillain to ..."
"I'll do it."
JYu's voice was low and quiet in Grendel's ear. He turned on his colleague, roaring.
"KNOCK THAT OFF!"
"You'll help?" Sharpshooter leaned around Grendel to wave at JYu. "Hi, I think you were presumed dead when I first arrived on J Street. I'm Sharpshooter."
JYu said nothing, just began unpacking his guns, setting ammo clips down beside them. Sharpshooter watched him in confusion.
"Grendel, why are you taking off your holster? And what's with all the ammo?"
JYu talked quietly to himself:
"I'll save the BFG in case Godzilla resurfaces." He looked up at Sharpshooter. "How fast can you load weapons?"
"I dunno. I'm a pretty good shot, but I can ..."
"You're not shooting," Grendel said, cracking his knuckles and flexing his fingers, laying out multiple weapons from JYu's backpack within easy reach. "You'll miss."
Sharpshooter turned red.
"I'll WHAT? I know you elitist googers don't pay much attention to us little guys, but SURELY you've heard about me and my ..." He stopped short, looking at Grendel's hand clapped over his mouth.
"Just nod or shake your head, OK, Peashooter?" Grendel glanced up at an impatient JYu. An impatient JYu looked much like any other JYu, being a sort of stoic sort, but Grendel could spot the signs. "Do you EVER miss?"
Sharpshooter paused a second, then nodded slowly.
"Fine." Grendel removed his hand and handed him a gun. "We load and hand guns to JYu. He fires."
Sharpshooter watched as JYu edged his head over the lip of the building, holding his nail gun casually in one hand.
"He never misses?"
"No."
"NEVER?"
"I don't think he could miss if he wanted to. It's hard-wired into him."
JYu cleared his throat quietly.
"You've done this before?" he muttered.
"Sure. I used to load muskets in the Revolutionary War," Grendel shrugged, rolling his neck to relax the muscles. "I know the drill."
Sharpshooter grinned.
"Wow! Who'd you fight with? Meet any Founding Fathers?"
Grendel shook his head as JYu's muscles coiled ever-so-slightly.
"Nah. I was fighting on the British side."
Sharpshooter was about to say something when JYu began firing. His body moved more like a perfectly designed machine than a man, the nail gun moving and twitching as an ear-splitting crack launched each nail into a Hun or a Hun's horse. He dropped the nail gun almost casually as Grendel pressed a chain gun into his hands, and he repeated the procedure with it.
"I'M NOT SURE HE SHOULD BE ..." Sharpshooter yelled over the noise.
"HE'S NOT KILLING THEM. WELL, HE IS, BUT THEY'RE NOT TECHNICALLY ALIVE. THEY'RE PSYCHOACTIVE MANIFESTATIONS OF FANBOY'S METAHUMAN POWER." As Sharpshooter loaded the nail gun, Grendel handed a rocket-propelled grenade launcher into JYu's hands and caught the emptied chain gun.
Sharpshooter's lips moved, but Grendel couldn't hear anything over the roar of the RPG launcher.
"... EGG ROLL!" Sharpshooter concluded, blinking in the sudden silence.
JYu put the RPG launcher down.
"They've vanished."
"Fanboy's imagination must be focussed on something else now," Grendel said, slipping into his holster and sword belt. "Shame he can't go see 'Madeline.'"
"Keep your eyes open for tiny action figures or Spanish soldiers," JYu said under his breath.
"I don't get it," Sharpshooter said, standing up and looking down the street for Snow Sabre. "Why have I never heard of this Fanboy person?"
"Well," Grendel said, keeping an eye on JYu, to keep him from pulling his disappearing act again, "You wouldn't have. I don't know why he's woken up now, or how his powers have been boosted. But he's been in a coma since Halloween night, 1996."
JYu flinched.
"What is it?" He'd seen JYu get shot and have less reaction.
"I just got a ... headache when you said that." He looked up at Grendel and Sharpshooter. "I think we need to find Fanboy."
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 12:
Butered Popcorn Hill
by VindicatorGrendel looked down from the fire escape railing that he was using to descend to the alley that connected up to J Street, making sure there were no rogue Huns that hadn’t vanished.
"Greetings.", came a voice.
"Gah!", Joe said, startled. He turned to see the very pregnant Snow Sabre, sword in hand, clutched instinctively in front of her belly. "What is it with you people? Between you and JYu I’m gonna die of heart failure…!"
"’You and Jayoo’?", Snow Sabre repeated, arching a brow.
"Forget it, babe.", Sharpshooter said, leaping down from the last fire escape, landing at his wife’s side.
"The streets are clear, the threat has somehow…vanished.", she informed them.
"Yeah, we saw.", JYu confirmed, stepping to the group.
"We’ve got to reach the J Street Omniplex.", Grendel repeated for all to hear, stepping past them and out of the alley onto J Street.
The four of them cautiously proceeded down the sidewalk, the occasional scream, flash of light, or large scale crashing sound reminding them that the threat was not over. What few people still remained on the streets were desperately attempting to find safe shelter. A couple of dogs trotted toward them, one continuing past them, the other pausing at Grendel’s leg.
"Aww, ain’t that cute.", JYu said with a smirk.
Then dog’s leg lifted. It piddled on Grendel’s boot.
"Hey!", Joe exclaimed, cursing. He gave the pooch a kick, sending it off the sidewalk with a whine.
"Well, goog you too!", the dog called back.
"What…?", Grendel muttered, looking up from his soiled boot.
"Get ‘im, boys!", the dog suddenly called out, bearing it’s teeth.
One would have wondered if they were in some variety of badly planned jungle as domestic-type animals seemed to spring from everywhere, surrounding the four, yelling and goading them on.
* * * "Would you two get a room!?!", Vindicator ordered, swooping down. "I mean really…!"
The passionate kiss broke off as Mulder and Sculley stared at each other uncomfortably.
"Strange, isn’t it?", Sculley stammered, fixing her hair. "How a momentary lapse in rational thought can sometimes lead to conscious daydreaming, if you will. For a second there, I thought we were kissing, when by all rights I know we weren’t."
"What…?", Mulder started. "We were kissing, don’t shrug it off as some delusion!"
"Don’t make me burn your X-File cabinets again…whoops!!", Sculley blurted, covering her mouth.
"No…", Mulder said, stunned. "That was you?"
"Ow!", Sculley grunted, slapping a hand to the back of her neck.
"What…is it the implant?", Mulder asked.
"No, we took that out, remember?", Sculley responded, bracing herself on their car.
"Yeah, but we put another one in…whoops!!", Mulder winced, turning away suddenly.
"That…was…you…?", Sculley stuttered out as she slumped to the ground.
"SCULLEY!!!", Mulder cried, dropping down by her side.
Of all the movies out there, I get this one, Vindicator mused, rubbing his eyes. Could be worse, at least I’m not drilling into an as-…whoah, what’s that?
The trunk of Mulder and Sculley’s Lexus popped open, and what seemed like a ridiculously sized swarm of bees wafted out, the buzzing sound almost deafening.
"Bees?", Vindicator whispered, floating away. "BEES!!", he repeated much louder, flying away as fast as he could, the swarm in hot pursuit.
* * * "So, what’s the plan?!", Babs asked Buried Alien impatiently.
Buried’s explanation was cut off as the roar of the Cruiser-J II’s vertical thrust engines cushioned it’s decent to a section clear of rubble, hovering above the street.
{{Figures you guys didn’t call me in.}}, came Nope’s voice across the communicator as he gave a jerky wave from the cockpit window. {{Who called this in, anyway?}}
BA turned to see Impulse still fighting off the Gorillasaurs with the others. With a frown, he tapped on his communicator to respond. "That doesn’t matter now, what matters is that you’re here!"
{{Yeah, but-}}, the communication was broken off as the Cruiser-J II rocked sideways. {{Someone just came in real fast…lemme see who…Vinnie? What’re you doing here? What about ‘bees’?}}
"Bees?", Buried Alien asked.
The Cruiser-J II’s thrusters increased in power as a swarm of bees seemed to almost obscure the plain view of the vehicle altogether. {{Vinnie says there are bees after him…they’re all around us. I’d better get out of here before they clog the exhaust ports!}}
"But Nope…"
{{BA, I’m picking up a transmission from Sharpshooter, from somewhere further along J Street, around 140th and J. You receiving?}}
"No Nope, I seem to be having problems with my communicator!", Buried Alien called out as the Cruiser-J II’s thrusters made it very hard to hear anything.
{{I’ll…*krssssshh*…check it…*squaaaaark*…icator!}}
Buried Alien only caught part of the transmission as the Cruiser-J II rose in altitude and swerved off, heading further down J Street, the swarm of bees in hot pursuit.
"Buried…?", Babs said, tapping his shoulder. "The plan?"
"Plan…", BA wondered. "…right, plan! I just have to remember what it was…"
* * * The theater manager fumed as he sidestepped the throng of the crowd, a small group of employees trailing him. "I want this person found! No one gets to see more than one movie…not without paying!", he raged, turning to face them suddenly. "Not on my watch!"
"Yes sir!’, they said in unison.
A theater employee came dashing up, stopping to stand at attention. "Popcorn Maker First Class Evans, reporting sir!"
"At ease, Evans.", the theater manager ordered, clasping his hands behind his back. "Report."
"Sir, the bogey has been sighted in Theater 13, sir!", Evans cried out, staring forward.
"Right!", the theater manager said with a smirk, turning to those employees that had been following him. "Smith, take Alvarez and Johnson, circle around back to cover the emergency exits. On my signal, we’ll come in from the regular entrance, and pin him in. Got it?"
"Yes sir!", Smith called out, taking off with the pair.
"Let’s go…", the theater manager muttered to the rest of his employees. He paused before the door of Theater 13, waving his employees back. With a grunt he pulled one of the doors open, shining a flashlight into the doorway. Nothing. He turned back, pointing to Evans, then to his eyes with his middle and index finger, then into the theater. Evans nodded and crawled into the entrance, and through into the theater itself.
{{We’re in position, awaiting your signal, sir!}, Smith radioed.
"Hold your position.", the theater manager radioed back.
"Sir, I’m scared!", one of the employees whined.
"Dammit man!" the theater manager muttered angrily,. Grabbing the employee by the color and forcing him up against the wall. "I won’t have this mission jeopardized by your sniveling cowardice! Do I make myself clear, Peterson!?!"
"Y-yes sir!’, Peterson whined, wiping his tears away.
Evans crawled back into the hall, huffing and puffing.
"Report!"
"Sir, the theater is practically empty.", Evans began. "He’s covered by two other individuals, sitting on either side of him, near the center."
"This is going to be tough.", the theater manager wondered aloud. "Any man who doesn’t think he has the guts for this operation, speak now."
"Um, I’m not a man…sir.", a female employee answered.
The theater manager sighed. "Flashlights ready!", he said, fingering his radio. "Smith company, MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!" He tuned back top his employees, "MOVE IT! MOVE IT!"
The cries of a dozen or so theater employees filled Theater 13 as they all charged in from different points surrounding the trio in the center of the theater, all flashlights covering them…except…
"Peterson!", the theater manager muttered harshly. "What’s wrong with your gear!?!"
"It’s my flashlight, sir!!", Peterson mumbled, holding it out. "The batteries are jammed…!"
The criminal in question never took his eyes from the screen, eating popcorn and slurping at a drink. The two on either side of him stood up, each drawing guns, pointing it back at the theater employees.
"Let’s drop those flashlights…nice and slow…", the taller, colored man with a mustache called out.
"Or don’t.", the other shorter one said. "I’ll be happy to blow your brains out, one by one."
"Sir…?", Peterson said, tugging at his manager’s side. "Is that…Mel Gibson…?"
"Mel...?", the shorter guy, who was a dead ringer for Mel Gibson, pondered aloud. "My name is Riggs..."
The theater manager gulped as he lowered his flashlight and fingered his radio. "Medic..."
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 13:
Huh?!
by NopeThe Cruiser J_II
“Bees, huh?”
“Yes, bees. Deadly, killer bees.”
“Oh. But, I mean, killer bees?!”
“Shut up and drive, Nope.”
* * * J Street Omniplex
Gun fire burst overhead.
“What the goog is going on?”
“I’m chaos, and he’s mayhem,” announced Riggs. “We’re a double act.”
“Is that supposed to be funny?” The Cinema manager waved at his men. “Shoot them.”
Murtagh wailed “I’m too old for this shit!”
Gun fire burst overhead.
* * * J Street. Somewhere.
“One Godzilla, two Godzilla, three Godzilla, four...”
“Alex? Shut up,” said Babs from where she stood among the regrouped JSTF.
“Sorry.” Mr Excitement shrugged, and went back to counting under his breath.
“Ithoughtyousaidyouhadaplan, Gramps.”
“I do have a plan, Impulse,” agreed Buried, looking worried.
“What is it, then?” asked PBB.
Buried sighed, adding: “I just have to remember what it is.”
“What do we do now?” asked Franklin.
EV shrugged. “Running would be good.”
“We need bigger guns,” muttered Material Girl.
“Umm, Buried?” asked Rokkit.
“Wait, I’ve got it,” said Buried. “These Godzilla things --”
“All two dozen of them,” supplied Alex.
“Umm, Buried?” asked Rokkit.
“These Godzilla things,” repeated Buried, a little louder, “they’re made of some kind of energy, right? And energy can be disrupted, grounded or what ever. So, we can--”
“--get lots of lightning rods?” suggested PBB.
“Dumbass,” muttered Franklin.
“Assmunch,” returned PBB.
“Bunghole,” snapped Franklin.
“You’re a bunghole, bunghole,” yelled PBB.
“SHUT UP!” screamed MG.
“Umm, Buried,” repeated Rokkit into the sudden silence, “where’d they all go?”
“Where’d what all go?”
The alien explained “The big lizard things.”
“What about them?” asked Buried, having trouble following the conversation and keeping Franklin and PBB apart at the same time.
“They’ve all gone,” reiterated Rokkit.
Buried paused to consider this. “What do you mean ‘they’ve all gone’?”
“I mean,” repeated Rokkit “they’ve all gone.”
Everyone looked around. There were large, Godzilla shaped holes in the scenery.
“Um,” said Alex, after a long silence, “They’ve all gone.”
“I think we’d gathered that,” said Buried. “The question is -- why?”
“Maybe the film ended,” shrugged Babs. “Or maybe someone got bored and decided to change films.”
“Change films? Of course,” announced Buried. “It must be--”
“I don’t want to frighten anyone,” said MG, backing away down the road, “but this isn’t a good place to be right now.”
Everyone turned round. As one, they yelled “GOOG!”
And then they ran for it...
* * * Elsewhere on J Street.
Gun fire burst overhead.
“Just how many dogs has this googin’ place got?” muttered Sharp.
“Lots,” said JYu. He casually shot another one.
“Hey, you can’t just go around shooting us domestic-type animals, willy-nilly,” yelled a large Doberman. “We’ve got rights too you know. We’ll sue, damn it!”
JYu shot him.
“I get the feeling someone’s missed the point,” muttered a small, long haired Persian cat.
There was a distinctly metallic sound as the Snow Sabre drew the silver rapier from her side to match the Dragonslayer Sabre in the other hand. “I’d just like to point out that I’m Japanese and I own a chain of restaurants,” she smiled.
“Japanese? Hey, don’t they eat--?” began a small Mastiff.
“Arrrgh! Run,” yelled a large Golden Retriever. In a matter of minutes, the four found themselves alone again.
“Foolish creatures. It seems racial stereotyping can have its advantages. Of course I would never eat dog,” added Kyoko, returning both swords to their sheaths with a complicated looking flick of the wrists, “I’m a vegetarian.”
“I don’t get it,” muttered Grendel. “I just don’t get it.”
“I don’t want to scare anyone,” said Sharpshooter, pointing down the road, “but this isn’t a good place to be right now.”
Everyone turned round. As one, they yelled “GOOG!”
And then they ran for it...
* * * J Street Omniplex
Gun fire burst overhead.
“Umm, sir?”
“Now what?”
“We’ve lost him again, sir.”
“Lost -- hey, who left the door to the Disney wing open?”
The two men looked at each other. As one, they yelled “GOOG!”
And then they ran for it...
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 14:
Toy Story
by Joe GrendelOutside the J Street Omniplex
"I feel like I've come in halfway through a movie," Snow Sabre said, letting her husband lace his fingers through hers.
Grendel sighed, looking around for JYu.
"At least we lost Mighty Joe Young. I didn't think he'd be able to do that, even with his amped-up powers."
"Grendel, in case you missed it, my wife was subtly asking who is behind all this."
"Fine, fine. We're wasting time here, but whatever." He threw his hands up in the air. "It looks like Fanboy is behind this. His origin and powers are pretty vague, but he's a late teenage geek in a chromium body suit. His powers are, or were, that he could summon any non-living object from a comic book he owned."
"Like how he summoned the Infinity Gauntlet during the evil Pantheon invasion."
"Right. Except that he was still in a coma when that happened. Maniaq used his telepathy to get Fanboy to do it. And now that he's woken up, after almost two years under, it looks like his powers have been boosted enough so that he can summon anything he's seen in a movie recently, even a trailer."
"He's been in a coma for two years?" Snow Sabre nodded towards the entrance, and the three heroes moved towards it as their conversation continued. "What put him in it?"
Grendel frowned.
"I'm not sure, but I have a sneaking suspicion it has to do with what happened to Earth M the same night ..."
"Tickets, please."
"I hate to do this to you, but this is sort of an emergency," Snow Sabre began.
"We're superheroes and there's a crazed mutant destroying J Street holed-up in the theater. Move it, zit boy!"
"Now, hold on a minute there, mister," the teenaged water buffalo stuttered. "I need to get my manager ..."
Sharpshooter's eyes bugged as he looked behind them.
"Guys, we need to get inside NOW!"
"Pardon?" Snow Sabre turned in the direction he was looking. "Oh my ... look at ALL THE TOY SOLDIERS SWARMING THE STREET!"
"OK, comin' though!" Grendel shoved the water buffalo aside, then tugged the other two in, and the four of them sealed the door behind them. "This is bad. You two, keep G.I. Joe and company out of here ..."
"Actually, I believe they're the Small Soldiers, Grendel," Sharpshooter said. Grendel stared at him blankly. "Not that that detail is exactly critical at this juncture."
"No foolin'." Grendel grabbed a map from one of the nearby kiosks and stood wondering where to go when his phone rang. "Make it quick, I'm savin' the world."
"This is the J Street Observatory automated advanced warning system. J'onn J'onzz is not at home, and the Pantheon Phone Tree Emergency System has been implemented."
"Get to the point, ya stinkin' Macintosh."
"An asteroid the size of Texas is on a trajectory to strike J Street in one hour. The object seems to be a psychoactive manifestation and has not passed through any of the dimensional gateways in its path. Collision with J Street would mean near-total loss of life."
Grendel hung up on the computer, shoving his phone into his pocket and running for the nearest theater and drawing his pistol.
"I have a bad feeling about this!"
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 16:
Triple Feature
by Rokkit"They're back."
"Okay. Wait. - SHHHZKKKKK* - me get this straight. You're s - *SHHHZKKKKK* - odzilla, the baby zillas, and the big ape - *SHHHHZKKK* - all gone?!?"
Franklin shook the JSTF communicator angrily before answering. "That's about right."
"So why the h - *SHHZKKK* - oogin' bees still here?"
"That's a good question, Vind. Though I'm wondering why you guys are still having problems with them. I mean, they are just bees you know."
"Look, you little - *SHHHZKKKK* - googin' - *SHHHZZKKKKKK*"
Franklin smiled. "What's that, Vind? You're breaking up again."
Instead of Vindicator's answer, the sound of Nope's voice boomed through the communicator. "He said that the bees aren't a problem anymore. The Cruiser's - *SHHHZKKK* - ystems took care of them. What's y - *SHZZKK* - status?"
Suddenly the crimson form of Buried Alien was beside Franklin. He spoke into the communicator.
"Good to hear from you two, Nope. Right now we've got Emerald Void doing some energy scans and Rokkit's using his vision powers to sweep the area. Impulse and I have done a few superspeed passes of the closer sewer tunnels, but so far nothing's turned up."
BA paused as Impulse appeared beside him. He glanced briefly at the young speedster, but Impulse simply shook his head. Buried turned back to the communicator.
"Everything appears to be clear. I want you and Vindicator to head back and meet us here if you can; let's regroup and see what we can come up with."
"Got it. We - *SHHZZKK* - n our way, Buried."
Impulse suddenly spoke up. "Hey, Nope! Have you heard any more from 'Sharp or Snow Sabre since you last tracked them? Or Joe for that matter? We lost 'em when all this craziness started!"
"No, Imp, we - *SHHHZZKK* - any sign - *SHHHHZZZKKK* - down, we can't - *SHHHZZKKKKKKKKK*"
Franklin frowned and snapped the communicator off. "They're gone again."
Buried sighed. "Well, once they get here we can load up and use the Cruiser to track down - "
"Uh, Buried."
Emerald Void hovered above them, a concerned look planted on his face.
"We found something."
Buried glanced around. "What? The babies? Godzilla itself? I don't - "
"No, unfortunately."
"Unfortunately?" Buried suddenly noticed Rokkit, a short distance behind EV, staring intently.
At the sky.
They all turned towards the heavens, and with a gasp, Impulse announced that he spotted it first.
A fireball, growing at an alarming rate, falling from the clouds.
"It's a asteroid, I think. Though I don't have to tell you how unlikely that should be," said Void. "And I also probably don't have to tell you how bad it will be if that thing hits..."
He let the statement hang in the air.
* * * Grendel paused, braced himself, and with a sigh shoved his way through the theater doors. Light flooded through as he stood in the entrance, his pistol drawn.
"OHMIGAWD! He's got a gun!"
Couples screamed and scrambled for cover. Chaos filled the theater.
Grendel frowned, and glanced up at the screen, where Sandra Bullock was busy smiling at some cowboy.
"Goog." Grendel muttered. He turned, heading for the next theater in line. He shook his head as he checked his pistol.
This is J Street, for goog's sake. You'd think they'd be a little more used to this sort of -
From out of the shadows, a boot connected squarely with his chest, sending Grendel to the ground with a grunt.
"Now what..." he started.
Standing over him was a very familiar figure. Cloaked in black, he waved a thin sword with a flourish. A pearly white smile appeared under the man's black mask.
"Miss me?" said the figure in a thick latin accent.
Grendel rolled his eyes. "For the love of..."
* * * Sharpshooter frowned at the door. Behind him, Snow Sabre stood ready, sword in hand.
"Well," said Sharp, "this door looks pretty secure to me. I don't think those blasted toys should be able to - "
THUNK!
Sharpshooter paused.
"Did you hear - "
THUNK!THUNK!
His eyes widened as he realized that the door had shook slightly.
"Uh, Sabre... I think - "
THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!
Suddenly the door shook wildly. Wood began to splinter.
"Holy! I think they're tearing through - "
THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!
The sound of soldiers hitting the wood echoed like a machine gun. Wood began to fly everywhere. Sabre and Shooter stared in horror as one of the small soldiers broke through, it's body wedged halfway through the door.
It's tiny head shook violently as the soldier regained it's senses. It spotted the JSTFers and smiled.
"OOOOOHHHHH YEEEAHHHH!" It roared, a wild look dancing across it's miniature eyes.
THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!THUNK!
Sharpshooter took his wife's hand. "What say we go help Grendel find this Fanboy?"
Snow Sabre nodded. "I agree."
They ran for the nearest theater. Sharp glanced back once, just to see countless tiny soldiers pushing through the wood like insects.
"I'm really starting to hate summer movies," he muttered.
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 16:
A Rapier Wit
by NopeThe J Street Omniplex
"Behold! The mark of Zorro!"
The sword made a decidedly 'zing'-y sound as it whipped through the air, leaving a 'z' in the cinema's once burgundy carpet as Grendel dodged aside, rising to his feet. The other man spun towards him, his cape twirling dramatically. Joe matched his grin, drawing a hand back.
"Behold the mark of Grendel."
His fist connected with the swordsman face, sending the other man flying. Shaking the sting from his hand with a muttered oath, he picked a pair of theatre doors at random, pulled out his weapon and kicked them open.
"FANBOY!!"
* * * Onboard the J_II
"Buried?"
Vindicator tapped, then pounded on the control panel.
"Hello? Anyone? IS THERE ANYONE RECEIVING THIS?!"
He slammed his fists against the controls. There was a muffled yell, followed by a hollow thud which in turn was promptly followed by a string of curses.
"Oops, sorry. Forgot you were under there."
"Don't do that!" Nope pulled himself out from under the console, rubbing at his head. "I almost brained myself on the sub-space transmitter circuit-breakers."
"We're all alone!" Vindicator grabbed him, shook him hard. "Don't you get it, man?! We're all alone out here! There's no one to help us! We're all going down to die!"
"Uh-huh? Get a grip, V-Man." Nope slipped free. "We can always wind down the window and yell." He dropped back into the pilots seat, fiddling with the controls. "Wish I knew why this damn comm system was so screwed up. I mean it looks like something's been nibbling on the wires of the--"
"GIANT FLAMING ASTEROID!"
"Well, the speaker system actually, but--" Nope broke off, blinked. "I'm sorry, did you just say--"
"GIANT FLAMING ASTEROID THE SIZE OF A LARGE SOUTHERN STATE!" Vindicator emphasized his words by shoving Nope against the viewscreen and pointing wildly.
"Geez. You really need to relax, man."
"Sorry. I think my repressed memories are breaking free. Mulder and Scully kissing. Ewww..." he shuddered.
"Oh, right." Nope shrugged, went back to the controls. "I think I can reroute the comm system via the--"
"Umm, didn't you hear me?" asked Vinnie. "You know, GIANT FLAMING ASTEROID and all that?"
"What?" Nope looked blank for a moment, then snapped his fingers. "Oh, that."
"Well...?"
"Well, what?"
"Aren't you going to do anything?"
"Mmm? Well, I suppose. Computer, activate proton-cannons. Wide dispersal, full power, three second plasts. Target incoming asteroid."
"Proto cannons inoperable."
"Quantum torpedoes?"
"Inoperable."
"Cappuccino machine?"
"Inoperable."
"Uh-oh."
Somewhere deep in the core computer, a small platoon of toy soldiers sniggered in a decidedly evil fashion...
* * * The J Street Omniplex
"So..." Sharp shrugged. "Pick a theatre. Any theatre."
"This cinema is larger on the inside than the outside," complained Kyoko.
"At least we lost that horde of miniature marines." Sharpshooter sighed. "I can't believe I said that."
Kyoko drew her blade, the sword sliding almost silently from its sheaf. "Someone approaches," she cautioned.
"Grendel?" Sharp peered into the shadows. "That you, Jyu?"
"'Tis I," proclaimed Zorro, striding forward, raising his sword dramatically. A pearly white smile appeared under the man's black mask and the two JSTFers noticed he was missing a tooth. "The greatest swordsman who ever lived."
"Uh-oh." Sharp quickly turned to his wife but she had that look in her eyes. "Come on, Kyoko, we don't have time for this."
"Go and find Grendel." Snow Sabre smiled. "This won't take long."
Sighing, Sharp headed deeper into the cinema. Taking a one-handed stance, Kyoko stood her ground, waiting for Zorro to make a move. He steeped forward, grinning, sword swinging loosely.
"So, you fancy yourself a swordsman, hey?" He lunged. Kyoko sidestepped casually and he fell past her. With a slow, backhand strike, she removed him from his cape. Zorro spun back towards her with an oath, eyes blazing.
She weaved her sword tip back and forth in front of his eyes. When she was absolutely sure she had his undivided attention, she smiled a slow, arrogant smile.
"Have at you," he growled, the thin sword forming a silver arc between them. Kyoko turned the point aside, and kicked him in the stomach for good measure. Zorro doubled his efforts, mixing a unique combination of feints and attacks with the consummate skill that made him world renowned.
The Snow Sabre parried every move one-handed, covering a yawn with the other hand.
They began moving down the corridor; more accurately: Zorro backed away, forced to add more and more defensive moves to his fighting in order to avoid the Dragonslayer sabre. Kicking the doors open behind him, Zorro back flipped away from her, putting a row of chairs between. Kyoko hopped up onto the back of the chair, balancing casually on tip-toe.
Zorro backed away, jumping backwards from one row to another, seriously disturbing the unsuspecting patrons. Kyoko followed him, stepping casually from one seat back to the next, apologizing to the people she disturbed. Once, twice she slipped her sword inside his guard, relieving him of his mask. Finally her opponent turned and ran for it, hitting the big screen before he realized he'd run out of room.
As he turned back, Kyoko stepped up onto the stage, her robes fluorescing in the lights. They stood facing each other while on the screen behind them lightning flashed and a dramatically lit Sean Connery announced "This is only the beginning!"
Kyoko raised her sword, then paused, a dazzling smile brightening up her face. She'd just felt the baby kick. Seeing his chance, Zorro leapt forward, his sword slashing back and forth. Kyoko dodged sideways at the last moment, and he left a Z cut in the cinema screen.
"The mark of Zorro?" Kyoko swung her sword in a blur. A second later, she stepped back, a large piece of the screen falling away. The audience gasped in awe.
"Wow, good likeness," exclaimed Zorro.
"Thank-you."
"Though -- am I really that small?"
"If I cut your feet off," smiled Kyoko. She planted the tip of her sword between his boots. Zorro looked down. He looked up at her. He looked back down. He looked back up. She treated him to a helpful smile.
Bursting into tears, Zorro tossed her sword away and collapsed, folding into a tiny, shivering ball. There was a long moment of silence, then the audience began clap, at first quietly then building to a standing ovation. With a slight blush, Kyoko bowed, then hurried towards the nearest exit to find her husband.
The applause continued long after she was gone.
Pantheon Team-Up #13, Chapter 17:
The Big Conclusion
by Joe Grendel"I have him." JYu's voice was quiet in Grendel's ear. "He's stopped moving. Sensors say he's probably sitting."
"Do you see him, or sense him? Where is he?" Grendel held the radio close to his head as he leapt over a small flotilla of duck monkeys heading towards the bathrooms.
"Theater 27X. Upper balcony." There was a sound of air being exhaled. "I can't see him. Too dark. Using magnetic imaging."
JYu's onboard sensors allowed him, in addition to having perfect kinesthetic senses (thus always knowing the precise position of his body parts and their relative angles), to sense the electromagnetic aura of living beings, robots and related objects. Even in pitch darkness, he could fire at and hit his target.
"Where are you?"
"Third balcony. Moving into position. OK. I've got the shot."
"OK, J, I know you're thinking this guy may know something about Earth M, but you're gonna lose another home and millions more will die if you don't take him out. His effects are psychoactive and, just like Godzilla, they'll fade out if he karks it."
"No." JYu's voice was almost a whisper.
Grendel threw an usher into the nearby popcorn trolley.
"Don't argue with me! People will die unless you wax him!"
"I'm gonna incapacitate him."
"How? With exploding bullets? He's armored. If you hit him with a glancing shot, he'll survive and bug out. Take the head shot! It's his only body part not covered in chromium!"
"Forget it."
"Damn it, J, TAKE THE SHOT!"
There was a click as JYu switched off his radio.
"GOOGIN' GOOG-EATIN' GOOGER!"
* * * Fanboy shoved another handful of Sour Patch Kids, red licorice, buttered popcorn, Butterfinger Bits and nachos into his mouth, chewing slowly.
Vampires, huh? That was kinda kewl. Vampires ruled. He loved horror comics ... yeah. The guy had given him a bunch last ... how long ago was it? Two years ago now? The guy had told him he had to stay in on Halloween, instead of going out and trick or treating or going to that big anime festival he wanted to hit. They had a job later on that night to take care of, and he wanted him to stay put. So to make it worth Fanboy's while, he'd given him a big stack of horror comics. Horror ruled.
He hoped there were some boobs in this movie. As much as horror ruled, boobs ruled more.
That reminded him: Since he'd been in a coma all this time, he hadn't had a chance to break into Minuteman Comics yet and see if "Lady Death" was still in print. Lady Death was kewl, too.
It was pretty kewl of that guy to wake him up, too. Last thing he remembered was the Firstone blasting him with that thingie. Then he woke up, and that guy was wearin' armor like his, which was KEWL, except it was gold. Fanboy personally thought chromium was kewler than gold, but he had to admit the guy's helmet was pretty ... what was that?
He turned, looking over the back of the seat. There was no one else in this movie theater; one of the side-effects of using a pocket universe to build the Omniplex in was that it was super-easy to find an empty seat, since every theater was the size of a medium-sized office building.
Which sort of made it strange that there was a guy on his floor, running down his aisle, yelling at him.
Then Fanboy spotted the Tarterus .666 flashing in the light of the movie, and recognized Joe Grendel, and heaved a sigh of relief. The multiverse made sense again.
Dumping his refreshments to the floor, he grabbed his Mountain Dew (also kewl) with his left hand while feeling around under his butt and legs for that doodad the other guy had given him.
* * * Buried Alien smacked the radio again, hard.
"It's dead. Did you catch that last bit, Impulse?"
Only the wind and empty space answered him.
"I guess you did. Race you to the Omniplex."
And then he was gone as well.
* * * Just as Grendel was ready to take the shot, Fanboy had ducked down behind the seat.
"Goog."
Even elementary moves like ducking had been beyond Fanboy in the past, as he'd prefered just to conjure up something "cool" and cut loose with it until someone finally broke through and pummeled him into unconsciousness.
The whole thing was a pity. Given Fanboy's powers, with the proper instruction, someone could turn his psychoactive imagination into quite a productive tool. Too bad his Earth E counterpart, Excelsior, was such a raging goody-goody.
Grendel was about one row away when the rifle butt slammed into his face. He staggered back, shoving his pistol in the direction of his attacker.
But JYu was ready for him, sweeping the rifle back, cracking Grendel's wrist and knocking the pistol out of his hand. He aimed a kick at the bartender's crotch. Grendel caught JYu by the ankle, lifting him upwards and off balance with his superior strength.
"Googin' idiot! Do you know how many people are gonna die when that asteroid hits?" He bonked JYu's head against the floor, which failed to knock his rifle loose, alas.
JYu demonstrated this fact by driving the rifle butt into Grendel's chin again.
"Moron! Six billion people died on Earth M, and none of us know why! If Fanboy remembers, we can get revenge and stop it from happening again."
"Or," someone said, cocking the Tarterus .666 loudly, "I could take Fanboy and leave J Street, and you two could just beat each other senseless on your own time."
"Goog." Grendel dropped JYu on his head. "The Secret Elder. I was hoping you were dead."
The golden armored supervillain sneered.
"No, you and your friends may have proven to be another temporary setback to Her Grim Inevitability's destruction of All That Is, Was and Will Be," he said, through cut and bruised lips, "But all shall be made right, in the fullness of time."
"I WILL shoot him, though," JYu said, as he climbed to his feet, pulling his rifle up. His bullets pinged off a force field the Secret Elder's powerstaff projected.
Behind the forcefield, Fanboy reached up towards the Secret Elder's helmet.
"Dude, how would this look on me?"
"You moron, watch what you're doing!"
"You got anything more high-powered?" Grendel muttered to his colleague.
"I said, let go of my helmet!"
"Son of a ..." JYu's eyes narrowed. "The Secret Elder is ..."
"KevinBoyd." Impulse piped. "Like, DUH! He'sgotthatMagogarmor, replacedtheEarthCmemberofthePantheonhewasanotherworldlyanalogueof ..."
"Known as Gog," Buried Alien continued. "Of course, once Moira sent him to shadow the Pantheon, he killed him and took on the identity of Shadow Cat, since the Gog armor had a big hole blown through it."
Fanboy squeaked in pain as The Not-So-Secret-After-All Elder lifted him by the throat.
"Yes. But our relationship has grown beyond that point, Pantheon. I've learned all I need to know about you, and after this second humiliation you've presented her Majesty, I, her profit, shall take great pleasure in gathering up your greatest enemies, and ..."
"Blah, blah, blah." JYu fired a small canister he unclipped from his belt. There was a flash of light and the Secret Elder staggered back, clutching at a wound in his thigh, which gushed blackish blood. "Let the geek go, and I'll let you live."
With a roar of rage, the Secret Elder raised his staff and the room exploded with light. The Secret Elder and Fanboy faded from view.
"Goog," muttered JYu, his hair blowing slightly in the wind as Impulse raced out and then back in.
"Noasteroid,baby. It'sallgood! Herewecometosavetheday! MightyMouse!" He began doing a super-speed Cabbage Patch.
"Does this mean Moira had something to do with what happened to Earth M?" JYu said, scratching his chin and sitting on an arm rest. "Or is it just her prophet trying to lash out at us?"
Grendel slipped his pistol back into its holster.
"So, Buried, how long have you guys known about the Secret Elder's real identity."
The elder speedster shrugged.
"Isn't it obvious?" He reached over and grabbed Impulse, who'd decided to try a little hyperspeed breakdancing and was in danger of wearing a hole in the carpet. "Tell you what, you buy the JSTF dinner, and I'll tell you all about it ..."
finis