Fireworks at Bilbo's Party
Fandom: LOTR
Category: Discipline
Archive: Persuaders
Feedback: Yes please, to author through padawan_kat@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Like, duh, everything is Tolkien's.
Summary: A "missing scene" from the film, following
Merry and Pippin's little escapade with Gandalf's
fireworks.
Merry and Pippin hauled themselves to their feet,
faces covered in the black powder that issued from the
firework and hair standing up as if both were on a
high hill in a lightning storm. Almost everyone else
at Bilbo's party was sprawled across the ground as the
great red firework dragon erupted into a spectacular
aerial garden of explosions.
"That was good!" exclaimed Pippin, an excited grin on
his face as he looked over at Merry.
"Let's get another," Merry replied, equally
enthusiastic.
Unfortunately for the two hobbits (though fortunate
for all the other ones) a loud and commanding voice
interrupted any chance of "getting" in the near
future.
"Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took! I might have
known!"
Both young hobbits looked up, and up, and up behind
them as each of them had an ear grabbed firmly between
finger and thumb. Gandalf was looking down at them
with an expression that could set off fireworks all by
itself. Without another word, the wizard started
marching them away from the crowd, pulling on their
ears hard enough that they had to walk on tiptoe.
He walked them all the way to the far side of the
field, where a small supply tent stood. The noise of
festivities was muted in the distance.
"What ever am I to do with two such troublesome
hobbits?" muttered Gandalf as he released their ears,
standing them side by side within the tent.
"Not much you can do with the likes of us, Mr Gandalf,
sir," offered Pippin bravely. "Best you just let
things run their course and maybe we'll be growing out
of it later."
Merry nodded his head, then added to Pippin's
statement like all experienced partners in crime
would. "I guess we'll just be on our way then, Mr
Gandalf. Sorry for the trouble and all."
Any attempt to escape at that point was cut off by
Gandalf's staff, which came crashing down on the
ground on front of them. "I see your tongues have got
faster with age, Masters Brandybuck and Took. It's
just a shame that your wits are still as slow as ever.
That was a fool stunt to pull back there and someone
could easily have been hurt. If that firework had
fallen over before going off, or failed to lift the
tent, then it could have exploded on the ground
amongst all the party goers."
Merry and Pippin looked down at their bare feet as
Gandalf berated them, unable to meet his gaze.
"I believe both of you are familiar with the type of
punishment I'll be exacting in a situation like this.
In fact I believe you both needed a firm hand the last
time I brought fireworks to the Shire. Some fool stunt
involving rockets strapped to the side of a farming
plow."
"We were seeing if we could make it go faster," Merry
whispered.
"For the farmers that is," stated Pippin in an equally
muted tone.
Gandalf snorted as he pulled a chair into the middle
of the tent to sit down on. "No excuses of
philanthropy this time, I'm afraid. I'll leave it up
to you two to decide who will be going over my knee
first."
Merry and Pippin looked back and forth between Gandalf
and each other, neither wanting to say a word. After a
few minutes of silence, Gandalf spoke up again. "The
longer you wait, then the longer it will be before you
get back to the party."
This statement seemed to settle the matter and after a
few seconds, Merry spoke up. "In the name of good
party food yet to be eaten, I've decided to make the
ultimate sacrifice. And here he is now."
With that said, Merry gave Pippin a shove in the back
making him stumble forward in front of Gandalf.
Gandalf wanted to settle the matter quickly, so he
took hold of the spluttering Pippin's waistcoat and
hoisted him over his lap.
"Stop struggling, Master Took. To receive it first
just means it will be over first, so take your
punishment bravely. Truth be told, I may be warmed up
for harder blows when it comes young Meriadoc's turn."
Pippin turned his head from his upended position to
flash a smug grin at Merry, but forgot all about it
when Gandalf's hand came down for the first time. A
swift, hard blow it was too, and Pippin yelped out
loud as much from surprise as from pain, just before
the second blow descended. In no time at all, Gandalf
had established a steady rhythm of swats, his hand
rising and falling onto Pippin's upturned backside.
Pippin started struggling after the first minute, but
it was nigh on impossible for one as small as a hobbit
to escape from someone the wizard's size, especially
when hanging over his knee with no leverage. Merry
watched on fearfully, knowing that his turn would be
next as Pippin started to cry out his apologies,
begging the man to stop.
Gandalf may have had the look of an old man, but his
strength was far from failing. Pippin could feel the
blows raising swollen, bruised patches across his
behind as Gandalf worked his way backwards and
forwards. It wasn't until tears started to form in his
eyes that Gandalf's hand finally came to a stop.
Pippin hung there for several moments, sobbing quietly
and recovering his breath before Gandalf gently lifted
him back to his feet. Ruffling the young hobbit's
curly hair, he stood him to one side and turned his
attention to Merry. "Well, Master Brandybuck, it would
be your turn now."
Merry considered the option of making a break for it
and hiding until Gandalf left the Shire again, but the
old wizard put a stop to that thought before it was
even finished in his head.
"I suggest you come and receive your punishment now
rather than later, young hobbit," Gandalf said. "I
assure you that you'll be the better for it."
Merry nodded his head and walked dejectedly over to
Gandalf's side, allowing the wizard to lift him over
his knees.
The spanking started without another word and Merry
soon found himself squirming around under the blows,
but he was quite unable to escape as Gandalf held him
pinned with his spare hand with an ease that another
hobbit could not replicate. Gandalf's hand felt as if
it were made from old wood as it landed blow after
blow onto the most sensitive areas of Merry's
backside. The wizard wasn't lacking for strength and
seemed to have learned in his long years just where to
place each swat.
Merry struggled to stay quiet under the torrent of
blows that warmed his seat to the point where he felt
like it was on fire, but it was an impossible task.
Gandalf would not stop until he had thoroughly broken
down the young hobbit. Sure enough, it happened, and
after several minutes of silence Merry finally could
not help but cry out. As if a floodgate had broken, a
constant series of yelps came after this, and
eventually tears welled in his eyes in response to the
sharp hand of Gandalf the Grey. Just when he had
decided that the blows would never stop, the last
stinging swat landed.
Gandalf let him rest as he had Pippin, before lifting
him up to stand beside his friend. Placing one hand on
the outside shoulder of each hobbit, he leaned forward
in his chair to make eye contact.
"That may have seemed like a harsh thing to do on such
a night, but I'll tell you the truth of the matter. I
care greatly for all of the Shire and all the hobbits,
even young runabouts such as you two. Nothing could be
more distressing to me than the thought that a tragedy
could befall hobbits, however small it may be. As a
result, I have taken a personal interest in the
safekeeping and protection of all hobbits within the
shire. So next time you're pursuing some fool's
errand, I'll ask you to think if harm could come of
it. If so, then be sure that my hand will soon follow.
Am I understood?"
Both hobbits nodded their heads, studying the ground
studiously. "Yes, Mr Gandalf, sir. We understand and
we're sorry," they both said.
"I'm happy to hear it, young hobbits, because there's
a party to be getting back to."
Merry and Pippin looked up and flashed each other a
grin, spirits lifting again now at the thought of
going back to the party.
"Yes, we must be getting back," continued Gandalf.
"You two have an awful lot of dishes to clean."
Gandalf's laughter echoed into the night as he tried
to work out which hobbit groaned louder.
The End