June - July 2001 Quotefile

The June-July 2001 Quote File!
Quotes from rec.arts.drwho
Covering a bit of May, June, July, and August 1

The June-July 2001 Quotefile.

"Of course, if you had a quote file, you could look it up in the quote file
under quote file" ...

- Jason A. Miller 31st May 1995

Welcome everyone to the latest Quote File. The Quote File is basically all the
smartest, wittiest most entertaining stuff collected off rec.arts.drwho (though
other Doctor Who newsgroups are also eligible if you want to send something in)
filtered by trained primates and presented back to you in a sort of
instant nostalgia recycling exercise curiously reminiscent of Readers Digest
only more enlightening and actually funny.

Essentially, it is the funniest quotes to appear in the newsgroup as nominated
by you. To that end, if you see a quote you think deserves an entry in the
Quote File, just mail Robert at

smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca

or the ever-handy

radwquotefile@geocities.com

and include the attributions and the quote in full.

Please don't be shy about nominating stuff directly to Robert via e-mail.
Saying 'quotefile!' in the newsgroup may just be a way to express how funny
you think a post is, but it's also highly likely that, due to the sheer traffic
of stuff round here, it won't find its due receptacle. Even if you only think
it's mildly funny, or if you think that nobody else might get the joke, Robert
would much rather have too much to choose from than too little.

I've tried my best to get the dates and attributions right, but a few will
probably have wandered about of their own accord, so please don't get too
upset and be sure to mail Robert with any corrections for the web page.

Disclaimer: The copyright of all material contained herein remains with the
original poster. No attempt is made to supercede any copyright and the Quote
File maintains its impartiality under Fair Use for purposes of Comment or
Review.

The quotefile is updated monthly (usually midmonth, although it varies depending
on schedules) and past and present quotefiles can be found at:

http://geocities.datacellar.net/Area51/Corridor/1161/

On with the quotes!

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Cameron Mason wrote:
><RE: BUFFY spoilers posted by J2.>
>> Ahh, but he did pretending to be me

>Why the fuck would anyone wish to pretend to be you???

It frees them of the responsibility of having to make in-depth, intelligent
postings.

Bokman7757 <bokman7757@aol.com> 24/5/01

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The Count wrote:
>> Everyone understands *why* the Cybermen's scanner in
>> Earthshock *really* doesn't pick up The Killing Ground
>> and Sword of Orion (or Silver Nemesis for that matter).

> No, everyone does not 'understand' that, the way you think that
> you do. Everyone has different theories about it.

Er ... no. Read what I said. There's a very good 'real
world' reason why a book from 1995 an audio from
variously 1986 or 2001 and a TV story from 1988 don't
get a mention in a TV story made in 1982. If
you can come up with a different reason to 'because
they hadn't been made yet, and two of them wouldn't
have video clips anyway', then I'm happy to hear
it.

Lance Parkin <lance@lanceparkin.freeserve.co.uk> 28/5/01

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[Re: Just finished Interference...]

Adam Stephanides wrote:
> Jonathan Blum wrote:
>> (The line's ability to use the Enemy properly was somewhat hampered by Lawrence not
>> actually telling anyone who they really were... IIRC what I heard secondhand, he
>> tossed out a couple of cryptic suggestions, my favorite being "an infinite number of
>> monkeys".)

> Who, presumably, would have bombarded Gallifrey with an infinite number of
> copies of Shakespeare's works.

"Lady Velrune! Run! They've launched a fleet of Titus Andronicus at us!"

"The fiends!"

"And it looks like an elementary school production of King Lear is
headed our way!"

"NooooooooooOOOOOOOO!"

Jim Vowles <alabaster@capu.net> 3/7/01

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Henry Vizi wrote:
> I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.

You are what you eat, and beef jerky is made from
mechanically recovered cow and pig anus.

Lance Parkin <lance@lanceparkin.freeserve.co.uk> 21/5/01

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r.thomas22 wrote
> I wonder how people dispute this when it is refered to on TV.

Yes, that was the troublemaking class in grange Hill, wasn't it!!

-Bullet Baxter: "Oh no, I've got those hooligans from 6b again this
afternoon! That McCrimmon and his incessant tossing of the Caber!
Highland flings and humbugs, that beatnik with the recorder! Let's
see how they like a cross country run (pursued by Macra)"

Cardinal Zorak <Fab31frank@yahoo.co.uk> 22/5/01

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[Subject: Re: I Should Rule the Planet]

Cameron Mason wrote:
> Lorrill Buyens wrote:
> > > Depends.
> > > What are your policies?

> > I've got a nice whole/term life right right here, or would you
> > prefer homeowner's?

> Will I be insured against Act of a Higher Power?

Sorry, we're not prepared to go up against the BBC at this point in
time.

Lorrill Buyens <buyensl@interlacken.com> 22/05/01

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Jerazk wrote:
> DOCTOR WHO TO REGENERATE in both
> novels and audios!!!! WHO do you want to play him?Her?It?

An IT!

Yes, I'd like the Doctor to be played by...wait for it...TADA!
*A BRICK WALL!*

Yes, I can imagine the dialogue now...

Companion: "Where are we going, Doctor?"

Doctor: <dead silence because brick walls can't speak...or move for
that matter>

Companion: "Are you ever going to answer me, Doctor?"

Doctor: <silence still>

Companion: "Doctor, are you even listening to what I'm saying?"

Doctor: <more of the same>

Companion: "Oh, this is hopeless. It's like talking to a brick
wall."

It'd be pure genius. The ratings will plummet through the ground.

Jefferson Lee Eng <jeffreys@kiwitek.com> 20/5/01

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[ Re: Pet Time Travel Theories ]

William December Starr wrote:
> ann wrote
> > I don't believe in parallel universes... ;-)

> That's okay. I'm sure there's an alternate version of you
> somewhere out there that does.

Oh, no doubt.

ann <capriuni@aol.commonSense> 20/5/01

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[Re: So who else wants me barred from mod then?]

Steve wrote:
> Jim Vowles wrote:
> >Steve, you could wave whatever flag you want to, but you're still being
> >an asshole about this whole mod group thing. It's not an elite social
> >club, you've been corrected on the matter by damn near everyone involved
> >and then some, and you *are* paranoid if you really believe otherwise.

> >It's not whether you like a particular Doctor or not that gets people
> >pissed at you. It's your attacks on people that like one you don't like
> >that get people pissed at you--that and this obsession about the
> >not-yet-running Mod group.

> The truth really bites you, doesnt it?

Steve, you wouldn't recognize the truth if it were presented in the
shape of five giant, glowing letters, spelling the word "t r u t h",
jumping up and down emanating truth-waves, singing "Truthful Days are
Here Again" whilst nearby stood six thousand registerd notaries public
simultaneously swearing on a load of holy books that they were honest.

When asked about you, the truth was heard to reply "that bastard hasn't
spoken to me in years. And he still owes me a fiver."

Jim Vowles <alabaster@capu.net> 26/5/01

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[Authors turn ugly?]

The Count wrote:
> I really hope that it is not undone either. Although I wish that the actions
> of certain troll authors who suggested that it would be no big deal even if
> it was undone could be undone.

Troll authors? Just you coMe trip-trAPPing across my bRIdge, and see
what happENS to you! I'll tell YOu, it's reALLy hard to type on my
KEYboarD with these big fat finGERS of mine, and my sEVen-inch nails
keep KNOCKing the caPS LoCK on by ACcidenT. ThIS whoLE POST tooK me
seventy_FIVe minUTes to wrIte (which IS Twice as LONG As I spENT on
tHE Whole Of kURsaal, But yoU pROBably guESSed that).

I haD ThaT SHREk in thE BAck of MY Cab, onCe.

PeTER AnGHeliDes <peter-anghelides@cwcom.net> 12/6/01

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[Re: New Series Rumours... Here we go again!]

Auntie Krizu wrote:
> Who Goes There? wrote:
> > What no cartoon spin-off set in the high school years

> *twitch*
> *twitch*
> *twitch*

> Oh, I can just see that, the Doc played by some disgustingly cute
> himbo with no acting talent whatsoever and having weekly
> adventures getting through his teenage problems while whopping
> Dalek ass... *GIGANTIC YAWN*

But surely a young Master tickles your fancy? The Doctor's roomie?

"Hey Theta Sigma! Why the long face?"

"The Rani's dumped me. She says the fungus she's growing for her
biology class is more interesting than me. Talking of fungus, that
beard you're growing'll look great when it's finished. Oh, why do all
the intelligent girls hate me? Only the screaming bimbos want to go
anywhere with me."

"Aw, come over here for a hug. Look, in about three series, I mean
three years, you'll have your Doctorate, I'll have my Masters and
Drax'll have an even sillier accent. Then the three of us will steal
a TARDIS and go on a wild graduation vortex-trip."

<Inane voice-over>
Of course things don't go *quite* as they'd planned...

Donald Campbell <donald@atuin.demon.co.uk> 27/5/01

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[Re: Tim McVeigh]

doctor@doctor.nl2k.ab.ca (The Doctor) wrote:
>McVeigh died in place of Henry Vizi.

Well, one would hope so, since Henry wasn't responsible for the Oklahoma City
bombing. I'm not fully in favor of the death penalty, but if you're gonna
execute somebody it might as well be the right guy.

Bokman7757 <bokman7757@aol.com> 13/6/01

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[ Re: 2 lost episodes found. ]

Steve Day wrote:
> vze2p5gt@mail.verizon.net wrote:
> > Gareth Thomas wrote:
> > > Of Dad's Army. Just saw it on the news. Some fella pulled
> > > them out of a skip and has been sitting on them for 25 years
> > > withour realising they were missing episodes.

> > Yeah, and he also said that he left behind some other crap that
> > said something about "daleks" on it.

> Yeah, and he rescued some extra copies of Time and the Rani instead.

In 1969? Wow, now *that* was prescient. Did he tape tonight's
Charmed for me, seeing as I forgot?

Joxer <joxer1969@madasafish.com> 03/06/01

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Steven Kitson wrote:
> Lord of deXness wrote:
> > What a fatuous, hyper-idealistic thing to say. I cannot fathom holding onto
> > this belief in the face of evidence to the contrary (ie, _Divided Loyalties_,
> > _Parallel 59_, _The Space Age_, _Legacy of the Daleks_ and _Matrix_).

> So there are books that aren't as good as others. Frankly, I've read
> eough fanfic on the internet, and seen how bad are most efforts of
> people who try to write, that I honestly believe that 'The Space Age'
> and 'Matrix' (those being the only two of those that I have read) are
> way, way, way better than whatever is in the slushpile.

Correct grammar (which isn't even a guarantee in the BBC books) does
not automatically create a passable story. _The Space Age_ was an
incoherent mess plotwise (note: yes, I'm using blatant hyperbole),
particularly when compared to Lyons' other books. _Matrix_ was painfully
misconceived on almost every level I can think of ("Hey, let's turn the
Doctor into a serial killer, completely absolve him of any blame, and
make it as BORING AS WE POSSIBLY CAN." "Sounds good to me! Any way can
fit in some cat-fetish stuff with Ace?" "Hmm... We'll use that to pad
the book."). Susan is the only character worth reading about in _Legacy
of the Daleks_, as the others are one-dimensional plot drivers.
_Parallel 59_ has an extremely flawed premise ("We've spent 150 pages
making you hate this oppressive totalitarian society; now we want you to
be upset that we're destroying it!") combined with the most unconvincing
character rehabilitation sequence ever to appear in a Doctor Who book
prior to _The Shadows Of Avalon_. And _Divided Loyalties_ was so awful
in every regard that I think Gary Russell should dedicate the rest of his
life to visiting the world's forests and apologizing to the trees for
using the sacrifice of their brethren to foist such unadulterated crap
upon me. If I discovered that my toilet paper contained pulp from
remaindered copies of _Divided Loyalties_, I would take the roll back to
the store and demand my money back. The book was THAT BAD.

deX! <djperry@my-deja.com> 04/06/01

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[Re: BBC Down]

Luke Curtis wrote:

> back now, but must have been really serious though, all channels
> completely blank, not eve a "technical difficulties" card, just a
> black screen for at least 20 minutes...

They must have been showing a new documentary about Nixon. They were
probably just broadcasting the infamous "18 minute gap".

Bill Porter <bporter@usit.net> 30/06/01

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[Re: Dapol no more]

Andrew McCaffrey wrote:
> Ian Salsbury wrote:
> > http://www.dapol.co.uk/images/new_cyberman.jpg
> > These don`t look too bad actually, although this cyberman could do with
> > losing a few pounds around the hips.

> It is a fat Controller.

Really? I could use one of those. (Though I was delighted to find that
my scale was off--15 pounds in my favor!)

Jim Vowles (alabaster@capu.net) 19/06/01

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> 12. Which Doctor is the most likely to wear women's underwear?

All of them, at some point, probably:

The first by mistake ("Hmm, well, I'm terribly sorry Barbara, I don't
know how that could have happened...")

The second as a result of a series of misunderstandings and a failed
escape attempt ("Well, how was I to know they'd pat down a pair of tea
ladies, Jamie? Oh dear, I have a run in my stocking. And when I say
run....")

The third just because they went so well with the frilly shirt ("My dear
Lethbridge-Stewart, you really must cease your parochial prattering. Mr.
Yates seems far more open minded about the whole affair, and if you will
go barging in on me unannounced..."

The fourth because Romana bought them for him in a comic
misunderstanding of earth customs ("Mistress Romana has chosen well,
Doctor. They appear to suit you." "Oh, be quiet, K-9!")

The fifth because he jettisoned the underwear room accidentally. ("Ah,
yes, well, thank you Tegan, and I assure you I'll return these as soon
as possible...")

The sixth because of an evil Time Lord plot ("10 million years of
absolute power. That's what it takes to become really kinky...")

The seventh because of the Rani's penchant for playing dress-up during
"Time and the Rani" ("Put him in these, it'll add to his sense of
confusion. If I've got to dress like that ridiculous Mel, at least he
will be similarly discomforted!")

The eighth because of a whim ("Oh! Look look look! Satin!")

Jim Vowles <alabaster@capu.net> 09/06/01

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vze2p5gt@mail.verizon.net wrote:
> I'd go back and watch it again, but I'm not into masochism.
> [The poster formerly known as Fett]

'We obey. We obey,' chorused the daleks.
This was my first sexual experience.
[The poster formerly known as _Paul~Pippa_]

SolarPenguin <solarpenguin_2000@yahoo.com> 30/5/01

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[Re: Is Ben Aaronovitch a heterosexual?]

Jonathan Blum wrote:
> LPPCQ Porky wrote:
>> I know it's a personal question, but I heard a lot of rumors he is.

> Married with child. He had a two-year-old while he was writing "So Vile A
> Sin", which I suspect explains a lot. :-)

Ben's with child? Blimey.......

Steve Day <steve@lincolnmedia.org.uk> 29/07/01

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[Re: Lack of sex in DW]

> vze2p5gt@mail.verizon.net wrote:
>> Jim Vowles wrote:
>>> vze2p5gt@mail.verizon.net wrote:
>>>> Alden Bates wrote:
>>>>> David Edwards's News wrote:

>>>>>> In plot justification terms the Doctor's apparent lack of sex
>>>>>> drive is easily explained by his not being human. He would simply not be
>>>>>> attracted to his companions, not even Peri. How many people like getting
>>>>>> it on with gorillas for example (don't answer that)?

>>>> I believe this is primarily because female gorillas look nothing like
>>>> people. If female gorillas *did* look like attractive human females,
>>>> what then?

>>> A lot of my problems would be solved!

>> <bugsbunny>

>> Unga bunga bunga inga binga banga bunga?

>> </bugsbunny>

> Shut up and kiss me, good lookin.

Okay, *now* I'm frightened. LOL

"Frightened by an evolutionary path that leaves you without a
significant other? Ask Fett, another satisfied customer, about how
FACTION PARADOX can make your teeth whiter and your eyes brighter--and
they can even get you a girlfriend who will not only cook dinner, but
will pick the bugs out of your hair. HOW, you ask, does this miracle
take place?

Here inside the 13-day empire, our agents paradoxically divert the
ancestry of a gorilla to match that of the 20th century hottie of your
choice! Sure, she'll be destructive and embittered and willing to take
it out on all creation, but she'll give you SEX and that's what really
matters, innit? And yet, she'll *still* be a gorilla, which will make
you the envy of all your bestialist buddies.

YES! With NEW FACTION PARADOX, you can have your cake AND eat it too!
Order yours now!"

----
(Wow, that third shot of whiskey is really helping my back....LOL)

Jim Vowles <alabaster@capu.net> 24/06/01

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[Re: Daleks and Sex]

...Actually, I noticed completely by accident that the sink
plunger piece fits exactly over the top of one of the skirt
hemispheres (both being around 100 mm). If the rear Dalek
extended his telescopic arm far enough he could fertilise his
partner by cupping his "sucker" over his "balls" (skirt
hemispheres).

The Dalek Emperor <dalekcity@cableinet.co.uk> 24/06/01

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[Re: Daleks and Sex]

"J.E.L." wrote:

> Is it really that hard to imagine that the Daleks have sex? or does that
> explain why they're always so darned uptight?

Well, I'm willing to bet that their gunsticks fit snuggly into their plungers!
Wonder if there's Dalek porn? I can imagine it now...
"UNIT SEVEN!!!!!!!!! EXTERMINATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!! "
"WHO IS YOUR MASTER UNIT???? I REPEAT: WHO IS YOUR MASTER UNIT???!!!!!"
"DO NOT RETREAT!!!!!! PENETRATION MUST BE COMPLETE AND FULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

-Fett <vze2p5gt@mail.verizon.net> 23/06/01

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Daniel Gooley wrote:
> It does, however, open up what can only be described as a new
> direction for the character, dunnit?

[ *snip* ]

> Cyber Leader: Promises to aliens have no validity. Kill them.
> Doctor: Do y' worst, y' hopeless bugger! Take that, y' silver poof!
> Cyberman 1: Oof! Incapacitated! I have been kicked in the nads!
> Cyberman 2: Oof! Incapacitated! I have been kicked in the nads!
> Cyberman 3: Oof! Incapacitated! I have been kicked in the nads!
> Cyber Leader: Oof! Incapacitated! I have been kicked in the nads!
> Doctor: And now for the coop de grass. Companion! Hand me the
> gold-studded football boots.

Or, alternatively:

Cyber Leader: We don't *have* nads, you blithering idiots! We got
rid of them in the second-to-last upgrade, remember?

Cyberman 1: Er, sorry sir. Force of habit, you know.

Cyberman 3: [quietly] I miss my nads...

William December Starr <wdstarr@panix.com> 27/07/01

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Cardinal Zorak wrote:
> Lance wrote:
>> I think it's a coincidence, to be honest.

>So there are *two* "Prime" Movers? ROTFLMAO!!!

Well, two is a prime.

No, it's using the expression 'prime mover', but it's not using it
to mean a man playing with his organ and creating the universe.

As it were.

Lance Parkin <lance@lanceparkin.freeserve.co.uk> 18/06/01

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[Re: I Shoud Rule the Planet]

The Count wrote:
>gordon wrote:
>> The Count wrote:
>>> Gordon wrote:
>>>> Do you have a secret base defended by curvy female ninjas
>>>> hidden underneath an active volcano?

>>> What a stupid question.

>> Well, it was an ever so slighty stupid thread...

> That is no excuse to make fun of people who might happen to have
> a secret base defended by curvy female ninjas hidden underneath
> an active volcano. They have feelings too, you know. We should
> put an end to stereotypes like this, instead of perpetuating them.

For all you know *I* could be posting this from a secret base
defended by curvy female ninjas hidden underneath an active
volcano. Ok, I'm not, but I'd like to be. I'd even just settle for a
single curvy female ninja...

DISCLAIMER The previous post was not meant to imply that
all people with a secret base defended by curvy female
ninjas hidden underneath a volcano are loony megalomaniacs
who want to take over the world. Most are perfectly sane people
conducting geothermal hydroponics experiments or something.
It is only the very, very small minority who are power crazed and
this should not reflect badly on those lovely sane ones who just
want to help humanity...or ogle curvy female ninjas all day...

This has been a public service announcement.

gordon <maboza-ritchie@fsmail.net> 27/06/01

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[Statement from the HOFLF]

The Horns Of Nimon Liberation Front would just like to state
that we had absolutely *nothing* to do with the blackout of
BBC services. We especially did not send in an elite group
of trained armadillos in to chew the cables. We definitely did
not send in any curvy female ninjas to kidnap the Blue Peter
pets and hold them to ransom. We disavow any knowledge of
tonight's events. This has been a public service announcement
from the HOFLF. Thank you.

Brigadier Abbington Poncenby-Smythe, HOFLF

Cromer

gordon <maboza-ritchie@fsmail.net> 30/06/01

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[Re: The Crap Dinosaur Factor]

Gareth Thomas wrote:
> but *they* can't quite see it because they've been distracted by this rubber fucker
> with claws that jerks from side to side.

I don't know why you say low budget -- that's quite an expensive piece
of merchandise from the right specialist shops.

Graham Nelson <graham@gnelson.demon.co.uk> 21/06/01

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Miche Doherty wrote:
> Meddling Mick wrote:
>> Miche Doherty wrote:
>>>Peter Anghelides wrote:
>>>> It's also the only Troughton TV story that doesn't begin with the
>>>> word "The", even the colour ones. Though all Troughton's TV story titles
>>>> contain the word "the", of course.

>>>> I can only think of one novel that doesn't contain the word "the" in
>>>> its title: "Dreams of Empire".

>>>> Another true story. (Not interesting, but true.)

>>> I take it you mean Second Doctor novels? There's Heart of TARDIS, and,
>>> at a stretch, Players.

>> *cough*
>> 'Dying in the Sun'.

> *cough*
> 'the'

Bloody hell - is another plague breaking out? I have some lozenges, if
those coughs are bothering you at all!

Cardinal Zorak <Fab31frank@yahoo.co.uk> 21/06/01

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[Re: BBC Down???]

Zygon Curry wrote:
> ? wrote:
>>Hey, how come the BBC never goes down on me?

>Did you ask them nicely?

Bugger asking, I paid them bps100. Not so much as a grope.

gregg <gregg@leedsalumni.org.uk> 02/06/01

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Joxer wrote:
> vze2p5gt@mail.verizon.net wrote:
> >I go through phases.

> Anything to do with the full moon, Mike? Or should we just call you Oz
> from now on ;-?

Oh my God, we've been blaming the wrong species all this time. I
should have known, from the way various people alternate periods of
relative sanity with complete berserkitude. Never mind trolls, this
group's been overrun by werewankers...

Jon Blum <jblum@zip.com.au> 16/07/01

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[Re: FULL CIRCLE question...]

J2rider wrote:
>Is it possible that Adric had some of the qualities as the Marshmen or the
>spiders?

Well, the spiders give me the creeps...

Conrad <not@real.com> 02/07/01

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Cameron Mason wrote:
> You do realise you can use a computer to write
> your novels on don't you?

> You don't have to use pencils anymore.:)

That's a stroke of luck! I believe there's quite a lot of room on a
computer, especially if you turn it over and write on the back,
whereas you've got to write very carefully to get more than half a
sentence on even a fair-sized pencil.

Finn Clark. <kafenken@blewbury99.freeserve.co.uk> 17/06/01

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<gclapperton@cix.compulink.co.uk> wrote:
> I think one of the novels mentions that the Doctor, since he travels
> through time, can have a break *anytime* - tells the companion he's off
> for a pee, goes to study architecture at Oxford for three years and then
> gets back five minutes after he left...

Romana: You don't know what it is, do you?
Doctor: Well of course I kn- just going for a pee.
(pause)
Doctor: Where was I? Yes, it's transirdanic metaspoglifier, obviously.
Probably from the Numian Galaxy in the 33rd Century.
Romana: I like the beard.
Doctor: Hmm? Oh, shit.

Miche Doherty <mdoherty@mac.com> 5/07/01

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[Re: Top 5 forgotten stories]

I *was* going to post a list myself but, ironically enough, I've forgotten
what they were...

Alan McWhan <ThisStrangeEngine@btinternet.com> 04/07/01

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AJCDREW wrote:

> I had an interesting experience this past week. While my wife's family was
> visiting, my wife got the bright idea to show her 7 year old brother a bunch of
> DW videos. Now, I had tried this before -- about three years ago, and perhaps
> he was a bit too young or maybe the black and white quality of Tomb of the
> Cyberman turned him off. Whatever the case might have been, he did not take to
> the programme the first time, but this time around, he absolutely loved
> everything he saw, starting with Planet of the Daleks, and then Nightmare of
> Eden, Edge of Destruction, Carnival of Monsters, Image of the Fendahl, Curse of
> the Fatal Death (my father-in-law even liked this), and Silver Nemesis (might
> have been a few others). He sat there proudly and announced that he had
> watched all the DW videos in the world over the course of a few days. I then
> told him that those were only the ones in the front room, and that there were
> boxes full of videos in the other room. He couldn't believe how lucky he was
> to be able to watch over a quarter of a century worth of shows.

> Now, my question is: if a 7 year old, raised on Star Wars special FX, video
> games, and Powerrangers, can like this stuff, then might this suggest that
> there is a future for DW after all? I recall that many of us had very bad
> experiences showing the programme to friends, relatives, and children, but in
> my case the exact opposite happened.

> Any thoughts?

Yes. You have a lucky find--a child with an attention span. :)

Jim Vowles <alabaster@capu.net> 12/07/01

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[Re: Dead timelords]

Richard Molesworth wrote:
>Cardinal Zorak wrote:
>> Just to clear something up -- Time Lords regenerate when they are *about* to
>> die, not afterwards. Once dead, they stay dead.

>Unless they happen to be shot in America, it seems....

Americans obviously have superior firepower to the Sontarans. Come to
think of it, this is probably why most alien races choose to invade
the UK.

Conrad <not@real.com> 06/07/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

[Re: Anyone notice (City of Death)]

Geoff Phillips wrote:
> .... the video of City of Death doesn't have Lalla Ward's name on it.

It doesn't matter whether her name's on it. If you know it's hers, give it
back.

J.E.L. <llb9@qwest.net> 03/07/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Steve Day wrote:
> Cardinal Zorak wrote:
>> I agree- most of it is pretty poor fanfic, but the BBC have to "feed the
>> moster" as Terrance Dicks called it, and keep churning it out. Why so
>> much?? I don't hear many people calling for more. Expecially as it's so
>> damn expensive. More quality, less quantity wouldn't hurt.

> Is that the first time we have agreed Zorak? :-)

> It does seem however that the BBC Books line is using D grade authors
> now... and the quality control is out of the window. 'The Doctor
> acting like Arnie?, fine it i'll sell, its got Doctor Who on the
> cover.'

I personally would love to see a first Doctor "Die Hard" rip-off.

"It's The Feast of Steven, and the Doctor is having a Really Bad Day."

"Yippee-ki-ayy, my dear boy."

"How do you like that then, Hmmmmmmm? Eh?"

Any takers?

Paul J <PaulFTW@hotmail.com> 23/07/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

[Re: Make Your Own Adventure books]

I used to do these at school. Sometimes I had to read to the teacher.
Boy did he get pissed off when every other page I rolled a dice......

Chris Parrott <kevin.parrott@lineone.net> 09/07/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

[Re: Dead timelords]

Cardinal Zorak wrote:
>Jim Vowles wrote:
>> The simplest solution works well enough in that case. He cracked
>> his noggin on the console, and his injured brain triggered the
>> process.

> Doesn't make sense. In that case wouldn't temporal grace, or at
> least some basic safety feature like (say) inertial compensators
> have cut in?

Normally, yes. Unfortunately, the _precise_ part of the TARDIS
console that the Sixth Doctor fatally hit his head on was the off
switch for the Temporal Grace circuit...

William December Starr <wdstarr@panix.com> 23/07/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

David Brunt wrote:
>James Bennetts wrote in message ...
>> I love "The Awakening" - and remakes are allowed when they're better
>> than the original; which is why the BBC remade "Day of the Triffids"
>> as a mini-series in the 1980s, but no-one ever dares remake
>> "Casablanca".[1]

>> [1] Yes, I'm aware that have been plenty of thinly-veiled remakes
>> ("Havana" and "Barb Wire" being the canonical examples) but no-one
>> would dare call their film "Casablanca"...

>I refer the honourable gentleman to the 1955 ABC TV series 'Casablanca' and
>the even shorter lived 1983 NBC mini-series with the same name which
>starred David Soul...

Ah, but there you're talking about a spin-off TV series from a
successful movie.

This isn't just a whole new ball game, it's a whole new parallel
universe where if you squint hard enough Richard Dean Anderson looks
exactly like Kurt Russell...

>Neither of those were better than the original.

About which I'm shocked. Shocked!

James Bennetts <james@jamesbennetts.com> 25/07/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

[Re: Extinction Event]

Andrew R. wrote:

> Why is Benny always getting the shaft?

Because she's a very lucky girl with many accomodating male friends. :-)

Finn Clark <kafenken@blewbury99.freeserve.co.uk> 25/07/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

[Re: Dave Stone is the finest man what has ever lived]

Cardinal Zorak wrote:
>> nonsense, it's impossible to get a pint out of him :o)
>
> Have you tried squeezing *really* hard? ;-)

No, you're doing it wrong. You squeeze and pump, maybe using your mouth
from time to time.

Mind you, I imagine you'd have to repeat as necessary a few times to get a
full pint.

Finn Clark <kafenken@blewbury99.freeserve.co.uk> 25/07/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

[Re: WDS Evidence]

Steve Day wrote:
>>>> [ Proof that I'd sent unsolicited email to Ed Jefferson,
>>>> something I'd never denied. Proof which, incidentally, included
>>>> quotes of Ed politely asking me not to send him anymore email,
>>>> and me politiely agreeing not to. ] [wdstarr]

>>> Ed called it "Steve Day hate email". And you did not deny this.
>>> How's that for a "fact"?

>> Not very good, actually. Ed called it "anti-Steve Day e-mail."
>> Which I've never denied sending. [wdstarr]

> F*cking semantic w*nker.

> See what you do to people Mister Bill? It is about time you went
> back into the shitlist, but I'm having too much fun at the moment
> uncovering what you really are.

I use facts to defend myself against accusations of wrongdoing.
Gosh, I'm evil.

-- William December Starr <wdstarr@panix.com> 27/07/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

[Re: >> What Tom Baker DVD should the BBC release SECOND?]

There is no choice, is there? I mean really? How can anyone even ask what
story it should be when we all know what the best one is?

THE BBC ARE PROUD TO PRESENT

IN STUNNING EYEBLEEDING COLOUR

*****************************************************************

*****THE HORNS OF NIMON--SPECIAL EDITION*****

Steve Roberts and his gang have restored this acclaimed masterpiece to its
intended glory by carefully re-editing the scenes so that all hints of an
actual plot have been carefully removed to enhance your viewing pleasure.

Features:

*Deleted scenes:

- The Nimons' aerobic workout video.

-Tom Baker and Graham Crowden having a staring contest to the death. May the
one with the bulgier eyes win.

-A few more utterances of "weakling scum"!

-Lalla Ward grabbing a riding crop and trashing the guys with the chicken
helmets.

*Never before seen rehearsal footage

-34 minutes of gripping human drama as a grumpy Tom Baker locks himself
inside one of the Nimon pods with a bottle of gin, Lalla Ward trying to
persuade him to come out. After being promised a new set of knit finger
puppets to talk to him and keep him company, he stumbles out and throws up
all over the studio floor. Magic.

- Graham Crowden practicing his "NIIIIIMOOOONNNN!!" bellows, causing plaster
to crumble off the studio walls.

-That Guy Who Keeps Saying "Weakling Scum" doing the classic "you talkin' to
me?" de Niro talk in front of a mirror.

Audio commentaries by cast and crew, Graham Crowden on acid, Tom Baker on
mescaline and Lalla Ward being present but not talking for contract reasons.

The Ultra Special Edition (only 1000 available) comes with your very own
yellow tracksuit and a pair of platforms. Makes great conversation.

Auntie Krizu <ask.for.it.on@the.newsgroup> 24/07/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

[Re: Sutekh question]

Benjamin F. Elliott wrote:
>Codal wrote:
>> Just who's hand was Sutekh sitting on for all those years?

>> Was it the Hand of Omega?

>Presumably it was a hand of Osiris(?), who he chopped up into pieces. The
>old legends were wrong and his wife never found that body part.

>When Sutekh was being entombed, Horus found the hand and thought it would be
>an appropriate punishment for Sutekh to have to sit on it.

There you go, the final insult. A middle digit actually going up his
arse for all eternity.

Gareth <garethparker2000@yahoo.co.uk> 01/08/01

-----------------------------------------------------------------

[Re: The McCoy Era]

Bokman7757 wrote:
>>Alex La Hurreau wrote:
>>I just wish it would SHUT THE FSCK UP!

>But suppose the fsck has something important to say?

It usual recovers from improper shut down.

The Doctor <doctor@doctor.nl2k.ab.ca> 01/08/01