Valentine's Day at 'Venkman Heights'.
****You find yourself in a humongous lounge with chairs fashioned from
the finest oak, maple and bean (as in bag). From a
birdcage in the corner comes the beautiful call of the...Raven (?). The
windows are adorned with beautiful, heavy curtains of
velvet and lace...marone. And busts of great historical minds can be
found peppered throughout the room....except for the
skull of granite on the coffee table...and the seven foot dragon of onyx
standing poised to strike by the door. You hear a violin
and turn to find Venkman standing with his back to you near a large
fireplace...he is dressed in a fine silk robe (matches the
curtains, ain't that quaint) and wearing bunny rabbit slippers. He has a
pipe in his mouth but isn't smoking it. He plays the violin
like the devil, but stops upon seeing your shadow on the floor at his
feet and turns to face you with a grin. "Welcome to my
humble home, Venkman Heights...on this...the day of loooooooove..." he
smiles, and puts the violin down. He walks up to
you and takes you by the arm, leading you to one of the windows and
drawing the curtain aside. You are greeted by the
wondrous sight of a massive garden, hedge-maze and three tennis courts
upon which three games of doubles are going on.
The girls playing are all voluptuous maidens fair (except one) with
buxom chests and next to nothing on. Venkman picks up a
Mega-phone and opens the window "That's it girls...volley! Volley!
Match! Serve! Game! Nice work Trixie! Excellent serve
Bambi! That's the ticket Chanice! And you (he addresses the plain girl)
...for God's sake Papaloosa! Some reminding me of
the real world and pick up the pace a little girl!", Venkman holds the
curtain open and you watch Papaloosa's shoulders
hunch...her racquet fall in a limp wrist...and her head disappear into
her shoulders...the curtain falls in front of your gaze and
you turn to see Venkman staring at you, watching you as you observe
Papaloosa's reaction to his words, with a frown on his
face, his eyes sad. Then he grins again and leads you to a great table,
picking up a parcel of letters and a ornate silver letter
opener (from Franklin Mint!!). "Let's see what I have for Valentine's
Day eh?.....hmmm...hmmmm..."Dear Venkman, if the
sum of...bla bla bla...cut off power...uh huh...pay or else...bla bla
bla, well, that ones not very romantic, let's try again" he
drops the letter he had opened and tries the next, "Dear Infidel, Your
support for the pig-dogs within the sands of our beloved
motherland has not gone unnnoticed....etc etc...thaaaat's not too nice
either", another letter, "Dear Venkman, please give my
daughter back....bla bla bla...although she enjoys tennis...etc
etc....miss her...yatter yatter...willing to pay...hmm, think I might
refer her to the electricity board" Venkman makes a note and then presses
a button on a nearby intercom. "Hello Jeeves?" "Yes
sir?" "Go get Bambi will you and tell her to call home, she's got a
message for her parents....send her up here in five minutes to
collect it" "Yes sir" "Onya Jeeves Old Buddy" "Sir" "yep?" "Would you
like the Batmobile cleaned sir?" Venkmans eyes grow
wide and he looks at you..."Ah HA HA HAAA, Jeeves you're a funny man!
Batmobile indeed! HO HO HO!" Venkman turns his
back to you and bends close to the intercom to whisper "Give it a wax too,
old man" "Yes sir.." comes the husky reply, and the
intercom is switched off.
"Allllrighty...last two letters....'Dear Venkman, I cannot get over the
night we spent together....etc etc...excited the fires of my
passion....bla bla bla...my friends all wanna have a go at you...etc
etc....ahhh...that's no good" Tosses it into the fire, "and last of
all.......'Dear
Venkman, I love you, Yours, Noone you know"...awwww...touching" throws
it into the fire.
"well....that's about it for me...now if you'll excuse me....Bambi's
gunna be here in a sec'...so....see ya round.." And Venkman
pushes you out the door****