Love is a stranger in an open car
To tempt you in and drive you far away...
Love is a danger of a different kind
To take you away and leave you far behind
It's savage and it's cruel and it shines like destruction
Comes in like a flood and it seems like religion
It's noble and it's brutal it distorts and deranges
And it wrenches you up and you're left like a zombie...
--The Eurythmics
Chapter 6: STRANGER
As the TARDIS materialized in the Rotunda Angel was there waiting
for it. The doors opened and an anxious-looking Doctor emerged to rush up
to the deputy Guardian.
"Where's Ace? Is she all right?" he asked, grasping Angel's black-
clad arm.
"She and Romana are over at the med complex," Angel said soothingly,
laying a hand on the Doctor's shoulder. "She'll be fine, relax." The Doctor
sighed and shut his eyes. The TARDIS doors opened again and the other
Doctor and Romana stepped out. "Well, Doctor! Been awhile since we've
seen *you.*"
"Hello, Angel. Is Ace..."
"She's fine," Angel said. "I'll take you over there, follow me." He
turned and started down the hallway. "I'll say this, Doctor, your timing
was good. She wouldn't have lasted much longer. That Dalek stun weapon is
ruthless...it's almost worse than being outright exterminated. This...this
lets you linger." He glanced over at the Doctor's pained face, wondering
what had possessed him to babble on about this particular subject. "Sorry,
Doctor."
"It's all right. She's fine, we're fine, everything's...fine." He sighed.
Add that to his impressive list of lifetime lies. They came into the medical
complex and the first sight that greeted them as they came into the
treatment area was the TARDIS. Romana was at the desk talking to a
Guardian, but when they came in she excused herself and walked over.
"Oh, Doctor, you made it!" She looked at the younger Doctor and
herself. "You all made it," she said, smiling. The younger Romana looked
away, seeming a bit disoriented.
The Doctor was looking about anxiously. "Where..." he began, then he
spotted Ace sitting on a bed in a nearby glassed-in treatment room, talking
to Theo. She turned her head and saw the newcomers. A wide grin broke
out over her face and she hopped off the bed and burst out of the treatment
room. She ran to the Doctor and flung her arms around his neck. He stood
stiffly for an instant then hugged her back. The others watched, smiling, as
they embraced.
"Cor, never a dull moment, eh? There were a few times I thought
sure we'd never see each other again," she murmured, kissing him...and
wondering why he didn't really kiss her back. When she'd returned from
her plain ordinary non-life-threatening visit to Maire's he'd kissed her till
her lips hurt, for heaven's sake.
"Are you all right?" he asked, drawing back to look into her face.
"Really?"
She nodded. "They fixed me right up. I'm good as new...really." Her
eyes narrowed as she examined his face. "You don't look so good, though.
What's wrong?" she asked softly.
He smiled thinly. "Nothing." He stepped away and looked towards the
others. Ace turned to them, increasingly puzzled at his odd behavior...and
something *was* wrong.
"Is *everyone* all right? All present and accounted for?"
"Quite," the younger Romana said. Her older self stepped forward.
"Ace...do you think we might speak alone for a moment?" She wanted
Ace to know exactly how she and the Doctor had found the Dalek ship.
"Sure," Ace said, her brow furrowing more. *Everyone* was acting
strangely. She glanced over at her husband, who had a look of vague
discomfort on his face. The other Doctor looked confused and somewhat
apprehensive and the younger Romana looked downright suspicious. This is
a cheerful bunch, she thought. We've just thwarted Fenric and we all
escaped with our lives. Why is everyone so bloody tense? Romana took her
arm and they went into a closed-in treatment room across the hallway.
Ace sat down on the edge of the bed and Romana shut the door after
them. "Ace...you might be wondering how the Doctor and I found you."
"Well, I hadn't really gotten round to thinking about it but now that you
mention it, yes."
Romana sighed. "It turns out that I'm a wolf of Fenric too."
Ace's eyes widened. "You? How?"
"Seems that when the Doctor and I went to Constantinople and he
played the chess game, I didn't stay in the TARDIS as I thought I had. I
snuck out and I was intercepted by Fenric. He suppressed my memories of
the encounter."
Ace leaned forward. "Did Fenric use you, Romana?" The Time Lady
looked away. "It's okay. Don't be ashamed of it. It's beyond your control."
"Yes, he did. But it worked out in the end...it tipped us off that I was a
wolf, and that meant that the TARDIS was able to use me to find you."
Ace nodded, finding it hard to get worked up over these
revelations...and she had some concerns of her own. "Great. Listen,
Romana...what's wrong with the Doctor?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't tell me you didn't notice. He was so distant...he's never like
that. It seemed like it was all he could do to hug me!" She looked up at
Romana, a worried look on her face. "What's going on?"
"I don't know...maybe he's just tired. Perhaps you should ask him."
Ace crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't worry, I will." There
was a knock at the door. Romana turned and opened it up to find the Doctor
standing there.
"Romana, I wonder if I might speak to my wife alone?" he said, rather
too politely. Ace and Romana exchanged a glance, and Romana nodded and
stepped aside. The Doctor entered, his hat in his hand, avoiding Ace's eyes.
Romana left the room, shutting the door behind her.
Ace stood. "Okay, buster. What's going on here? What's wrong?"
He looked up at her. "A great deal." His face...Ace sighed and walked
over to him, taking both of his hands in hers.
"Tell me what it is," she said softly. "Whatever it is, we can work it
out." To her shock he pulled away from her and retreated across the room.
It was tantamount to a rejection of her support. "Doctor, what's with you?
You've never withdrawn from me like this before, what's..."
"Ace, I can't take this anymore," he exclaimed, cutting her off. "I
can't *do* this anymore!" He turned half away and put a hand over his
eyes, his breath rattling.
Ace backed up a bit, feeling a lead weight settle into the pit of her
stomach. "Can't do what?" she asked tightly.
He whirled on her. "This! Us! I can't do it!"
Her eyes widened, and she strode over and grabbed him by the
shoulders. "What are you saying?" He didn't answer but broke away and
turned his back. Ace felt cold all over. He couldn't mean it. It was just a
reaction to recent events. "Doctor, we've been through worse than this
before and come out all right."
"You don't understand," he said dully, his back still to her.
"Then explain to me what's going through your mind."
"You almost died."
"It wasn't the first time, and it probably won't be the last," she said,
forcing a smile.
He turned then and fixed her with an intense gaze that made the hairs
on the back of her neck stand up. "Suppose I'd had to sacrifice you?
Suppose it had come down to you or the timeline?"
Her jaw worked. "You would have made a decision."
He shook his head. "I don't think I would have been able to." He sighed.
"As a Time Lord I should be prepared to sacrifice one life to preserve the
timeline or in the furtherance of a greater good...but if that one life were
yours I don't know if I could do it." His voice caught a bit at the end.
Ace swallowed over a lump in her throat. "Look, it's no use worrying
about things that might have happened. It's over."
"It's not over!" he cried with sudden vehemence. "It'll never be over!
Don't you see? It didn't come to that this time, but what about the next
time? And the time after that? There might come a time when I don't have
a choice!"
Ace felt the first twinges of anger at his typical self-indulgent angst.
"Doctor, that's *my* problem. If I know the risks of traveling with a Time
Lord and I choose to stay with you anyway, who are you to say otherwise?"
"Who am I? I'm your husband!"
"Don't you dare pull that," she said through clenched teeth. "Yes, you
are my husband...and that means we stay together, you know, for better or
for worse! Till death do us part!"
"Not a death that I've let you in for!" They stared at each other for a
moment, the words hanging in the air between them. His expression was
terrible, bleak and resigned. His mouth opened and closed a few times
before he could force his next words out of his throat. "Ace...you need to
get away from me. As far as you can and as soon as you can." Once he'd
said the words he shut his eyes for a moment, the muscles in his jaw
grinding.
Ace backed away, her hands trembling, till her legs hit the bed and she
couldn't back up any further. "You're leaving me, aren't you?" she
whispered. He looked away, silent. Her hands gripped the bed's top sheet
convulsively. This wasn't happening.
"Remember Odelphus?" he said, barely loud enough to hear. She
nodded, unable to speak. "You asked me if it was worth it."
"You...you said it was worth anything." He looked at her wordlessly.
She sank down on the edge of the bed. "You've changed your mind," she
said flatly. It was not a question.
He looked guilty and ashamed...and miserable. He couldn't even meet
her eyes. "For your own good you need to be far away from me, Ace," he
said. "If anything happened to you because of me...I don't think I could live
with myself." He leaned on his brolly, still not looking at her.
An icy mask of calm fell over Ace's eyes, fury rising in her that was
too large to express. "You bastard," she said coldly. He looked up,
surprised. "This isn't about me at all."
"Ace..."
"God, you're so predictable! You never change, do you? You probably
even think you're justified in doing this for the good of the universe or some
other such bullshit!" she cried. Her fingers dug into the mattress. She was
shaking all over and trying not to think about what this might mean.
"You don't understand..." he said imploringly.
"I understand. I understand perfectly. Remember who you're talking
to, *Professor.* I know you better than anyone." In spite of herself Ace
felt tears welling in the corners of her eyes. "You can't handle the
distraction of worrying about me, can you? You don't want to risk all that
*inconvenience* that might result if something did happen to me. You're
too..." She trailed off. "Loving me makes you feel vulnerable, and you
can't deal with it."
"It's too hard!" he exclaimed before he could stop himself. He sighed
and hung his head.
She nodded ruefully. "And our marriage doesn't mean enough to you to
make it worth the effort." She sniffed and swiped a hand across her eyes.
A tear trickled down his cheek. "I'm doing this for you," he
murmured. "You're better off..."
"Stop saying that!" she screamed, her clenched fists jabbing at the
air. "The worst part is that you probably even believe it! You're not doing
this for me, you're doing it for yourself!"
The Doctor's face went blank. Ace recognized it as the expression he
wore when he was pushing all his emotions away. She could feel
desperation clawing at her...this *was* really happening. She was losing
him. He turned and walked towards the door, moving like a zombie. Ace put
her hands over her face.
"Did you ever love me?" she whispered hoarsely as his hand fell on
the doorknob. He froze. "Or was it all just an experiment to see what
would happen?"
He spoke without inflection, not turning. "You'll never know how much
I love you. I'm sorry."
Her hands fell away and she looked up at the ceiling, numb. "Is that
all?"
"What else?" He opened the door and went through. He paused on the
threshold and looked back. She still sat stiffly on the edge of the bed, her
hands in her lap, staring at the wall. "Goodbye, Ace," he said flatly, and
closed the door.
Ace felt as though she was going to throw up. She swallowed hard,
unable to get her mind around the fact that her husband had just left her.
She stood, holding herself gingerly as if she were afraid she might tip over.
She took a deep breath and held it, closing her eyes...get ahold of yourself,
Dorothy McShane. She opened her eyes and felt a bit better. She took a
few more deep breaths and felt her mind settling back under her own
control a little at a time. She became aware of pain in her hands...she
raised them to eye level and saw with no real surprise the palms laced with
half-moon shaped cuts where her fingernails had dug in. She stared at them
for a moment, then went over to the sink and began methodically washing
the blood away.
Romana shut the door to the treatment room and walked over to the
group gathered in the waiting area, the TARDIS standing patiently in the
corner. Theo looked at her questioningly.
"He wanted to talk to her alone," Romana said.
"What's going on?" Theo asked.
Romana shook her head. "I don't know...but I have a very bad feeling.
While we were in Constantinople he kept saying things that...well, let's just
say they made me wonder."
There didn't seem to be much else to say. They stood around waiting,
a tangible feeling of dread hanging around them although no one could have
really said why. After a few minutes they heard Ace yell "Stop saying
that!" They exchanged glances.
The Doctor shook his head. "I couldn't possibly be that stupid," he
muttered. The younger Romana looked up at him dubiously.
Romana went to Theo, seated in the waiting area, and leaned over to
whisper to her. "Shouldn't we do something?"
Theo glanced up at her. "Absolutely not," she said, her jaw tight.
The door to the treatment room opened and the Doctor stepped halfway
through. He turned back and they all heard him say, "Goodbye, Ace." Theo
sighed and shut her eyes. He shut the door behind him and stood there for a
moment, his face alarmingly blank. He turned then and walked purposefully
towards the TARDIS, not looking at any of them. The Doctor reached out
and grabbed him by the arm as he passed.
"What have you done?" he said, his voice low.
The Doctor shook the hand off, his face still stony. "Get out of my
way," he said, each word falling like a block of ice from his lips.
"Where are you going?" the older Romana asked, coming forward.
"Nowhere. I'm just going. I'm not going to right a wrong or protect a
civilization or save the universe." He pulled out his TARDIS key and
unlocked the door. "For the moment Time can find another bloody
Champion." He disappeared into the TARDIS, the door slamming shut behind
him. It dematerialized with a wheeze, leaving the three Time Lords and
Theo to stare at the empty space it left behind, their mouths hanging open.
Theo and Romana exchanged a glance and simultaneously headed for the
treatment room where Ace was. The Doctor looked down at his companion.
She cast a glance at him and then started after them but he put out a hand to
stop her. "Romana, wait for me in the TARDIS."
"Why? I want to see if Ace is all right!"
"Let me worry about that. Please...we'll be leaving soon. We have to
resume our journeys as if none of this ever happened." He looked down at
her, his eyes serious.
Romana sighed. "All right." She turned and headed back to the
Rotunda. The Doctor watched her until she disappeared around the corner,
then followed Theo and Romana into the treatment room.
When the two women came into the room Ace was standing at the sink
washing her hands. Romana went over to her and looked over her shoulder,
wincing at the angry half-circle shaped wounds in Ace's palms.
"Ace..." She turned towards them, her face unconvincingly neutral.
Romana didn't know what to say. "Are you all right?" she managed lamely.
Ace sighed and dried her hands. "I will be. It'll...it'll just take some
time," she said, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"What in the world happened?" Theo asked softly.
"Please...don't ask me right now. Maybe it was inevitable."
"Don't say that," Romana said. It hurt her hearts to see Ace
so...resigned. "Perhaps this is just temporary."
Ace snorted brief laughter. "No, I don't think so."
The Doctor came into the room then. Ace couldn't look at him. He
moved to stand next to her. "I feel like I should apologize," he said.
Ace shook her head. "This isn't your fault, Doctor. And I'm not
entirely sure it's his either. Of all people, I should have known better than
to think we had a chance in hell."
The Doctor grasped her by the shoulder. "Don't you for one second
even think of blaming yourself," he said. "I'm the one backing out like a
coward."
Ace looked up into his face. "Why are you doing this to me?" she
asked softly. "You were the first and only thing in my life I thought I could
count on."
The Doctor looked back down at her, a helpless expression on his face.
"I wish I could give you a good reason...but I don't know what we've been
through, I can't see into the future of my own mind." Ace nodded, dropping
her eyes. He stepped back a bit. "What will you do now?" he asked, mock-
casually.
She sighed. "I hadn't gotten that far yet. I suppose I'll go back to
France...try to pick up where I left off." She put one hand over her eyes. "I
can't even think right now. I can't believe that my marriage could have
fallen apart so fast." She looked at Theo, sitting across from her in a
chair, her face imploring the Guardian for explanations. "One minute
everything's fine...then a timestorm comes along, another villain is
defeated and suddenly it's all over. I just can't downshift that fast."
The Doctor shifted his weight and drew himself up to his full six feet
three inches, smiling confidently. Romana raised an eyebrow...that was his
typical compensation posture for moments when he was most unsure of
himself. He cleared his throat. "Well...why don't you come with me, Ace?"
She looked up at him, her eyebrows shooting into her forehead. "With
you?"
"Yes. With me and Romana in my TARDIS. You certainly could be a
great help to us...and for myself I'd like to have you along," he said, the last
phrase tacked on a bit embarrasedly.
Ace thought for a moment, then shook her head. "Thanks, but no.
That wouldn't be right. I don't belong with you." She got up and stood
facing him. "Besides, you and Romana have to continue on as if you'd never
met me, and eventually get to Constantinople and defeat Fenric." Her voice
dropped a bit. "That, at least, has to work out all right in the end."
"But I...I won't remember you," he said. "I've met myself, and the
TARDIS won't let me remember why or how." He looked at his shoes. "I'd
rather not forget you," he said.
Ace smiled up at him gently. "We'll meet again," she said. "And we
both know that we can't risk contaminating the timeline. Go on your way,
have your adventures, live the life you're supposed to live...and I'll see you
in a hundred years or so." She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "But
thanks for asking."
He nodded and smiled, moving towards the door. Halfway there he
stopped and turned back. "You show amazingly little hostility towards me
considering what I've just done to you."
Ace crossed her arms across her chest. "You don't deserve my
hostility, Doctor. *I* don't obsess over things that haven't happened yet,"
she said bitterly.
"You're quite a remarkable woman," he said. "And I must be crazy."
He glanced at Theo and Romana and left the treatment room.
The three women sat in tense silence for a few moments. Unable to
stand it any more, Romana stood up, went to Ace and hugged her. After a
moment Ace hugged her back, her eyes dry but her skin clammy. Theo sat
and watched them, her thoughts tumbling. She couldn't believe he'd done it.
Just when she thought she had the Doctor figured out, he threw another
curve at her. "Ace," she said, "I think you should stay here for at least a
few days. You *were* hit with a stun discharge, and you need some time
to yourself."
Ace pulled away from Romana a bit and looked at the Guardian.
"Thanks, Theo, but I just want to start putting this behind me."
"I'm a bit surprised you're not thinking of ways to get him back,"
Romana said. "You're not one to just take your lumps quietly."
Ace's face hardened. "It would be an exercise in futility, Romana.
Besides...I'm not sure I want him back right now." At that moment the door
opened and the Guardian doctor who'd treated Ace entered the room.
Theo stood. "Hello, Gregg. You have the test results on Ace's neural
functions?"
Gregg smiled at his patient, who looked nervous again. Dalek stun
weapons had been known to leave the brain a bit scrambled. He motioned
for her to sit on the bed and put his index finger briefly on her temple,
checking her vital signs. "Are you feeling all right, Ace?" he asked.
"Physically, fine," she said.
"Good. Your tests were all negative. You don't appear to have
suffered any neurological damage. Pretty lucky," he said. Ace let out a
breath.
"Well, that's good news at least," she said, sliding off the bed. Theo
and Romana both smiled. Any good news was welcome right now.
Gregg, however, wasn't finished. "You got stunned on a Dalek ship?"
"Yes. Long story."
"Well, you should really try and avoid that kind of thing. In your
condition you shouldn't be taking on Daleks," he said, smiling as if sharing a
joke with her. Ace looked at him blankly.
"My condition?" she asked, confused. Theo's heart sank. Oh God, she
thought...please let him be talking about hypoglycemia or something. She
glanced at Romana behind Ace's back and saw similar thoughts in the Time
Lady's shocked blue eyes.
Gregg's eyes flicked from Ace's questioning expression to Theo and
back to Ace. "Um..."
"What are you talking about?" Ace said, anxiety creeping into her
features.
He stepped closer and put a hand on her arm. "Ace...were you
unaware that you're pregnant?"
Theo leaned forward, watching Ace's face. Her apprehensive
expression fell as the slow realization dawned. Gregg looked on, alarmed,
as her arms crept around her torso until she was hugging herself, her eyes
wide and staring. She backed up slowly, retreating from their stares, until
her back hit the wall and she slid down it until she was sitting on the floor,
her arms clasped around her knees. Theo bent and extended a hand to touch
her but Ace swatted it away. "Could everyone leave me alone...please!" she
said, the last word coming out as a half-swallowed moan. Theo backed off
and nodded to Romana and Gregg. They left the room, Ace still sitting
silently on the floor, her head bowed down on her knees.
The Doctor came into the console room where Romana was waiting for
him. "Is everything okay?" she asked.
"I think Ace will be fine," he said softly, checking the randomizer.
"No thanks to me." He hit the dematerialization controls and the time rotor
began rising and falling.
Romana put a hand to her forehead, feeling muzzy all of a sudden. She
looked over at him. He was staring off into space, a puzzled expression on
his face. "Where...where were we going?" she asked.
He shook his head as if to clear it. "Who knows? That's the beauty of
a randomizer. You leave Paris for destinations unknown."
She put her hands on her hips. "Well, you were going to fix K9's
laryngitis...hadn't you better get to it?"
"Of course, of course. Hm. I feel a bit odd. As though I'd skipped
over a few minutes."
"Probably the bouillabaisse isn't agreeing with you," Romana teased.
"Very amusing, I'm sure. Where's K9? High time he got his voice
back. K9!" he called, leaving the console room. Romana watched the column
rise and fall for a moment. Hopefully their next destination would be more
of a holiday than Paris had been.
"What should we do? We can't leave her like this," Romana said. She,
Theo and Gregg stood in a small huddle outside the treatment room.
"How far along is she?" Theo asked.
"Thirty four days," Gregg answered. "Not far at all."
"And...everything's all right? The fetus wasn't harmed by the stun
discharge?"
"No, everything is normal. The only residual effects we've ever seen
with the stun weapon are neurological ones, and she tested clean for those."
"Well, I guess that's something."
"We can't leave her like this," Romana repeated. "She's just lost her
husband and now she finds out she's going to be a mother! She can't
possibly be equipped to deal with all this by herself."
Theo sighed. "Ace is a very strong woman, but I'm forced to agree
with you. No one's that strong. I'll try and convince her to stay here for a
few days, but beyond that I can't very well tie her to a chair. She'll do as
she pleases whether we like it or not."
Romana appeared deep in thought. "No, she'll come with me, in my
TARDIS."
Theo looked at the Time Lady, surprised. "Your TARDIS? You live on
Gallifrey, Romana. There's this little matter of you being President."
"Oh, pish posh. My duties for a typical day usually amount to about
twenty minutes of bureaucracy and hand-holding that my assistant could
take care of just as easily. I've been feeling the wanderlust for a time and
I've had serious thoughts about taking a sabbatical and doing some traveling.
I think I'll do so, and I'll take Ace with me. I'll welcome the company, and I
have to believe that no matter what she might say, Ace really won't want
to go through this alone."
Theo nodded. "That would be ideal, if she'll go along with it."
"Could you send someone to Gallifrey and fetch my TARDIS for me?"
"Cheerfully. And I'll nip off to the Doctor's TARDIS and collect Ace's
things. I'm sure he didn't think of that when he left in such a hurry."
Romana looked concerned. "Will you tell him about...you know."
Theo pursed her lips and shook her head. "It's not my place to tell him.
If she wants him to know, she'll have to tell him herself. Now that I think
about it, I'll probably have one of my Guardians take care of fetching her
stuff. I can't say he's my favorite person in the cosmos at the moment."
"I'm going to order a prenatal workup for her," Gregg said. "We can
have it done this afternoon."
"Good, you do that," Theo said. Gregg took off down the hall, flipping
through Ace's chart as he walked. Theo turned to Romana. "I'll have Angel
go to Gallifrey...would you like him to tell your assistant about
your...sabbatical?"
"No, I'll take care of it. That'll be our first stop after we leave here."
Theo looked off to the side for a moment, her eyes unfocused, giving the
necessary orders. The door to the treatment room opened and Ace came
out, her face dry and clear. She calmly walked up to the two women.
"Theo, could you arrange to get my stuff..."
"It's already taken care of," she said. "And Gregg's going to have one
of our obstetricians examine you."
Ace smiled. "Thanks." She looked off for a moment, thinking. "I feel
a bit foolish saying so...but I'm not sure anymore that I want to be alone
after all this." She looked down at her shoes. "I guess it doesn't mean
you're weak to admit you need support."
Theo smiled at her. "Ace, that's a lesson most humans never learn.
We've just been talking about some options you might consider." Ace looked
from one to the other.
"Really?"
"I'd like you to come with me in my TARDIS," Romana said. "We can
travel together, see some sights, and I can help you get ready."
Ace looked touched. "Oh, Romana...but won't that be a problem for
you? What about Gallifrey?"
"What about it? If they need me they can reach me. After all, the
Doctor was President in absentia for ages before he was finally deposed. I
need to be out in the universe again, too many years on Gallifrey really
stifles the intellect. What do you say?" she said, smiling.
"That'd be perfect," Ace said softly. "I'm...I'm really touched that
you'd do that for me."
"Nonsense, you'd be doing me a favor. Traveling alone isn't nearly as
much fun." A wheezing thump filled the room...it sounded strange to Ace,
who could tell by the sound that it wasn't his TARDIS. Another door
appeared in the waiting room wall, and after a moment Angel emerged.
"Is this what you needed?" he asked, smiling.
"I'm gratified it still works properly," Romana said. "It hasn't been
off the planet in years."
"Ace's things are already aboard," Angel said.
Ace shook her head in amazement. "You guys sure work fast."
"They often throw that back at me when I accuse them of not doing
anything," Theo said archly.
Angel grinned. "To which we reply, we're not loafing...we work so
fast we're always finished." Ace laughed briefly...it was a familiar sound
that was music to Theo's ears.
"Well, I should check some things on board," Romana said. "I'll be in
the TARDIS if you need me." She disappeared through the facade of the
ordinary door and Angel excused himself and headed for the Rotunda. Theo
turned to Ace.
"Ace, sit down," she said soberly. They sat side by side on the couch
in the waiting area. "Your prenatal exam is this afternoon, but I wouldn't
be doing my job if I didn't talk to you about your options." She reached out
and took Ace's hand. Ace gripped it tightly, not looking at the Guardian. "I
can feel your confusion and your anger, and I'm not really even trying to.
It's too soon for you to even know what you're feeling about the separation,
let alone your pregnancy. I'm not trying to influence you, I'm just letting
you know that if you need time, help, or just someone to listen, I'm here.
I'll help you with whatever you decide to do."
Ace leaned back, one hand over her abdomen. "I know what you're
getting at, Theo, and I appreciate your support more than I can say...but I'm
going to have this baby. I can be a good parent, whether I'm alone or not."
Theo smiled. "That was never in question, Ace. I know that your child
will be an extraordinary person, and I look forward to knowing it." Ace
met Theo's eyes, then on impulse leaned forward and hugged her. Theo held
her tightly, relieved, knowing that whatever happened, Ace would be okay.
Romana adjusted a few controls on her console, excited to be once
again at the helm of her TARDIS. Satisfied with the new readouts, she went
down the corridor and looked around. Angel had put Ace's things in the
room directly across the hall from her own, which was perfect. Her gaze
flicked over many familiar objects...things were mostly put away and in
their proper place such that it already looked like Ace's room.
She turned and headed back to the console room, thinking of what to do
next. They'd spend a few days here, probably, and then a quick trip to
Gallifrey to arrange her sabbatical. Then she'd ask Ace where she'd like to
go, of course they'd have to stop in Constantinople, then she fancied a bit of
a stopover at...
Romana looked up, frowning. Constantinople? Why had she thought of
that? Clearly she had to go there. The year 323 to be precise. In order to
set things straight she'd have to kill Al-Amjad's ancestor, so that the chess
game wouldn't...
She whirled, her eyes wide. That thought couldn't have come from her
mind. Fenric was putting ideas into her head again. "No," she said to no
one. "I'm never setting foot in Constantinople again, never. Things will
stay as they are." She felt a little better. The urge to go there in 323 was
gone. She idly examined her dimensional stabilizer, resuming her thoughts
about their itinerary.
They'd probably end up spending some time on Earth, Romana knew
that Ace had friends there...and she'd been meaning to take a trip to
Lakyertia. The indigenous population there was so terribly indolent, they
didn't deserve their planet. It'd be best to wipe them all out. A little of
that 32-YT biotoxin she'd picked up on Thaiun dissolved in their water
supply should...
Romana slapped herself in the face, hard, breaking the flow of those
horrible thoughts. "Fenric!" she screamed at the ceiling. "It won't work!
First you try to get me to alter Turkish history, now you're trying get me
to mess with the Doctor's timeline! I won't help you!" She pressed her
fists to her temples, wishing she could pull his fingerprints off her
soul...but maybe she could. "I know you can hear me, Fenric," she said, low
and threatening. "You've been putting ideas in my head, now it's my turn.
If I ever again so much as suspect that you're trying to influence me...I'll
regenerate." She paused. "You're used to dealing with humans, Fenric.
Regeneration would change my entire physiological makeup...from your
point of view, I'd be a different person. I doubt your curse could survive it.
So you'll either leave me alone forever...or you'll lose me completely.
Either way, you won't have me as one of your wolves anymore, you hear?"
Her eyes scanned the console room, though what she was expecting to see
she didn't know. She straightened up, her hands falling to her sides.
Nothing. No whoosh of Fenric leaving her mind, no evil laughter as his
spectre left her side...just nothing. Neither were there any alien thoughts
in her mind that she could detect.
She sagged against the console, hoping he'd gotten the message. After
a moment, she took a deep breath and went off to the cloister room for a
much-needed meditation.
Davros watched the viewscreen as the lead renegade ship suddenly
canted violently to one side.
"RENEGADE SHIP IN DISTRESS...LEAD SHIP DISENGAGING."
"EXCELLENT," Davros cackled. "THE OTHER SHIPS WILL BE EASILY
DEFEATED. OUR WEAPONRY IS SUPERIOR."
"RENEGADE SHIPS RETREATING."
"RESUME COURSE...DAMAGE CONTROL TO LOWER HULL."
"I OBEY," said the bridge commander, screeching orders to its
underlings. Davros turned and rolled towards the interrogation room. His
last remnants of a human brain felt glee at the prospect of resuming his
interrogation of the Time Lady...hopefully she wouldn't be too cooperative.
He'd never had an adequately logical excuse to torture the Doctor before
now. The guard Dalek opened the door and Davros rolled in...to find the cell
empty.
He whirled to face the guard Dalek. "THE DOC-TOR AND THE TIME
LADY HAVE ESCAPED! SEARCH THE SHIP! THEY MUST BE LOCATED!" He
rolled back onto the bridge, his thoughts racing and the elation over the
defeat of the renegade Daleks fading fast.
The bridge commander approached. "EMPEROR. THE HUMAN WOMAN
HAS ESCAPED."
"IMPOSSIBLE! THERE IS NO WAY OUT OF THAT CELL!"
"SHE HAS ESCAPED."
"SHE MUST BE FOUND!" Davros exclaimed, his whole torso quaking
with fury. Always that cursed Time Lord managed to defeat him.
"EMPEROR. INTERNAL SCANS UNABLE TO LOCATE THE PRISONERS.
PRISONERS ARE NO LONGER ABOARD THE SHIP."
"THEY CANNOT HAVE ESCAPED!" Davros yelled.
"THEY ARE NO LONGER ABOARD THE SHIP."
Davros screeched in frustration. He turned towards the bridge
commander and vaporized him without preamble. Another Dalek rolled
forward to take over the position. "SET COURSE FOR HOME PLANET
SKARO," Davros yelled at the new bridge commander. "IT IS TIME WE
ASSUMED OUR RIGHTFUL POSITION AS THE SUPREME DALEK RACE! THE
DOC-TOR CANNOT ELUDE US FOREVER! SOON ENOUGH EVEN HE WILL YIELD
TO OUR POWER!"
The small fleet of ships turned and streaked off towards the Skaro
system to meet their destiny.
Ace sat on a bench in the Gardens, enjoying the feeling of the sunshine
on her face. She and Romana would be leaving in a few hours and she
wanted to take advantage of the outdoors, albeit ersatz outdoors, while she
had the chance. Soon enough she'd be spending a lot of time in a TARDIS.
Her hand rested on her abdomen. Her prenatal exam had verified that
her child was healthy, a perfectly normal Gallifreyan female of just over a
month's gestation. A daughter. Ace smiled vaguely. Her mind was torn in
several directions. Part of her was happy about her pregnancy. Part of
her looked forward to the experience, but mostly those joys were
overshadowed by blacker and more powerful emotions. For the first time in
many years, the future was a dark road she'd be forced to navigate by
herself without headlights...for although she'd be with a friend,
fundamentally Ace was once again alone. It felt too familiar, and that fact
made her all the more miserable. It would be too easy to become
accustomed once again to isolation. That had been a state of mind she hadn't
been sorry to lose.
The last two days had been a roller coaster. At times she felt so full
of rage that she could scarcely contain it. She'd spent quite a bit of time
with Angel in the gym practicing her hand-to-hand combat. He was an ideal
partner because he couldn't be hurt no matter how much displaced
aggression she put behind her punches, which came in handy for the many
times when all she wanted to do was hit something until it felt as bad as she
did. At other times she felt overwhelmed by confusion and frustration so
bleak that it seemed completely bottomless. There wasn't a second that
went by that some part of her mind wasn't thinking of him, or what he'd
done, or how she felt about it. She didn't like it, and she tried to think of
other things...but her mind was fixated on her situation and she was quite
powerless to do anything about it. She hated her own inability to put it out
of her mind, and she hated her own need, but she could not deny it.
Anger and chaos aside, her prevailing emotional state was sadness.
Sadness too profound for tears, of which she'd shed none. Sadness that her
marriage seemed to be over, dread of a future without him in it, misery
that her daughter might never know her father. Her rage notwithstanding,
Ace was perfectly aware of how much she still loved him, and she was also
aware that this was it. She was done. She'd never marry again or find
someone else. Even when she got over this...which at the moment seemed
impossible but which she knew was inevitable...she'd never again open
herself up to this kind of pain. She wasn't afraid that she'd never recover,
for she knew she would. What she wasn't sure of was the extent of the
scarring.
She stood up and walked along the path. She stopped to watch some
ducks swimming in the pond, keeping her mind as blank as possible. She
turned in a slow circle, looking around, and her eyes fell on a familiar large
tree a few feet off the path. Sighing, she walked up the slight rise and sat
beneath it, leaning against it wide trunk in the very spot where the Doctor
had once sat while she'd lay on the grass next to him. She wished she could
go back to that time over a year ago and warn herself...but would it do any
good? And would she really want to erase the year they'd had?
Yes, her brain answered. Anything not to feel the way I do now. But
for herself, Ace wasn't so sure. We take good things away from even the
most traumatic events. Her hand strayed again to her abdomen. How much
good can I salvage from this catastrophe? Time will tell.
The Doctor slammed the TARDIS door behind him, but he could still feel
their eyes boring accusing holes in his back. He leaned against the closed
doors, breathing hard. He blindly rushed at the console and hit the
dematerialization circuit, not caring where he was headed. Away from
here was a good enough start.
He stood there for a moment, numb. His mind kept trying to consider
the wisdom of his actions and he was only able to keep it at bay with
considerable effort. Self-hatred poured into his mind like tar and he gritted
his teeth, knowing that it would pass. It always did.
Finally he turned and strode down the corridor to their...to his
quarters. He burst through the door. The first thing he noticed was that
Ace's jacket was gone off its peg. He looked around...all her things were
gone. He ran one hand through his hair. Theo moves fast, he thought. He
jerked open the drawers one by one. All her clothes were gone. Her tape
deck gone from its place on top of the highboy. Her earring box no longer on
her nightstand. He ran around the room, tossing things left and right,
searching everywhere he could think of for something, anything of hers.
The locked case where she kept her battle armor wasn't in its spot in the
closet. The key that opened it wasn't taped behind the mirror. The rows of
books on the bookshelf had spaces in them where her books were gone. He
tossed his way through the ones that remained, thinking that Theo must
have missed one, just one...but all the books here were his.
He turned in circles in the middle of the ransacked room, his hair
sticking up in wild spikes, his eyes trying to look everywhere at once...then
they fell on a paperweight on his nightstand. He pounced on it, grabbing it
and holding it up before his face. It was a clear cylinder of solid crystal,
and embedded in the center was a exquisite small spun-glass stylized
representation of the Empire State Building, lit from within by
phosphorescent minerals from Odelphus. It had been a present from her,
and he'd never gotten her to reveal where she'd found it or whom she'd
convinced to create it. He turned it over and over in his hands, not really
seeing it. A motion caught his eye and he looked up to see his reflection in
the mirror. His face was pale and his eyes had a strange crazy light in
them. He was overcome with loathing at the sight of his own features, and
without thinking he cocked his arm back and threw the paperweight at the
mirror with all his strength, a strangled cry escaping his lips. This impulse
spent, he fell to his knees in the middle of the chaos, the mirror shattered
into a thousand shards, no longer able to show him the image of that man
whom he no longer wanted to be.