“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man tries to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, the unreasonable man is the source of all progress in the world.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” – James 1:23-24

“To be Christian is far from quiet conformity.  On the contrary, it is Christ’s example as the unreasonable man which shows us how we are undertaking the daunting task of changing the world, one soul at a time.” – James Dinh

February 2003

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Saturday, February 01, 2003

7:30 PM

Beginning Again

Certain complications have forced me to either edit all of my old journal entries (an idea that sounds horrendous to me), or start anew.  So…as is evident, I’ve started anew. 

This morning (barely morning), I woke up to find I had missed the show I wanted to see (Yu-Gi-Oh!), and then went on with my Quiet Time.  I wanted to start off with prayer, yet for some reason could hardly think of anything to pray for when I knew I had a thousand things to pray for.  I knew things I should be praying for, but for some reason my heart wasn’t there.  Then I recalled what we had talked about yesterday at Devotional.  When you don’t know what to pray for, try praying through a Psalm.  So I pulled out my Bible and started reading Psalm 119, and things grew from there. 

My prayer was short but sincere – tied to issues we guys talked about in devotional.  I prayed that what I shared would be helpful to everyone, especially the one who had was dealing with the issue most intimately.  People seemed to love my analogy/metaphor.  It extends to all sin in general. 

*sigh* My mother’s yelling again.  It took me a long time to finally conquer my own impatience with her.  I can only pray, now, for my father’s patience and for my mother to remain calm.  How can one person be so paranoid and suspicious?  She finds Asian snacks in the downstairs kitchen and assumes my father brought a prostitute into the house. 

Does she get these ideas from all those soap operas she watches? 

To my right is what I think is some Bach…no, actually definitely not Bach, but classical nonetheless.  To my left, emanating from upstairs traveling through the door is the sound of my mother trying to argue.

Life’s troubles are a whack-a-mole game.  A lot of people fall into the pitfall of neglect and let the troubles pop up without challenge, thus loosing the game, or into the other pitfall of watching with paranoid rage burning in your eyes as wave upon wave of troubles pop up…unwittingly burning yourself out over a silly pack of plastic moles.  You battle them. You hit them over the head with a mallet. Sometimes softly, sometimes harshly.  Then, you realize there’s another mallet.  You ponder; shall I start to hit them twice as hard?  Shall I be devoting that much more of myself to life’s troubles – to this meaningless and endless game? No.  I choose to hand the mallet over to a friend – God.  I am not doing this alone and I know that when I need it, I can even hand the other one over and walk away, although I choose not to walk away from responsibility.

Ah, it was Mozart.

I spent a long time reading the Bible today, intermittently praying when I found something I should pray about.  I finished Colossians and have started using colored pencil to mark up my Bible.  I found that I needed to separate ideas that are right next to each other which I can’t do very easily with a simple pen.  My Bible is already starting to look quite colorful. 

My room is being reorganized again.  This means that it’s temporarily a mess, but once I’m finished it will look much better.

J The yelling has stopped for about 5 minutes.  That means whatever was said has been said and that was the end.  *looks up* thanks.

-James

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Wednesday, February 5^th, 2003

Wake-Up

            The following was written in my quiet-time Journal while sitting in the Triangle Lounge of the Marriot Center for Dance while my classmates chit chatted:

            Once again I have become an outsider – he who disappears as easily as he integrates.  It sometimes feels as though I’m a half-dimension away.  How easy would it be for me to disappear entirely?

Wake Up!

            Allan buries a lot of things.  That is why I’m drawn to him and repelled at the same time.  I knew there was more to him – there’s something both greatly shining and deeply dark.  I’m drawn to his story.  I’m repelled by his tendency to repress it.

            Thank you Allan. You woke me up.  I guess all I needed was an interesting story during the time mine grew stable.

            God help us all.

-James

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Friday, February 7^th, 2003

Personal Thoughts

Quiet Time Journal Entry:

It is only in recent times that I have begun to understand how desperately complicated the progression of the church really is.

The international Churches of Christ are making changes – and I’m very glad it is.  We are able to recognize the fact that we are very far from perfect and it is a very good thing that we can correct ourselves as a group.

Even down on a simpler level it remains difficult.  We seek out new people to introduce to God even as we struggle with our won issues.

So many have fallen away.  What are we doing wrong?

I pray for this church.  WE fight a never-ending battle and more often than not we do not use the full strength which we have access to – God.  We can do so much more.  I can feel it.  The question remains as to how we do more.

Father, God, help us to wake up

That does seem to be the theme for me doesn’t it?

WAKE UP!

-James

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Monday, February 10^th, 2003

Fight

Quiet Time Journal Entry:

            Can I stand by while others do the work I should be doing?  Can I dare do that? Do I cease to fight against bigotry in the name of freedom simply because of what people think of me and through me my church?

            I am supposed to be representative of the Church of Christ.

            But I lose either way!  Would Christ just stand by while people face bigotry?

            Would he not help them despite the accusations?  The misunderstandings?

            If I stop – I abandon them and Christ abandons no one.

            If I go – What then?

            If I go can I not be an example?  Can I not show how one can fight for the freedom of choice yet has already made his decision?

            Can I not be an example as one who opposes hate?

            How can I just stand by?

            How can I dare limit myself?

When all else fails – Pray.

-James

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Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Still Here

I just wanted to post this so people know I’m still alive.  There are some entries that I’ll type up later. 

-James

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Saturday, February 15, 2003

5:55 PM

Update

            Okay, I’ve just typed up all the entries I wrote in my quiet-time journal between the 5^th and the 10^th. 

6:02 PM

Letter

            Well, it took me a while but I finally did get around to doing something about the situation which had been bothering me in the back of my brain for so long.  I wrote a letter to the leaders of my church concerning the issue.   I’ve talked with one of them and I expect to talk with the others.  It’s something important.  If bigotry continues then we will be very counterproductive.  The tragedy is that it’s gone on unseen for who knows how long and we mustn’t do anything that will take people away from Christ. 

            Then again, my part in this is very small.   Really, the situation was brought to me by someone else.  When the situation had directly affected me, I dealt with it.  She, however…she handled it in her own way…but it was a way that allows one of the more immediate negative effects to persist – it’s been actively bothering her.  It’s an old issue, but one that may come up again.  Well. We’ll see.

-James

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Friday, February 21^st, 2003

Written during Psychology Class, in response to frustrations over not getting far at all with my current writing project:

            Why do I always come up with these difficult to write comples stories? I’m not good enough of a writer to get my ideas down.

            Wait

            What about a role-playing game?

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            I performed yesterday in Hannah’s piece.  It went well, but – I don’t know.  Something felt wrong about the rest of the night.

            Mike, Tacey, Jacob, Peter, Brandy, Amanda, and Tory showed up.  That made me happy.  They (oh- and Jeff – I knew I was forgetting someone) all enjoyed the show.  Jacob yelled “Bravo!”

-James

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Monday, February 24^th, 2003

9:55 AM

            I’m currently in my Psychology class & the lecturer is talking about Moral Development – How do we know right from wrong?

            Isn’t this part of what I quest for?

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            Marielle shook me in a short debate we had.  She told me that she would only want a shallow relationship with Danny.  The idea of wanting a shallow relationship was completely foreign to me.  She, however, continued to challenge me.  I think she’s right.

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10:47 AM

            Now I’m sitting in on a Gender Studies Class (Janet’s Class)

            There’s something I need to take a look at.  Are the views about women being in “lower” positions restated in the new testament?

-James

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Wednesday, February 26^th, 2003

10:04 AM

            Note: Yes, it’s restated in the New Testament, but there’s also an emphasis on equality and a praise of women.  Hmmm…. Separate but Equal?  L

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            Yesterday, Marielle, Danny, and I had planned to get together – hanging out & enjoying a burger from B & D Burgers, but I wasn’t feeling well and only half-wanted to go, plus Danny wasn’t home for us to call.

            While on the phone w/Marielle discussing this, Jodie called (I have call waiting) to ask where I was (I had forgotten I was her ride to what I assume was a Bible study). 

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            Added March 10, 2003:

            Anyway, I hurried to go and pick up Jodie. I forgot to check at B & D burgers to see if Danny showed up, dropped Jodie off at the Rolands and then headed home.  I got off  I-80 on 13^th east, but on the off ramp I saw a car flipped over upside down on the side of the road.  One person had pulled over already to help and I pulled over.  No one was hurt in the accident, but I was the first one to show up with a phone.  It was uncanny timing.  Scary too. I called the police and the fire department. It was scary.  Finally I left the scene and went home, and saw another accident. Police were already there.  I was spooked and didn’t want to drive. At the same time I was amazed at how amazing everything was timed. 

-James

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