I. Mouse

by Ana Non

The most useful skill I learned in highschool: Soldering. Everyone should learn to solder. Good for chemistry, good for physics. Also, vectors. Learn them well; they won't go away.

I do beleive that the senior party is designed with the thought that all people, especially highschool seniors, devote their joyous hours to the proclaimed vices of society. There will be gambling tables, random prizes, free food, and the whole idea is to keep 'teens' from going out, getting drunk without adult supervision, driving that way, and maybe even ending up raped by the side of the road. At least, it appears that way from the lovely talk that police officer gave us. They dragged us away from school (before the AP tests were over, mind) to remind us of the various penalties for those last crimes and practically walk us through techniques for avoiding detection. Then, the haul our parents into the auditorium at 7:30 AM the next day and repeat the speech, changing only their pronouns. I got to go to school at 7:00 AM. Oh, wasn't I joyful. People asked me why I wasn't going. I answer you all now: I don't need further cause for bitterness, I don't need more disappointment. Let me keep my dreams for those of my class I barely know. I do not want to see them deface themselves.

Sitting in the hall, waiting for Mr. K- to come unlock the door so that the class can go into a delightful physics. Watching all of the people on their way to class, each in his or her own little bubble. Where are they going? What are they thinking about? Are they completely focused on getting to the classroom before making another decision? Are they simply floating through the halls, talking to their friends, and eventually getting to class at the last possible moment? The expressions on their faces are priceless. Is there ever a more soul barring public moment than the walk through the halls between classes?

Why school spirit? Are people really that desperate for something to believe in? Patriotism is rather out of style these days and THE FAMILY HONOR is not something we count on. There aren't all that many obvious crusades available on the current market. School spirit seems to the one of the few safe all-outers available and even it sometimes earns critisism. Passion is really out. Religion, particualarly Christianity, seems to be a popular obsession. Athletics and academics are acceptable, but not the biggest. Acting or singing is occasionally used. What do you do? Well, I'm a dancer. Dancing is the entire life of some people I know. I personally don't go with the lable deal. Revolution? Anti-war? Anti-drugs? Anti-whatever? Pro-life? I'm a republican! I'm a democrate! I'm a libral! I'm not! I'm complexly a human and I can't and won't be classified. Will you?

Topic for today: Our ever lovely newspaper. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it a great deal; it is an insight into the minds of people and those type of things usually strike me as rather delightful. The current trend of traffic stories and kids trashing the school should only be happenin' in one issue, or at least one feature story, if you please. What I thought was ridicules was the people today claiming that the sports editor had no right to print his story about football and the underpublicized sports. That was rather funny, in a contemp American History class. Yes, I know what that abriviation reads, but then again, that is what the class I take's class discription is titled. Is that a grammarical mess? Anyway and all, the newspaper is most interesting when it tells us stuff we don't know and are interested in or opinions. Sorry, but I don't care what the tennis team's score was, although they might enjoy seeing it in the paper. It doesn't matter; it's too late to do anything about it and you can't even go cheer for them. How about a nice article about Z-Club to boost membership. We really would like some new members, and, as against my principles as it is to pay particular attention to one gender when inviting members, a few brave male members to start with could easily double our size, after giving confidence to the more insecure of their gender. There, I did it and now I detest myself. Anyway, both boys AND girls are welcome, pleaded, begged, and, if you do decide to come, could you please tell me before hand, so I can take the credit for bringing a new member. Aw, come on. You know you love community service and Z-Club is a great extracirricular activity to put on college aplications to puzzle admission officers. What IS Z-Club, anyway??? Come to a meeting and find out. I double dare you!

You decide, very intelligently, to commit the perfect murder. Don't tell your mother.

What I think about calling the library the "Library Media Center:" Its only redeeming factor is that everything belongs to me.

We decorate doors to get an hour off class, yes, it's true, but why else? Are we searching for a way to express our Christmas sense of peace and forgiveness without being un-cool, in a non-religious environment? Is it the joy of working as a team, reaching for the common goal (cookies)? Is it divine inspiration? No, we just want off class. That's all. You be the judge!

So the purpose of team work is to rob us of our capability for independent thought?

And what's with the police men? And that girl on the stretcher? Poetry corner? The connection...!

Ask anyone what their favorite part of school is and, soon, the answers will all be the same. I love the TRUST+DIGNITY+HONESTY+RESPECT. Soon. It is not too late to shut your eyes to the horrible, mind-melting sight. TRUST+DIGNITY+HONESTY+RESPECT. Just resist. TRUST+DIGNITY+HONESTY+RESPECT. Everything will be alright. TRUST+DIGNITY+HONESTY+RESPECT. Someday, the T.V.'s will fall. TRUST+DIGNITY+HONESTY+RESPECT. The "worms" will die. TRUST+DIGNITY+HONESTY+RESPECT. Someday TRUST+DIGNITY+HONESTY+RESPECT. Will be your's.

Look for my colum next month, same time, different place. This is Ana Non, signing off-