Ravish'd Justice 2
by Ranger
"Can you believe it?" Dominic was muttering as they wandered through
the church graveyard. It was the second one they'd explored; the town
had several churches.
"The poor kid gets buried out here in the middle of nowhere by the
damn coroner because she had the temerity to be murdered."
"It was the rape, not the murder."
Noel's stomach lurched as a fresh thought hit him.
Oh God Dom, please don't tell me you were raped. Not you.
Noel bent to check another headstone, determinedly keeping his eyes
off Dominic. "I think we are going to have to call the vicar and ask
to see the records."
"These are the children's graves." Dominic halted beside a small
cluster of stones in the far corner. In several of the churchyards
the children often seemed to be grouped together. Noel scanned
quickly through the names and the pathetic little messages and dates
on each stone.
"She's not here."
"Can you believe her parents exiling her like that?"
"Maybe they wanted her somewhere quiet they could visit without the
scandal hanging over them."
"Maybe they wanted her out of sight and out of mind. What about the
photographs? Her belongings? They cut her out of their lives."
"They might just have found it easier to grieve without reminders of
her. There were two other children left to look after."
"Noel."
Noel straightened up from the stone he was examining. Dom was
standing against the wall, under a heavy yew tree. The stone was
small, grey and badly weathered.
M. Elizabeth Neilson, 1917-1926.
"And that's all." Dominic said grimly. "Not even In Memory Of. Not
even her full name."
Noel sighed and put an arm around his waist, resisting the urge to
clutch at him. "Well at least we have an idea of what she's so angry
about."
That was actually rubbish, he reflected later, sitting on the bench
outside the kitchen door. Unlocking the door and walking in had been
a strange experience. He'd had to resist the urge to call to her.
Hello Meg, we're home.
Who knew what was on the mind of a dead nine year old child? Maybe
Dom was right and there was nothing more than the imprint of old
emotions left here. Dominic came out of the back door and stretched,
cracking his neck noisily.
"I got hold of the office. I've got until Thursday."
"Anthony rang me this morning."
Noel saw him instantly tense at the name. Dominic looked down at him.
"What did he want?"
"To know if you were allright." Noel kept his tone even, choosing his
words carefully. "He told me you were attacked in the car park at
Alsham on your way back from the club."
Silence. Dominic folded his hands behind his head and stared at the
lawn. "I'm going to kill him."
"I know you weren't mugged." Noel said gently. "You didn't have
anything with you apart from your car keys."
Dominic didn't answer. Noel leaned on his knees, watching him.
"Did you get into a fight with this guy? Did you know him?"
Silence.
"Someone else came along. Another driver." Dom said eventually. "He
came out of the stairwell and the door slammed- made the bastard look
round. I pulled away and kicked him- well tried to kick him. I don't
think I hurt him. But I shouted blue murder and he ran away. The
other guy started to chase him but I just wanted to get out of there."
Noel got up and got hold of his shoulders, not forcing him to look,
but needing him to understand how serious he was.
"Dom. Listen. I know you don't want to talk about it, but I need a
straight answer. It doesn't get much more serious than-"
"He didn't rape me." Dominic said tonelessly.
Noel swallowed. "Honestly?"
"Call it indecent assault. But he didn't get that far. And no, I
don't need to see a doctor. If I'd had any doubts at all about that,
do you think I'd have let you touch me this weekend?"
Noel didn't answer. Dominic raised his arms and shrugged Noel off.
"Do you know what I thought about all Friday? He could have raped me.
He could have done it easily. I was so scared I would have let him do
anything he wanted, and you want to know something really stupid? I
was bigger than he was. And heavier. And he could have walked away
and- do you know how long it takes to get a clear HIV test? Six
months. Six fucking months. That's not to mention all the other damn
things he could have given me- Christ I wouldn't have let you near
me!"
"Are you sure he didn't hurt you? Listen to me darling. Internal
bleeding, even bruising, you could be in serious trouble-"
"He didn't get that far. Thank God." Dominic screwed up his face and
spat at the grass. "No thanks to me."
Noel ran a hand down his back. "Dom."
"You told me over and over again, never park there after dark, don't
walk around the streets on your own-"
"Dom, these things happen."
"Yes, tell that to Meg. I'm sure she'd be very interested."
"Dominic!" Noel raised his voice as Dom stalked towards the house. A
window opened upstairs and slammed noisily. Dom produced a sound that
was theoretically a laugh.
"Oh there she blows!"
"Dom." Noel forced the kitchen door as it slammed behind Dominic. The
scullery door was swinging like it was caught in a gale and the
kitchen door slammed shut again behind Noel. Dominic shoved a chair
out of his path, overturned it and kicked it across the tiled floor.
"Does she think she's got some sort of monopoly here on mood swings?"
"Stand still!" Noel ordered, sharpening his voice. "DOMINIC STAND
STILL!"
SLAM.
Dominic ripped the door open and slammed it again himself. "I just
hope she's damn well enjoying this!"
"That's ENOUGH!" Noel pulled him away from the door and put
himself
in front of it. It pushed him as it swung open again and slammed
shut. Noel turned on the door without thinking. "Meg stop it!"
The door juddered on the rebound and came slowly to a standstill. The
kitchen seemed incredibly still. Noel picked up the overturned chair
and clicked his fingers, pointing at it.
"Dominic sit. Now suppose we all calm down?"
"You, me and the doors."
"BE quiet." Noel pushed the scullery door back and put a chair in
front of it to hold it open. "Meg-"
The back stairs door slammed, but not very hard. Noel drew a deep
breath.
"Meg if I hear one more door slam this afternoon, I am going to take
them all off their hinges."
"Who DO you think you're talking to!" Dominic said harshly. "Who's
there? A few recorded imprints-"
"Dom I mean it, close your mouth NOW." Noel ordered. Dominic flashed
him a brief look of surprise and stopped. Noel pulled out the chair
beside him and sat down.
"Now listen to me. I don't care what you think, while you're in this
house you keep in mind you are sharing it with a child and you behave
accordingly. And I know you're upset. I know you don't want to tell
me about it. I can't make you and I wouldn't try. But you don't need
to hide it from me."
Silence. Dominic stared at the table. Noel stroked his shoulders,
then when Dominic didn't flinch, put an arm around him and pulled him
close.
"You knew I wouldn't say a word to you about the carpark or the time
if you'd have told me what happened. You weren't afraid of that. And
you knew I wouldn't make you report it to the police."
Dominic's shoulders hunched and he buried his face in his arms.
"What I can understand is that you were petrified." Noel said quietly
against his hair, "You didn't know what was going to happen, you
didn't know what weapons he was carrying. You didn't LET him do
anything. You made a risk assessment and you made the decision that
it was safer not to fight than to risk him doing anything worse."
"I could have flattened him."
"He could have had a knife and he could very well have used it." Noel
pulled his head down and kissed him fiercely. "You knew that and you
did the right thing. The only thing you COULD do."
Dominic shuddered.
Did you do that, little girl? Noel thought silently at the scullery.
Did you know it was too dangerous to fight? Or was that the mistake
you made?
Except a man could rape a man and nine times out of ten rely on shock
and humiliation, or fear, to keep that man from reporting it to the
police. And the risk of charges was slim. A child- a little girl
raped- for that the police would have no mercy. Meg's rapist would
have seen little choice for his own survival but to leave his single
witness silenced. For ten minutes selfish greed, wicked greed, he had
used up her life and left her dead behind him. Noel's arms tightened
around Dominic and he turned his head to lean his cheek against Dom's
sandy hair. The glass of the kitchen doorway reflected the chair
propping open the scullery door and the now empty hearth. A little
girl in a pinafore standing with her hand on the table by two men
huddled in a tight embrace. Pale eyes in a pale face stared at Noel
for a minute through the glass from under a shock of pale hair. The
second she moved to turn away, she vanished.
He promised to buy me a fairing should please me
And then for a kiss he did vow he would tease me
He promised to buy me a bunch of blue ribbons..
Dominic seemed to be caught by the reaction he'd been staving off for
nearly four days. When he started to shiver, Noel made him take a
couple of aspirin and made him lie down, seriously thinking about
taking him home to a properly heated house and a warm bed. Except
they both knew they couldn't leave now. He sat with Dom in front of
the kitchen fire and watched him drift rapidly off into the paralysed
sleep of shock and painkillers, slowly and rhythmically pushing his
hair back from his forehead.
A basket of lillies, a basket of roses,
A little straw hat to set off the blue ribbons
That tie up my bonny brown hair.
Noel made himself stop humming. The kitchen door quietly swung open.
Meg took shape as she slowly sat down on the doorstep, her one eyed
doll on her lap.
Oh dear, what can the matter be,
Dear dear what can the matter be
Her voice was very soft and had the whisper to it of a still high
child's voice as her translucent hands smoothed and plaited her
doll's hair.
"Meg?" Noel said softly. She looked up at him from under a heavy
fringe. Her boots were buttoned under the hem of her skirt and her
hair ribbon had slipped slightly askew. Then she returned to plaiting
the dolls hair, her feet tucked under her.
Johnny's so long at the fair.
Oh dear what can the matter be,
Noel joined in with her, singing softly. She glanced at him again
under the edge of her hair and smiled a little as she stood the doll
upright on her lap, smoothing her dress down. Then she lifted her
head as though listening to something. Noel broke off the song and
watched her rise to her feet, looking out into the garden. Then she
began to walk across the grass, tucking her doll under her arm. Noel
got up and went out onto the doorstep. She was striding determinedly,
her boots leaving no mark on the grass where she walked. She was
heading past the wishing well, towards the end of the garden, the
brambles parting in front of her until Noel could see fragments of
the vegetable garden which had been there when he was a boy. His
heart started to thump painfully.
"Meg!"
She walked, her hair moving against her shoulders, her skirt swirling
silently around her boots.
"Meg don't!"
She disappeared behind the brambles. Noel shut the door to keep Dom
from the sounds outside and stared after the child, frozen. If he
followed her now, he knew what he would see. Something he had no wish
to see. Something that had put the cold and matter of fact knowledge
behind the pale eyes that had been watching the doll. Except she was
still a child and she had been left alone in her home too long,
betrayed as she had been betrayed on the night she died, left
unprotected to face a man she had no means of resisting. Noel swore
aloud and followed her.
He was listening for a scream. He had no idea where he was going,
just kept pushing through the brambles, thinking dully that Meg's
struggle would probably take place underneath a blackberry bush where
he would not have to see it. Then he saw the doll. Lying face down on
a clearing in the grass, her one eye hidden. Noel stooped to pick it
up, and saw her. Sitting on the grass on the other side of the
clearing, her arms wrapped tight around her knees.
Her eyes fixed on Noel with a rage and a terror that made him realise
with a terrible jolt that he was here. In the place that must
frighten her above all others. That he was a man, and that he had
lifted up her doll which was lying- as she must have been left. Noel
stayed where he was, crouched on the grass, and found himself holding
the doll so tight that the chipped face scratched his neck.
"No." Noel said softly. "Meg it wasn't me."
The pale eyes hated him. Noel stared at her, feeling his head start
to shake in negation.
"No. No pet, it wasn't me-"
She lifted to her feet and started to run towards the house. Noel ran
after her, the doll in his hand. She moved through the brambles like
water where Noel stumbled and fell, reaching the lawn in time to see
the kitchen door fly open and bang closed with terrible force.
SLAM.
Dominic. Noel redoubled his pace, reaching the kitchen door before it
could slam for a second time. Dominic was on his feet and trembling
as the scullery door, then the bedroom doors upstairs began to slam
in turn. A chill rushed through the kitchen and boots rang noisily on
the front stairs as someone ran up them, then the doors began to slam
in the front bedroom.
"Noel-" Dominic said tightly. Noel grabbed him and held on, pulling
his head down to try and shield him from some of the noise. The feet
ran across the ceiling over head, then down the stairs again and into
the downstairs rooms, crashing those doors in turn.
"What's she doing?" Dom said hysterically. He was shaking all over,
beyond being rational. Noel held him tighter, rocking, trying to
block out the sounds.
"Looking for her mother."
The fear and agitation that swept through the kitchen again was
tangible. And combined with rage. Dominic stumbled in response to a
shove in the back that pushed him against Noel. A chair overturned
behind them and the windows rattled warningly. Two mugs lifted
trembling off the draining board and wavered there.
"What did you DO to her?" Dominic demanded. The kitchen door opened
and slammed shut repeatedly, forcing Noel to back away.
"Nothing."
The mugs smashed to the floor. Dominic cried out as he was shoved
again, this time into the edge of the table. The yelp forced a shout
out of Noel's mouth before he realised what he was doing.
"Meg that's enough!"
SLAM.
Dominic lifted terrified eyes to Noel's. Noel touched his face and
strode past him to the scullery. There he put his back against the
door to hold it open and lifted his voice to reach the entire house.
"MARGARET NEILSON STOP IT RIGHT NOW! That is ENOUGH young lady, I
don't want to hear another bang!"
SLAM.
"MEG!" Noel thundered.
The silence was shocking. Noel glanced at Dominic who was watching
him in silence, his arms tightly folded around himself. Noel shut the
door on the kitchen and ran up the back stairs. He had no idea where
she was. Only a terrible knowledge that she was deserted. Frightened.
Confused. And that he had no means of touching or comforting her.
"Meg." He said aloud. "Meg it's allright. There's only Dominic and I
here, we're not going to hurt you. And it wasn't us that did this. We
didn't hurt you. We didn't change your house. We didn't take away
your family."
Silence. Noel turned and found her at the foot of the stairs, her
pale eyes burning. Noel sat down on the top step, trying to make his
height less intimidating. It was then he realised he still held the
doll in his hand. Carefully he sat the battered, porcelein article on
the step beside him.
"I'm part of your family. I'm a Neilson too. And Dominic's the
closest friend I have. We wouldn't do anything to harm you"
She didn't move. Noel looked at her helplessly, with no idea of what
to say. She ran soundlessly up the stairs towards him and Noel
clasped his hands over his head to protect himself as what felt like
a swarm of bats passed over his head. And then she was gone.
Noel waited for several minutes more, hoping she would come back.
Even more frightened that she would come back. Then he went
downstairs to Dominic.
He was deathly white and sweeping up broken china with hands that
were shaking. Noel picked up the overturned chair and sat down.
"I don't know what to say to her. What the hell do I say to her?"
"I thought you were doing okay with the stop it line."
Dominic very carefully put the broken china down on the draining
board and sat beside Noel. Noel could see him trembling.
"There must be someone who knows about this. You read about this sort
of thing. Psychics. Someone who'd know what to say to her."
"To move her on?" Dominic said dryly. Noel rubbed his hands through
his hair.
"What if she doesn't understand what's happened? Here we are- her
family's gone, her house is upside down-"
"I thought ghosts were supposed to re enact their tragedies and not
wander off task." Dominic muttered. Noel shook his head.
"I thought she was going to. I didn't want her to go through it
alone, that was all."
Dominic looked at him. Noel shrugged.
"I think I made remember what happened. She went out to where it
happened- where it must have happened- and when I got there too-"
Noel shrugged again, helplessly. "She must have thought it was me."
Dominic looked sharply at him. "That you were- what, that you killed
her? That's rubbish."
"What if she's got no sense of time? What does time feel like to a
ghost? CAN she remember things? CAN she reason? We don't know! Does
she know what being dead means? All I know is she ran back to this
house and searched it, and she was terrified. And she didn't find
what she wanted."
Because everyone she wanted died years ago. And wouldn't have
listened to her when they were here.
Dominic buried his face in his hands.
"Where is she now?"
"I don't know. She's not here." Noel looked down at Dominic's bent
head and stifled a wave of crushing guilt.
And this is the last thing you need right now. You need attention and
time to talk about that damn attack, we need to think about how we're
going to deal with it, and I've hardly got a thought to spare for
you.
"Oh darling. Look, get dressed. I'll take you home-"
"And then you'll come back here."
"I can't leave her like this."
"So I stay too." Dominic dropped his hands and sighed. "So what do we
do all night? I don't feel like sleeping, I'll tell you. Madam might
decide to drop something heavier than a mug."
"There has to be some solution to this." Noel said helplessly.
"Something we can do. Explain to her in a way she'll understand."
"What will that achieve?"
"It'll stop her going through the house like a hurricane in a blind
panic. Maybe."
Dominic got up and took a packet of cards out of the dresser.
"Is there anyone she'd know?"
"After seventy two years? I doubt it. And I doubt she'd recognise
them even if we could find someone. I'll ring around tomorrow. There
has to be some expert somewhere who deals with this kind of thing.
Maybe a psychotherapist or something."
"Right. First you're going to convince them you know this nine year
old girl who's been dead a while, and then you're going to ask them
to convince her that she's dead. They're more likely to go to work on
you than her."
Noel took his cards and swiped Dominic briskly across the back of the
head.
"So you come up with a better idea."
Dominic ducked away from him. "She's scared enough of you and you're
related to her. Think she'll like anyone else better?"
The knock on the door startled them out of the eighth game of cards.
Noel glanced at his watch and found it was six thirty am. Jamie
Thadier was standing on the doorstep in jeans and trainers, looking
harassed.
"You couldn't have made this place much harder to find."
"I wasn't expecting you!" Noel gave him an automatic hug and stepped
back to let him in. Jamie pulled off his anorak, heading for the
kitchen.
"I left about twelve messages on your answer phone. I have about a
week before I have to have this dance choreographed and ready to
start rehearsals, I have to work with you for a couple of hours no
matter what. Death and destruction and anything else is out of the
question until this is done."
Dominic looked up from the kitchen table, saw Jamie and fixed Noel
with a WHAT?! stare. Noel shrugged, accepting the inevitable.
"I'll get the cello."
He and Jamie belonged to the same type. It was why they'd managed to
live together for the three years the dance company had travelled,
living a strange bohemian life of never ending rehearsals and
meetings and musicians and dancers in their hotel room night and day.
Both of them were committed to their craft, both of them had the
obsessive, compulsive self discipline that bound them to hour upon
hour of practise and perfectionism, both of them were shrewd enough
in the world of business to play the art world without being dragged
down by it. In this kind of mood Jamie would hear nothing but
conversation dedicated to dance and there was little point in arguing
with him.
Noel caught the filthy look Dominic shot Jamie as he went out into
the garden, but didn't argue. For his own part, Jamie was a welcome
distraction, a taste of normality after a horrible twenty four hours.
They practised in the garden, which offered the widest space for
Jamie to dance in. Damien took the strimmer and stalked out of sight
towards the orchard. Noel pulled the garden bench forward, pinned his
music to the stand and promptly forgot about the house, Meg, car
parks, ghosts in general and anything else.
It was ten am when the huge water bottle Jamie had been swigging at
intervals finally emptied and Jamie headed for the kitchen, hot and
tired.
"Mind if I help myself?"
"Go ahead." The strimmer sounds had died away in the distance and
Noel laid the cello down on the grass, called back to reality. "I'd
better check on Dom. He worries me when he's quiet."
And I'm already ignoring him in the hope this assault business is all
just going to fade away. Pull yourself together, Neilson, he needs
you.
Dom's attack on the garden had been about the most efficient thing
they'd achieved all weekend. The grass was cleared around the wishing
well and through the vegetable garden, now rough turf once more. He'd
hacked half way into the orchard, clearing the feet of the apple and
pear trees. The strimmer lay on the grass as the cut-off point where
the grass abruptly erupted to waist height once more. Noel looked
around. A handful of leaves alerted him to his partner's presence.
Dominic was sitting on the bough of an elderly apple tree, leaning on
one elbow and letting the leaves trickle from his hand.
"Hey. What did you do with the Barbie doll?"
Noel didn't answer that, his eyes caught by a flicker of light above
Dominic's head. A second later he realised and the shape began to
form. Meg. Balancing with her hands holding the branch above her
head, her feet on Dominic's branch, her eyes burning dislike at Noel.
Noel's breath caught in his thoat.
"Dominic for God's sake be careful! Get down from there now!"
"WHAT?" Dominic sat up, exasperated. "It's a perfectly sound tree, I
only-"
"Get DOWN, NOW!" Noel fixed Meg with a stare, a gaze of pure rage. If
you dare to push him- if you try to hurt him-
Dominic swung out by his hands from the branch and dropped the ten
feet to the ground.
"You can be such an old woman at times."
Noel took a steadying breath and forced himself to keep his voice
quiet. "Dominic, SHE was up there with you."
Dominic looked up at the tree. There was no sign of anything but the
leaves flickering against the branches. Noel hooked a hand in Dom's
belt and drew him away.
"Please, leave the rest of this mowing. It's too dangerous. We don't
know enough about her. What she can do."
Dominic looked at him, eyes troubled. Noel felt for his hands, aware
she was probably listening, unseen in the trees.
v
"What if she's after company? Someone else to haunt the garden with
her? Someone to keep in this house with her? What if she thinks she
can hurt me by breaking your neck?"
"You're getting carried away." Dominic said grimly. Noel shook his
head.
"No. We just don't know. So leave the damn strimmer and come away.
Jamie's nearly finished, when he's gone I'll start ringing around and
look for some advice."
Dominic didn't answer. Noel was braced for an explosion, then Dom
sighed hard and headed for the house.
"Okay. I'll take the car and do some damn shopping. If you think she
won't get in the car with me. I'm not sitting and watching muscle-man
leaping around all morning."
"DOM."
"I DON'T like him! I don't have to!"
"You DO however have to be polite!" Noel grabbed his wrist and pulled
him sharply back, making him turn around. "That is the LAST snap I
want to hear from you. I'm sorry Jamie's found his way here but I was
committed to work on this with him. He won't be here for long."
Dominic's mouth went awry. Noel pulled his head down and kissed him.
"Go on. I'll see you later. It'll be okay."
He couldn't help staring at the passenger seat as Dominic drove out
of the gates, half looking for a little girl with pale hair and her
tongue stuck out. Dom was right. He was getting carried away.
Jamie was sitting cross legged on the lawn, his water bottle refilled.
"I should have thought. I bet he isn't very happy to see me."
"He'll survive."
Jamie took another swallow of water. "So what's with the house then?
Come on Noel, it's all over your face. And his. What's going on
here?"
Noel sat down beside him on the grass. There were few people to whom
he could come out with a story like this, but he and Jamie both lived
in a world fuelled by fantasy and superstition and ancient tradition.
The accepted a little more and questioned a little less,
understanding how to think with guts rather than logic. He was
surprised at how much it helped to put it down into words.
"I think Dominic's right." Jamie said eventually when Noel finished.
"She doesn't seem to mind him at all. It's you she's directing
all
this at and it has been from the start. You said she started almost
as soon as you arrived in the house."
"It was hard to tell at first what was her and what was coincidence."
Noel admitted. "I mean we walked in the door and the first thing we
did was head upstairs and sleep in - well, what we think is her room.
No, I tell a lie. The first thing she saw me do was drag Dominic into
the kitchen and spank him."
"Which is hardly likely to endear you to a nine year old." Jamie
pointed out, smiling. Noel smiled too, wryly.
"He threw the most almighty wobbly on the way over here. Not that it
was surprising really. God knows what he was going through on Friday
night. I should have realised."
"He didn't want you to know." Jamie said gently. "He's a well built
guy- fit, active, strong. He's hardly going to find it easy that some
smaller guy pinned him to the wall and scared the hell out of him.
Or that in that situation he froze. Think about it kiddo. You and I
rationalised the machismo years ago. It was that or flip out. I mean
a ballet dancer? NOT the most macho job to admit to! Your Dominic's
got Rugby Union written all over him."
"He wouldn't even consider reporting it." Noel said slowly. Jamie
snorted.
"I can understand. Would you want to describe that kind of assault to
a straight copper when the first thing they'll point out is he'd just
walked out of a gay club?"
"He didn't do anything to ask for it! The only damn thing he did
wrong was to park in that bloody car park when I've told him over and
over again it's dangerous at night!"
"Have you gone over that with him?"
"He knows."
Jamie shrugged easily. "Maybe it'd help to go over it again. At least
he could sort out what he was genuinely guilty over and what's
irrational guilt."
Noel looked at him. Jamie re capped his water bottle.
"I had a mate who was raped a few years ago. Date rape. He knew the
guy quite well. He needed someone to talk to a few times. From what
he said, most rape victims blame themselves for the attack at some
level. And you're missing the most obvious thing here. The whole
reason Meg's making life so hard for you two."
"She and Dominic." Noel said aloud. Jamie clicked his fingers.
"Bingo. Two victims of assault. Dominic walks into this house full of
these emotions, and hey presto- you stumble across a kid with
emotions very much the same. You told me a few times you thought she
was Dominic. Because without looking, they felt the same to you.
Dominic may even have brought her back here somehow. Triggered her or
the house into remembering."
"But she isn't blaming herself. She's blaming me!" Noel protested.
Jamie laughed.
"Why do you think they say never work with children? Too damn
egocentric. And irrational."
Children. Noel hesitated, thinking about bits and pieces he'd heard,
things he'd heard his mother say. Children were egocentric while
their experiences of life were few. They had no way to reason about
things without connecting to themselves- their actions, their world.
Oh little girl, you didn't make this happen. You did nothing wrong.
Dominic-
Noel got up from the grass.
"It's getting on for lunchtime. Do you have anywhere you need to be
tonight?"
"Not until tomorrow afternoon."
"Why don't you stay the night?"
Jamie grinned. "Is that an invitation to sleep in the haunted house?
I'm tempted! I'd love to see her- but Dominic's not going to like it
much, is he?"
"He's going to have to come to terms with you sooner or later," Noel
said bluntly. "If for no other reason than to realise he doesn't need
to be jealous of you."
"And you're hoping I'll talk to him a bit about this friend of mine
with the rape in his past?" Jamie crossed his ankles and rose
gracefully to his feet. "Let me have a shower and I'll think about
it."
"Bathroom. In the scullery. You'll have to block the door shut."
"This house has every modern convenience, doesn't it?" Jamie hooked
an arm around Noel's neck and gave him a hug. "He must really be
something, this bad tempered brat you ditched me for."
Dominic was gone for some time. Long enough for Noel to settle down
to thinking in the position he always thought best. Wrapped around a
cello. The music was subconscious after a while, freeing his mind to
wander.
Dominic. Angry and resentful at finding Jamie at home with Noel.
Dominic ever confident, ever happy-go-lucky, running up the steps of
a car park without a second thought for danger. Dominic deliberately
making an appointment with Anthony - not that that had been
particularly wrong: he hadn't left a note, intending to be home long
before Noel was. And Noel was well aware Dominic would have told him
about the club anyway. But it had been a small gesture of defiance.
As, probably, had been parking in that damned multi storey.
Dear God he's been punished enough for that mistake and far more
harshly than I would have dreamed of. That's a risk he'll be
frightened to take for years to come.
But there was still that simple disobedience between them. And
Dominic's guilt.
So many terrible things could come from assaults like this.
Relationships could be ended by the hurt and confusion and damage
left behind by someone's thoughtless and destructive intervention.
Meg, left in this house for seventy years, angry and confused and
bewildered, with no one to blame but herself. Some little thing she
had done as a heedless child. One slight mistake that ended her world
and left her abandoned and alone.
For the want of a nail the shoe was lost,
For the want of a shoe, the horse was lost....
Noel put away the cello, slackened off his bow and watched the drive,
looking for Dominic's car.
"They thought she must have known him.... went missing from her
bed...
went out to meet him."
Who did you meet, Meg? Who waited for you at the end of the garden?
Who was it who followed Dominic into a cold and frosty carpark, with
harm on his mind? Noel's fists clenched involuntarily at the thought.
Dominic's car pulled onto the drive.
"You invited him to-" Dominic dropped the bag on the table and muted
his voice slightly at Noel's glare. "I suppose I had NO say in this!"
"Dom he needs to work with me. And I wouldn't mind an impartial
observer in the house after last night. This is getting stranger and
stranger."
"So you're going to work with him all afternoon are you?"
"Some of it." Noel made himself sound together. As though he was sure
of what he was doing. "I want a word with you first."
Dominic caught enough of the implications behind that to look sharply
up at him. Noel held out a hand.
"Not in here."
He deliberately avoided Meg's end of the garden. Around the side of
the house was a small patch of lawn and a couple of willow trees over
another bench. Noel sat down and pulled Dominic down beside him.
"There's a discussion we need to have about where you chose to park
on Thursday night. And about walking around the back streets alone in
the dark."
"Why now?" Dominic demanded. "You found out about this yesterday
morning-"
"I found out that you were attacked yesterday morning." Noel
interrupted. "At the time I was more worried about you than the ins
and outs of where you parked. And last night we were more than
slightly busy. I think we've put this off long enough."
Dom's face was more than faintly mutinous, but he knew better than to
launch into open defiance. His voice was polite in a way that told
Noel he was trying hard to keep within the bounds of acceptability.
"You told me not to park there at night because it was dangerous. And
you were right, I was - mugged. I was wrong. Believe me it's a
mistake I won't make again."
"That isn't the issue, Dom. The fact stands that I told you to do
something and you decided that it didn't fit in with your plans that
evening. I don't make rules up for fun. If I tell you to do
something, or not to do something, there is a good reason behind it.
You are an active participant in this relationship and you and I have
an agreement that in certain situations, I make the rules. And you do
not then make value judgements on whether or not you obey me."
Dominic stared at the grass. Noel leaned his elbows on his knees,
watching his profile.
"You might decide now that you need to park more carefully. But that
isn't going to affect your decision when you feel like driving too
fast. Or without a seatbelt. Or to cross a road at a corner because
you don't feel like walking to the crossing. Or anything else I've
forbidden because it's dangerous."
Silence. Noel spoke to him gently, trying to crack the marble of his
expression.
"I'm sorry you had to find out the hard way the reason behind this
particular rule, but that doesn't negate the fact that you broke it.
Or that I had to find out about all this out from Anthony, not you."
"I didn't want to think about it."
That wasn't entirely true, Noel reflected. He might not have had the
words to say it, but his mood swings since Friday had been indicating
loud and clear to Noel that he was bothered about something and he
was looking for intervention.
If we hadn't been bogged down in Meg and the house, I'd have pinned
you to the wall by Saturday night and made you tell me what was
wrong. You're not the only one at fault here.
Right now, Noel wanted to do this about as much as he wanted open
heart surgery. Except this house was already stained with the guilt
of people ashamed and afraid to face the facts. To deal with them.
"Come here Dom."
Dominic slowly stood up. Noel caught a flash across the lawn. Meg.
Standing with her hands by her sides, her face subdued but faintly
puzzled. Slowly, gently, Noel shook his head at her. She began to
walk towards them, the sun and the wishing well visible through the
lines of her dress. About thirty feet away she vanished.
Should we be doing this in front of a child?
Don't be ridiculous man. She was raped. Strangled. Brutalised. She'll
see nothing brutal here. And besides. Who's going to report you to
social services for shocking a phantom?
Noel quietly unbuckled Dom's belt, pulled his jeans down and turned
Dom over his lap. His weight was vaguely comforting in the silence of
the garden.
"Tell me why you're getting this spanking."
He felt Dom's protest in the tension under his hand and answered it
at once.
"Yes I know. But I want you to be clear on this. Absolutely clear."
"For parking in the multi storey at night after I told you I
wouldn't." Dom flinched as Noel drew his shorts down after his jeans.
"And for doing it because I was angry about you having Jamie in the
house. It was stupid, I didn't really mean to do it to annoy you. I
just didn't think it was dangerous."
"The point isn't whether or not you agree with me. The point is I
said no." Noel raised his hand and brought it down hard. "No. And I
expect you to respect that. Whether I'm talking about car parks,
bridges, driving, fireworks, matches or letting the damn cat out at
night, no STILL means no. Whether or not you agree with it, whether
or not it's inconvenient, no means no. The rules are there to protect
you, they are NOT optional."
"I'm sorry." Dom pleaded, twisting. Noel settled in to a sharp and
heavy rhythm, covering the white backside upturned on his lap.
"No. I know you're sorry you were attacked- I'm desperately sorry you
were attacked, I'm sorry that you got bitten by breaking this rule-
but this isn't about the attack. This is purely and simply about
doing as you're told. We've had this discussion before, I have little
doubt we'll have it again, but you are going to learn that if I say
no, I mean it."
There was something in that that stung more than the spanking. Noel
felt Dom start to shudder and then to cry, silently and hard. His
immediate instinct was to pull Dominic to him and comfort him.
Thinking about it, he steeled himself and finished the task at hand.
The same brief and sound spanking he would have given for any minor
act of disobedience, no more, no less. Dominic was sobbing, still
silently when Noel pulled him to his feet and refastened his jeans.
He was a mess. White faced, tear stained, far more out of control
than Noel had seen him in a long while. He was too far gone to
respond when Noel pulled him down, gathering as much of Dom's long
and solider body into his lap. Noel held him hard, feeling him
shaking.
"I got what I deserved for that." Dom said eventually, with mild
hysteria. "You told me again and again and it happened. I asked for
it and it happened."
Noel swatted him, hard. "NO. You parked in the damn place after I
told you not to. The ONLY thing you did wrong was to disobey me. You
took a risk. You didn't ask for that assault, you didn't provoke it,
you did NOT deserve it. The bastard that attacked you was wrong. It
was his crime, his decision, his actions, not yours. Be angry. Be
sad. Be scared. That's fine. DON'T call it your fault."
Meg was standing closer, underneath the willow. Her full lower lip
was caught a little between the slight turn of newly setting front
teeth, her eyes were wide and fixed on his. Noel pulled Dom still
tighter to him and spoke to her over his head.
"You didn't make anything happen. It was someone else's decision.
Someone else did something wrong to you. They took you into their
power and they gave you no choice. No way out. And that was wrong.
Evil. They hurt you and that was wicked. It isn't bad just to be in
the wrong place at the wrong time. There is nothing in you or about
you that could possibly make you deserve to be treated like this.
This happened TO you. Not because of you."
"If I hadn't gone to the car park that night-" Dom said unevenly.
Noel hushed him, burying his face briefly in Dom's hair.
"If I hadn't played that concert in Stourbridge that night, I
wouldn't have met you. Things happen the way they happen. Strings of
coincidences. No. The only thing you did wrong was to disobey me in
parking. And we've dealt with that. It's over, it's finished
with.
That's the end of it."
Meg stood still, hands clasped in the sides of her pinafore. Noel
turned his chin on Dom's head to watch her.
Who did you slip outside to meet, baby? Someone you thought you
trusted.
"I'm sorry." Dominic said over and over again. Noel rocked him,
stroking his back and murmuring nonsense, knowing he was beyond
listening now. It was not a serious plea. And yet it was a terrible
plea. To turn back time. For a second chance.
Meg turned slowly and walked away across the lawn towards the house.
Noel watched her walk for eight or nine steps before she flicked out
like an old cinematography film.
Noel and Jamie were talking softly in the scullery. The clink of mugs
was faint and mixed with the crackle and jump of the kitchen fire.
Dominic turned stiffly in the sleeping bag on the floor, sat up and
reached for his watch. They'd left him to sleep in peace, not wanting
to disturb him. Aching, distraught, exhausted, he had wanted nothing
more than to sleep.
It was eleven pm.
Dominic sat up in the dark kitchen, listening. The softest creak of
the scullery door told him. Then the kitchen door bolt slid silently
back. The latch lifted. The door noiselessly opened. Dominic got up
and reached for his jeans and boots.
The grass was wet in the moonlight, he saw his footprints left
clearly behind him. But they would be gone by morning, covered by the
dew. The gardener wouldn't see. And he was too daft to notice
besides. The only danger was Paul. Paul who lay awake upstairs in the
boys room, waiting. Scolding softly enough not to wake the nurse and
the maids who slept in the attic above.
Through the vegetable garden. Past the neat rows of marrows and
beans. The trellises than ran upwards, carrying the Sweet Williams.
Through the orchard. The shadows were longer there. The pain of a
thumping heart made his booted feet quicken a little, made his eyes
look neither right or left. Made him clutch Arabella a little closer
to his chest until her porcelein face hurt against his breastbone.
He was there. Straightening up against the fence with a smile of
welcome. And everything was allright. Dominic loosened his grip on
Arabella and ran to meet him.
"Do you remember that awful concert hall in Rouen?" Jamie grinned.
"Six days in those Godawful appartments, you fighting non stop with
that French violinist and practising night and day with her-"
"And there was never one rehearsal we had without at least eight of
the chorus practising in the kitchen."
"And we spent the rest of the time having union meetings about the
exchange rate." Jamie drained his mug. "Those were the days. I can
see why you married a nine to five man."
"You'd be surprised at the money in free lancing. And I do a lot of
transcription work. Ted Wyman has a lot of museum stuff- all sorts of
old music notation forwarded to me to transcribe and organise and
hand over to publishers. And I teach occasionally."
"Dominic?"
"Dom busks quite well on the piano but that's about his limit. He's
got a good ear. If he didn't-" Noel broke off, frowning. "Can you
feel that draught? The door's open."
"It can't be, I bolted it."
"Dominic." Noel exploded out of his chair and bolted for the kitchen.
It was still dark. The fire was jumping in response to the night wind
from the open door. The sleeping bag before the fire was empty.
"Maybe he's just gone for a smoke." Noel said behind him. "Or a walk."
"Meg!" Noel flung himself back into the scullery, then to the back
door. "MEG!"
There was nothing. No whisper of emotion, no sense of her that he'd
felt so often over the last few days. The house was empty.
"Oh God...." Jamie said very very softly. His tone penetrated
Noel's
panic. He looked around. And froze. A small boy in a white
nightshirt, his feet bare, his pale hair tumbled into his eyes, stood
at the foot of the scullery stairs. He was faintly blue in the
electric lighting. He moved past them towards the dark kitchen, his
bare feet soundless on the floor. In the doorway he turned to look
appealingly at Noel. Noel followed him into the cold, dark garden.
Stepped out of the kitchen doorway and ran.
The man straightened up from the fence and smiled. A well brushed
dark jacket, a neat bowler hat and moustache, a packet of sweets
pulled from his pocket and offered. Humbugs. Dominic saw the stripes
and laughed. He never forgot. Never.
"Dom."
"Meg."
Dominic hesitated. Warm hands held his shoulders, drew him back
against a body that was shaking but solid. Strong. Arms folded over
his chest.
"It's me. I've got you. It's okay."
The man's smile had faded. He was glancing anxiously at the house,
fidgeting with his hat brim, his hand held out.
Noel saw only the little girl standing between them and the fence.
Meg. Torn between them and whoever her silent conversation was with.
She was torn, visibly torn. Dominic was still frozen, unresponsive.
Noel held him tighter and tried to make his voice sound calm.
"Meg no. Say no. We're here, it's allright. Go home Meg."
She looked at him, her eyes starting to show disquiet, her instincts
beginning to sense danger she couldn't understand.
"Meg run. Go home. He's tricked you, pet. Why would he frighten you?
Why would anyone safe want you out of the house at this time of
night?"
She hesitated. Dominic began to tremble. Then she took a step towards
the fence and laid Arabella down on the grass.
"Meg." Noel said desperately. "Listen to me. This is over. This
happened seventy years ago, you know what this bastard did to you.
You know what happens next. He killed you here, baby. He choked you
and you died here. The house is old now. Your family are gone because
this happened so long ago. Walk away Meg. Go back to the house."
She was walking slowly towards the fence. Dominic was shuddering in
Noel's arms, bracing himself, starting to groan deep in his throat.
Meg stopped dead and spun. The intensity of her gaze forced Noel to
look around with her. The little boy was standing at the edge of the
vegetable garden, his nightshirt blowing slowly in the night wind.
Meg's smile came slowly but lit up her mouth, then her eyes, then her
entire face as she ran past them, catching the child's hand.
Jamie, stumbling through the brambles of the orchard, came to a halt
a few feet beyond the children and stared, rooted to the spot. Noel
held Dominic and looked silently at the face of his grandfather. A
little boy's face, slowly losing the look of fear and dread. For a
smile to match his sister's.
Did you know she was here? Noel asked him silently. Did you look for
her here? Or did you just remember and wish you'd sent someone after
her in time that night?
Both children ran back towards the lights of the house. Not the
fleeing of the pursued but the running of children, their hands still
clasped. Somewhere across the lawn they faded slowly away, leaving
traces of light like the memory of a candle flame blown out in
darkness.
"You are not seriously going to live out here?" the lead flortist
from the Birmingham symphony orchestra said incredulously. Noel
handed him a refilled glass and nodded at the garden stretching
beyond the house. The lanterns gave it a quietly lit air in the
summer evening. Someone- most likely Dominic- had hung one under the
roof of the wishing well, giving an unnatural glow into the water as
if someone had lit a fire down there.
"After the time it took Damien to clear the orchard and put the
fences back up, I wouldn't have dared say no. Besides, it's him that
it affects; I can work from here as well as anywhere else. He's the
one commuting, but he said he wanted to do it. He said actually that
now he drives into the village each night and it feels like he's left
work completely behind."
"You've done a beautiful job on the restoration, both of you." the
flortist looked around, mellow with wine. "Such a warm atmosphere. I
suppose it must be the red brick."
Four of Jamie's colleagues were breakdancing on the lawn. Noel, who
at one time had had ballets being rehearsed in a kitchen where he was
trying to eat breakfast, walked around them with only an eye to see
if Jamie was amongst them. It was a warm enough evening that people
were still sitting and lounging on the lawn, spread out amongst the
trees of the orchard and the open spaces of the central garden. What
on earth the village would make of seventy people descending on them
like this remained to be seen, but in the five months since they'd
begun to restore the house, Noel could feel a growing welcome from
the locals. He was a Neilson in a Neilson home, where there had been
Neilsons for over a century. As the house began to return to well
kept and well cared for order, the reserved smiles in the village
began to grow warmer and the conversations extending past good
morning. Dominic was largely responsible for that, Noel reflected,
still searching the garden for his partner. He was the one with the
floodlight smile and the natural charm, and the one who had started
to bring people home for dinner, rapidly fixing them in a widening
circle of neighbours and acquaintances. Several of whom were present
tonight, mixing rather wide eyed with dancers, musicians and
marketing consultants.
He ran Dominic to earth in a small group by the fence at the very end
of the garden. It had taken both of them a while to find the courage
to clear that area. They had even talked at one point of bringing the
fence forward and handing the last fifteen feet of land to the farmer
who owned the field that backed onto it. Except neither of them could
forget the small, solitary grave five miles away in the town. One
afternoon they had stripped out the blackberry bushes and planted a
handful of cherry trees, the blossom from which was still visible on
the grass, and replaced the lawn with a pond, from which now the
fountain was muttering cheerfully, taking away the silence of the
area as they'd taken away the ground where a child had died.
Anthony was sitting on the fence beside Jamie, both of them in deep
discussion with Dominic. Noel slipped a hand through Dominic's arm
and gave Anthony a friendly smile. Still big mouthed, still tactless,
he was nevertheless proving distance made little difference to his
friendship with Dominic. Enough to make Noel wonder if he'd
underestimated Anthony's sincerity. Dominic steered Noel gently away,
leaving Anthony and Jamie still talking.
"Do you know I hadn't thought to introduce those two before?"
Noel glanced back, frowning. "I can't see they'd have much common
ground."
"I think you'd be surprised." Dominic said smugly. "I'm going to see
if I can talk Anthony into staying the night, give them a while to
get better acquainted."
"Dom.." Noel gave into Dominic's pull on his arm and suffered himself
to be towed away. "You can't just set people up like that! Besides
which-"
Dominic lifted an eyebrow at him. Noel broke off and thought about
it. And winced.
"Poor Jamie."
"He'll find some compensations, I'm sure." Dominic steered him onto
the lawn, grinning at a knot of marketing executives who were mixed
up with half the brass section and the local publican. "After all,
you did."
The kitchen was empty. It was too warm for people to be inside. After
the time spent stripping and repainting, taking each room in turn,
the house was theirs now reflecting them in each room. Through the
open door of the kitchen, what had once been the scullery was now a
small sitting room which to Noel's eye reflected Dominic's love of
colour and space, the hard floor tiles gone, the table quietly
disposed of. And the rooms upstairs were re decorated. Dominic's
office was now where Meg's bedroom had once been, although there were
several executive toys littering it that Noel thought Meg might well
have been interested in.
Noel pushed the door to on the garden full of guests, folded his arms
around Dominic's waist and watched him open yet another bottle of
wine.
"Do you think we should re name the place? We've talked about it
enough. Tonight would be the time to do it."
"The official re opening?" Dominic turned and leaned against the
table to hold Noel. "No. I like the original name. And it is a
Neilson house."
"It's yours too."
"Can't I be an honorary Neilson?"
Noel smiled and reached up to kiss him. "Of course you can. Neilsons
are nothing if not adaptable."
Dominic winked at him and took the fresh bottles outside.
~ THE END ~