Almost

by Kelly

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"Movie night?" Jim asked Blair softly. "Movie night?" He sighed as he looked into the earnest eyes of his friend. Blair so rarely asked for anything from Jim, and something as simple as setting aside one night a week to relax together and rent videos... it wasn't too much to ask for. And, the kid had a point. They both needed to relax--especially Blair. He was juggling not one, but three full time jobs; one at the University, one as Jim's observer/partner, and one as Jim's Guide and caretaker. None of them were easy jobs. "All right, Chief, you got it. Movie night."

The smile that spread across Blair's face was priceless, and Jim memorized it. It hadn't been around much lately. "You really mean it, man?"

Jim held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "You're right, Chief, we both need to relax and movies are a great way to do it. You go rent the tapes, I'll pop some popcorn and get a couple drinks together, and we'll be ready and set by the time you get back."

Blair grinned. "You mean you're actually going to trust me to pick out tapes for you to watch?" Blair danced towards the door as Jim picked up the dishtowel from the counter and flicked it at him.

"Be careful, Chief, it's been raining." He knew the Volvo wasn't in the greatest of shape anyway, and he almost offered the truck, but Blair had grabbed his keys and was out the door.

"Yes, Mom," Blair intoned as he slammed the door behind him.

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It was Tuesday night and the video store was almost empty. Which meant the shelves were full. Blair wandered up and down the aisles, trying to decide on three videos. In the back of the store, he was the last to notice the man in black coming through the door. He caught a glimpse of motion on the security monitor closest to him, and when he looked up, the stranger was heading towards the checkout. He looked back at the tape his hand had chosen while his attention was elsewhere, and he had to smother a giggle. Definitely not up Jim's alley, but it was the Guide's. A gay porn film, centering on a cop and his best buddy. He looked at the cover again, and shook his head. *Yeah, right, Blair,* he chided himself. *In your dreams.* Jim would skin him alive if he brought that tape home. *Oh, here Jim, got this one especially for you... give you any ideas?* He choked off another giggle, and put the tape back on the shelf as he moved towards the front.

A few seconds later, he was startled to hear a gunshot as he was standing in front of the comedy section. Then he heard the clerk whimpering, and the gunman shouting. "I told you to empty the fucking register!"

Blair put his hands in the air as he moved towards the counter. "Hey, what's going on?"

The gunman whirled and turned his gun on Blair, popping off a wild shot that flew over the Guide's left shoulder. Blair ducked and then rolled forward, slamming into the robber and sending him sprawling to the floor. The gunman kicked Blair in the kidneys, momentarily crippling the young Guide. But it gave the clerk behind the counter enough time to reach under the counter and swing out a double-barreled shotgun. He cocked it as Blair scrambled out of the way, cradling his side. "Can you call the cops while I keep him down?" the clerk asked, still sounding scared.

"Yeah, no problem, man," Blair gasped, pulling himself to his feet. He just knew that Jim was going to have a fit.

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"WHAT!" Jim roared. "Stay where you are, I'm on the way." He paused only long enough to grab his jacket and slam the phone down. *Jesus Christ, Blair,* was the only thing he could think for a few moments. As he got into the car and drove to the store, two thoughts crowded into his head; panic and fear for his young Guide's safety. He knew that Blair was all right; aside from hearing the man himself say so, Jim knew *inside* that Blair was unharmed. Jim knew that if something horrible had happened to Blair, he would have felt it. That simple realization shocked Jim. He'd taken it for granted, the bond he felt with his Guide, but faced with the fact that Blair could have been killed without Jim there, made him realize that it was much, much more than that. Jim was thunderstruck by the realization as he parked beside Blair's Volvo, almost running into it in his preoccupation. "SANDBURG!" he bellowed, and Blair cringed as he heard the bellow inside the store.

"Right here, Jim!" he called out, still cradling his kidneys. They'd almost stopped hurting. He watched as several carloads of cops entered the store behind his Sentinel. Jim was striding towards him, and Blair figured he had about thirty seconds before Jim's temper exploded--he didn't realize the Sentinel didn't know the whole story. He almost thought about throwing himself into the big man's arms and kissing him to knock him off balance, but he didn't have time to do anything before Jim got to him.

The first thing that Jim did when he got to where Blair was leaning against the wall was to hug him. "Jim..." Blair wheezed, unable to breathe through the larger man's crushing embrace. But he didn't argue it too loudly; it felt sort of nice being in Jim's arms. Then Jim loosened his grip just enough to let Blair breathe.

"You and me need to have a nice long talk, Chief." He saw Blair shivering slightly, and pulled off his jacket, wrapping it around Blair's shoulders. "Are you really okay?" His voice was full of worry, not anger, and Blair could have kissed him again in relief. Jim wasn't angry.

Before Blair could respond, one of the other uniformed cops interrupted. "Detective, you ought to take a look at this. Your partner's a real hero." He held up a videotape, and Blair had the sinking feeling that it wasn't one of the new releases.

Jim nodded and the cop slipped the tape into the storewide video system. Blair closed his eyes as ten screens lit up with the security tape. Jim's grip on Blair's arms tightened, and the Guide cringed as he saw the sucker punch to his kidneys again, and heard Jim's growl. *Oh great. He's going to kill me.* It made him feel very special to know that Jim cared enough about him to worry so much. Jim's next words confirmed Blair's fears. "Just you wait until I get you home," Jim hissed. Blair closed his eyes; he was a dead man.

Jim stood by Blair's side, hovering over him as one of the paramedics checked him out. *I'm going to wring his pretty little neck.* They had responded to Jim's call as well, and as he watched them work on his partner, his arms were crossed over his chest and he refused to move during the examination. He listened to Blair's heartbeat and breathing just as the medics did, and came to the same conclusion; there wasn't anything wrong with the Guide aside from a stubborn disregard for his own safety and well being.

Blair was still cringing. Jim's eyes were burning in the back of his head, and he tried to hunker down in the chair. Jim had given the Guide his jacket earlier, and Blair tried to hide inside the too-big garment, but it was all of no use. *He's your buddy, right? What's he going to do, kill you?* Blair thought to himself.

As soon as Blair's statement had been taken, he was given clearance to go. But before he could duck out to the safety of his car, Jim's hand came down on his shoulder. "I'll take you home," he said clearly, his voice cutting through Blair's unspoken protest. "Just leave the Volvo, Chief, we'll get it in the morning." He looked down at Blair, who was subtly searching for an escape route. "You ready to go?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, Jim." Like he really had a choice. *Oh shit. I know that tone. That's the just wait until I get you home young man* tone. Naomi had rarely used that tone with him, but when she did, Blair knew he was in trouble. Just like he was now.

Jim all but dragged Blair out to the truck and tossed him into the passenger side. It only took him moments to walk around the front and get in beside the Guide. The tires squealed as Jim wheeled out into traffic. He said nothing to Blair, instead watching him out of the corner of his eye. As he'd watched the security tape and seen the man he'd just realized he loved more than anything taking on an armed gunman with his bare hands had both infuriated and terrified the Sentinel. If he hadn't known that Blair was unharmed before he'd seen the tape, Jim didn't know what he'd have thought. Or done.

*Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!* Blair chanted to himself. *He's not talking, that can't be good.* He took a deep breath. "Hey, Jim--"

The Sentinel stopped Blair's sentence with a single glare.

"Ooohkay," Blair said, huddling back into his seat. He knew better than to try and talk to Jim after a look like that.

The rest of the drive home was uncomfortably silent for the Guide. It left him entirely too much time to think.

Jim pulled into his regular parking space, and looked over at Blair. "Out. Upstairs. Now." Those four syllables were deadly calm.

Blair shot out of the car, and was waiting at the top of the stairs for Jim. Jim roughly steered Blair down the hallway and paused long enough to unlock the door. "All right, Jim, I get the point, you're pissed off!"

Jim slammed the door harder than he meant to. "Pissed off? Gee, Chief, why would you think I'm pissed off? Because my Guide could have gotten his ass killed tonight? Because he doesn't exactly think before he rolls into action?" He moved into Blair's personal space, standing chest to chest with him and looking down. "I can't think of a single reason why I'd be pissed off!" He pushed Blair back and he fell onto the couch. "Can I not even send you to the video store without you getting into trouble?"

"Jesus, Jim, its not like I asked for it, all right? I mean, what am I supposed to do, stand by and let it happen?"

"Yes! You're not a cop, dammit! You're a grad student, my Guide, and my best friend! You can't go risking your life like that, when there is no reason to!"

"No reason! Jim, that was a robbery in progress! If I stopped it and all I have to live with is sore kidneys for a few days, then I'm willing to live with that!"

"I'm not!" Jim shouted over Blair. "I'm not willing to risk you like that!"

"It's not your decision to make! Where do you get off being so high-handed with me, Jim Ellison! You're not my father!"

"It's my decision because I'm in love with you!" Jim blasted. "And if you're not going to take care of yourself, then I'm damn well going to do it!"

Blair was stunned into silence. "You... in love with me?" he asked in a whisper.

"Yes!" Jim flared, still infuriated with his love. "You, your bullheaded self-neglecting overly-educated Guide!"

"But Jim--" He couldn't finish his sentence, the sentence that would have declared his love for Jim also. The Sentinel interrupted.

"No but Jim anymore!" His hand shot out and grabbed Blair's wrist in a steely grip. "You have had this coming for so long, Blair Sandburg!" He jerked Blair forward and suddenly the Guide found himself belly down over Jim's lap.

"Jim, what are you doing?"

"Something I should have done a long time ago, Blair, and I'm sorry I didn't, but you better believe me, I *will* do it again if you EVER pull a stunt like this again!" Jim didn't realize how upset he was until his hands ripped through the thin denim of Blair's old jeans along with the thin slick fabric of his briefs.

"Jim, no!" As soon as he felt his jeans ripped off, he knew what was coming. He didn't want to be spanked and not by Jim. *Don't treat me like a kid, Jim, please,* he begged silently to himself. *Don't make me cry.* He knew if he cried in front of Jim, he'd never be able to look at the big man again.

"I told you, Blair, no more no!" His hand came down to stroke Blair's bare bottom, and then his hand came down hard, making a bright red handprint on Blair's pale skin. "No is what got us IN this situation! I didn't tell you NO enough!" Each word was punctuated by a loud spank.

"Jim--no, stop, please, Jim, not like this!" Blair cried out, wiggling hard and fighting back tears. He bit his bottom lip to keep from crying, but as Jim's hand came down again and again on his tender cheeks, he couldn't help the tears that spilled over his cheeks. "Please, Jim," he choked out.

"What else am I supposed to do, Blair, sit back and watch you do stupid things and end up getting yourself killed! I send you out to the video store and you almost get shot!!" Jim's hand came down on stupid things, getting yourself killed, and almost get shot.

Blair tried to jerk himself off Jim's lap and run. He didn't know where to, he just wanted to run far away from the Sentinel. "Jim... please stop," he begged softly, finally stilling under the Sentinel's unrelenting hand. He was crying openly, humiliated and in pain... he didn't care anymore.

As soon as Blair stilled, Jim stopped and wrapped his arms around Blair, pulling him up against his chest and rocking slightly. Blair hid his face against Jim's shoulder, and felt Jim's cheek rest against his hair as he continued to cry. "I'm sorry, Blair," Jim choked out, and he squeezed Blair even tighter. "I didn't want to."

Blair's breath hitched as he felt droplets splash on the back of his neck. Jim couldn't be-- but he was. Jim was crying. Jim was crying because he knew he'd hurt his Guide. The anger, the resentment, the humiliation... everything he held against Jim for this melted in the face of the older man's tears. Blair's throat was hoarse from the yelling and the tears, and the most he could manage was a throaty whisper. "Jim," he called.

Jim kept his arms around Blair as he rocked. "I'm sorry, Blair," he whispered again. "I didn't want to do it but you don't listen to me any other way."

Blair turned around to look at Jim's wet cheeks, and he reached up to wipe them dry. "At least you care enough about me to worry what happens to me. I never had anyone who did that before, not even Mom... she always let me do my own thing," Blair confessed.

"I care, Blair," Jim said, still hugging him. "I care, and things are going to change around here... I'm going to be taking better care of you now."

Blair let the comfort that Jim was offering seep through his body, and he wrapped his arms around Jim, offering it in return. "I love you, Jim."

End

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