There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold,
And she's buying a plate with a button.
At conventions she knows if the dealers' room's closed;
With a word she can get what she came for.

Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a plate with a button

There's a sign on the wall:
We take credit cards all;
'cause we know sometimes checks are just rubber.

At the booth by the hall
There's a dealer who calls,
"Star Trek plates are not bought just with buttons."

Ooh she makes me wonder
Ooh she makes me wonder

There's a feeling I get when she wears a new dress,
And I notice a button is missing.
I have seen Harvey bring
Dealers down to their knees,
And the faces of those who stand gaping.

Ooh she makes me wonder
Ooh she really makes me wonder

And it's whispered that soon if they all call the tune
Then the Con Com will lead her to reason.
And will talk to Miss Dawn,
And do it real calm.
Then the dealers will echo with laughter.

If there's a rustle in the room's rows, don't be alarmed now;
It's just more shopping for the Con Queen.
Yes there are two booths she can go to, but in the long run,
There's still time to join the line she's in.

And she makes me wonder.

She wants that plate and she just won't go, in case you don't know.
A vendor's begging her to pay him.
"Look lady I just need the cash flow, and did you know
Your button's not worth the whisp'ring wind."

[interlude]

And as she winds on down the rows
With a button off her coat
There walks Dawn Harvey we all know.
She smiles so bright and wants to show
That ev'rything still turns to gold,
And if she bargains very hard,
The plate will come to her at last.
When all her buttons have been spent,
The vendors' eyes will cease to roll.

And she's buying a plate with a button