Part II

Chapter 1

Before the crash

Brenda was looking out the window as her thoughts took her to the past. She couldn't keep images of Sonny from invading her mind. When she told him that she needed time, she knew it was true. But, the temptation to run to him and damn anything that tried to get in her way was too strong and she had to get away from his continual presence. That was part of the reason she left when she learned her mother was still alive. She needed time away from Sonny, time alone to find out what she really wanted.

'What are you thinking?' Veronica's voice cut through her thoughts.

'Choices,' she responded, her voice distant.

Veronica nodded, 'We all have to make them. Most of the time, we wish we could go back and change them. But, no one can erase the past.' Brenda looked at her mother. She wondered if Veronica knew how close she had come to reading her daughter's mind. 'You're probably wondering about my choice.'

'The thought had crossed my mind.'

'Harlan didn't love me; he just wanted the image of a happy family. His wife had to be beautiful so he could wear her on his arm like jewelry.'

'But, why did you leave me and Julia? We loved you, even if he didn't.'

'Brenda, I didn't feel I had a choice. If Harlan knew I was alive, he would have some after me. I knew if I left, I had to leave with nothing. I couldn't raise either of my girls with nothing. So I made a decision, it was the hardest one I ever had to make. I knew Harlan would take care of you better than I ever could. I gave you up to protect you.'

Brenda's mind flashed back to the night she had made love to Sonny. She had managed to get him to confess to why he didn't marry her. He had done it to protect her. He could live without her as long as he knew she was still alive. When she first heard why he had done it, she was angry that he didn't ask what she wanted. But, now, she knew her choice would have been biased because she wouldn't have wanted to lose Sonny. Just as her decision would have been biased if her mother had asked her if she wanted to go with her all those many years ago. 'Mom, are you okay?' Brenda noticed her mother was crying.

'I know you think I should have asked you but I knew it was for the best. I just . . . ,' she broke off as her throat was choked with emotion.

Brenda squeezed her hand, 'I forgive you. I know you did what you thought was best.'

Veronica released Brenda's hand, wiping her tears with a tissue from her purse and returned her hand to her daughter's grasp, 'I just wanted you to know that I never stopped loving you. I always thought of you. I was so proud when I saw the first picture of the beautiful model. I knew you were doing well.'

'I love you, too.' Brenda continued to squeeze Veronica's hand.

They sat together in silence till the car started making weird noises. Their fear escalated when Veronica started to pull over to the side of the road and the car swerved out of control. The car went over the side of the cliff and Brenda fainted when she found it hard to ignore the sandy beach below her coming too close, too fast.

The front passengers' door hit a rock jutting out from the cliff wall, tearing it loose and flipping the car on its side. Brenda, who always hated seat belts, fell out of the car and landed hard onto the small, sandy beach. Being unconscious, Brenda's body was limp and the few feet drop she took to land on her side only caused minor injuries. She survived with a few cuts, bad bruises, and a sprained wrist. Her body repositioned itself so she was laying on her back when the car, with a trapped Veronica inside, fell into the deep, murky water barely two feet from where she lay.

She regained a few moments of consciousness when drops of freezing water splashed onto her face. She opened her eyes and quickly closed them when the sun lanced into her delicate eyes. On instinct, she pulled herself up, noticing the pain in her wrist. She slowly crawled to a small cave closer to the cliff wall. She fell exhausted from the short journey and curled into a ball, falling into a deep, healing sleep.

She slept through the rest of the day and woke a few hours before the sun rose the next morning. She lay still a few moments trying to regain some memory of where she was or how she got there. But, more puzzling was her inability to remember who she was.

When she tried to crawl out of the cave, she had to adjust her body to avoid hitting the jagged rocks above. Turning so she could crawl from the outcropping, she stopped suddenly and emitted a grunt of pain and anger when she realized her wrist wasn't going to cooperate. She walked along the beach till she found a path that led to a small highway a short distance from where she had spent the night. Standing off to the side of the asphalt, she wondered which way she should go or if she should stay where she was till someone came along. She eventually decided to start walking to her left and, without her knowledge, away from Port Charles and all efforts to find her.

Chapter 2

Alice Richards was driving home from a writer's convention in Port Charles. It was a disappointing session, but she did have a few leads. She worked at her local newspaper in Connecticut. She had just started her journey home when she noticed the figure on the opposite side of the road. She appeared to be around 5 ½", of course, Alice was never very good at estimating. The young woman's long, brown hair was plastered to her neck with sweat and dirt. Alice passed by not thinking she should get involved. A pang of guilt hit her hard and she pulled off to the side of the road to watch if the young woman could get a ride. Surely there had to be someone decent enough to offer her a lift.

Why is that, Al? - she thought to herself. You like to think yourself a good person and did you pick her up? No, you're looking back hoping someone else will help her. She was about to get out and offer the woman a ride when she saw a truck pull up beside the woman. In walking, Melissa - what Alice deemed the bruised woman when she got tired of referring to her as the young woman - had come close to Alice's truck and she could see and hear what was going on. At first, it seemed the occupants of the other truck seemed to be wanting to help Mel but, the comments took on a different tone.

'You want to go home with us? After a bath, you'll probably feel better,' the first man said.

'Yeah Mark, then after a bath we could try our own brand of first aid,' the second man said as he touched Mel's arm.

At the last statement, Alice quickly got out of her truck and grabbed the tire iron out of the bed. She hid it behind her back as she walked up to Mel and her gentlemen friends. 'Mel?!?,' She called out, 'Is that you?' The previous thought of not getting involved loomed to the front of her mind. Oh well, guess I'm involved now.

'Hey Stan,' Mark said with a lewd smile, we got us another one.'

Alice bit her tongue at the retort that came blaring to life in her mind. There were two of them and only one of her. Sorry darling - she thought referring to Melanie - not to rule you out but, I don't think you'll be much help right now. 'I thank you for looking after my sister,' she turned to Melanie, 'Mel, its ok. It's Al, your sister. Mom's worried sick about you.'

'Mel? Al?' Mark smiled. 'Your mom sure does have a sense of humor on her.'

'Our family is mostly male, comes with the territory.' Alice reached for Mel's hand and breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't resist, instead she moved slowly with Alice to her truck.

'Now wait a minute.' Stan said grabbing Mel's other hand. Mel bit her lip when Stan pulled on the injury, 'It's not safe for either of you to be out here without male protection. What would your mother think if we just let you go and something happened to you?'

'I really do appreciate that but, I called the police when I saw her from my truck. They should be here soon to make sure we are safe.'

Stan maintained his grip on Mel's hand. Alice could see a look of concentration on his face as if he were trying to tell if they were telling the truth. Just then, a siren sounded a ways off and both men snapped to action. 'Well, as long as you're ok, we'll be leaving.' Mark got in the truck and shut the door. Alice smiled slightly at his attempt to get Stan to start the truck faster. She said a quick prayer of thanks as they drove off. Mel had been quiet all this time and didn't say anything until Alice was in the truck and shut the door. 'What was that, hon? I didn't quite catch that.'

'I said,' Melanie looked into her eyes, 'you don't have a car phone.'

'No but, I've been meaning to . . . '

'So you didn't really call the police?'

'No, I had to think of something to get them to leave.'

Mel smiled slightly and turned her face but, not before Alice saw the tears streaming down her face. Alice touched Mel's shoulder and the tears turned to sobs. Alice held the woman until she stopped crying. She reached into her glove compartment and brought out some tissue. 'I keep these for emergencies. If this isn't one, I don't know what would qualify.'

Mel smiled slightly among the tears, 'Thanks,' she whispered after Alice started the engine.

'No problem. Let's get you to a hospital. I'll take care of you till we get you back where you came from.' Alice shifted gears and pulled off. The quiet in the truck was deafening and Alice thought of having a radio installed when she got a car phone. Something she planned to do very soon.

Chapter 3

'If I could speak any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of . . . '

Sonny tuned out the minister's sermon. He was at Brenda's wake and had given up wiping away the waterfall of tears that streamed down his face. He never imagined this day would come. It was too painful to think of her death. He had left her so she could be safe, so that she could live to be a very old lady. She had lived, then he came back and she was dead. He knew he was not directly to blame but, she had died when she left town to see where her feeling lay. She had spoken to him about it before she left. He had not wanted her to go but he knew she needed to.

'Love is patient and kind. Love is not boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it's been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, endures through every circumstance.'

Now she was dead. He would never be able to look into her eyes again, touch her warm skin, taste lips so sweet as to muddle his brain making him too thirsty to ever be satisfied with mere sips. He would never see her pregnant, or holding her first child, never see gray in her hair. All he wanted was to live his life by her side forever now he would never have any hope of a life with her.

'There are three things that will endure - faith hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love.'

The room was silent as the minister's words sunk in. Sonny sat among his friends - Robin, Jason, and Luke. His silent tears were joined by Robin's quiet weeping.

Jason sat stoned face, he was upset that the two most important people in his life were so grieved by Brenda's death. He only knew her by association, any opinion he had was tarnished by the wire incident.

'We are here today for the sad occasion of a loved one's passing. Ms. Barrett was a strong woman. She had grown so very much in the past two years. She moved beyond abandonment, heartbreak, loneliness, and even being institutionalized into an independent woman who became CEO of the company she helped form. It is so often the case that we don't completely realize how much someone means to our life till they are gone. The painful awareness of never again experiencing them in any way other than memory is a thought we do our best to keep distant.'

'Fortunately, this young lady knew very well how loved and cherished she was. It took time but, she found out before her untimely death. It is very sad when a young person dies, especially when they have come so far and have so much further to go. We are here to say good-bye to this wonderful person, and to ensure ourselves and her spirit that she is not forgotten or loved any less because she has left us.'

Sonny blocked out everything, he had to get away. He couldn't be around anyone or anything that reminded him of Brenda. He informed Luke of his decision when the wake was over.

'You're leaving? You just got back.'

'I need to leave. I look around and everything reminds me of her. It's such a build up when I expect to see her and an equal low when I remember . . . ,' he broke off. He still couldn't say the words to acknowledge the painful reality.

'Where will you go?'

'I'm not sure; I just have to go.'

'When will you be coming back?' Sonny looked at Luke and sighed. 'Take your time partner. We'll all be here when you're ready.'

Sonny walked toward the door and ran into the person coming in. He was about to apologize when he saw who it was, Jax. Sonny started to say something but stopped when he looked in the other man's eyes. He realized Jax still loved Brenda when he saw the pain in those steel blue eyes. Both men passed each other without incident and Luke sighed gratefully.

Sonny was almost to the New York/Connecticut border when he realized he didn't want to leave Port Charles. He didn't know anyone in Connecticut and wasn't sure why he had headed in this direction. He turned off the first exit he reached in the other state and headed back to the place he considered home.

At the same moment, Sonny's and a stranger's heart quickened as he passed a hospital on his way back into Port Charles.