Author's notes: This just came to me and i had to get it down so enjoy. 

Author: Dantzi Jean 
E-Mail: phantom_lass@hotmail.com 
Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully and all the other X-filey stuff in here do not belong to me I am just
borrowing them for a short spell and will return them with reluctance. no infringement is
intended. 
Spoilers: Pilot 
Rating: PG 
Keywords: MSR, Mulder angst, short vinegentte, Mulder POV 
Summary: Scully is in the hospital and Mulder can't live without her. 
Archive: Anywhere just e-mail me first for permission and my name stays on it. 



    I drove over to her apartment, we had a case to discuss and paper work to fill out, just the
routine visit to her place. I had brought a pizza and the smell of the enticing sauce and spices
were making my mouth water causing me to drive faster. 
    I knocked on the white door to her apartment. There was no answer from within, I knocked
again and again no answer. I used the key she had given me and let myself in. 
   "Scully?"  I say and walk to the table in her dining room to lay down the pizza and the case
file and proceed to walk further into her apartment looking for her. "Scully?" I call again. No
answer. 
    I walk into her bedroom and I see her. She is asleep and I smile almost as if a reflex at
seeing her looking so childlike on the bedcovers. She is on her side with a hand resting
underneath her cheek. I was tempted to wake her and in doing so I noticed the dark circles
beneath her eyes. She was tired and I had pushed us hard that week. I tucked an errant strand of
hair behind her ear. She was warm, her flesh heated to the touch, as if feverish..like someone
who is ill. 

    The memory of the night I had found her was branded in my mind the fear and pain at knowing
she was sick. I took her to the hospital after that and they had admitted her. The doctor
explained the diagnosis to me but my attention was on her not on the rambling phycisan. I sat by
her bed and held her hand and told her of things, mostly I told her nothing but just letting her
know she was not alone. 
    After the third day the fever had not weakened and she had not grown an better the doctor
told me she was in delirium. I was so outraged that he could even mention the word. Scully could
never blindly ramble about nothing in a mindless daze. Never! 
    Still it was true, she was delirious. I sat by her bed in the uncomfortable hospital chairs
and held her hand and gazed at her prone form lying still on the bed. I guess I must have
drifted off because I woke to a movement under the blankets. Hope surged within me. But I looked
up only to find her still in delirium. 
   "Mulder." I heard and stiffened, wondering if I had dreamed the word, I clutched her hand
tighter. 
   "I am here, Scully." I answered. 
    She mumbled something unintelligible, and I had to lean close to catch a whisper. "Must not
tell..." 
   "Tell who? What?" I asked, even though I knew she was most likely out of her head. To see
Scully, who was so bright and clever, reduced to raving made my throat tighten. 
   "Must not tell Mulder." she muttered growing agitated 
    My mind raced at thoughts of what this dark secret could possibly be. Would this new
discovery dicolose some perfidity about Scully? 
    Scully tossed her head back and forth against the pillow, and I put a hand to her damp
forehead to calm her. 
   "He could never..." 
   "What?" 
   "You must not tell him, mom." 
    She thought she was talking to her mother. A nagging of my conscience told me to stop
listening and walk out of the room but I couldn't do that. My arms and legs would not obey me
and I couldn't do that to her. 
    "You must promise not to tell him, mother." she whispered fiercely grabbing my arm. 
   "Promise me!" 
    Her ravaged face took on an expression of such urgency that I pressed her hand to my chest.
"I promise," I whispered. 
    She relaxed at these words and turned her head way. Desperate to 
keep her talking, even if it was only in ravings, I gripped her hand tightly. "What is the
secret we guard so closely?" 
    For a long moment she did not respond. Then I heard her voice in the barest of soft replies.
"You must not tell Mulder." 
   "Tell him what?" 
   "Do not tell him--" she moved again, her lashes fluttering to reveal tears pooling in the
corners of her once so vivid eyes "--I love him." 
      Stunned into silence by this admission, I let her slip back into her dreams, and I didn't
not wake her again that night. I could not move, I stayed bent over her and my hand holding
hers. Then I noticed that her hand was suddenly wet with tears. Tears the weren't her's. 


    I lost all track of time, that night. I heard an orderly come in to the room but I paid not
attention to her. 
    She was dying. I had to face it. I thought of the first time I had met her. I had wanted to
get rid of her, fast. She kept up with me and challenged me with her vitality, her passion, her
stubbornness. I smiled at the last one. I could not picture my life without her. 
    I could not bear it any longer. With and angry bellow I turned away from her and saw not the
frail creature in the bed but the untamed spirit that lay within. "Don't you think you can get
away from me that easy, Scully!" I shouted. "You will *not* die! I've told you before and I mean
it! Do you hear me?!" 
    I raised my fists in the air "I will not let you leave me. By God, Scully, you WILL NOT
die!" 
    I no longer worried about disturbing her slumber, but I seemed determined to wake her. I
paced the room ranting like a madman, it was a wonder they didn't lock me up on the spot. I felt
determined, by the very force of my will, to make her live, even if it meant he must die for it.



    I thought I was dreaming. But I blinked and the vision remained. Blue eyes, wary yet clear,
studied me. And the soft sound of my name flited to my consciousness. Rolling onto my back, I
realised that I was lying next to Scully in her hospital bed. I, still fully clothed and she
under the covers. I was confused and then i glanced at her. Scully! 
    I sat up abruptly "Scully?" 
   "Hmm?" she looked at me and I felt as if I might burst of the emotions that swept through me.

    She was awake. 
    She was alive. 
    And she loved me. 


********* 
The END