I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dying dreams
I think of death, it must be killing me
--The Wallflowers
CHAPTER 7: ALONE
Garner turned to Byron. "How are things this afternoon?"
"All quiet on the western front, sir. We found Romana just where you said
and brought her here, and since then we've just been sort of..." He glanced at
Romana and smiled. "Getting to know each other."
"Unfortunately I can't stay long. The Master wants to start
experimentation on the Doctor tonight and he'll expect me to be there."
Romana exchanged an alarmed glance with Byron. "Experiments? What
kind of experiments?"
Garner sobered and took Romana's arm. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you
that the Master is obsessed with prolonging his life. He's been conducting
experiments for years, trying to bioengineer a suitable host body with which he
could permanently join, a body that would never age or decay."
"That would be quite an achievement."
"Indeed. He hasn't been successful. None of the biomatrices we've tested
have been nearly stable enough."
"How does he plan to transfer himself into this new body? And how is he
surviving now?"
They were coming out of the chamber into the bright cheerful light of the
gardens. Garner hesitated and seemed reluctant to continue. Finally he sighed
and motioned her onto a bench overlooking the valley floor, taking a seat next to
her. Byron hovered in the background. "Some centuries ago on this planet, a
group of bioengineers discovered a fusion-powered process by which one could
transfer neural energy and memory engrams from a donor to a host when the
donor's body could no longer function."
Romana's jaw dropped. "I've never heard of that!"
Garner sniffed. "Of course you haven't. Remember where you are,
Romana. No one from this planet would ever willingly share scientific
information, unless perhaps they were being paid a great deal of money and the
information would help bring about some mass destruction or something. No,
this process was visualized as a way for our citizens to prolong their lives."
"I imagine that's what drew the Master here in the first place."
"Quite. The process turned out to be problematic. First of all, there was
the problem of where to get the host. Their first thought was just to use
criminals or other lower-class citizens and overwrite their own neural
patterns, but that didn't work out. The old patterns interfered and prevented a
clean transfer. The second attempt involved biosynthesizing a completely new
host...but they ran into the same problems the Master has, the engineered
tissues were never stable enough to withstand the transfer. The Master
expanded the experiments to include cloned hosts from other species, and a
wide variety of hybrids have been tried, but nothing's worked."
"And he thinks the Doctor can provide him with a suitable host?"
"Yes. He's always thought that Gallifreyan DNA would make the best
matrix, but he's never been able to obtain any. The Doctor is the only
Gallifreyan who's out and about, so to speak. He's constructed a device to
extract genetic code and tissue from the Doctor so he can try and engineer a
new host body for himself."
"It won't work," Romana said. "If the transfer has been unsuccessful with
all these other hosts, what are the odds of it working with a Gallifreyan?"
"There's something else. A few weeks ago while he was transferring to a
new body something happened...an accident."
"What kind of accident?"
"It had become harder and harder for him to transfer on his own. He'd
been needing the help of an artron generator he cobbled together and there was
a surge...it hit him pretty hard."
"What happened?"
"Well...we're not exactly sure how, but it concentrated his mental
energy...his intellect, his memories, his personality...into a physical self-
sustaining bioplasma. All he needs do now when his bodies decay is to
physically transplant the plasma into a new host. The plasma itself is stable.
We've had it out of a body for three or four days with no ill effects. He's unable
to communicate while in this state, but he reports having thoughts and
memories."
"That's really strange," Romana mused.
"Yes, it is. Frankly, I don't know how it happened, there's no scientific
basis for it. But it's not enough for him. He wants to have a permanent body
again, and a new cycle of regenerations...which is another reason why he wants
a Gallifreyan body."
"So if he uses your fusion process..."
"He thinks that if he can clone a suitably stable, living host, he can
animate it and permanently fuse himself into it using the old fusion process."
"What will this mean for the Doctor?" Romana breathed.
"I'm not sure. Genetic extraction isn't my field, I don't know the details of
this process or how harmful it will be. I do know that the extractor looks like
something out of the Marquis de Sade's bedchamber and I sure as hell wouldn't
want to be strapped into it. I also know that the Master will have no qualms
about injuring or even killing the Doctor."
"I find that a little hard to believe," Romana said. "They've been enemies
for centuries but there was always a sort of respect between them. To think
that the Master would kill the Doctor to get some tissue samples...it just
doesn't seem like him."
Garner looked at her earnestly. "It might not seem like the Master you
know, but believe me he's changed. You don't know him any more...I do. He's
ruthless and driven, and he'll stop at nothing."
"What can we do to stop him?"
"At the moment, very little."
Romana jumped up. "What do you mean? You are supposed to be able to
help!"
Garner looked up at her calmly. "What do you suggest we do? Storm the
colony? Blow up the lab? It would never work. We're outnumbered ten to one
up there."
"I'm not here to start some kind of revolution, Garner. All I care about is
getting into the colony, freeing the Doctor and Ace and putting as many light
years between us and this planet as possible!"
Garner sighed and glanced at Byron. "Yes, I understand. But *you* must
also understand that my first priority must be to safeguard this community. If
the colony should learn of its location or its size it would be all over for us...and
we are the only chance for these people to reclaim their souls and possibly their
freedom." He held her gaze for another moment and then drew back a little,
pausing to consider. Romana didn't look away. Finally he sighed again. "All
right. Byron can show you the way into the complex...but it will have to wait
until later, after the staff has gone home and everything is shut down."
"What? That might be too late for the Doctor! We've got to..."
Garner held up a hand. "It can't be helped. To go now when there are
people about, it's far too risky. Everyone is looking for *you,* Romana. You'll
have to wait until later. That's the best I can do." He glanced at his wristwatch
and sucked his breath in. "Damn, I have to get back to the colony. The Master
will be wondering where I am." He stood up and turned to Byron. "You know
what to do?"
"Don't give it another thought," Byron said confidently.
Garner nodded and then looked back down at Romana. "I wish I could do
more to help you. If we were ready to make a move on the colony then it
wouldn't matter...but I must protect my own cover as well as those of the other
people we have in the complex. But..." He paused and then a sympathetic smile
touched his lips. "I'll do what I can to make sure the Doctor isn't hurt badly. If
all else fails I can try to engineer a bit of an equipment failure."
Romana breathed a sigh of relief. "I appreciate anything you can do to
help. Is Ace all right?"
"None too happy with her situation but otherwise fine." He touched her
shoulder and then turned away and disappeared back into the transport shaft.
Romana stood up and looked at Byron.
"Well...what now?"
"We have some things to prepare, so we'd best get started."
Garner and the Doctor walked in silence towards the lab. The Doctor
sensed that Garner had many things he'd like to say but didn't dare. In point of
fact, he was beginning to suspect that there was more to this quiet one-armed
man than met the eye.
They rode up for what seemed like forever in the executive elevator and
emerged on the top floor. The air was acrid with the smell of ozone and
soldering compound, the laboratory lying in careless disarray. Garner led the
Doctor through the maze of tables, discarded equipment and junked devices to
the one well-lit corner. The Doctor noted with little surprise what appeared to
be a genetic extractor mounted into an evil-looking vivisection chair. A figure
was hunched over a computer console, muttering to himself. He didn't appear to
notice their arrival.
Garner cleared his throat loudly. The Master...for he could be no one
else...stopped his work and then slowly turned around. The Doctor drew in a
nervous breath. He looked so...sane. He'd expected the deteriorating Master to
be nearing the breaking point with a combination of decay, desperation and
madness...but in his eyes was calm determination and strength. His body looked
healthy and his expression was controlled.
"Doctor," he purred.
The Doctor swallowed his apprehension and cast another glance around the
room. "You've chosen a lovely locale," he said. "Very moody."
"It suits my purpose."
"And that would be...?"
"Surely you can guess, Doctor. You had to have noticed the extractor on
your way in...and it cannot have escaped your keen observation skills that while
I am in an unfamiliar body, I do not appear to be decaying or desperate."
"I can only surmise that you've found yet another way to stabilize
yourself until a more permanent solution can be devised."
"A permanent solution with which you will provide me, Doctor!" he
exclaimed, betraying the first emotion of the conversation. He stepped back,
the smug smile returning to his face. "And I *have* been able to stabilize
myself, thanks to a fortunate accident with my artron generator."
The Doctor didn't bite. At that moment he didn't much care. "I assume
you're planning on attempting the old fusion transference process."
"You've done your homework, Doctor."
"On the contrary, I was here just after it was discovered."
"Then you know that with your help...whether it's given willingly or not...I
will be able to construct for myself a new Time Lord body and take complete
control of it! At long last I will not be forced to exist in the bodies of these
lower species!"
The Doctor considered several biting comebacks, but then just sighed and
kept silent. He was sick of it. Sick and tired of playing naysayer to whatever
ridiculous plan the Master could come up with. He wasn't playing the game any
more, it had cost him too much already. "Fine. You'll take my genetic code,
maybe kill me, et cetera. This has nothing to do with Ace. Please...let her go,"
he said, staring into his old enemy's eyes...and hoping, perhaps irrationally, to
see there that small part of him which had once been a friend.
The Master considered for a moment, looking a bit puzzled at the Doctor's
simple words. "I'm sorry, Doctor, she's too important."
"She's served her purpose...I'm here, aren't I? Let her go!" he said, more
forcefully.
The Master ignored him. "Garner, when does our launch window open for
the fusion collector?"
"Tomorrow morning...but I must point out that the automation systems
aren't functional! We can't possibly launch without some way to pilot..." He
trailed off, horrified, as the last piece fell into place. The Master smiled slyly
and chuckled. Garner fetched a deep sigh.
The Doctor looked from one to the other, alarmed. "What? What are you
talking about?"
The Master, still chuckling, returned to his calculations after a small
gesture which said 'tell him.' Garner shook his head sadly and turned to the
Doctor. "The energy for the transference is provided by..."
"Yes, yes, I know, a fusion collector which is launched into the corona of
the Cerean Sun. Controlled by remote because the intense radiation would kill
a..." He stopped as he too realized what the Master had meant. His face
darkened. "Oh no. You can't."
"I most certainly can."
"She won't do it!" the Doctor said, trying to keep the tremor out of his
voice.
The Master came closer until he and the Doctor were mere inches apart.
"She *will* do it, Doctor...because you're going to tell her to."
"I'll die first!"
"Oh, I don't think that will be necessary."
"But WHY?!?" the Doctor cried, horror and fury shaking him all over.
"You could pilot it by remote! You don't have to do this!" His voice dropped.
"If you want me dead, then kill me. Don't harm her. I'm..." He swallowed.
"I'm begging you."
The Master smiled in triumph. "Oh, it does my heart good to hear you
finally say that, Doctor. But it won't change my mind, of course."
The Doctor hung his head, a despair too deep for tears surrounding his
hearts. "Why are you doing this?" he asked hollowly.
The Master grasped the Doctor's chin and raised his head up, forcing him
to look upon the face of his enemy. "Because you beg me not to, my dear
Doctor."
Mona stood in the hallway opposite Ace and the Doctor's cell door, waiting
for Garner to arrive. She'd been walking about invisible all afternoon so she
could eavesdrop. A few moments earlier she'd heard Ruth, the warden,
acknowledge some transfer orders for the Doctor. It was beginning.
Soon enough Garner's even footfalls sounded on the tiled floor. He came
around the corner, his face grim. Mona smiled. She didn't need to peek into his
thoughts to know that he was hating life right now. He opened the cell door and
emerged momentarily with the Doctor in tow. Neither of them spoke as they
moved off down the cellblock. Mona watched them go, debating whether to
follow them or go into the cell and talk to Ace...then she felt a tap on her
shoulder. She whipped her head around, startled out of transparence, to see a
man standing there in a colonial security uniform. He smiled pleasantly at her.
"Hello, Mona."
"Denomolos! What are you doing here?" She tensed up, bracing for an
attack, but he seemed pretty relaxed.
"Just...observing," he said casually. He winked at her and then without
another word moved off down the hall, disappearing after a few steps.
Mona stared at the empty air where he'd just been, thinking. A shudder
passed down her spine and she squared her shoulders and walked through the
door to Ace's cell.
Ace was pacing again, nervously chewing on one knuckle. She glanced
briefy at Mona but didn't slow her steps or speak. Mona stood and watched her
for a few moments.
"You could get out of here, you know," she finally said.
"No," Ace said immediately. "I'm not going anywhere."
"You've still got the time ring, haven't you?"
Ace looked up at her, impressed that she knew about the time ring. "Yes,
I've still got it."
"Use it! That proximity alarm is a piece of cake. Disconnect it, and take
yourself to Romana's TARDIS!"
"No chance."
"You could get outside the complex and get help. You'd rather stay in
here, helpless?"
"Number one, I'm never helpless," Ace said, her eyes flashing. "Also, I
don't know where Romana's TARDIS is. I could end up anywhere. I also don't
know how to fly it, so wherever it is, I'd be stuck there. I don't know where
these rebels are, I don't know where Romana is, and I don't have any of my
gear. I'm better off in here where I know what's what."
"There's another reason."
"I'm not leaving him here alone," she said softly. She stared at the floor
for a moment and then gave a start, glancing up at Mona with a brief look of
embarrassment as if she were surprised that she'd actually said that aloud.
She harrumphed and drew her shoulders up. "I need to be here, Mona. Sooner
or later the Master will take me out of this cell, if only to gloat." She fell
silent and sat down on the bench, her hands straying unconsciously to rest over
her abdomen. Mona cocked her head and contemplated the enigmatic woman in
front of her.
"How far along are you?" she asked after a brief consideration.
Ace glanced up at her, not particularly surprised. "Two months."
"Does he know?"
"What do you think?"
Mona sighed and sat down next to her. "There are times when I wish I
were mortal. We Guardians sometimes envy your ability to feel things, and
your intuition, and your spontaneity. I won't pretend to understand your
feelings, but I do wish you weren't such a slave to them."
Ace gave her a sidelong glance. "Oh, that's bleedin' poetic."
"I've often observed that anger is counterproductive."
"Spare me the psychobabble 12-step bullshit, I'm not in the mood," Ace
snapped. "I don't want to 'work through my anger' or 'resolve my conflicts' or
'let go of my hate.' I like my hate, it's comfortable." She paused and her eyes
got an odd faraway look in them. "At first the hate is inside you, something
alive that wants to eat you. After awhile...when you've been angry long enough
it stops being inside you and *you* start being inside of *it.*" Mona shifted
uncomfortably. Ace seemed to have forgotten that she was there. "Was I ever
happy? I can't remember what it felt like. I think I must have always felt like
this. How did I stand it?" She stood up and rubbed her hands over her face,
walking slowly as if in a trance.
"I guess I just don't understand," Mona said finally.
Ace sniffed brief laughter. "Me neither. Too bad things in life can't be
simple like in books. Ever notice that? In books everyone's got one reason for
what they do, and one emotion that happens because of it. Must be nice."
"You hate him, yet you refuse to leave him."
Ace nodded. "Seems sorta strange, doesn't it?" She thought for a
moment. "Once, about a thousand years ago, I told him that hate and love are
not opposites, that they go together most of the time. He was only able to make
me hate him because I love him, and that's not something you can just turn on
and off like a light switch. Believe me, I've had plenty of time to think about
this." She cast a suspicious glance at Mona. "You seem pretty eager for me to
leave all of a sudden."
Mona looked away, wondering how much to tell her. "I have to say that
I've a very strong feeling that this situation is spiralling out of control. It
might really be best if you just cut and run."
Ace's brow furrowed. "What do you mean, out of control? What's going
on out there?"
Mona nodded towards the hallway. "I just had a little encounter with an
old acquaintance of mine, a man named Denomolos. I'm sure that our meeting
was not random. He wanted me to know he was here."
"Who is he?"
"He's a Legion lieutenant."
Ace shut her eyes briefly. "And I'm guessing he's not the only one."
"If he's here, there are a lot more out there too."
"What about Guardians?"
Mona made a confused face. "Well, I haven't been contacted, but that's not
surprising. I'm pretty deep inside. But if I know Theo, where there are Legion
she'll put Guardians."
"It's a battlefield," Ace said grimly. "Their battlefield. And we'll all have
to choose sides or get caught in the crossfire." Silence fell as they both
contemplated this statement. "But why here? Why now?" She looked up at
Mona, her jaw tight. "Why us?" she finished softly.
"I don't know," Mona said. "But I think you should get out of here. I wish I
could help you."
"I can't," Ace said quietly. "Don't you understand that I can't?"
"What I understand is that ever since Seth was taken over, we've all been
dreading the day when he and Theo would finally face each other...a
confrontation that only one of them will walk away from intact. I think that day
is fast approaching, Ace, and believe me you don't want to be here in the middle
of it. Seth won't hesitate to use you or the Doctor as leverage against Theo."
Ace looked up at her. "Maybe he already is."
Theo was standing in her usual I-feel-pensive spot, looking out her office
window at the Gardens. She was trying to determine the exact moment when
she'd lost control. The situation on Ceres Beta had taken on a life of its own and
she was being carried along regardless of how she might feel about it.
Everyone was walking on eggshells around her these days, wondering
when she might go off on another tirade and throw another vase across the
room, or perhaps order another platoon of Guardians to someplace insane.
Angel was doing his job superbly as usual but he was being very cool towards
her, and she knew that speculation about her mental state was running rampant.
She hated it, and she hated herself for losing control of her responses and thus
of her authority.
She wasn't stupid, she knew that her normal concern about the Doctor and
Ace's relationship was recalling certain memories and feelings she thought
she'd put behind her. It irked her to no end that after all this time and after all
he'd done, Seth still had this kind of power over her.
She longed for someone to talk to about this, but the unfortunate reality
was that the buck stopped with her. Everyone else came to *her* with *their*
problems, which did sort of leave her a bit nowhere. She cocked her head as an
idea occurred to her and went back to her desk, pulling to the blotter an
ordinary phone from the corner. She contemplated it for a moment. Ever since
she'd worked here it had sat silently on that corner, used perhaps once or
twice. Her work-related communications were largely mental, but this was a
perfectly commonplace phone that would connect her to anyone on Earth. She
picked up the receiver and dialed a number from memory, listening as that
faraway phone rang in a familiar house.
"Hello?" came the welcome voice. Theo smiled.
"Hi, Mom."
"Hi, honey! What's up?"
Theo paused a moment, considering the half-dozen replies she could make,
each of them a lie to some degree. She opted for brevity. "Nothing much. How
are you?"
"I'm fine. Busy as usual. Your father is over hanging some drapes for the
Bowditch house, and I'm trying to do my bills." Beatrice owned her own
architecture and interior design firm and was always busy with work. "What
are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm at work," Theo said.
"You're still on campus this late?"
"No, Mom...I'm at *work* work."
There was a slight pause. "Honey, what's wrong? You've never called me
from your office before."
Theo blinked, hard. "I know, it's just...I just wanted to talk to you." Now
that she had her on the phone Theo found herself utterly unable to articulate to
her mother how she felt. Beatrice would try, but she couldn't really understand
the weight of Theo's responsibility. No one could...well, perhaps one person
could, but he was currently occupied being experimented upon. "There are
things going on here, things that I can't really explain, and..."
"It's lonely at the top, huh?"
Theo shut her eyes. "Yeah. That's it, exactly. I've been a bit emotional
lately, and it's got everyone freaked out this end, I mean Angel is barely
speaking to me..."
"You're only human, Theo."
"That's the problem, Mom. I'm only human but I can't act like one or feel
like one, and I'm surrounded by people who don't know what that's like." Her
words were coming more quickly now.
"Maybe you've done enough. Can't you step down?" Beatrice asked
hopefully. It was no secret that she was rather uncomfortable with the fact
that her daughter was saddled with so much responsibility and exposed to such
great danger.
"No, I can't. I don't really want to, it's only been a tough few days." She
didn't mention Seth. On that subject Beatrice had all the righteous anger of a
mother protecting her child, and Theo didn't need to hear another rant right
then. "Things will be better soon," she said with false optimism.
Beatrice was not fooled. "You're sure you can't tell me more? No, no,
don't answer that, if you could you would have."
Theo glanced out the window, realizing that her impulse to call her mother
had been pure escapism. She couldn't really talk to her about this. "Listen,
Mom, I've got to go. Thanks for listening."
"I don't think I was much help. Just remember that even though you're
some kind of gladiator for the rest of the universe, to me you're just my
daughter."
"I'll remember that, Mom. Sometime soon I might need to take a little
time off and just be myself for a bit."
"Good. I'll look forward to it."
She hung up and stood, feeling like that had been pointless. I need some
release or I'm going to burst, she thought. Best to get out of the office for a
bit. She picked up her jacket and strode out the door.
"Where are you off to?" Angel asked as she passed his desk.
"Out," she snapped, immediately regretting the snippishness in her own
voice but unable to help it. She walked out of the building and into the gardens,
not stopping until she found a secluded bench to perch on. Directly in front of
her was a small shaded pond with a fountain, and the glade where she sat was
enclosed with birch trees. A light breeze was blowing and their two-sided
leaves glittered back and forth, making a light sighing sound. Theo tossed a few
rocks into the pond, watching the ripples fan out and merge, trying to
remember if she'd ever felt so utterly alone in all her life.
Romana sat cross-legged on the grass next to a tranquil pond in the Soul
Gardens, thinking how much it resembled the gardens in the Domain...except not
quite as peaceful. The surroundings certainly were idyllic, but always there
was the sense of secrecy, the adrenaline of outrage and the stress of inaction.
That last one Romana could intimately identify with. Byron had told her that
they should hold off their infiltration of Colony Central until after midnight.
She'd been...upset.
"Midnight? That's seven hours away! Anything could happen between now
and then. Surely we can get in sooner...the complex must be shut down earlier
than midnight."
"You'd be surprised," Byron had said. "It's a weeknight, and in the
evenings there are always meetings, research summits, late business dinners.
Things don't really quiet down until after midnight. We've done a few recon
trips into the complex, and believe me it's a lot easier if you wait."
"I don't care about easy..."
He'd put a hand on her shoulder then and looked at her directly. "Romana,
it won't help the Doctor or Ace if we are caught. And if we are caught, they
will kill us. That's a promise."
She couldn't argue with that, so she'd come out here to wait. She idly
plucked at the grass, wishing for a breeze.
"Hey there," said a voice. She looked up to see Byron towering over her.
"Mind if I join you?"
She motioned to the grass next to her. "Be my guest."
He sat down, stretching his legs out in front of him. They sat in silence
for a few moments. "This Doctor is very important to you, isn't he?"
She sighed. "Well, I'm not too happy with him at the moment...but yes, he
is."
"What'd he do?" Byron said with a small smile, wondering how anyone
could be so stupid as to do anything to incur this woman's wrath.
She glanced at him. "Let's just say he hurt Ace very deeply, which is
something I'd thought he'd rather die than do. He isn't the person I thought he
was...and that's hard to face."
"How long have you known him?"
"Seems like forever. I was terribly young when I met him, and very full
of ideas about how proper Time Lords should behave."
"None of which he conformed to."
"None. I knew he was a genius, they'd told me as much about him on
Gallifrey, but I also thought him a fool...someone who didn't know how to handle
themselves in the universe or how to get anything done." She chuckled,
remembering. "I soon learned otherwise."
"What made you change your mind?" Byron asked, anxious for the chance
to peek inside this woman's mind. Although he would never have admitted it, he
found Romana fascinating...and beautiful.
"A swordfight," she said, her smile broadening. "We were on a planet
called Tara, and as usual ended up in a bit of snag. The Doctor was challenged to
duel with Count Grendel, a master swordsman. I was sure the Doctor would be
cut to ribbons and that would be it."
"I take it that's not what happened."
"The Doctor beat him, easily. I watched him during that fight, and the
perpetual look of whimsy was gone from his face...replaced with a different
one, a powerful one, even a dangerous one. It had never occurred to me that his
foolishness might be a put-on, so enemies wouldn't guess how formidable a foe
they were about to meet." She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her
chin on them. It was an unguarded gesture that Byron found endearing. "I had
more respect for him after that...and I began to learn from him."
Another companionable silence fell. "I'm looking forward to meeting your
Doctor," Byron said finally.
"You will," Romana said determinedly.
Byron smiled and stood up. "Well, I have something to show you," he said,
taking her hand to pull her to her feet.
"What?"
"I think you'll approve," he said. "And it will help us with our task." He
led her around the corner to an open square paved with bricks. Sitting off to
one side was a small dilapidated shed which took Romana a few seconds to
recognize.
"My TARDIS!" she said, grinning. "However did you get it here? It's very
heavy."
"I'll say! Ten of us dressed up as sanitation workers and cleared it off the
street onto a lorry and lowered it into the transport shaft with a crane we
boosted from a demolition yard."
Romana kept her poker face with considerable effort. Poor Byron stood
there beaming, thinking he'd done something so helpful and beyond the call of
duty, hoping he'd impressed her. She hated to burst his bubble. "Oh, Byron,
that was...resourceful of you, but you really should have asked me."
His face fell. "Why? Don't you want it here?"
"Oh yes, of course! It'll be much easier to get into the complex in the
TARDIS...but if you'd told me you were going to collect it I could just have used
this and saved you the trouble," she said, pulling the recall switch from her
pocket. She pressed the button and the TARDIS dematerialized from across the
square and reappeared right next to her, in its natural form. "It's a remote
control. I can call my TARDIS back to me any time I like." Byron's expression,
an odd combination of sheepish, annoyed and amazed, deserved some kind of
historical preservation. Finally he shook his head.
"Well, don't I feel like the perfect ass," he said under his breath.
Romana laughed. "Not at all," she said, taking his arm. "Let me show you
around."
Theo had just about made up her mind to get up and stop feeling sorry for
herself when she sensed a presence behind her. She stiffened, thinking it might
be Angel, but then realized that it wasn't. She closed her eyes and said a brief
prayer to whatever deity might be listening for sending him here just when she
needed him the most. She didn't turn but waited for him to approach.
A hand fell on her shoulder. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to stay out
past dark? You'll catch your death."
She sighed. "It never gets dark here," she said.
"Well then perhaps it ought to. It's not natural, 24 hours a day of sunlight.
Disrupts the circadian rhythms."
"Always the galactic Mr. Fix-it, eh, Doctor?"
"Someone's got to do it. So many things going wrong in so many ways."
She could hear him smiling. Theo stood up and hugged him, standing on tiptoe to
get her arms around his neck.
"You're too bloody tall," she said as he hugged her back.
"This is an enthusiastic reception," he said as they turned to walk back
towards HQ, tossing his scarf over his shoulder.
"I'm glad to see you," she said, taking his arm.
"Why particularly now?"
She paused. "I'm just feeling rather low."
"You? That's odd. You're usually the only one able to keep her cheery
disposition."
"Not today," she said glumly.
He stopped and looked down at her. "Now that's not the Theo I know.
You'd better tell me what's troubling you."
She smiled and nodded. "Then let's go and get some tea, shall we?"
Theo didn't want to spend another minute inside her office just then so
they adjourned to the quarters she used when she had to stay here. Sensing her
distress, the Doctor insisted on fixing the tea. She sat in one of the leather club
chairs and again blessed whatever providence had brought him here. This
situation wasn't unusual. She knew all thirteen incarnations of the Doctor, and
could be visited by any of them at any time. On one memorable occasion she'd
had a visit from the 9th in the morning and had ended up playing cricket with the
5th in the afternoon. It wasn't just that, though...of all the Doctors she felt
closest to this one, the fourth. Often times the Doctor was a bit uncomfortable
with her, for he was accustomed to being the smartest and most powerful
person in any room. The different Doctors handled being around her differently,
some better than others, and sometimes it got in the way of their frienship.
This one, however...he didn't seem to care one whit that she could snap him out
of existence. She never sensed that he was awkward or self-conscious with
her as she sometimes did with the others.
He handed her a teacup and sat in the neighboring wing chair.
"Where's Sarah Jane?" she asked, placing his age by his clothes.
He shifted in the chair and set down his teacup. "I took her home."
"Why?"
"I had to. I was called to Gallifrey and I couldn't take her with me." He
looked sad, which didn't surprise Theo. He'd been very fond of Sarah Jane.
"What happened on Gallifrey?" she asked. He shifted again and glanced at
her. She leaned forward. "Is that why you came to see me?"
He cleared his throat. "I had a rather disturbing experience on Gallifrey
and it's left me a bit...unnerved."
"That's a first," Theo said, her interest aroused. "Tell me about it."
He shook his head. "The details aren't important, it's just more Time Lord
nonsense."
"Did you come here to get yourself centered?"
"Yes," he said, meeting her eyes. "This is the only place I *can* do that,
it's the only place where I'm really free."
"Naturally. When you're here, it's not your lot to fix things...that's my
job." She sat back, her last comment reminding her of her own troubles.
He watched her for a moment then stood, moving over to the fireplace.
"When are you going to tell me what's been going on around here?"
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"You know very well what I mean. When I landed I was amazed! Everyone
around here's walking about on tiptoes! I asked Angel where you were and he
almost bit my head off! The gardens were deserted, the few Guardians I did see
where whispering to each other and scurrying about like they were afraid of
something! What are they afraid of?"
Theo sighed and clenched her hands together. "Me. They're afraid of me."
"Don't be silly."
"I'm not! Doctor, it's a very bad time. There's...there's a situation that
we're involved in with Seth at the moment, the most serious one we've had in
years. The circumstances are a bit unusual and it's...oh hell." She rubbed her
forehead.
"What's the situation?"
She shook her head. "I'm afraid I can't tell you."
His eyebrows shot up. "It must involve me if you can't tell me about it."
"Yes, it does," she said. "All I can say is that at the moment I'm terribly
worried about you and the situation you're in has forced Seth and I to keep
escalating until I fear it will become an all-out war."
He sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of her and leaned forward.
"That's not the real problem, though. I've been in danger before and will be
again, and it never caused you this kind of distress."
"I know. And you're right," she said, feeling her throat tighten. She
looked away for a moment and bit her lip, hard. "I thought I was over him," she
said, almost too softly for him to hear. He leaned closer to listen. "It was
three years ago, it's over...but it's not, it never will be."
"You still feel for him, don't you?"
"How can I not?" she cried. "It's not as if we grew apart and our
relationship ended naturally. He was destroyed, but even then it's not as if he
were killed! He might still be alive," she said, voicing her most secret
innermost fear. "My Seth might be buried in there underneath all that hate,
hoping for rescue and wondering why I don't come for him."
"You don't know that. He's never given any indication that..."
"I know, I know, but..." She threw up her hands and pushed past him to
lean against the mantle. "No one around here understands a damn thing."
"They're Guardians, they see things differently."
"You see? You're the only one who realizes that!" she exclaimed, a few
tears trickling down her cheeks. They alarmed him, for they were the first
he'd ever seen her shed. "I have the power of a Guardian, I have the
responbility of the Guardian, I am forever surrounded by Guardians but I am
*not* a Guardian! I'm a human being and I'm just as prone as anyone to..." She
stopped, not sure what she meant.
"To what?"
She stood turned away, her arms wrapped around her midsection, shaking
her head. "I wasn't enough, you see," she said quietly. "I didn't mean enough to
him, I couldn't hold him here with the force of my feelings."
He stood slowly, cursing Seth inwardly. If he only knew how deep the
scars from that betrayal ran. "Theo, listen to me please. This wasn't your
fault, or Seth's. He did love you, I saw that, we all did."
"The things I want aren't all for the universe, Doctor. Some things I want
for myself. Someone to love, a home...but I don't know if I can ever manage it
again."
"Manage what?" he said, moving to stand next to her.
"You know, the whole thing. No one is my equal anymore. Everyone either
works for me, or against me, or is afraid of me, or is in awe of me." She
swiped at her eyes and glanced up at him. "I expect you know a little about
that."
"Quite a lot," he said.
"How could I have let this happen?" she said through clenched teeth. "And
how could it have ended so badly? I never dealt with it at all, it's just sitting
there waiting to be dredged up...and that's what's happening now, and I'm
powerless to stop it." She was speaking in low monotone, staring straight
ahead...a hopeless, defeated sound that made the Doctor shiver. "I love him, I
hate him...my life is a misery," she said.
The Doctor searched for the right words but came up empty. "Come
now...what would Angel say if he could hear you talking like that?" he said with
a smile, attempting levity. It failed miserably.
"Angel doesn't know the first thing about me, Doctor, he never did," she
said flatly. "He knows nothing of living...he's an observer," she said, unware of
how accurate that statement was.
"I'm sorry, Theo, I just don't know what to say to you."
She smiled bitterly. "It's all right, Doctor. There's nothing to say, I know
that now. No magic words, no happy endings." She turned her back to him and
hung her head. "Will I ever be able to have a normal relationship with anyone
else as long as I live? Will this never be over?"
He stepped forward. "You've a normal relationship with me."
She turned to face him. "That's not what I mean. You're not like other
men," she said. The silence fell again like a guillotine between them. Theo
found herself suddenly unable to meet his eyes. She watched his shoes step
closer.
"Why?" she heard him ask softly, musingly...as if he were surprised that
he was asking the question. "Why am I different?"
She raised her head and looked up at him. They were standing no more
than six inches apart by now. Her mouth opened but no words came out at first.
"I...I...I don't know why," she managed.
He nodded slightly. "Well...perhaps I shouldn't be. Just for once," he
whispered.
Theo's chest hitched but she couldn't look away from him. "Are you sure
about this?" she whispered back. He shook his head slightly. "Good," she
breathed. "Only Guardians are ever really sure."
"And you're not a Guardian," he finished. Theo's lower lip trembled but
her eyes were dry. She laid her head on his chest, feeling him bow his face
against the top of her head and wrap his arms around her. "Tell me what you
need," he whispered. Her arms crept around his waist. It had been a very long
time since anyone had held her like this, or cared about what she needed. She
tried to remind herself that this man was her friend, no more...but at this
moment it didn't seem to matter. What was about to happen was an act of
love...and friendship is a kind of love, after all.
She lifted her chin and met his unwavering gaze. "I need to feel alive,"
she said. He smiled gently down at her and nodded. Theo shut her eyes and
tried to push everything else away from her as she felt his lips touch hers,
first tentatively...and then not so tentatively. Ceres Beta went without much of
a struggle. The Doctor and Ace were tougher, but after a few moments they
receded as well. Angel was more stubborn. He wouldn't shut up...but by the
time her jacket and the Doctor's coat and scarf were on the floor he had gone.
Seth was by far the most difficult image to banish. His face, both light and
dark, kept floating before her mind's eye and reminding her that the last time
she'd done this it had been with him, the one she had loved and who had betrayed
her and tried to kill her and would do so again. It seemed impossible to forget
him, even for a few moments...but finally, as she was lifted and carried away,
there was nothing in her thoughts of her Guardianship, only of her own
sensations and her own humanity and of this man, her dearest mortal friend,
who was helping her remember what it was like to be loved.
The Doctor was staring at the ceiling of the lab. He had little choice, his
head was strapped into a metal frame and couldn't be turned. He'd been stripped
to the waist and securely locked into the extraction shair, unable to move any
part of his body. He tried to tell himself that fear wasn't productive, but it
didn't help. He was bloody scared and there was no use denying it. The
prospect of thinly disguised torture wasn't pleasant, but he could handle it. He
was more afraid of what would happen to Ace after the Master had done with
him. He had an idea of how his old nemesis intended to convince her to pilot the
launch, and the most frightening part of it was that it might actually work.
She'd be launched towards the sun, thinking she'd return safely...at what point
would she realize she'd been had? He wasn't deluded enough to think that he'd
be in any condition to help her, or even that he'd be alive. Perhaps she could
still be helped, by Romana in her TARDIS, or by Theo...no, she'd never
interefere. He frowned, another memory occurring to him. Theo...
"Garner?" he said weakly. His chest was constricted by metal bands and
it was hard to draw a full breath.
After a moment the Master's major domo appeared over him. "Yes,
Doctor?"
"What's the date? In Galactic Standard Time?"
Garner flipped open his wristwatch with a frown. "It's 5-stroke-7-
stroke-32198. Why do you ask?"
The Doctor smiled vaguely. "Oh, no reason." Odd thing about time travel,
he thought. The missing pieces fall into place at the strangest times. This was
what she'd been worried about, the crisis that had prompted their long-ago
tryst. It must have been...oh dear. His problems with Ace must have reminded
her of hers with Seth...and she'd talked about a buildup, an escalation. His
anxiety grew. A large Legion and Guardian presence on this planet, right
now...and it was building to something, she'd feared "all-out war." Lots of
loose ends flying together all at once, Doctor, he thought to himself. Best hang
on to your hat.
The Doctor recoiled as the Master's face appeared looking down at him.
"We're almost ready to start, my dear Doctor. Let me say in advance that it's
truly been an honor to share the universe with you."
The Doctor glared up at his smug, smiling face. "You once said that a
universe without me in it scarcely bore thinking about," he said.
"Sentimental words spoken by a man who still had many options," the
Master replied, his face hardening. "I have respected you. But respect is a
poor substitute for a real existence. You haven't tasted despair until you've
realized that you were alone in the universe without even a real body of your
own to inhabit...and you'll never known the satisfaction of destroying the man
who condemned you to that state," he finished, his lips curling into a sneer.
"You condemned yourself when you turned to evil!" the Doctor exclaimed
with as much force as he could muster. His head fell back against the head of
the extraction chair. "Do whatever you like with me," he said. "You and I both
knew that one of us would win in the end. But I ask you again to spare Ace. You
don't need her, it's senseless." He felt cold through to his bones and as helpless
as the ground beneath a thunderstorm.
"Senselessness has its own kind of poetry, Doctor. But not so much as
your knowledge that after you are gone I will make her pay for all your
offenses," the Master hissed at him. He straightened up then and reached
across the Doctor's body to pick up a hypodermic needle. He depressed the
plunger slightly, clearing the air bubbles, then stuck it into the Doctor's arm
with no finesse. The Doctor gritted his teeth. "This will relax your muscles,
Doctor...not that I think even you capable of escape from this chair, but it will
make my work easier. I shall return momentarily when it has taken effect.
Garner!" he snapped, motioning to his assistant. "Watch him." He turned and the
Doctor heard his receding footsteps.
Garner stood over the extraction chair, his lips pressed together in a grim
little line. The Doctor studied his face. He was more convinced than ever that
this man had secrets.
"I can trust you, can't I?" he whispered. Garner cocked one eyebrow.
"You're not one of them, are you? Just tell me that much."
Garner glanced at the door where the Master had gone and then back down
at the captive Time Lord. He shut his eyes briefly and sighed. "No, I'm not," he
mouthed back.
"Good. I need you to take a message for me."
"To whom?"
"To Ace...to my wife." Garner frowned and glanced at the door again.
"Please."
"All right," he said, leaning over the Doctor.
"Tell her not to trust me, whatever she does."
Garner's brows drew together in puzzlement. "What? Not to trust
*you?*"
"You'll know what I mean soon...and also..." He paused.
"What?"
"Tell her I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking. "Tell her that I've
always loved her, and I always will." He felt the effects of the drug taking hold
of him...it was hard to make his mouth form the words.
Garner bit his lip and then patted the Doctor's hand, feeling sick to his
stomach at what was about to be done to this Time Lord who lay there on the
table, tears shining in his eyes. "I'll try not to let him kill you," he whispered.
The Doctor nodded, feeling like his head was floating away from his body,
tethered to it by a weak piece of string like a balloon. The door banged open
again and the Master returned, carrying a black sample transport case. He
opened it on the table next to the extraction chair and leaned over his subject.
"Comfy?" he said. The Doctor could scarcely roll his eyes to look at him.
"Good. Then let's begin." He picked up a sharp pincer-like tool and leaned over
the Doctor with a predatory twinkle in his eyes.
