seaQuest DSV
To Dare Cerberus
by katirene (XMP)This is a chapter excerpted from "First Descent", a novel of the series "To Dare Cerberus".
What Dreams May Come
1 October 2032
0550 hoursSomething woke her. A click, like the sound of a tape alarum just before the music started.
Ari lay still for a moment, curled up in one corner of her bed, but when the sound didn't repeat, she stretched out slowly, catlike, enjoying the way she felt. Happy, rested, free, light, alive, naked.
Naked?
Keeping her eyes closed, knowing that there was a reason she didn't want to open them, she explored her body with her hands, shivering a little at the feel of her own fingers. They brushed the burns from the charge paddles and her eyes flew open, remembering. Bracing herself, she waited for the load of despair to come crashing back down again. When it didn't, she turned to the clock face, checking the time.
Almost 0600. For the first time since they'd gotten back, she'd had a full night's sleep. No wonder she felt so good. The nightly nightmares hadn't waken her up and, apparently, she hadn't gone wandering around the ship in her sleep, either.
"Maybe I should drink myself to sleep every night," she said with self-mocking laughter. She stretched again, feeling her body tingle all over. The last time she'd felt this good had been the morning after their last liberty before. She smiled remembering that day, when she and Miguel had...
Her eyes snapped open again.
There had been a nightmare last night. A bad one. The worst ever. She could feel the water rising on the bridge, pouring in through the horrible gaping hole in the hull, filling her lungs and then Miguel had been there. He'd held her and told her that she was alive. That she was fine. He'd been so sweet, curling up beside her on the bed, his hands positioned carefully, chastely around her waist.
She'd begun to slip more fully asleep when she'd become aware that the position was bothering him. With a low chuckle, she corrected herself. Not exactly bothering him, per se, but affecting him in a way that she couldn't quite ignore. So she hadn't, pressing her bottom against his erection. In response to that, he'd begun moving his hips, thrusting forward and she'd responded, growing more and more aroused and hot until she couldn't take the it any more. The room was so hot and she'd been so hot, that the sweat was causing the silk of her top to stick to the burns...
Ari nodded, remembering now that she'd pulled the tank top like undershirt off herself. But that had been a dream. Puzzled, she considered the matter for a few seconds then shrugged it away. What did it matter, anyway? Miguel being there had been a dream, but that didn't mean she hadn't done it in her sleep.
With her top off, Ari had turned around, keeping her eyes closed because if she opened them she knew she'd wake up. She'd sought his lips finding them as hungry and needy as her own. He'd been wearing a jumper, she remembered, and she'd begun to unzip it as his hands roamed up and down her bare back.
Pushing the top of the jumper off his shoulders, he'd moaned, rolling her over and lying on top, pressing his bare chest against hers. That had hurt and she'd cried out.
Licking her lips, Ari was fully into the memory of the dream, remembering it has if it were happening now. She remembered that he'd quickly gotten off her, lifting himself up on his arms to look at her and his cry of dismay had sent her eyes opening wide.
"What is it? Did I hurt you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean.."
It hadn't been Miguel's voice. It was Lucas, lying on her bunk, in her cabin, half dressed because she'd been undressing him. She started to move away, but he'd rolled her back over, his fingers not quite touching the burn marks.
"Oh my God! Ari. What happened?"
Without waiting for an answer, tears in his eyes, he'd bent his head down and covered the sore areas with little butterfly kisses, his hands cupped under her breasts. Even as he sought to soothe away the pain, his thumbs rubbed over her nipples, sending ripples through her body directly to her groin, inflaming her desire all the hotter. So it was Lucas. What difference did it make? This was a dream. It didn't matter.
His lips trailed down and found her nipple, sucking on it, teasing it with his tongue and worrying it with his teeth. Before it became unbearable, he transfered his attentions to the other side. Ari remembered the earlier dream through the fog of desire that was rising in her mind, and she was filled with a wish to return the favour in this dream, before Miguel came back and stopped them.
At the thought of Miguel, she started to pull away, to look for him, but Lucas's explorations were driving her to distraction. With one little movement, he'd removed the threat of rational thought.
Like a wild woman, she'd begun to fumble at his clothes, trying to undo the buttons. He seemed astonished, stunned and delighted as he helped her, pulling off her pants, then standing up so she could draw down his. She pulled down his briefs at the same time and paused, kneeling in front of him, wondering at the differences between what her dreaming mind had conjured up and the reality that was Miguel.
For a brief time, she considered the wisdom of using a condom. But she didn't have anymore, having thrown out the ones she had gotten for Miguel, and anyway, this was only a dream. It didn't count. Miguel had told her that himself in an earlier dream.
Glancing up into Lucas' pleading eyes for permission, she watched him as she leaned forward, kissing his member gently. Involuntarily, he thrust forward and startled, Ari had jerked back, bumping into the bedframe. Looking worried, he shook his head, silently apologizing and begging her to continue. Cautiously, she moved forward again, touching and examining him intimately.
After several moments of pleasureable torture, Lucas pulled her to her feet and manuevered her onto the bunk. Careful this time to avoid the burns left by the electroshock paddles, he returned the favor, carefully exploring her body and bringing her to a fever pitch, kissing her with increasing confidence and desire.
Finally, using his knees, he separated her legs and hovered above her, ready to enter. Ari froze, realizing that this was it. Sensing her alarum, Lucas pushed himself up over her, his hair falling forward, his face concerned.
"Are you sure you want this," he asked, the effort of asking showing in the trembling of his arms and his rapid breathing breathing. Ari knew that this was her last chance to back out, and she also knew that if she did, she'd always wonder. Besides, there were words for women who came this far then turned coy, and none of them were polite. Casting her doubts away, she strained upward, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him down. trying to pull him back down on top of her.
After it was over, she began to cry, helplessly and for no reason. In the dream, Lucas had held her close, whispering endearments and stroking her hair. Ari snickered at the memory. Not really something she could imagine Lucas doing. A crying woman would probably send him screaming from the room.
But remembering the oddly pleasant dream, Ari sighed, feeling warm and tingly. Shifting position, she felt a strange, pulling sensation in her midsection, and a warm, wanting wetness. She was slipping one hand down to see if she could relieve the itch when she noticed the face of the clock. 0600 hours. Time to get up. If she didn't hurry and take a shower now, she wouldn't have time. With another deep sigh, she pushed off the covers and swung her legs over the side. Then another thought hit her.
Lucas was supposed to get back today and she was assigned to go over the details findings with him. How on earth was she going to look him in the face without thinking about that dream? Luckily, unlike Miguel, he wouldn't know what she was thinking of. Even if she did slip up and get flustered, he wouldn't have a clue.
And she had no intention of giving him one, or anyone else, ever.
0615 hours
Lucas paused in buttoning up his shirt as his roommate opened the door to their shared quarters. He pushed his bangs, still wet from the shower he'd just taken, out of his eyes and looked at the whistling seaman without expression.
"Hey, Lucas!" Tony caroled, obviously in an excellent mood. "You missed a great game last night. Just broke up. I tried to find you when it started, but you were nowhere around."
"Yeah Tony," he sighed and continued doing up his uniform. "I went to find out about that rumour you were spreading. Ari says that it's not true."
For a surprise, Tony actually looked ashamed of himself. "Yeah, well, ummm, I'm sorry about that. There was this one guy at the game, he works in Med Bay and he said that she almost died yesterday. Pat asked him about her being, well, you know. And he said that she hasn't been eating or sleeping or anything and that her body chemistry was all messed up so that she gave a false positive."
With a troubled expression, he continued, looking away from the other man.
"You know, Lucas, one of the things that's always bugged me about that dame is the way that nothing ever seems to touch her. I mean, look at her since she got back on board, just humming along, landing in clover, looking just the same as always. But, I guess, she really is human after all."
"Yeah, I guess she is, Tony," Lucas agreed drily. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to breakfast. You coming."
"Naw, not yet. I want to count my winnings, you know." And Tony pulled a wad of bills out of his pants pockets, dumping them on his bed. Lucas shook his head and left, heading for the galley.
0620 hours
Trey paused outside her neighbor's door, wanting so badly to go in and twit the kid for tying one on the night before, but equally as much wanting to be compassionate and caring. As she dithered in the corridor, Ari came around the corner from the woman's shower, her turbaned heading showing that she'd had a water shower again, instead of an ion one.
"Hi, Trey," she called out blithely, reaching around the tall woman to open the door. "Come on in. I'll be ready to go in a few."
"Ari? You're up already?" Trey couldn't believe her eyes. Where was the hang-over, the whipped dog appearance, the worship at the porcelain altar.
"Yeah, and I feel great." Putting down her shower bag, Ari gave her friend a quick hug. "Thanks for putting me to bed last night," she said, letting Trey loose and heading for her hanging uniforms. "I feel bad about over-indulging and checking out on you, but frankly, I needed that badly."
"Yeah," Trey drawled, staring hard at her friend. She'd seen her in states of euphoria like this before, but usually, a certain Cuban had been in evidence earlier. "I can see that. Whatever that stuff was, I want some. Are you sure you're all right?"
"Mmm-mmm. And I'm starving. The fruit you brought wasn't really enough." Her attention called to it, Trey noticed now that the food tray she'd carried in the night before was empty. "If it weren't for that... Well, I'm glad that I got a shower in before going to the galley. Between you and me, with the heat in this boat, I wasn't fit for polite company. I was sweaty, sticky and I could smell myself."
"Ummm, yeah. You know, this is really a big change, Ari. Perhaps you should go see the doctor?"
"I will, later today," Ari finished fastening up her khaki shirt, over a light lavender tank that appeared to be pure silk. But no bra, Trey noticed and wondered about that. What was going on here?
Ari continued, saying disgustedly, "She wants to run some tests because she thinks I'm pregnant. About two months pregnant! Can you believe, she actually suggested that I was going to have General Miguel's child!"
"Who?" She'd lost Trey with that one. "Did you tell her that Miguel was a General?" Well, she wouldn't put it past the kid but still.... Ari interrupted her thought with an embarassed chuckle.
"Not my Miguel, General Carlos Miguel of the Amazonian Confederation. He's the guy who had me kidnapped from the Dolphin Research Center." Trey's eyes widened.
"You mean that you and he...?" She'd known that there was more to that story than the one she'd heard.
"NO!" Ari's voice was full of scorn. "That's why it was so stupid. Dr. M'ba's report clearly states that I ... That we hadn't done any such thing. Although..." Ari's face grew introspective. "Oh, well," she dismissed the thought unspoken with a quick shake of the head. "Let's go to breakfast. I sent a note to Tim before I went to shower and he'll meet us there."
That was all Trey had to hear. Without any more delay, they left the cabin.
0625 hours
Tim held his tray and looked around the galley for a place with enough places for him, Ari and Trey. Spotting an empty table, he headed toward it and put his food down. He was glad that Ari had e-mailed him, he'd heard three different versions about what had happened on the bridge, including one that had her starving herself. He looked forward to getting the real story from her.
Someone put a tray down across from him and Tim looked up, expecting to see Ari there. Unfortunately, it was Lucas.
"Mind if I sit here?" the ensign asked in a small voice. Actually, Tim did. That had been one of the most uncomfortable, unpleasant missions he'd ever had to suffer through and that was due was in part to this kid's obnoxious and superior attitude. He looked again. Something had happened, though.
Lucas looked sober, sombre and serious. He looked like he needed a friend or advice or both. Relenting, Tim nodded. "No, go right ahead." Gratefully, Lucas sat and shook out his napkin, putting it in his lap.
"Tim?" he started unhappily. "About Ari...?" Tim put his fork down hard.
"No! I don't want to hear you boasting or bragging or carrying on about her right now. She doesn't need that," he stated in no uncertain terms. Lucas wasn't the officer in charge anymore and, now, Tim had rank. If anything, the outburst depressed the other even more.
"I wasn't going to," he said humbly, and Tim felt a twinge of guilt at his presumption. After a moment's silence, Lucas said, "I take it you've heard, then?"
Nodding, he replied, "Yeah. I heard. I don't know what to believe though."
"Don't you have any ideas?" The younger man sounded deeply unhappy.
Swallowing with a sip of juice, Tim shrugged. "I'm not thinking about it until I find out the truth," he finally managed to get out. "I figure Ari will be willing to tell us when she arrives." Lucas started at that, staring at him with wide eyes, and began to get up.
"Ari? Then maybe I should..." But it was too late. Ari Adler, herself, swooped down to put a friendly arm around Tim's shoulder and kiss the air next to his cheek.
"Tim. Good to have you back. I've missed you. Sorry I wasn't up when you made it in, but, ummm.... Hey! Veg omelet?" She eyed his breakfast with appreciative eyes. "That looks delicious. You wait here, I'll be right back." Patting his cheek, she twirled around in the direction of the galley door, tossing an off-handed "'Lo Lucas" in passing. Tim put down his fork and stared after her, wondering about that. Then he looked more carefully at Lucas.
"Well?" he asked. The young man blushed, and shrugged his shoulders. Trey arrived about that time.
"So, little miss sunshine spread her rays of happiness around here?" she asked with a touch of bitterness. Tim shook his head and sighed. She was in one of her moods. He really couldn't handle it.
"Yeah," Lucas said, a frown appearing between his eyes. "Any idea what's up?"
Trey shrugged, spreading butter on her toast.
"I don't know, but she was literally glowing when I went in to give her a wake up call. And after last night, too."
Lucas stared at her in shock and dawning hope.
"Last night? She ... What did she tell you?"
At the avidity in his voice, Tim gave him a hard look, studying the young man closely while Trey answered.
"Naw, she's blathering, but not really talking, if you know what I mean."
Ari appeared suddenly behind Trey.
"No," she replied pleasantly, smiling at her tall friend. "Tell us what you mean." She slipped behind Tim and took the only remaining seat, between the communications officer and Lucas, whom Tim couldn't help notice was covertly watching her every movement. "Tell us what you mean."
"Ok, I will," Trey answered pugnaciously as Lucas lifted his coffee cup. "What has got into you today, Ari?"
The sip went down the wrong way and Lucas began to choke. Tim jumped up to help, but the ensign waved him away, tears streaming from his eyes as he sipped from a glass of water that Ari had calmly pushed in front of him.
Refusing the return of her water, she waited until he was himself again before answering, obviously choosing her words with care and thinking about what she was trying to say.
"I ... I guess it's because .... I'm alive. For the first time since we found out ... Since I returned and Miguel .... hadn't. I've felt as though I've been half-dead. Living withe the dead. Nothing was real. Nothing had any meaning, except that I wanted ... I still want.... "
She put down her mug of tea and pushed the tray away, staring down at her clasped hands as she fought tears. Lucas reached over to cover her hands with his and at the touch, she started, staring at him with startled eyes, jerking her hands away into her lap. Looking back at Trey, she missed the hurt, hopeless expression that appeared on his face.
"I still love him, you know," she said simply. "I think that I always will. But ... I'm not dead. And I owe it to him to live for both of us. He had such an incredible joy in life," Her chin rose up into the air. "I won't betray him by willing myself to be dead-alive,"
With an air of decision, she pulled the tray back into place and savagely bit a chunk out of a slice of toast, looking defiant.
Lucas leaned forward, reaching touch her arm. Without seeming to notice, the young woman moved it just out of reach.
"You were drinking last night," he said.
Trey answered with a snort of mocking laughter.
"I'll say she was. From sober to out cold in fifteen minutes flat. You must be the cheapest drunk on the seaQuest."
To their surprise, the proper Lieutenant Adler started laughing, her shoulders shaking. Cover her eyes with one hand, she took a long breath, letting it out in a gasp. When she looked up, there were wet tracks down her cheeks. She shook her head slightly.
"No. Not at all. Nothing cheap about me. I drank a fortune last night."
"Not the cognac, Ari!" Tim implored, leaning forward.
With a twisted grin, she nodded.
"Why not the cognac, Tim? It's mine. I was instructed to use it for a wake, sharing it with someone I loved, and last night I wanted to hold a wake." Her expression was full of pain and bitterness. "I wanted to have a wake for myself, and the person I wanted to share it with was gone. So why shouldn't I drink his share as well as my own. What else am I to do with it."
She turned to Lucas.
"How did you know I was drinking last night?" she asked sharply.
He shrugged uneasily.
"When we pulled in, I heard that you'd had an accident, so I went to see how you were. The door was ajar, and I heard you cry out, so I went in to help."
Ari looked away, beginning to understand why her dream had changed the way it had.
"You were having a nightmare," Lucas continued. "Crying out that you were dead. That everyone was dead. So I woke you up."
He shrugged again. Ari sighed and braced herself, looking at him squarely with a wan smile.
"I'm sorry, Luc. I don't remember that. Not really. Except... I was having bad dreams, until you showed up in them." She looked away, hiding her eyes from the others and cursing the fair skin that colored up so easily. "I feel so awful that you saw me like that, though. I'm sorry."
"No. Not really. I was sort of glad that I was there. You really don't remember anything?" he added with a crooked smile. "So if I told you that we...?"
Tim snorted loudly and Trey shook her hea, rolling her eyes skyward.
"Hope springs eternal," she said to the comm officer.
"If not hope, then something else," he responded with dry sarcasm.
Under Ari's steady, carefully blank gaze, Lucas wilted and shook his head.
"You were fine. You didn't do or say anything you need to be ashamed of." Moving quickly, he reached over to take her hand before she knew what he was doing. "You are ok now, aren't you?" he asked earnestly. She nodded, pulling her hand free.
"Yes, I think so. Even though I don't remember your visit, Luc, thank you. You helped me a great deal. After you left, I must have slept like a baby, because ... " She hunched her shoulders, smiling and shaking her head. "I feel wonderful today."
Looking down at the half eaten meal, her smile broadened. "And I've eaten more at one sitting than I have in weeks. I can't eat anymore, guys," she went on, looking up at Trey and Tim. "I'll talk to you all later, right now, I want to see Darwin. I've been neglecting him terribly the past few days."
Standing, she smiled briefly, splitting it between Lucas and Tim.. "Congratulations on your mission, by the way. Lucas, Captain Hudson was very impressed with that projection you gave him."
At the compliment, he started to stand, preparing to pick up the tray.
"I haven't said hello to Darwin y..."
"No!" The word snapped out of the small woman with the force of an order. Making a conscious effort to moderate her tone, she went on. "There's no need. You stay here and finish your meal. I'll see you later."
"I'm coming with you," Tim announced, standing up. Trey made an outraged sound.
"You aren't finished, yet, either," she protested, whining a little.
"I'm done," he answered flatly, knowing that he was hurting her and hating himself for it. He loved her so much he could feel her pain, but right now he couldn't deal with her clinging and neediness. Just right now, he wished she were a little more like Ari, self-sufficient and able to handle matters on her own.
"I'm done, Treysa," he repeated. "And I need to talk to Ari. I'll come by your quarters later, ok?" He raised one eyebrow. She nodded reluctantly and he hurried after Ari.
Out in the hallway, on the way to C Deck, Ari carefully observed, "That was ill-done, old grumbler."
"Huh?"
"You need to spend more time with Trey," she advised gently. "She's ah.. feeling a little fragile these days."
"You think I don't know that!" he exploded. "I do. But ... She's standing too close. I can't breathe. And..." He pressed his lips together, worried that he might say too much.
Disturbed, Ari she kept quiet, letting him work it through himself. After a few moments, he spoke again.
"I keep having this dream," he started, then paused as Ari seemed about to speak. But she shook her head and indicated that he should continue. "I'm swimming, I've been in the water for a long time and I'm tired. Hudson is there. He's on a raft or something, and he's got this long pole. And I know that he keeps poking me with it, and others as well. Lucas grabs hold of the pole when it touches him and uses it to pull himself halfway up onto the raft."
"Trey is nearby. She's having a harder time than I am, about to go down for the third time. But ... Everytime I try to help her, she grabs me and pulls me down, too, and I can't keep us both above water. So, I watch her going down."
"You're in the dream, Ari. But you don't seem to be having any trouble, just floating on top of the water. The dead man's float, I think. You're moving away from the raft, and that's why Lucas is only half-way on. He's trying to get you to climb aboard, trying to get to you."
He stopped, not wanting to tell her the rest of the dream, about the sharks that surround her and carry her off, or watching the bubbles break above where Trey goes down.
"I ... see," she said slowly. "I think I understand, Tim. I wish there were something that I could do to help. Have you thought about going in to see the staff psychiatrist?" He shook his head.
"No! Hudson is already riding me hard. If he found out that I thought I needed help, I'd be off faster than the civilians were." Ari shook her head at that and touched his arm for comfort.
"What about Trey? Could you persuade her to seek help?" He shook his head again.
"I mentioned it, but Trey only hears what she expects to. And she has more to lose than I do," he continued quietly. Ari sighed and left her hand on his arm as they continued down to the moon pool.
"Ari," he finally said as they stepped through the hatch. "Speaking of Lucas, what's going on between the two of you?"
"Huh?" Her colour rose at the unexpected question. "Nothing. There's nothing going on." At his skeptical scoff, Ari bristled. "There is nothing between me and Lucas. And we weren't even talking about him in the first place."
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much," he teased her gently. She glared, scowling angrily and he chuckled, shaking his head. "Ok. Ok. I believe you. But there could be, you know. He's is crazy about you." She shrugged uncomfortably. "You know; he was talking about you the entire time we were gone. And I got the impression he had something real to talk about." Her blush deepened. "So there's something to talk about?"
"So much for chivalry," she muttered sourly. "Yeah, sort of. Lucas happened to luck on me when I was... I realized that Miguel .... When I was feeling especially vulnerable. He tried to comfort me and it got ... a little ... out of hand."
"hmmm. Look, kid, if you don't mind a bit of advice from someone who's older and maybe a bit more experienced...?" Ari gave him a blank look, not at all encouraging.
"Miguel isn't coming back. Now, I know that you loved him, but..."
"You're wrong about that Tim. I love him. Present tense. I still love him."
"Hear me out!" he interrupted. "Just listen. You said it yourself. Miguel was the most alive man I've ever met. But he's dead and you have to face up to it and move on. Lucas loves you. Why don't you give him a chance?" She was silent for so long, Tim thought that she wouldn't answer.
"It's only been a few weeks. And I've only begun to mourn him. Tim, I need ... I need time. Time to accept his death. In my heart. I know, in my head, that he's ... . I sometimes think... There's no body. If only I could see his body. Touch his wounds. Then I can accept it. But right now, in my heart, he's still alive."
"Lucas can help you accept it, Ari."
"But I don't love him," she blurted, agonized. "Not like that. He's ... he's like a brother to me."
"Vice is nice," Tim answered, scoffing skeptically. She looked away unhappily. He stopped her, turning her face back up. As kindly as possible, he said, "There's got to be more than that, if you let things 'get out of hand' with him. All I'm saying is... Ari, you've got to let it go. Yesterday, you could have died."
She bit her lower lip, trying to control the trembling. Her eyes were swimming with tears unshed. "Don't ... Please don't," she begged softly. "Don't ask me to kill him again."
They stood there for several minutes until Tim finally, reluctantly nodded.
"I'm sorry. Ok, you have time. I'll talk to Lucas and make sure he doesn't bother you." He turned down a cross corridor and then paused looking back. "Ari, don't take too long. If Hudson thinks you aren't adjusting..."
She returned his gaze seriously. "Hudson is the least of my worries. You take care of yourself, old grumbler. You're the one he's got his eye on."
He stared at her, wondering what she meant as she walked away, toward C deck and the moon pool. Finally, he shook his head and shrugged, sighing. He'd ask her later. Or not. But he envied her evident disregard of the new CO. He wished he felt that way about him.
THE END
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