Invisible Wit or Wizzing with the Door Open

Purpose : The following piece was inspired an article/letter printed in Volume 15, No 2 of 'The Skeptic' (Winter, 1995), publication of the Australian Skeptics Inc, of which I am a member. Written by Chris Manning, a friend of 'David', the article focuses on a bizarre event that occurred one night while David was watching television with his girlfriend. After finishing the letter, I was suddenly struck with an image of the exchange that took place in which David told Chris his amazing tale. This is that story...
Audience : Anyone with a slight interest in odd goings-on, or human gullibility.

"Suddenly, she was back in the seat. Sitting there, on the couch, looking at me," said David, and he fiddled absent mindedly with a corner of the newspaper. He kept folding it over, then smoothing it out flat again with his thumb.
"What are you saying? She suddenly appeared from nowhere?" chuckled Chris, at the other end of the table. Chris had been reading an article on 'The X-Files' printed in the little television magazine you get in the middle of the Sunday paper. It was his favourite show, as he was interested in the paranormal, and definately talked the talk. Unfortunately he didn't really walk the walk. You see, Chris Manning was a bit of a dag. He possessed little sense of judgement, and so made a number of bad decisions. He had spent the last five years of his life in a full-time position at the Prahran Pizza Hut.
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I got up during an ad break, went to the toilet for twenty seconds doing number one with the door open, and when I came back, Eugenia was invisible" said David, who to emphasize how serious he was, stared unblinkingly at Chris.
"Oh my God! You left the door open?" said Chris.
"What?" David was suddenly deflated that the brunt of his discussion had been so callously swept aside.
"You left the door open when you went to the toilet? While in your girlfriend's house? I hope she couldn't see you!" Chris had left the television guide. This was serious.
"No. She couldn't see me," spat David.
"But isn't the door opening into the lounge room? Jesus David, what are you? An exhibitionist?" Chris had gripped both sides of the table.
"Look. I doesn't matter. I'm trying to tell you - Eugenia became invisible, Chris. She could not be seen" explains David.
"If someone was wizzing with the door open I'd probably leave them too" says Chris, taking it rather mildly. Then his eyes opened wide. This was his big chance to be just like Agent Mulder, his favourite character on The X-Files. All he needed was to interview David about his paranormal experience and then seek public recognition. He had recently subscribed to 'The Skeptic', perhaps he could submit his brilliant examination of the facts at hand to them! They would recognise his amazing analytical skills and vast knowledge of the paranormal and hold him in great esteem. David looked at Chris, who had suddenly gripped his chin and hooked his finger beneath his nose.
"So you're sure she didn't just get up and walk out?" questioned Chris.
"Yep, I checked the whole flat...no balcony or ledge, and only one exit. I checked about six times, even in the washing machine, 'cause I thought she was playing games, but she wasn't to be found. I could sense her in the room though." David emphasised his point by waving his arms around to signify searching a flat.
"You sensed her in the room?" queried Chris.
"Yep, I didn't hear her leave anyway. And after I'd finished, I was walking out of the bedroom and she approached me. She explained that she had become invisible. and then told me about other things she could do...not intentionally...like shock people" David scratched his nose during each pause.
"Yes, I suppose it is pretty shocking stuff, "Chris narrowed his eyes to appear even more 'analytical'.
"No, you idiot, as in static electricity. Her kids don't want her kissing them because they get an electric shock."
"Oh, Ah, yes....hmmm, I understand" nodded Chris. He didn't. His thoughts were on the fabulous piece of work he would be submitting to 'The Skeptic'. He knew what those people were after, even though he had only ever read the Autumn issue. Thank God for the thesaurus function on his computer. That would make his words big. It's going to be a spectacular piece of work. "Listen David, I've got to write something up on my computer, this is intriguing stuff, I'll call you for any information you might have." Chris got up and started to push David towards the door.
"Um. Okay. Sure, " David said, walking out the door and down the hall past the flat next door. He reached for his car keys in his left pocket.
Chris turned and was about to close the door when he thought of a great angle for his work. "Hey! Hey, David! Eugenia, she was a Columbian wasn't she? She had some sort of Incan ancestry didn't she?" David was already gone. Of course she did, but Chris would call him just to be sure. He went and turned on his computer, and as it warmed up he went to take a wizz with the door open.

"Not yet placed in every motel room in the country is The Musings of Dan"
or
"A large cave covered with guano pretty much sums up The Lair of Dan"