Quotes from rec.arts.drwho
The
July/August 1995 Quotefile.
Here it is. . . the r.a.dw quotefile additions for August.
Due to amazing size, I'm not posting the whole file; if you want a copy,
email me.
Submissions should be sent to cheer@isisph.com. Include as much of the
message as possible. Comments can be sent to the same place. :)
**********
[NEW]
[recursive discussion of "meta-discussions" deleted]
I'm starting to see red*
Peter Anghelides
* Except for entropy, of course, because recursion makes that go green.
-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), Jul 20
1995
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That's the problem with expectoration. You never quite know
what you're going to get.
-- Jason A. Miller (currently netless), Jul 27 1995
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>I've just noticed that the new Star Trek novel is entitled First
>Frontier. Can we soon expect Kirk ans Spock fighting The Laeft Handed
>Hummingbird? or Picard fighting evil Hoothi in Love & War?????
And here I always thought Star Trek novels were the Pits.
-- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@isisph.com), Jul 20 1995
"some Penswick guy"
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Justin Richards:
> I ve sat in front of a CPU as it fuses and burns.
Dave Owen and I would like to confirm that this is how Justin keeps his
heating costs so low. Mind you, like many of the characters in 'System
Shock', Dave and I are not real people at all, but objects only
accessible
through messages to our defined and declared methods. These methods
include:
money, beer, sex, beer, and beer - but remember, you have to use the
right
parameters when sending us messages before we will execute the method.
Pay
attention, as you may have the opportunity to try these out in an
appropriate
environment (Tavern or PanoptiCon, for example).
PS: You'll notice that the apostrophes in Justin's post are also not
real
characters. (A little codepoint joke there for all you
programmers.)
-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), Jul 21
1995
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Private Messages to Paul
The Paul Cornell Fan Club of North America realize that some people
may not be able to attend any of the personal appearances that Paul
will be making in the US. We offer you another way to express yourself
to Him.
You may send a personal message to Him via the r.a.dw newsgroup.
Messages can be sent either via electronic mail or mentioned in passing
to Dave Owen over a beer at the Charlbury Tavern.
Because PCFCNA will become responsible for these messages we will
be reading each one and removing any that fall within the guidelines
listed below:
1. No sexual allusions or sexually descriptive passages (excepting
references to running your hands through Paul's haircut). If in
any doubt, use the criterion: would I expect to read this in one of
Paul's books?
2. No personal attacks. If you can't say something positive, then try
to use the @ symbol.
3. No book proposals.
4. All messages to be in blank verse.
This still leaves a pretty large area of communications for all of
you, but please be aware that any responses will be at the whim
of the PCFCNA. If you can send a SASE, then that's a pretty darned
clever thing to do over the net and you should copyright that
technology
pretty darned quick, or claim it as an unpublished excerpt from "System
Shock".
-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), Jul 21
1995
Lord High Admiral, PCFCNA
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>If you take the tape out of the cassette on the new "Time and the Rani"
>release and put it in back to front, after half an hour you can see
Kate
>O'Mara in flagrante with Sylvester McCoy.
That's nothing. I took the tape out of the cassette, folded it down the
middle, snipped it with a sharp pair of scissors every six inches, and
stuffed the resulting pile of magnetic tape into my sink disposal unit.
What an
improvement.
PS: Late news just in - my disposal unit just regurgitated the tape.
-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), Jul 24
1995
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>Maybe they could even
>persuade FOX to get rid of the adverts every 10 minutes, just have them
>every half hour.
Uh-huh. Then we could irrigate the Sahara, cure all known diseases and
find a
Doctor Who story that is actually *worse* than The Space Pirates.
Hmmm, maybe that last one is pushing it a bit.
-- R. P. Augood (cenrpa@leeds.ac.uk), Jul 24 1995
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There once was a young man called Adric,
Who, as we know, was really quite thick,
Despite a love of math,
He could make the girls laff,
By showing them his really small collection of Target Novelisations.
-- Steve Traylen (straylen@geology.wisc.edu), Jul 24
1995
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>Plus ca change, plus ca meme chose. (Without accents).
(Or verbs, it seems.)
-- David "Smartass" McKinnon
(mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu),
Jul 25 1995
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[NEW]
[In a thread entitled "Female whofans over 30?" Dave had this to say:]
>Quick Siobahn, use some of my weapons.
Given the title of this thread, I find this insanely humourous.
-- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@isisph.com), Jul 25 1995
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[NEW]
[The scene is a War Room of a military organisation. There is a
huge conference table dominating the middle of the room, with a bunch of
very serious-looking men sitting around it. There is a massive assault
rifle mounted on the wall behind them.]
GENERAL: Men, we've got to do something about this latest attack. _The
Romance of Crime_ is just too much of a weakling comic story."
VICKERS: Well, sir, there are all those scenes of extremely gory death.
GENERAL: True, Vickers, but there are all those *jokes*! We can't have
that in a serious story, can we?"
GATLING: And those characters ... they can't keep a straight face!
There's
not a decent one amongst them!
STAPLE: Well, Pyerpoint never cracks any jokes.
GATLING: True. And Xais doesn't either ... but they're just straight
men!
STAPLE: And women.
GATLING: [testily] Yes, yes. But the point I'm trying to make is that
this book makes a mockery of serious fiction!
GENERAL: I think we can all agree on that, Colonel Gatling. The
problem
is, how do we correct this problem? Where are this book's weaknesses?
NAIL: Jason Miller says the humour intrudes on the narrative.
GENERAL: Hmm ... possibly, but I don't agree. Frustratingly enough,
Roberts manages to keep the humour fairly well under control. But it's
still there ...
DISINTEGRATOR: I say we should just blast 'em into --
[DISINTEGRATOR is interrupted by a loud, explosive bang! from
the corner of the War Room, as a huge chunk of wall is blown away. A
large
crowd of people burst into the room. They are all wearing dresses.]
PARTY: Hold it right there, Guns!
SUN: [suggestively] Ooh, hold what, then?
GENERAL: How *dare* you! This is a private --
PARTY: Oh, do shut up, will you? We're raiding your room, and nipping
this little plot in the bud.
STRAPLESS: Hey! These ain't no buds of mine.
SUN: Pretty weak, Strapless.
STRAPLESS: Fair enough.
GENERAL: Wait a moment. This is laughable. [turning] Gatling,
Vickers!
The gun cabinet, in the corner --
[Two of the invaders, holding massive rifles, step forward
to
cover GATLING and VICKERS as they head for the cabinet.]
PARTY: Not so fast, gentlemen. We're gun-toting Frocks.
GATLING: [swearing] Curse!
PARTY: Yes. You see, we cannot allow you to stop _The Romance of
Crime_.
It's possibly the greatest work of frock fiction in the history of Who.
Fantastic stuff.
MINI: Ooh, yes, it's great! It's fantastically funny, with highly
amusing
characters like Spiggot and Stokes, and the writing for the Doctor, K9,
and Romana is just *heavenly*. Some of those lines ... [she stifles a
giggle] ... like that scene where the Doctor and Romana are being taken
away by the guards: "I'll have some of what she's drinking." HAHAHA!
VICKERS: You can't be serious.
PARTY: Of course not. But we haven't much time to engage in witty
banter,
amusing though that would be. Sun? Strapless? Tie them up, would you?
[Various of the invading Frocks pin the Guns in their seats,
and tie them up securely with flowery ribbons.]
PARTY: Mini? Set up the projector and screen.
[Mini sets up a large screen in front of the War Room, and
sets
up a video projector in front of it. She puts a videotape in the
projector.]
PARTY: Well, gentlemen, it's time to bid you au revoir, I'm afraid.
But
we've rigged up some entertainment for you while you struggle against
your
bonds ... this tape has "City of Death", "The Time Meddler", "The
Sunmakers",
"The Happiness Patrol", and "Time and the Rani" set up on a continuous
loop.
Bye!
[The Frocks depart from whence they came. The Guns begin to
struggle wildly, as the title sequence for "City of Death" starts up.]
GENERAL: [panicking] No!!! No!!!
NAIL: General! Maybe it's really "Seeds of Doom"!
[The title on the screen read "City of Death"]
GENERAL: Shut up, Nail.
-- David "10 out of 10" McKinnon
(mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu)
Jul 25, 1995
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No...I guess not. In order to get in the quote file you really have to
a) bait Yads, b) bait Jill (even if Jill hasn't been here in 6 weeks),
c)
dress in spandex or d) pretend to be some weirdo who types in capital
letters. And I'm not prepared to do that.
HERE YADS...HERE JILL...COME AND WE'LL FIND TOY DALEKS
TOGETHER...DAMN...CAN'T KEEP THESE TIGHTS OVER MY WAIST...COLON BAKER IS
A GOOD DOCTOR....
-- Graeme Burk (yu121798@laurel.yorku.ca), Jul 26 1995
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Mmm, must remember not to post when pissed. Even my english goes
after a while...
Actually, I've invented this new device that plugs into the back
of my PC. Its a Breathalyser Access Device. Turn on computer,
breathe into tube, and if you're too pissed you're only allowed
to play Doom and read Yadallee posts (they make more sense that
way).
No, look, it'd be great. You could combine the two, and have
a radw Doom level. Kate and Jen would wander round with buckets
of quick setting chocolate, you could visit the ferret farm, Paul
Cornell would write brilliant things so you'd give up in frustration,
and if you encountered the Yads, you'd only be able to spin round in
circles and go 'wibble'.
-- Sylv (sylv@scat.demon.co.uk), Jul 26 1995
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Segonax Sez:
>>In all honesty, I haven't read quite a few of the recent New
>>Adventures because they're so BORING and BAD.
[The Doctor passes the strange electronic device over the front
cover.]
*beep* *beep* *beep*
"Good grief, Jo -- this book is deadly boring! Quick, open the window!"
-- David McKinnon (mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu), Jul 28
1995
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This picks up on Paul Cornell's (et al) complaint that fanboys and
fangirls too readily judge DW on the basis of the special effects.
However, if
we're into that game: I nominate "Set Piece" as the worst NA/MA from a
typographical point of view.
point of view.view
Pint of view.
-- Peter Anghelidididies (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com),
Jul 27, 1995
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Davison Era:
"Four to Doomsday", where Adric becomes one-dimensional (quite a feat,
he
normally only makes it into two-dimensional during Season 19), Nyssa is
redundant, and the Solid Gold Dancers don't make the transition to
science-fiction very well.
-- Greg McElhatton (drizzan@aol.com), Aug 1 1995
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[on spoilers]
Wow! Despite the fact that he gets called a coward all the time, Pex
sacrifices himself bravely at the end of Paradise Towers.
Phew! Be still my beating heart!
*And*, in The Deadly Assassin, it was Goth, all along!
Now, steel yourselves, this next one's a bit shocking...
Ready?
Okay, then....
In The Android Invasion, Guy Crayford didn't need to wear the eyepatch
at
all! His eye was intact all the time!
-- R. P. Augood (cenrpa@leeds.ac.uk), Jul 28 1995
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> I was watching "The Mind Robber" last week, and was caught off
>guard when both episodes four and five wrapped up in about twenty four
>minutes, including commercials. Any explanations as to why they are so
>short?
I have a similar query. Can anyone tell me why episodes 1-5 of this
story
are so completely rubbish?
-- R. P. Augood (cenrpa@leeds.ac.uk), Jul 31 1995
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[NEW]
Rec.Arts.DrWho Exclusive!
HALIBUTS.
In dramatic last minute developments over the weekend,
Ericsson Telecommunications Ltd clinched a deal to sign
Richard 'Oh la-la, the Halibut' Salter for a non-recording
breaking fee to press buttons and lick computer screens for them.
His job will start in a month, and he'll have complete and
unrestricted net access again.
CARP.
People the world over celebrated, and the Dow Jones Index rose
by thirty points at the prospect of many more years of bad sig files,
'The Rec.Arts.DrWho Quote File' returning, and really crap jokes.
BEARDS.
There was panic at the last moment when Halibut revealed that he knew
employee's Jon M Massey and 'Mike Teague(TM)', and thus opened himself
up to the question;
'Oh no, your not *another* bloody Doctor Who fan are you?'
Luckily all was saved when Halibut quick-wittedly replied;
'No, I just have this thing for men with facial hair'
and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
BEER.
JonM was quoted as being 'delighted, and a bit hungover'
because Halibut now owes him 'piles of beer'.
-- Jon Massey (etljnmy@etlxdmx.ericsson.se), Jul 31 1995
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[re: ted kennedy is the Doctor]
The only connection I can see is that the Doctor cannot steer his
vehicle
accurately, and as a result gets his passengers lost in the vortex.
-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), Aug 2
1995
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[NEW]
>Just wondering if anyone out there knows if someone has signed on to
>play the new installment of the doctor in the upcoming Fox pilot? - If
>there really is going to be a Fox pilot, that is.
Craig, you are inviting a ton of hatEmail! But in the hope of stalling
a
rash of ill-tempered postings, here is what you should expect to hear
from
people (so you can now ignore this thread):
Chris Heer: No-one has been announced.
Lofficiers: We can't tell you.
Kate Orman: Sylvester McCoy covered in chocolate sauce.
David McKinnon: Some Unknown Guy.
The Admiral: Check out my home page.
Steve Traylen: Special K know, but we're not saying.
The Robinsons: AAAAAGHHH!!
Jon Pertwee: I am the Doctor*.
Eric Idle: I am NOT the Doctor, so piss off.
John Nathan-Turner: Stay Tuned.
David Owen: Correct.
Hope this helps.
* Though we are negotiating a contract with him so that, at all his
future
convention appearances, he will step through the doors of the TARDIS
and announce "I am preseident of the Paul Cornell Fan Club of North
America, and membership forms are available in the foyer".
-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), Aug 3
1995
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[re: missing adventures]
Segonax wrote:
>>Thank God they stayed missing. There is absolutely nothing radical
>>about these hapless rehashes. Somebody PLEASE write one that doesn't
>>totally copy a single episode, somewhere in the series.
>My God I wish this post had been missing. It's an complete waste of
>bandwidth, and utterly lacking in content, originality, or consistency.
>Somebody PLEASE post something that doesn't totally copy some stupid
>idea someone else posted somewhere else on the Usenet.
-- David "Vituperative" McKinnon
(mckinnon@math.berkeley.edu)
Aug 3, 1995
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>Y'know, watching "Battlefield" the other day, I was struck by how close
>McCoy gets to Jon's Seventh Doctor. :-)
It's the car. Chicks love the car. Oh, sorry, wrong show.
-- Peter Anghelides (anghelides@vnet.ibm.com), Aug 3
1995
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>Hurrah!! The USF Radio, Electronics, and Dining Club has just gotten a
>color television with VCR! I get to watch Doctor Who in color on
>Saturday nights now :). We had only a tiny b&w TV. Now I just hope,
as
>I do my little Radio Amateur thing and wait for Erin to breeze by Tampa
>Bay, that USF's Channel 16 won't suffer any damage to its tower.
Boy, is Tom Baker's bright orange curly hair going to surprise you.
(Actually, it used to be brown, but then Adric got this job selling hair
tonic, and the Doctor used it just to be nice to the lad, and. . .
voila!)
-- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@isisph.com), Aug 3 1995
"some greg brady guy"
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[re: how to buy NAs without being completely embarrassed]
You people do this all wrong.
I play it cool, like I'm buying the new Stephen King book or something.
If they say nothing, and don't snicker or anything, great. If they give
the slightest hint of smarmy attitude, though. . . I stare at them.
Without blinking. I then say something along the lines of "Hey, that's
a
nice shade of purple that your hair isn't." Crooked smile. "Been to
any
movies about penguins lately?"
At this point, you've assumed control of the situation. She's not
thinking your a dork, 'cos she's too busy wondering if you're going to
go
all homicidal or start doodling on the counter or something. The *last*
thing she's thinking about is the cover to Set Piece.
-- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@isisph.com), Aug 3 1995
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[NEW]
THE DOMINATORS -- 2/10 --
It's just so bloody silly. And boring. If you had to build a robot,
would
*you* give it a silly voice that you can't understand? Well? Would you?
-- R. P. Augood (cenrpa@leeds.ac.uk), Aug 7 1995
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[NEW]
(Kate Orman) writes:
>It'd be fun to have some Target-style footnotes. "See Doctor Who and
the
>Transit". :-)
Or, if Uncle Terry or Malcolm had written the novelization in
1977:
DOCTOR WHO AND THE VIRUS FROM MARS
DOCTOR WHO knows something is seriously wrong when he arrives
at an UNDERGROUND station of the year 2150. A terrible COMPUTER PROGRAM
from the STARS has reprogrammed the powerful COMPUTERS that safely
direction MANKIND's transportation.
Young KADIATU LETHBRIDGE-STEWART, a friendly non-threatening
white girl, and the granddaughter of THE BRIGADIER, helps DOCTOR WHO
outsmart the clever virus, and has no sex along the way.
Can DOCTOR WHO save the human race from his own mistake?
Cover by Chris Achilleos
Suggested Retail Price:
UK: L0.75
US: $1.95
Australia: $24.95
Canada: $2.95
-- Jason A. Miller (sadly netless), Aug 7 1995
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[re: McCoy Mumbles]
Delta and the Bannermen, Part One, just after they've won the holiday.
The
Doctor notices the sign on the bus:
'Nostalgia Trips this could be interesting. It was Nostalgia Trips
thenwas
nabisnurglaziters trarl'.
And Mel laughs, in a sorry-Sylv-didn't-catch-a-crukking-word-of-that
kind of way. As soon as I got the novel I turned to that scene and the
line
*wasn't there*. Git.
-- Lance Parkin (ljp104@york.ac.uk), Aug 7 1995
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[NEW]
mckinnon@durban.berkeley.edu (David McKinnon) writes:
>To which Segonax replied:
>>Plenty of things. I like K9, I like Romana II, I like Peri.
>Cool! I like these things, too.
See how glibly the self-appointed Lords of r.a.dw steal Segonax's ideas
without so much as a by your leave? No wonder he's upset.
-- Paul Rhodes (paul.rhodes@liffe.com), Aug 9 1995
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straylen@geology.wisc.edu (Steve Traylen) writes:
>Seriously though grape flavour is pretty unknown in the Uk, just like
the
>greatest fruit ever bestowed on mankind is unknown in the US - namely
the
>*blackcurrent*
Sounds like a naff right-on arts show. Perhaps you mean "blackcurrant"?
-- Paul Rhodes (paul.rhodes@liffe.com), Aug 10 1995
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[NEW]
Chris Marriott asks. . .
>As a matter of interest, why is the story "Invasion of the Dinosaurs"
>called that when the opening credits simply say "Invasion"?
Don't you mean "Dinosaur Cutaway", er "Inside the Dinosaurs", sorry,
"30, 000, 000 BC" ?
-- Dave Owen (dro@dsbc.icl.co.uk), Aug 10 1995
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[NEW]
>Keeping each screen line down to
>75 characters would help too...
I wish David A. MacIntee would keep his *books* down to 75 characters.
[*]
[*] More ambiguity! I mean 75 people in the storyline, rather than books
that are only 75 bytes in length. Then again...
-- Dave Owen (dro@dsbc.ucl.co.uk), Aug 10 1995
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[NEW]
It was 10 Aug 1995 04:27:25 GMT. I was reading instead of working. And
apparently Segonax was blathering about. . .
>Handle it - I have a mind the size of a planet.
All rock, then, is it?
-- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@isisph.com), Aug 10 1995
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[NEW]
>I heard DWM will be revamped and will be aimed at 12 year olds.
>
>LAUGHS
>LAUGHS
Sorry about that Richard. The magazine *was* going to be targeted at you
four-year-olds, but you have less pocket money to spend than older
kids. You'll have to get your big brother to read it out aloud to you
and explain the long words.
Love,
-- Dave Owen (dro@dsbc.ucl.co.uk), Aug 11 1995
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[NEW]
Dear Segonax,
Less is more. More is less.
Love Sylv.
-- Sylv (sylv@scat.demon.co.uk), Aug 12 1995
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[NEW]
: > What's the most "boring" story ever?
Mark of the Sodding Rani. NOTHING HAPPENS in the whole hour-and-a-half.
It's like being dead, only with bad Northern accents.
The one point of interest is Anthony Ainley's beard at its most
astonishingly stupid, but it's NOT worth watching 90 minutes of pompous
verbosity for.
-- Phil Hallard (chri0073@sable.ox.ac.uk), Aug 14 1995
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[NEW]
Paul Rhodes:
>>>Michael Wisher (Davros, and other parts, as if anyone here needed
>>>reminding) died a week or two ago, apparently of a heart attack.
Jon Blum:
>>(He can't be dead. He's just in suspended animation while his backup
>>systems repair themselves... well, I can wish...)
No, 'cos then he'll come back as David Gooderson.
-- Christopher D. Heer (cheer@isisph.com), Aug 14 1995
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Looking for a good time? Then why not call me on 999. I have a cosy
little place with a big rotor and I can take you to places that no
human has ever been before. I usually travel with two or three
companions for preference, so bring your friends along. Big stupid
planets with dumb names need not apply.
-- Bruce Alan Greenwood
(RBGP@music.macarthur.uws.edu.au)
Aug 15 1995
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[NEW]
>>(And of course, we're all going to go on calling the stories whatever
>>we want anyway. I'm off to watch "Silly Nemesis" now...)
>
>Why?
'cos he couldn't find Wallies of the Fishpond at the time.
-- Chuck Foster (chuck@pipex.net), Aug 16 1995
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[NEW]
>>Set Peace!?!?!?!
>>You mean I've missed the second book in Kate's Set (or Sutekh)
>>trilogy!?!
>Oh, you've missed a whole lot. Some of the titles include:
>Set War
>Set Lords
>Set Vengeance
>The Ashes of Set
>:-)
This is obviously a Set up.
-- Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au), Aug 16 1995
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[NEW]
I've got the idea for a Troughton, Ben and Polly MA, and
to simultate that authentic Fourth Season flavour, exactly one-sixth of
the narrative is going to be missing, and in it's place will be a couple
of
dozen words narrated by Ben Jackson:
'Well, the Doctor escaped, and fled across the jungle pursued by the
Ugloids. Meanwhile, Jamie made a startling discovery...'
-- Lance Parkin (ljp104@york.ac.uk), Aug 16 1995
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[NEW]
How long have you been here? Do you not know that the purpose of
radw is to waste time? Time that I sit here collecting, folding up
neatly, and sending off to the Master in small blue packages.
Eventually, when we have enough, we shall use it to change all
dictionaries to the Yads spelling system (tm), and in the confusion
take over the world! Mwa ha ha...
-- Sylv (sylv@scat.demon.co.uk), Aug 16 1995
--
Christopher D. Heer|He's back and it's about time! Dr. Who, coming to
FOX!
cheer@isisph.com |GCS d++ H- s:+ g? p1 au++ a- w+ v++ C+++ S++++ P+ L
3
Not just cheer. . .| E--- N++ K+++ W+ M+ V-- -po+ Y+ t+ 5 jx R G''''
all tempa-cheer! | tv+ b+++ D+ B e+ u--- h---- f+ r+++ n---- y++++