'SAM goes to the library', and other tales of woe.

****SAM finds herself in a darkened room. Standing with the faint glow of moonlight reflecting of the objects around her - desks, chairs, pens and sheets of paper on the floor. She is alerted to a noise at the front of the classroom, at the teachers desk, and as she watches a shadow moves before the blackboard. There is a brief scratch and then a hiss as a match is lit and held to a candle wick before the flame dances about to illuminate the room. Venkman stands up the front wearing a school uniform. His own winter uniform in fact. Navy blue jumper with light blue shirt and stripey marone tie, grey pants and black boots.

"Howdy Miss. Mensa!", Venkman takes hold of the candle in one hand and walks towards here between the desks. His hair is scruffy and he looks mischievious. He looks you up and down (you're also wearing a school uniform, with the dress' hem above your knees ya naughty girl!), glancing at your chest for a noticable second or five before looking you straight in the eye and smiling, "read a post about you wanting some questions answered as a child, thought I'd escort you to the "dungeons" of the library." He takes your hand and leads you out of the classroom into the hallway beyond. He treads lightly, and his shadow dances and turns monstrous against the walls by the flickering flame of the candle. He stops abruptly and turns to you, putting a finger to his lips. "SSSHHHH, be bery bery quiet.." he says in an Elmer Fudd voice "...we're hunting answers...ah he he he he he.."

Venkman then begins an exaggerated creeping on his toes and looks behind to make sure you're doing the same. You both soon find yourself in the library, where Venkman bends down to the floor and runs his ingers along the carpet until he finds a "loose thread". Picking at the thread he lifts it to open a trapdoor. As soon as it opens, bats fly up and around Venkman in a flurry of furry bodies and leathery wings. He seems unperturbed, looking beyond them instead, until one puts his candle out that is. "Blast" he whispers, and lights it again. They fly up into the roof of the massive school library, and most likely out into the night. He looks you in the eye again and starts to climb down into the bowels of the library. You follow, stepping upon each creaking board of the steps leading down.

Venkman gives a grunt as he jumps the last five steps to the ground and looks around, squinting into the shadows, he turns to you as you step to the dusty floor. "Do ya think squinting actually helps a person see better?" he jests. And then walks towards the bookshelves that line this tomb-like affair. The candle lights up a far corner where three rats sit on their haunches, front paws clasping little cards, small poker chips in front of them. One even wears a small green visor. The rats all look from their cards at Venkman and the one with the visor speaks in a whiney, squeaky little voice "Howdy Venkman, back again?".

Venkman turns from the shelves and nods, "Yep, looking for something about breasts and doin' the housework....what have we got to choose from?". The rats look at each other as one of them throws in some more chips to the pile and ups the ante.

"You've got some of those on the shelf behind ya" says the one in the visor.

"Thanks guys"

No problem", says the rat, and slaps his little cards to the floor as the candlelight moves from the little game, "I call! Read 'em and weep suckers!"

Venkman walks o a nearby shelf and you follow. He begins to read the titles "okay, what have we got here? "Love and the Internet - Don't post it", "My Children Know the Meaning of the Word But I Don't Like It When They Read It, and other fantastic tales", "The Sewers of Manhattan - a search for humanoid turtles", "Grammar Sux", "Ten easy steps to being fickle" .....AH! Here we go! "Breasts and why they mean you'll be living in the kitchen"

Venkman hands the book to you and scans the shelves for others, "Climbing Trees and Wearing Dresses", he hands you another one, "That guy's lookin' at your butt and other observations"...he taps his index finger to his lips as he scans the titles.... "Feminism is a Placard"....."Darwin said it, I didn't"....."Big Jellyfish who make their own destiny"..."Marx and the women that made him uptight"...."Bleeding to death over many years"....."This is getting quite silly"..."and last of all, 'We're not all breastfed'. Allllrighty then, SAM, I think that should do it" Venkman turns to you but you can't see him because your arms are full of books, stacked above your head. The pile of literature begins to wobble. Venkman reaches into the pocket of your dress and steals your bubble-gum, and then walks over to a table and plants the candle down, also dropping another candle which he fishes from his pocket and a box of matches. "I'll leave you to it", he says, popping some gum in his mouth, and walking towards the steps, "seeya soon SAM.....bye guys!"

"Seeya next time Venks!" says a squeaky voice from the shadows.

The trapdoor is slammed down, you jump and the massive pile of books topples from your grasp and onto the table. The candle dies.