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Murphy's Law of Combat |
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1. Friendly fire - isn't. |
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2. Recoilless rifles - aren't. |
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3. Suppressive fires - won't. |
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4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note. |
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5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down. |
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6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. |
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7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you. |
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8. If at first you don't succeed, call for artillery. When that doesn't work, for an airstrike. |
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9. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will fall short. |
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10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. |
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11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. |
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12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. |
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13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. |
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14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack. |
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16. "No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy."- Field Marshall Helmuth Carl Bernard von Moltke [1990's version: No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.] |
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17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan. |
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18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds. |
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19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole. |
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20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping. |
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21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard. |
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22. The problem with taking easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it. |
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23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at. |
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24. Don't look conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants. [Corollary: For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.] |
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25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you. |
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26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone. |
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27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too. |
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28. Incoming fire has the right of way. |
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29. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. |
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30. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat. |
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31. If the enemy is within range, so are you. |
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32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. |
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33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't. |
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34. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way. |
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35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. (Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.) |
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36. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing. |
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37. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out. |
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38. Tracers work both ways. |
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39. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take. |
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40. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right. |
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41. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs. |
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42. When your fear of the plane overcomes your fear of the ejection seat, its time to "punch out." |
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43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction. |
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44. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up. |
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45. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired. |
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46. Weather ain't neutral. |
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47. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you. |
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48. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. |
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49. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go. |
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50. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue. |
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51. Napalm is an area support weapon. |
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52. Mines are equal opportunity weapons. |
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53. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon. |
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54. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone. |
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55. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity. |
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56. The one item you need is always in short supply. |
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57. Interchangeable parts aren't. |
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58. It's not the one [bullet] with your name on it; it's the one [bullet or shrapnel] addressed "to whom it may concern" or "occupant" that you've got to worry about. |
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59. When in doubt, empty your magazine. |
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60. The side with the simplest uniforms wins. [Corollary: The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.] |
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61. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps...printed at different scales. |
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62. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy. |
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63. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep. |
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64. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass. |
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65. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan. |
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66. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ. |
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67. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake. |
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68. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many. |
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69. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain. |
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70. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it. |
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71. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn. |
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72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator. |
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73. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. |
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74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill. |
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75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything. |
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76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp) |
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77. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short. |
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78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible. |
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79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA. |
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80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want. |
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81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence. |
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82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60. |
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83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else. |
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84. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night. |
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85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor. |
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86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. |
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87. Murphy was a grunt. |
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88. Beer Math -- "2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases. " |
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89. Body count Math -- "3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action. " |
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90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range. [Corollary: The effective radius of a hand grenade is greater the average grunt can throw it.] |
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91. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather. |
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92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance. |
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93. The crucial round is a dud. |
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94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be. |
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95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole. |
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96. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything. |
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97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you. |
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98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it. |
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99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him. |
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100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.15. The enemy invariably |
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101. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one. [Corollary: Odd objects attract fire -- you are odd.] |
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102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out. |
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103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness). |
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104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work. |
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105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching. |
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106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel. |
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107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet. |
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108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains. |
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109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. |
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110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover. |
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111. Walking point = sniper bait. |
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112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day. |
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113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution. |
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114. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at. |
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115. The Quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small. |
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116. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap. |
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117. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions. |
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118. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss. |
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119. All battles are fought uphill. |
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120. All battles are fought in the rain. |
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121. "Logistics is the ball and chain of armoured warfare." -- Heinz Guderian |
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122. What gets you promoted from one rank, gets you killed in the next rank. |
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123. "A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow." -- General George Patton |
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124. If orders can be misunderstood, they have been. |
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125. "War is like love. To triumph, you must make contact." -- attributed to Napoleon |
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126. "Boldness becomes rarer, the higher the rank." -- Karl von Clausewitz |
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127. Never reinforce failure. Failure reinforces itself. |
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128. "Only 5% of an intelligence report is accurate. The trick of a good commander is to isolate the 5%." -- General Douglas MacArthur |
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129. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he's fallen back too far. |
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130. It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps. |
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131. "No captain can do very wrong who places his ship alongside that of the enemy." -- Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson |
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132. "Only numbers can annihilate." -- Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson |
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133. Always know when to get out of "Dodge". [Corollary: Always know how to get out of "Dodge".] |
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134. Priorities are made by officers, not God. There's a difference. |
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135. Always honor a threat. |
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136. The weight of all your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it. |
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137. "Hell hath no fury like a non-combatant." -- Charles Edward Montague |
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138. Fighter pilots make movies; attack pilots make history. |
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139. There are two kinds of naval vessels: submarines and targets. |
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140. "A lost battle is a battle one thinks one has lost." -- Ferdinand Foch (Principles de Guerre) |
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141. "Surprise is an event that takes place in the mind of a commander." -- Jerry Pournelle |
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142. "All warfare is based upon deception." -- Sun Tzu (The Art of War) |
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143. "A little caution outflanks a large cavalry." -- Otto von Bismark |
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144. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack. |
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145. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support. |
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146. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share to take. |
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147. Parade ground inspections are to combat readiness as mess hall food is to cuisine. |
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148. "Snow is not neutral." -- Frunze Military Academy Maxim |
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149. The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire. |
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150. "Diplomacy has rarely been able to gain at the conference table what cannot be gained or held on the battlefield." -- General Walter Bedell Smith |
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151. "War is the unfolding of miscalculations." -- Barbara Tuchman |
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152. "Perfect is the enemy of good enough." -- Soviet Admiral Gorshkov |
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153. "He who wants to defend everything defends nothing." -- Frederick the Great |
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154. If they're shooting at you, its a high intensity conflict. |
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155. Artillery add dignity to what would otherwise be a vulgar brawl. |
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156. Minefields are not neutral. They attack both enemies. |
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157. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud. |
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158. The mortar team will always have the correct number of safety pins to prove they armed all the rounds. [Corollary: To ensure this, the mortar teams always carry extra pins.] |
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159. More aircraft are incapacitated by a shortage of spare parts than by enemy action. |
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160. The enemy attacks on two occasions: 1) when they're ready, 2) when you're not. |
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Visitors: |
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