The Stupid Guy

(Two men are lounging- well, not so much lounging, but sitting around actually- at about 3:02 AM on a soon to be gorgeous Tuesday morning. Behind them stands a medium sized tree, and a few feet to the right of the tree is a bench on which they are sitting. Next to the men lies a poor little flattened squirrel; the scene takes place on the side of a major highway. We catch these two men in the midst of a profound conversation.)
Man 1: Now I've never been one to jump to conclusions, and lord knows that if ever there should be a skeptic in this world it should be me. Yet in light of the unbelievable revelations that have passed before my very eyes, I don't believe that there is any other exlanation I can give for what happened. Judge for yourself wether my mad conjectures are peoduct of a man gone insane, or just some catastrophic misunderstanding, but I will tell you just what came to pass in absolute truth and entirety. I shall tell you the story just as my eyes perceived it.
Man 2:I think you are definatley insane.
Man 1:But, I haven't even told you the story yet.
Man 2:Oh, sorry about that. Go on, go on.
Man 1:Well, here's the story. i strolled on down to the local IGA one beutiful Friday mourn to buy a bottle of snapple. I did just that, but here's the twist. I bought a Lemon Iced Tea- it even said so on the label. But when I opened it up, it was a whole different story.
Man 2:What?
Man 1:Hang on, I'm not finished yet. Now here comes the really horrible part. It was in fact not lemon flavored iced tea, but peach flavored! I tell no lie! I just can not explain it!
Man 2:What- that's it?
Man 1:Well,, yes. Isn't that weird?
Dead Sguirrel:I've been stuck to thid highway for at least a decade, and in all that time I must say that was the stupidest story i've ever heard in my life! What's the point?
Man 2:(to man 1)Yeah! You'e stupid!
(Man2 sits up, picks up the dead squirrel, and immediately leaves the scene. shortly after, Man1 procedes to spontaneously combust.)
ACT I
SCENE II
Playwrite's Note:Spontaneous comnustion is not a funny thing. it is not something to be laughed at. Making fun of people who spontaneously combust can permanently scar their emotions, which makes no sense because they are already dead. But that's not the point. There are virtually billions of people in the world who spontaneously combust each day. It is a serious condition. Most of these people just end up on Unsolved Mysteries as kidnap victims, but the truth is out there. If you or anyone you know have spontaneously combusted, or are in danger of doing so, please call this toll free number for help.
Toll Free Number: 1-800-876-5353

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