The Apology
Date: April 2001
Rating: NC17 Discipline, slash, small amounts of angst
Pairing: Paris/Kim (Star Trek Voyager)
Summary: Will Tom learn a new way to apologize?
Warnings: Spankings
Disclaimers: Paramount and UPN are not mine. Star Trek
Voyager is also not mine. No money, no profit here, I only
play with these characters.
The events of the last two seasons on ST: Voyager have been
ignored completely, all this means is that Tom Paris and
B'Elanna Torres are history.
Notes: I started this as a thank you to all my listsibs for
the wonderful fic that has dropped into my mailbox. I also
want to thank Noon whose search and find prowess to my weird
questions remains unchallenged.
This has not been betaed but I have re-read it carefully,
which only means there is one error, at least, that I missed
completely. If I have missed anything, the responsibility
is all mine.
Feedback: mlogick@hicom.net
Tom threw himself into the unyielding contours of the
pilot's chair and tapped out instructions to Voyager.
Suddenly the ship accelerated from impulse to Warp Two
surprising many of the staff on the bridge.
"Something wrong, Mr. Paris?"
Tom swallowed his anger with difficulty. This was not the
place to be displaying his...his - well, anger would be a
good word for it, but what had Harry called it - pique.
Like Hell!
"Nothing, Captain. I just felt like putting Voyager through
her paces."
From her command chair Captain Janeway smiled at the back of
the blond head. "It has been quiet, Mr. Paris, I agree.
But it's given us a chance to catch up on all our long
neglected repairs. But, you do have a point..."
A soft chime sounded as the captain tapped her communicator,
"B'Elanna, do you think the ship is up to a Paris special?"
There was a taut silence before B'Elanna answered drily,
"I'm not sure the ship can survive one of Paris' specials,
we hardly ever do, but now is probably a good time to try."
Janeway bit her lip. She should have chosen her words with
more care, but it was difficult tiptoeing around her two
best officers after their very public breakup a mere six
weeks ago.
She turned slightly in her seat and slanted a glance at
Harry.
He continued to work; his face a stoic mask.
Everyone on the bridge waited for her words, "Very well, Mr.
Paris, take her through her paces."
Four hours later when Tom was relieved for his lunch break,
he was exhilarated. The last four hours had seen him chase
Voyager's shadow, play hide and seek with meteors and he had
tried out several new tactical flight plans to test the
ship's battle readiness. If anyone on the bridge was a
little green with the swooping and darting, he hadn't
noticed.
Unfortunately Ensign Kim was being relieved at the same
time. It was also unfortunate the two of them entered the
turbolift at the same time.
Though less than a meter separated them, they could have
been in separate galaxies for all the attention they paid
each other.
Heading to the Mess Hall, Tom hung back a bit and waited
until Harry had entered the large room.
Rescuing a plate of something blue and orange he looked
around for an empty seat. It was Alpha shift and most of
the chairs were occupied. Locating single unoccupied seats
scattered throughout the mess, him mind quickly manufactured
excuses not to join the other people at their tables. The
exhilaration he had felt was fizzling out of him leaving him
feeling flat and dispirited. From his vantage point, he
noticed B'Elanna enter the Mess and make a beeline for Seven
who was seated with Icheb. There as an empty seat at that
table. He wondered if he should join them?
"Is there something wrong with the food, Tom?"
Paris blinked at the shorter Talaxian, "No, uh, no Neelix,
just wondering where I should sit."
Neelix appeared surprised, "Why Tom, there is a seat right
there with Harry."
Tom Paris pursed his lips and pouted. Neelix, whose back
was to him, never noticed the magnificent pout. Before Tom
realized what was happening, his upper arm had been grasped
firmly and he was being dragged towards the last person he
wanted to be breaking bread with. Not that there was bread
on his plate but the sentiment was the same. Anyway, it was
only because he did not want to spill his lunch that he put
up no resistance to Neelix's insistent tugging.
"I said to myself, Harry, Tom probably never noticed you
here all alone." Neelix's head whipped around as he tracked
the latest arrival to the Mess Hall, "I have a nice
P'leel'ak soup for Mr. Vulcan to try. I'll just go get
it." With those parting words the Talaxian cook, pushed Tom
into the vacant seat opposite to Ensign Harry Kim and
bustled away.
Tom kept his head bent and tried to eat while maintaining
his pout.
After five minutes of silence Harry pushed his plate away
and sighed, "Tom, pouting will not change my mind."
"Why won't you believe me, Har? I wasn't really *flirting*
with the Delaney sisters." At Harry's grim look, Tom
stumbled to a halt, "Uhh... well I was," he clarified
nervously, "but nothing was going to come of it. It's like
habit Harry. Anyway, just because Jenny Delaney, uhh, err,
had her hand, uhh... there, uhh... didn't mean anything."
Harry held Tom's eyes, "I told you when we got together that
*I* would not stand for your casual flirtations. You went
through most of this crew like a set of pit stops on your
own personal race track. Finally you settled on B'Elanna
and when you messed up one time too many and she threw you
out, you fixated on me. Tom, I am not ever going to be one
of your discards."
"Gawd, Har, I'm so sorry. I never...."
Harry pushed away from the table and stood up. Adjusting
his uniform slightly he leaned down into Tom's space.
"There are only two solutions to this mess Tom: one is to go
our separate ways and the other - let's just say - the other
is not a mere apology."
With those words, Ensign Harry Kim turned on his boot heel
and walked out of the Mess Hall.
Wandering the hallways later that night, Tom felt itchy and
unsettled. He had tried twice tonight to apologize to
Harry. The first time just after they had finished their
shifts, he had caught him just before he left for his daily
music practice.
Harry had raised an eyebrow and murmured, "I don't think
so."
The second time, Tom recalled, he had tried flowers,
chocolate and time on the holodeck to sweeten his apology.
Harry had smiled gently, "You'll just have to try a bit
harder." The end result was the same, the door slid shut
with Harry on one side and definitely not on the same side
with him.
Somehow his footsteps took him to the observation deck.
Drawn to the streaking stellar display, Tom walked to the
wide observation window.
"Mr. Paris, may I help you?"
"Oh damn, Tuvok!" Tom whirled around to face the other
occupant of the room. "What're you doing hiding in the
corner?"
"I am not hiding, Mr. Paris. I often come here prior to
retiring for the night."
"Oh yeah? Why?"
Tuvok measured his words carefully, "I find that I remember
Kes best this way."
Momentarily focussing on their absent crewmember, Tom
sighed, "Sometimes, I forget, y'know. I'm glad you remember
her for us, Tuvok."
Maybe it was Tom's sigh that caused Tuvok to peer closely at
Tom Paris. Based on this morning's acrobatic display Tom
Paris should have been cheerful and happy. It was not often
that the captain indulged Paris' whims. Most of the time,
the pilot practised his flight sims on the holodeck.
However the man standing at the window, starlight limning
his features, was dispirited.
"Is there a problem, Mr. Paris?"
"No. Not really." After a moment of silence, he finished,
"Yeah, you could say that."
Tuvok wisely held his peace. In his dealings with humans he
had found that a little silence often went a very long way.
"What would you do Tuvok if you did something you normally
do and it hurt someone but when you tried to apologize they
wouldn't accept your apology, but they said that they would
accept an apology, but the apology had to be on their
terms."
"Go on."
"That's it," Tom snorted, "I tried apologizing and
he...err...it didn't work and when I tried with flowers and
stuff, it still didn't work. I don't know what to do."
"It would seem Mr. Paris that you are using the wrong
parameters for analysis."
"Huh?"
Tuvok swallowed a near soundless sigh, "Mr. Paris you tried
to fulfill a certain set of expectations based on a belief
system you had. They were wrong since you did not have a
successful conclusion. What you must do is discard that
first belief system and then make your response based on
another set of beliefs."
Searching for a speck of understanding in Tuvok's logic, Tom
tested his words, "OK, you're saying I behaved like an ass
and I gave the standard response to my behavior but that was
based on what I think is correct." Tom thought for a few
seconds, "I should be apologizing how - umm - the person
expects me to apologize."
"That would be correct, Mr. Paris," Tuvok replied.
"Yeah, but how do I find out what...well what I should do?"
Tom whined.
Tuvok remained unperturbed, "Analyze your behavior
carefully, Mr. Paris."
"Hmmm...all the person said is that I acted
childishly." Tom turned away.
Tuvok considered then offered one more bit of advice, "In
studying your Earth History, I was surprised to discover
that juveniles were sometimes subjected to corporal
punishment for their behavior."
"What?!" Tom was nonplussed.
"On Vulcan, juveniles are...Mr. Paris?" Tuvok found himself
addressing an empty room when Tom backed out hurriedly.
Slapping his hand against his thigh while he waited for the
turbolift, Tom reviewed his behavior in a new light. Tuvok
was right. Maybe it was him being an ass, but he couldn't
believe Harry would want to stay with him. Flirting with
Jenny Delaney outside the holodeck, having her rub her hand
all over his butt, ostensibly to test the fit of his new
flight uniform, had been designed to provoke Harry. He had
known his lover would be heading to the holodeck at that
time. Better he show Harry his worst and see his pain and
disappointment. Then they could get on with the
relationship and he could wait for Harry to toss him over.
It would never be the other way around because in his heart
he knew Harry Kim was his forever person. It hadn't
mattered how many times Harry explained that he had been
waiting for Tom to grow up and this was it for him, he
couldn't believe it.
Head down, deep in thought he entered the lift, "Deck Six."
A few seconds later, he changed his mind.
Standing in front of Harry's door fifteen minutes later, Tom
hoped to all the deities in the universe that he was right
this time. Jiggling the boxes in his hand he waited for the
door to slide open.
Surprisingly Harry opened the door and waited. He was a
little rumpled, hair sticking every which way. In Tom's
mind he looked purely edible.
"What's up, Tom?"
Every word of the speech Tom had painstakingly prepared in
the last ten minutes left for parts unknown. "Err, I'm
sorry, Har."
Harry shook his head and stepped back into his room, "You
said that Tom."
Panicked, Tom went mute as he saw his future with Harry
evaporate. "Here! Here!" He thrust the boxes into Harry's
arms.
"I deserve it, Har, use anyone of those on me, but, please,
please forgive me and take me back."
Looking down at the unevenly stacked boxes in his arms,
Harry invited, "Come in, Tom."
Walking into the room, Tom stood uncertainly just inside the
doorway which slid shut behind him.
Harry walked to the room's desk and placed his booty on it.
The boxes were all white but differently sized. The first
one he opened was long and thin. It held a sturdy wood
cane.
Using one finger, he pressed on it for firmness. It might
be replicated but he felt sure that the wood was hickory.
The flat wide box revealed a round paddle. Looking back at
Tom, Harry noted that he was shifting from foot to foot.
"Stop wiggling," he ordered sternly.
Tom went still immediately.
Opening another package, Harry found a wide belt. Doubling
the belt, he tested the slap of the free end against his
palm. Harry was pleased with the vibration that travelled
along his hand.
He moved over to his bed and sat. "Come here, Tom."
Looking indecisive Tom remained near the door.
Even with bedhead, Harry managed to look intimidating and
Tom found himself nervous about what was to come.
"Har, you know I'm sorry right," Tom murmured softly.
"It's just that I'm so used to flirting with Jenny that it
was easy to fall back into the habit."
"Now, Tom." Harry bit out.
"Err, yes, yes." Tom ramblings ceased and he quickly made
his way over to Harry.
"Drop them," Harry gestured.
Tom unhooked his waistband slowly. Looking at Harry, whose
expression was still impassive, he wondered how long
he could draw out taking down his pants. Slowly he slid the
black pants down over lean hips revealing creamy flesh.
"Ahh, Tom," Harry chuckled, "You bottoms always look for an
opportunity to delay your punishment."
Still chuckling, Harry patted his lap, "Assume the
position."
Wondering if sliding his hands toward his groin might delay
the inevitable a little, Tom said, "I never thought you
would actually punish me. I brought these as a peace
offering, like a gesture of good faith."
"Now." Harry cut in and whipped his hand out.
Tom's cock which was beginning to take an interest in the
proceedings deflated instantly with the strike of leather on
cool skin.
Throwing himself across the waiting lap, Tom whined, "Har, I
don't know if I can take this."
Harry pushed up the back of Tom's uniform and pressed his
hand flat against the knobbly ridge of Tom's backbone.
"Bottoms," Harry lectured, "always feel that they can top
from that position and furthermore usually have to be shown
what they can and cannot take." Using the wide
tongue, Harry drew the belt across Tom's smooth curves. He
took in the rising red welt on the undercurve of Tom's
buttocks.
"When we got together and I told you that I loved you, you
asked me if I would ever leave you. I told you that no
matter how you messed up I would be here for you. Well you
messed up Tom and I am being here for you. Answer me
honestly, do you surrender yourself to me?"
Finishing his traverse of the smooth curves Harry offered,
"Tom, you don't have to do this. You can leave here and I
won't think any less of you." The laughing drawl left
Harry's voice as he continued crisply, "Since this is your
first time, I'll tell you what your punishment will be. In
future you will pick out the instrument of your punishment
from that generous pile you provided. If ever you try to
pick out something
inappropriate, you will be punished twice, first by what you
picked out and again by what you should have picked out."
"But..."
"Shhh, Tom, you will understand. In this matter, *I* am the
teacher. Do you want to continue?"
Tom shook his head then burst out, "No! I don't. I don't
wanna be ass upwards on your lap but if this is the only way
to keep you, then Yes!"
"No, Tom, do not even try to shift the blame. The reason
why you're in your present position is because *you* did
something wrong. Everyone you've ever encountered has been
fooled by that swaggering image you portray. You use it to
keep people at arm's length. But this is me Tom, Harry Kim
- the person who has studied you for the last seven years -
and the guy who loves you."
Something inside Tom cracked. The tough shell that was
keeping his heart safe shattered under the weight of honesty
Harry offered. Gasping, tears beginning to flow down his
cheeks, he moaned, "Punish me, Har. Make me feel it."
"Good." Harry continued, "For flirting with Jenny Delaney,
you will receive twenty lashes, and an additional ten for
each time to came to apologize and you were unsuccessful."
Harry waited for Tom to protest. When nothing was
forthcoming, he lifted his hand and brought the doubled
strap down, laying a smooth stripe at the top of Tom's butt.
"Count them out Tom."
"One," Tom gasped.
And so began the punishment. Harry worked his way evenly
across Tom's buttocks, laying five stripes in one direction
before going back to lay another five atop what had gone
before.
By the time Tom wheezed out forty, Tom's butt resembled an
overripe tomato and his dick was diamond hard.
Harry pushed Tom off his lap onto his knees, "Stay there,"
he commanded.
"Now, I want to show you what you're missing tonight."
Harry
pulled a small jar from the nightstand. Scooping some cream
into his hand, he continued conversationally, "Your ass is
mine." Harry spread the cool gel on Tom's heated bottom.
Sliding his hand along the firm cock, he stated, "This is
mine." Using the back of his hand, Harry brushed
away the tears trickling down Tom's face. "These tears are
mine. And you are MINE."
Repositioning himself comfortably on the bed, Harry spread
his legs wide.
Using his free hand, he rubbed at the tears on Tom's face.
His other hand that had the remnants of the gel he had used
to spread on Tom's bottom joined the other. Slicking his
cock first with the gel, he then used his hand that had just
rubbed at Tom's tears and formed a loose fist around his
cock.
"This could've been yours tonight, Tom."
Pumping slowly, he took in the hunger on Tom's face.
His hands moved faster. A strangled sob escaped Tom. "Wait
for it...wait." Harry coaxed.
"I...I want..."
Harry's hands blurred and he released a low groan as the
first spatter of semen arced from his cock. Catching the
next splatter in his palm, he rocked on the bed.
When he was done, he leaned forward to the figure kneeling
before him, "You are mine, yes, but tonight, this is all
you'll get of me."
Harry wrapped him come-spattered hand around Tom's cock.
With a low keening wail Tom thrust into the sticky haven and
came.
Epilogue
Waking up on his stomach was a surprise, he never slept that
way preferring to rest on his back and be prepared for
middle of the night bridge emergencies. Tom rolled onto his
back. With a rush, last night's memories came pouring back
and he rolled back onto his stomach.
Harry was sitting up in bed with a tricorder in his hand.
"It hurts, Har." Tom whined.
"It's supposed too." Harry answered absently.
Deflated Tom tried another tack, "Har-"
"Tom, let me stop this before it starts. Yes, I still love
you. No, there is nothing you can do that will break us
up. Even if you sleep with Jenny Delaney and her sister, I
will simply strip you raw and I will still love you.
However, I would be a poor Top if I ever let things get to
that stage."
A tight spot somewhere deep inside Tom slowly relaxed, "You
still love me?" he asked.
Harry put away the tricorder and slid down into bed to lie
on his side. "Tom, I've had years to study you. I
know why your other relationships didn't work and I'll tell
you that I'm the only person on this ship, hell in this
quadrant or any other, who'll love you as you deserve."
Smoothing the blond hair away from the high forehead, Harry
asked, "How'd you figure it out so soon though? I never
mentioned punishment when we talked about boundaries early
on."
"I didn't, Tom confided, "It was Tuvok."
"Tuvok?"
"Yeah, he kinda pointed me in the right direction. Told me
I needed to pattern the apology to fit with my crime."
"Since you were behaving childishly," Harry grinned when Tom
stuck his tongue out, "you got the belt and cane."
"Well, you wouldn't accept flowers and chocolate," Tom
protested.
"That was your usual makeup along with sailing on Lake
Como." Tom blushed red and Harry flicked him on the nose,
"I told you, I would be different from everyone who had gone
before."
"That you are," Tom murmured, "I love you, Har."
"I love you too, Tom." Harry glanced at the small mound of
boxes on his desk. "So far I have a belt, a cane and a
paddle. I can't wait to open the other boxes."
"Nah, don't bother."
"Why not?"
"They're just more of the same."
"Oooooooooooh, yeah," Harry purred, "That's why I can't
wait."
The End