seaQuest DSV
Fic Title: Only in my Dreams
Fic author: katirene (XMP)
Fic rating: PG
Disclaimer: This is based on the second season of the Amblin Television and Universal Television series "seaQuest DSV", created by Rockne S. O'Bannon. As is understood, I do not own any part of these characters, and have made no profit in the writing and sharing of this fic.Further disclaimer: This is an Ari Adler seaQuest fic.
Summary:This story is designed to answer the question of what happened between the end of "Triangles", when Ari and Miguel agreed that they were attracted to one another, and "Sweet Dreams" when it was revealed that neither one was exactly sure of where s/he stood with the other. ---ki (XMP)
Only In My Dreams
19 December 2021
Scowling, ducking and bobbing, Miguel Ortiz of the seaQuest backed out of the way and waited, throwing another hard punch, his face tightening into a mirthless grin as the blow landed with a satisfying thwunk. He spun around and hit with a roundhouse kick, following up with a blow from the other hand. Overhead, unheeded, Christmas carols played cheerily through loudspeakers, exhorting peace on earth, goodwill to men, but Miguel had no attention to spare for any such message. He was out for blood. As Trey so pithily observed, sometimes you just wanted to beat the shit out of something.
The sound of feminine amusement cut through his concentration, and he stopped and turned around, catching the bag almost automatically as he looked. For a moment, he hoped....
"Oh, hi Wendy," he greeted the ship's psychiatrist glumly, letting the punching bag go and preparing to go at it again.
" 'Oh, hi Wendy'," she mocked him gently, emphasizing the unwelcome in his voice. Laughing again, she advised, "Give it a rest, Miguel. That's one bag that won't be giving anyone any more trouble today. And I think you've taken enough of a beating, too. Want to talk about it?" His broad muscular shoulders, revealed in the tight stretch of the black muscle tank shirt, tensed and he gave a hard shake of his head, not taking his eyes off the swaying bag, preparing to slug it again. She reached out and barely touched his shoulder.
"Hey. Hey," Wendy called gently with voice and mind, trying to get through the frustration that was driving him. "I'm here. Cool down and let's talk, ok? Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," the young man growled, still not looking her in the eyes as he gave the bag another couple of shots.
"You know I know better than that, Miguel," she replied tartly, and he coloured up. Wendy Smith wasn't only the ship's shrink, but she was also a trained and accredited psychic, with empathy and telepathy being her strongest gifts, gifts that she used to keep the seaQuest running smoothly.
Still tense, he shrugged and moved toward the swaying target as if preparing to hit it again, but yielding to a sudden decision, he turned toward her and started removing the protective gloves. Wendy moved in and began to help him.
"Is it Ari Adler?" she asked in a low voice, which carried only to his ears and no further. Ensign Adler was a young officer who had attracted the romantic attentions of both Senior Chief Ortiz and his best friend Lt. Tim O'Neill. A few weeks back, she had made her preferance for the handsome, muscular Cuban non-com clear, and the affair seemed to have been settled amiably between all parties involved, with Lt. O'Neill transfering his interest to another new ensign.
"It's as obvious as that?" he countered, voice ladened with despair. She glanced up into his eyes, then quickly averted her own, struck by the sadness she spied in their dark brown depths.
"Face it, Miguel," she answered, striving for a hearty tone of voice. "I've seen you handle a lot of different situations and stresses, but I think that this time, you may be in over your head. It would do you good to discuss it."
A short time later, sitting comfortably in a chair in Wendy's office, decorated with bells and and balls and ribbands for the upcoming holidays, Miguel reached up to accept a cup of coffee from the pretty, graceful doctor, and he grimaced, wrinkling his nose in distaste as the evidence of his recent exercise hit it.
"Hey, ah, perhaps I ought to come back another time," he suggested diffidently as Dr. Smith sat in the seat opposite and picked up her own cup, moving a miniature Christmas tree out of the way.
"You're hurting now, Miguel, and broadcasting. I think it would do you good to talk." She took a small sip and asked, "So, tell me. What's happening? I know that you and Ari decided to ... ah, become a couple?" she paused delicately, wondering how far they had gone with that. Miguel looked dissatisfied.
"So did I," he answered bitterly. "I just don't understand it. Everything was perfect. We were happy. We WERE!" he insisted although the woman across from him made no demurral by expression or sound. "And then BOOM, I can't even get close to her for anything. She's always busy, or there are people around. Our schedules are out of whack, so even when she does have free time, I don't, and ...." he sighed heavily, shaking his head before taking a drink of the coffee. "And when I do find her alone, all we do is fight."
"Tell me about it," she invited him again. "When was the last time you remember it being like that? Being perfect?"
"The pool dance," he answered promptly, his face brightening. The speed with which he answered the question told the watching woman a great deal, as did the dreamy, happy, faraway look in his eyes. "It was great, Wendy. Ari and I, we were like ... like a single unit, two bodies-one mind. It was like we were made for each another. Just perfect. You should have seen us."
"I did," she admitted. "And you did look happy. What happened after that?" She almost regretted pushing the point as his face dropped and the glow faded.
"It was right after that that Trey got transfered to second shift security." His glance invited response, so she nodded for him to continue. He shifted his weight forward confidentially. "Ari changed her schedule, too. Not the shift she was working," he said quickly, answering her question before she could ask it, "but her off-duty time. She would finish up her work details in the first few hours after getting off, then go to bed so that she could get up half-way through third shift."
"Why?" Wendy was pretty sure she knew the answer, but she was curious as to Miguel's take on it.
"She said it was so that she and Trey could get some work done on their project."
Ensign Irene Adler and Ensign Treysa Barlow were collaborating on a project to determine if bottlenosed dolphins could freely communicate and interact with submarine crews as auxiliary crew members. The research had begun as a private game between Ari and the Captain's pet dolphin, Darwin. Using a specially formatted translation program, anyone could speak to and understand the animal, but Ari had taken it a step further, trying to learn the marine mammal's language so that she could understand him without the intercession of the computer.
Their newly developed ability to communicate in this fashion had resulted in a spectacular rescue of the seaQuest after the failure of a revolutionary new navigational technique that had almost destroyed the boat. The result was that their "game" had come to official notice, with orders to determine the feasibility of duplicating the achievement on other subs.
"You don't believe that's the reason?" Dr. Smith probed, trying to get him to acknowledge his own feelingss.
"No!" he answered indignantly. "I mean, I know that's why she's doing it, she wouldn't lie about that. She'd think that's beneath her. I just don't think that's the only reason, or why she's doing it like this. What they are doing is important, I know that, and she's got to find time to do it, but ...."
"You feel that Ari has scheduled you out of her life," she stated when his words ran out. He nodded, sitting back with an expression of vindication on his face.
"Exactly!"
"And if she loved you then she would arrange her time to suit your schedule," Wendy finished.
"Right," he agreed. A stunned expression appeared on his face as he realized what he'd said and he quickly contradicted himself.
"No! No. That's not what I mean. But, it seems that she can always find time for Lucas."
The barely suppressed emotions that accompanied the name caused Wendy to sat up with surprise and concern. Usually the twenty-nine year old chief petty officer and the young computer genius, almost a decade younger, got along extremely well.
Miguel continued his complaint, unaware of her reaction. "When I do try to get some quiet time with Ari, I find her with him, in his quarters, or hers, giggling about something that they're working on. And when I show up, they go all quiet and embarassed and try to get me to go away."
His voice rose as he aired his grievance, "How is it that HE can find her without anyone around, but I can't? And now I find out that she's planning to testify as a material witness for those two ecoterrorists, and she just won't listen to reason!"
"Have you talked to her about her decision to testify?" she asked carefully.
"YES! Ari has no idea what kind of damage she can do to her career. She refuses to even think about the consequences of what she does. Look at how she reacted when I suggested that it would be better not to get too affectionate where Cmdr. Ford could see. You'd have thought I ... Oh, I don't know. But if something like this came to official notice..."
"Hold on. Back up there. What's this about Commander Ford? How did he get into this?" Miguel shrugged, impatient with the digression. But his sense of grievance was so great that the story poured out.
"It was the day after the party." He sighed shaking his head with dismay.
"Apparently, someone had reported to the commander that Ari and I were... a little more affectionate than ... Well, anyway, he came up to me at breakfast. I was the first one there, I guess the others were all sleeping late. Anyway, he pointed out just how our behaviour might get misconstrued and how much damage an accusation of undue influence or fraternization could injure Ari's chances of promotion. Not all ensigns make lieutenant, you know. And he said that she had a good chance of rising rapidly through the ranks, maybe even getting to be a commander before she's thirty, if she doesn't do anything stupid, like getting involved with ecoterrorists!" His voice rose with irritation on the last line.
"So, did you tell Ari what Jon said?"
Wondering why the psychiatrist kept returning to such a minor problem in the face of the really important ones, Miguel answered shortly.
"I tried. She didn't really give me a chance to explain then. Just came in, said hi and then ran out again. I didn't see her again for the rest of the day, then Trey had her shift changed and Ari switched her schedule around and when I went to talk to her about that, she told me that if I was ashamed of her then she didn't want to be with me. I don't know where she got that idea from. I never said or did anything to make her think that."
Wendy Smith regarded him through narrowed eyes, using her psychic gifts to sort through the variety of emotions and memories that he was broadcasting. Something about that account didn't feel quite right.
"She just said hi?" the doctor repeated skeptically, going back to an earlier statement. Miguel's face darkened as the blood rose in his cheeks.
"Well, she sort of, ummm ... I mean, she leaned up against my back, covered my eyes with her hands and said 'Guess who?' And then she removed any doubts by kissing the top of my head. Right there in front of the commander, who was watching us both and frowning."
"So, what did you do?"
"I jerked away," his expression and tone of voice added the unnecessary 'of course' to the statement. "And told her not to do something like that where other people could see us." Wendy's eye's widened with shocked understanding and her mouth formed an 'O'.
"Did you tell her why and who?" she asked carefully. Miguel missed her response, looking down and frowning at the memory.
"No. I told you, I didn't get a chance. She ran off too fast. And anyway, she knows," he continued impatiently. "Capt. Bridger laid out the rules to her a long time ago. About no affectionate displays on board seaQuest. She understood that."
"But maybe she thought that they had been changed. Miguel." Wendy stopped, wondering how to put this delicately. "You said that the two of you were 'a little more affectionate' after the party. What did you mean by that?" His head jerked up indignantly.
"Not what you're thinking!" he expostulated. "Ari's not that kind of a girl. We just got into some... heavy petting."
"I see. And you were ... where?"
"Her cabin. I've got a roommate, and anyway, I was walking her there. You hadn't given her ankle the medical okay yet, and she wasn't supposed to be on it for too long."
"Hmmm, I see," Wendy mused. "So, let me see if I've got this straight. You walked Ari back to her room, she pulled you in and began ..."
"No." There was an indulgent smile on his dark face. "No. I helped her down the steps, and she stumbled on the bottom one. I was holding her weight in my arms and... Oh, Wendy," he sighed, his eyes closing and a sweet smile spreading on his mobile lips. "I didn't really want to push her into anything, but she was so sweet and soft and ... I kissed her. And she clung to me and kissed me back and ... Well," he shrugged, returning to the present with a slightly shamed, but pleased expression. "Maybe things did get a bit out of hand."
"But you initiated the session?" she pushed.
"Yeah." He couldn't understand her interest in this, but he didn't mind going over it in his mind. Altogether, it was one of his favorite memories, right up there with dancing with Ari at his aunt's block party or waking her up on the bridge during the TSUNAMI crisis.
"Ok, Miguel, here's what I see. From Ari's point of view, you were saying that the rules only applied if there was no one around, and only if you wanted them too."
"NO! No! That's not the way it was," he contradicted.
"I'm sure you didn't mean it like that," the doctor went on. "But that's the way it sounds to me." She leaned back and made herself a little more comfortable before saying, "You do realize that you've chosen one of the most stubborn, insubordinate.."
"SHE ISN'T," he answered hotly, defending his love. "She's a good officer."
"She doesn't take orders very well," Wendy replied emphatically, leaning forward and jabbing her finger at him. "At least, not from her commanding officers. And, as much as I hate to point this out, she has a lot more experience dealing with officers than romance. She's stubborn, independent minded, and determined." Wendy paused and sat back again. "And inexperienced."
"You know," she continued in a contemplative voice, her eyes half closed but watching the sensor chief narrowly in spite of that. "I find it most interesting that as soon as she starts to accept you as a possible lover, Ari Adler applies to a graduate program. You now, you are in the same field that her father was in, of equivalent rank and..."
"YOU don't think I'm just a father figure?" he exploded, standing up and walking away before turning back around. "There's no way that's all she feels for me."
"No, I don't mean to say anything of the sort. Now, calm down and listen. No, if Ari wanted a father figure, you wouldn't be so unhappy now. I'm just pointing out that she is subconsciously trying to order her private life along the same pattern as her parent's successful one. Although, if it comes to that, it might have been the sense of familiarity that gave you the edge over Tim in the first place. According to what I read in her records, he is more like her uncle."
Mollified, Chief Ortiz sat again, thinking through what the doctor had actually said and matching it up with things that Ari had let drop about her family background. Wendy let him work his way through it in silence. Finally, he nodded, conceding her points.
"Her father was a sensor officer, non-commissioned," he granted. "And her mother was a professor of anthropology. Ok, I can see where it fits together. But what do you mean, if Ari wanted a father figure, I wouldn't be unhappy?"
Satisfied, Wendy gave a amll sigh of relief, realizing that the hardest part of the discussion was still to come. "You basically told her, without meaning to, that you were the one in charge, the decision-maker. You had control over when it was appropriate to be intimate and when it wasn't. At a guess, Ari was hurt initially by your reaction, and then angered and worried by the perceived loss of autonomy. And she's trying to pull away, to retreat from the relationship, before she loses any more of herself. But, at the same time, she doesn't want to lose you."
"Think about her life, Miguel, after her parents died. The only person she had to depend on was herself, if she was to achieve the goals she'd set. She educated herself beyond what was available at the convent, continued the sensor training that her father had started and finally, got herself out of there. Because of the work she'd done, she was able to test out of a year of college, entering as a sophmore at age sixteen."
"Now you're telling her that she has to subordinate all that drive, because you are the man."
"I am not," he contradicted. "I'm saying no such thing."
"Are you sure? Let's look at your background, Miguel. You grew up in a traditional Cuban family where your father worked to support your family and your mother stayed home to raise the children, right?"
"Well, yeah, but..."
"And your uncles and aunts did exactly the same thing, right?"
"Not all of them," he answered truculently.
"So, your experience is that the man is the master of the home, and the woman defers to him. Right?"
He didn't answer. There was no answer he could make that he liked. "Are you sure you aren't trying to impose your cultural norms on this relationship?" the ship psychiatrist continued. Miguel looked disturbed and uneasy. Had he? He didn't think so, but...
"I don't know," he answered at last. "Maybe. But, Wendy, she's so young. She doesn't understand that she could seriously hurt her career by taking unnecessary risks."
"Like what?"
"Well, like this Foxtrot terrorist trial. She was asked to testify on the intelligence of cetaceans, you know." Wendy Smith nodded.
"So were Lucas and Captain Bridger," she reminded him.
"Yeah, and that's another thing. But now she's planning to testify as a character witness. What does she know about these guys at all. She admitted that she didn't even follow it in the news when the story broke."
"Hmmm, I hadn't heard about that," she confessed, considering the information. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Ari told me a little while ago, when I found her and Lucas laughing in the electronics lab. They stopped as soon as they saw me. Lucas got up to leave and mentioned it and she told me then."
Curious, Wendy asked, "Did you tell her it wasn't a good idea?"
"I tried to," he admitted. "But she wasn't listening. She accused me of spying on her and told me that it was none of my business who her friends were." Remembering that, he started to get angry again. Of course it was his business. She was his girl, right?
"Is she?" Wendy queried, a dry note in her voice. Miguel looked up startled. Had he said that out loud? At his expression of surprise, Wendy shook her head with wry amusement. "You really are broadcasting, you know." She checked her watch and sighed heavily. This wasn't over by a long shot. "Look, Miguel. Do you love Ari Adler?"
What kind of question was that? Wasn't it obvious? "Yes. I've never felt this way about anyone else before."
"And I bet she feels the same. But you are older and more experienced. So, I'm going to give you some advice. If you're smart, you'll take it."
"She has to make her own mistakes and you have to let her. Don't get me wrong, you should be there, to help her, but, back off, as a lover, and let her find her own way."
"Go slow, right now. You're both feeling lost, and not really sure of each other. I think, from what I've seen of the two of you, that right now, Ari needs you to be her friend more than she needs a lover, or a father. And you can get a lot closer to her that way. So, that's my advise. For now, give her the space she's trying to develop." The stubborn set of Miguel's jaw told her that she wasn't getting through to him.
Shaking her head, she nodded toward the door. "I've got another appointment coming, now. Just think about what I've said, ok?" Reluctantly, the tall, brawny chief nodded and headed for the door.
"Wendy?" he asked hesitantly before opening it. "Did Commander Ford or the Captain ask you to talk to me about this?" She shook her head no. "Did... did Ari?" That was important. He had to know if Ari was using the doctor to break up with him. Although he couldn't believe that she wouldn't just tell him herself. However, again, Dr. Smith shook her head.
"Miguel, please believe me. I do think that you and Ari Adler are ideally suited for one another. But from the sound of things, right now all you're doing is hurting each other while you both try to figure out how you fit together. Take some time to learn to be friends. That's all I'm suggesting." He nodded and started to open the hatch, then stopped again.
"I can't lose her, Dr. Smith. I won't." And then he was gone. Wendy pressed her lips together in a sad smile.
"Good luck," she whispered, knowing that love was more than luck and more than hormones. It was pain and heartache and hard work. But first, you've got to deal with the emotional baggage.
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