Freeform Poems by Alyza
January 3, 1999/ 15 Tevet 5759
about 6 months after the last freeforms
It is amazing to me
the difference a year can make
last year,
at this time
I was sad, depressed
not wanting to admit why
to myself
to anyone.
I mostly hid this sadness
not letting most of those
who knew me know
anything, anything,
was wrong.
Still, it affected me
my studies,
how I took care of myself
how I looked
my motivation to cook
for him, or for me.
Now,
not yet a year from the leaving
I am happier
than I have been in years
Yet, it is tinged with lonelyness.
Still,
in all,
I would rather be a bit lonely
than to live ignored
Yes,
a year makes a great deal of difference
in ones outlook
in ones ability to live
to really and truely live
I experience
real,
true
joy
only in the presence of G-d.
This is simcha
joy
rejoicing
and is only in the presence of HaShem
of G-d
Yes,
I can be happy at other times
but joy
true joy
is only
in the presence of HaShem
HaShem,
I believe
wants it this way
and has enabled it
to be true
for me
true joy, in His presence
and in His service
I believe in angels
truely I do.
Malachim
Hebrew for angel
means messanger
messangers
can be human
and for me
they have been
HaShem,
I truely believe
knew what was to be
set up the support I needed
guided my footsteps
and sent me angels
human angels
to sustain me.
Those human angels
would likely
deny it
but
I know
I know it is true
human angels
human messangers
from G-d
have aided me
this past year
Thanks
to the human angels
and thanks to HaShem
for sending them
You may think me
a bit strange
but I feel joy
at just knowing
I finnally have
a fully kosher kitchen
Years in the making,
decades in the planning.
I have wanted one
since I was a child.
Now, it is a reality,
my kosher kitchen.
Begun in April
it is now fully functional.
A journey
of thousands of steps
culminating
in one room