"

NICK REVELL: And now for all you science fiction fans.....

ANDY HAMILTON: They've taken it off telly.. -

NICK: But get ready for another thrilling episode of the radio adventures of Doctor Who

DALEK (Nick): (sings) Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl.... The Daleks are invincible... [DING DONG] Coming... Hello darling, I was just washing up.

DALEK 2 (Andy): Hello Darling, had a nice day'

DALEK 1: Not bad. The rent man called. He said we were in arrears

DALEK 2: Oh ?

DALEK 1: So, I exterminated him.

DALEK 2: Fair enough.

DALEK 1: Did you exterminate lots of things today?

DALEK 2: Well. - - actually.. - no. I've discovered something that's completely changed my outlook. It's called E-Col-O-Gee...

DALEK 1: What?

DALEK 2: Ecology. It means an awareness of the environment and a respect for other life forms.

DALEK 1: COBBLERS ! Other life forms are for exterminating. And what's that you're wearing?

DALEK 2: It's a Save the Earthling badge.

DALEK 1: Mother was right about you. You are wet -

DALEK 2: I am not wet !

DALEK 1: You are. You're the only Dalek I know who keeps a hamster.

DALEK 2: Leave Cedric out of this.

DALEK 1: Oh no, it's that bloody Doctor again.

DALEK 2: Which Doctor is it?

DALEK 1: God knows. You no sooner get used to one and they go and change him for a different one. [Loud laughter from the audience, followed by applause!]

DOCTOR: Why, look Sarah Jane, it's my old friends, the Daleks.

SARAH JANE: Oh Doctor, help, help. SCREEEEAAAMMM !

DOCTOR: This is Sarah Jane.

DALEK 1: Doctor... why are your young female assistants always so noisy?

DOCTOR: I don't know really...

SARAH JANE: SCREEAAM !!

DALEK 1: Exterminate her. She's giving me a headache.

DALEK 2: No, I told you, exterminating is counterproductive. We should protect other life forms.

SARAH JANE: SCREEEEEAAAAMMM !!!

DALEK 2: On second thoughts...perhaps, I'll just exterminate her.

DOCTOR: Run, Sarah Jane.

DALEK 1: She is getting away'

DALEK 2: Don't worry. She will trip in a very unconvincing manner. They always do.

SARAH JANE: Oh no. I've tripped.

DALEK 2: Told you.

DALEK 1: Fire !

SARAH JANE: SCREAM !!!

DALEK 2: One hundred and eighty!!!

DOCTOR: Nice shot.

HISSING VOICE: Doctooor...

DOCTOR: Why. it's my old friends the Ice Warriors...

ICE WARRIOR: We meet at lassst.

DOCTOR: Let go of my throat, old man...

ICE WARRIOR: We have pursued you across many galaxies and through many time vortexes and wobbly cardboard sets, and now we have caught you. You will confess. You will tell us...

DOCTOR: Tell you what?

ICE WARRIOR: What have you done... [breathes] ... with our asthma pillssss? [massive applause and laughter]

DALEK 2: Stop! You're hurting him.

ICE WARRIOR: Stay out of thisss, you motorisssed dussstbin.

DALEK 2: You cannot provoke me. I have studied the teachings of Mahatma Ghandi.

DOCTOR: I've broken free. Quick, into the TARDIS...

DALEK 2: Wait for us. [THE TARDIS TAKES OFF]. I don't like those Ice Warriors, they're rough.

DALEK 1: Wimp. [THE TARDIS LANDS]. Where have we materialised?

DOCTOR: I think it's Earth, around 2468BC.

DALEK 1: It looks like the usual disused quarry just off the Ml to me.

DOCTOR: Look... coming towards us.. a slouched Naenderthal humanoid covered in coarse matted hair, wielding a crudely fashioned club. This is how man began... and he's trying to speak.

CAVEMAN: Che-see. Chel-see. Chel-Sea... CHELSEA!

DOCTOR: Quick, everyone back to the TARDIS.

DALEK 1: Where are we now?

DALEK 2: It's the same disused quarry just off the Ml.

DOCTOR: Nonsense......