Mom

"Shoes"

Written July 12, 2001.

I now have your shoes
While you were alive
Not so ill
You gave me the sweaters
The ones that did not fit anymore.
I cherish them.

But now, now I have your shoes
Oh, how they looked so lovely
On you, on you....

I remember back when
I was a teen
I could borrow your shoes
The same size, you and I.
Towards the end, your feet
They betrayed you.
You could not wear those shoes

Now, here they are
In my room, in my place
Waiting, waiting for my feet
Feet that are so much like yours were
The same size, the same arch
Your feet, except two toes.

I have your shoes.
But Mom, how I wish
So wish, I was just borrowing
That tomorrow, you would put your feet
In those shoes, your shoes.

I wish I could turn back the clock
That today, I would be fourteen, sixteen
I would be home with you
And not here with your empty shoes.

"Misplaced Trust"

Written November 27, 2003

Six years ago
Or there abouts
A rolling pin
You gave me.
Hand carved, it was
By Uncle Green,
He who raised you
He for whom I am named

Trusted I was
That I would cherish it
Take care of it
Trust misplaced, betrayed
Two weeks ago
Cleaning,
making room in my small place
Thinking it was another
Not opening the paper
I threw it out.

In my mind I see it
Brown, shiney, all of one peice
Aunt Jessie used it
Uncle Green made it
And I, I threw it out
Lost forver in some landfill

Yesterday
Two weeks too late
I realized what I had done
Confirmed when I found the other
Too late, too late
Your trust was misplaced
In carelessness, not malice
I betrayed you
I broke your trust.

If you were alive
Maybe, maybe you would
Hold me
Comfort me
Forgive me

But that is not possible
Not now, not ever.
How can I ever forgive myself
For betraying your trust
And your love for me?
I cry, for I know how much it meant
I know what it is I lost
And can never, ever retrieve
I am so sorry, Mom....
You misplaced your trust
For I have betrayed it.

"Lessons"

In loving memory of Mom,
written on the day of her third Yarhtzeit
22 Kislev, 5764 (December 17, 2003), and 2 days
before the date of the anniversary her death
on the secular calendar on December 19, 2000

I took lessons
On the kitchen stool
Cooking
On the couch
Folding cloths
In the basement
Sorting laundry
At the table
Talking

I took lessons
From Mom
A gentle teacher
She taught me
About life
Kindness
How to listening
To respect all people
For all were created by G-d

I took lessons
About lofty principles
And everyday matters
About ethics
Hard work
And how to cook
How to clean
All things she taught me

I took lessons
I learned that I was loved
What family means
The importance of roots
And of growth
The power of words
And how to survive
When others used hurtful ones.

I took lessons
From Mom
My teacher
My guide
My guardian
And yes, my friend

Lessons to last a lifetime
Lessons to pass on
Lessons that form
A base for growth
Provide a light
Guide me to this day
Lessons I want to pass on
If G-d blesses me with children one day too.

Thank you Mom.