Welcome everyone to the latest Quote File. The Quote File is basically the
"best and brightest" of rec.arts.drwho - that is, the funniest quotes to
appear in the newsgroup as nominated by *you*. To that end, if you see a
quote you think derserves an entry in the Quote File, just mail me at

smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca

or the handy-dandy 

radwquotefile@geocities.com

and include the attributions and the quote in full.

Since this newsgroup is more than full of it's fair share of 
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instead! Please don't be shy about this - even if you only think it's
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Also, please note that all dates are approximations only (ie when they got
emailed to me, rather than when they got posted).

Disclaimer: The copyright of all material contained herein remains with
the original poster. No attempt is made to supercede any copyright and the
Quote File maintains its impartiality under Fair Use for purposes of
Comment or Review.

On with the quotes! 

==========

Jean-Marc Lofficier wrote:
>>I haven't read WAR OF THE DALEKS (yet) but I did see a mention of Spider
>>Daleks somewhere.

jestingone@aol.com (Jestingone) wrote:
>I believe it's "Strider" Daleks, not "Spider" Daleks.

It's part of John Peel's analogies to "Lord of the Rings" you see...
when the humble Strider Dalek rises up and reclaims his rightful place
in Dalek Continuity as the Dalek Prime. This is all over the struggle
for Skaro, y'see. For it was written:

Three companions for the pilot under the sky,
Seven Docs for the BBC in their castings of stone,
Nine episodes for Cybermen doomed to die,
One for the Dalek Prime on his dark throne
In the Land of Skaro where the Shadows lie.
One Emperor to rule them all, One Prime to find them,
One Supreme to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Peel where the Shadows lie.

Greg McElhatton  12/10/97

===========

Daniel Frankham  wrote:
>And the Zarbi had knees, but shouldn't have.

Oh, go on.  They were the bees' knees.

Graham Nelson  13/10/97

==========

jpeel@newshost.li.net (Peel) wrote:
>You'll have to 
>wait to see if BBC Books wants further Dalek novels before I can get back 
>to the Dalek Prime and all his madcap plots...

For some reason when I read "and all his madcap plots..." this jumped
to mind.


"This week, on I LOVE DAVROS..."

[Davros and the Dalek Prime sitting at the breakfast table.]

DAVROS: Priiiiiiime! I want to be in the show tonight!

PRIME: Davros-You-Cannot-Be-In-The-Show-Tonight.

DAVROS: Waaaaaaaaaaahhhh!



[Davros and Lytton sitting around the same table.]

DAVROS: I will disguise myself... as the Emperor Dalek! Then he has to
let me in the show!

LYTTON: I'll distract Prime by telling him that if he doesn't pay
higher rent on Skaro I'll have it blown up.



[Extermination Central: the hottest Dalek nightclub on Skaro]

PRIME: And-Now-We-Have-The-Emperor-Dalek-Singing-For-Us.

Davros, as the Emperor Dalek, glides in. The flip top opens so only
Prime can Davros wink before closing again.

DAVROS/EMPEROR: I... ain't got no body...

PRIME: Aye-yaye-yaye-yaye-yaye!

Greg McElhatton  14/10/97

=========

Bill Billingsley  wrote:
>Incidentally, in Aus last night, Blackadder II included both Tom Baker
>and Simon Jones (Arthur Dent) and of course Stephen Fry.  What an
>incestuous little world BBC castings were!   :-)

"You have a WOMAN'S casting, m'lord!  I'd wager that tender, supple casting
has never endured the agony of Ken Dodd or Alexi Sayle!!"

Bart T. Lammey  16/10/97

=======

Brigadier Nathan Rogers wrote:
>>> What about a Tickle Me Adric? When you poke it, it says all kinds of
>>> mathematical garbage :)

Alexander Smyth  wrote:
>>Naahh, people would end up buying it and an uzi at the same time
>>just to have the sheer ecstacy of putting 500 bullet hole in it :-)

Brigadier Nathan Rogers wrote:
>Like I said, wouldn't it sell, just so people could destroy them?

Especially if you added a 'Doomed Space Freighter Playset', available
seperately, with simulated antimatter explosion (4 AA batteries, not
included).

Mark Blunden  16/10/97

==========

>>William Hartnell doing "The Caves of Androzani".  (Ugh!)

>Heh heh.  This might be worth watching, if only to see him
>attempting to carry his comatose companion around at the end...

"And so you see, young man, I really can't let you stop me now, hmm,
at least not until I've gotten some milk from... for that young lady."

[authors unknown] 17/10/97

==========

Charles Daniels wrote in message <34412e95.0@calwebnnrp>...
>Oh this is Doctor Who And The Search For The holy Grail, the odd comedy
>epic historical

And now for something completely different - Doctor Who and the Pink
Panther.

SCENE: Reception of the Skaro Sheraton, a small Bavarian B&B. Davros is
manning the desk, and a small Renegade Dalek is standing in one corner.
Enter the Doctor, who books a room from Davros, then notices the dalek.

DOCTOR: "Does your dalek shoot people?"

DAVROS: "No."

The Doctor goes and pats the dalek on the head.

DOCTOR: "Hello there, little fellow -"

DALEK:  "EXTERMINATE!"

Badly singed, the Doctor staggers back to Davros.

DOCTOR: "I thought you said your dalek did not shoot people."

DAVROS: "That is not my dalek."


Mark Blunden  18/10/97

=============

[Subject: Re: Lance's New Doctor Who Book]

Ken Neilsen wrote:
>>My guess it's a McGann meets MacGann book.

jestingone@aol.com (Jestingone) wrote:
>No, that's SEEING I.

Therefore this book is really titled SEEING II?

Steve Biggs  19/10/97

==========

>the retcon of Skaro and the Movellan War struck me as *way* too baroque

If it's not baroque, don't retcon it.

Ben Verkentine  19/10/97

============

Michael S. Tumilty  wrote:
>    _THE CROMER HOMICIDAL MASSACRE_

   "That's just Cromer out there or something."
 "Yes, Brigadier, but Cromer isn't safe any more."

         The Cromer Homicidal Massacre

    A BBC Book featuring the third Doctor, Jo
               Grant and UNIT.

   When UNIT HQ is mysteriously transported to
  Cromer, everyone thinks they've been taken to
    an alien world.  Before long, a spate of 
 mysterious deaths occur with only one link: all
   all of the victims were stabbed with a jelly
                     baby.

   Who is the Mysterious Scarfed Man lurking in
   the background?  Why does he want the Doctor
    to go to Metebelis Three?  How long before 
 the Brigadier snaps and takes up stamp collecting?


       Alden Bates lives in New Zealand with
    his flock of performing sheep and is quite,
      quite mad.  This is his first book and
         with any luck will be his last.

Alden "If you go to Metebelis Three, you will die" Bates.

 20/10/97

===========

Andrew D. Wright wrote:
>>         I just rewatched "An Unearthly Child" on Space (the new 
>>Canadian SF channel) and my ears perked up when Susan told Ian and 
>>Barbara that she had coined the name TARDIS. Now I'm assuming that 
>>this is a subject dealt with at length in the past, but I've never 
>>seen the postings so could someone fill me in what conclusions were 
>>arrived at?

James Bow  wrote:
> My guess is that there was a "NAME THAT TIMESHIP!" Contest on
> Gallifrey when the first ships were built, and Susan won.

Actually, Susan's entry came in second in the general balloting, but
the judges arbitrarily disqualified "Bob" as being insufficiently stuffy.

William December Starr  21/10/97

=========

Paul Rhodes wrote:
> Hmmm... If BBC Books use the old logo as late as November 24th, I
> wouldn't like to be them when the Logo Police come around.

I'm sure Steve Cole is Monitoring this.

Peter Anghelides  21/10/97

===========

The Doctor trying to get into a nightclub:

First attempt: "Oh, what's that? You want to see my ID, hmm? Well, I like
to take long walks and arrive before I leave, you know! Hee hee. And I'm a
gentleman of the universe and a citizen to boot, young man!"

Second Attempt: "Now, Jamie, I'll distract him, you move over to the 
side...and when I say run...RUN!"

Third Attempt: "Well, of course I'm a member, old chap! Didn't Tubby
Rowlands teach you anything?"

Fourth Attempt: "You know, it's amazing the linear relationship between
the popularity of the nightclub and the size of the bouncer!"

Fifth Attempt: "TEGAN! Make a wish!!!"

Sixth Attempt: "No, you can't come in. *I'm* the bouncer now!"

Seventh Attempt: "Crush the lesser patrons, conquer the dance floor.
Unimaginable techno, unlimited rice pudding and so on and so on. But it
won't detract from the fundamental truth of your own impotence. I have
pity *for* you."

Eighth Attempt: /distracts bouncer by telling him he's half a giraffe and
steals *his* ID.

Robert Smith?  21/10/97

===========

>Can we quotefile the quotefiler?

Not without unravelling the casual nexus.  You're interfering with cause and
effect!

Ben Verkentine  21/10/97

=========

Just discovered in the files of the BBC, it's the unused final pages of the
last chapter of THE EIGHT DOCTORS! I think this says it all, really.





As she followed the Doctor out of the old console room and towards the new
one, Sam put on her best Bogart accent.

"Doc, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!"

The Doctor nodded. "Indeed it could..." He paused, looking at this young
plucky new companion that he was saddled with. "But first, let me show you
this." He opened a white-roundeled door and gestured Sam inwards. "The
Pudding Room."

Sam gasped. "Doctor... that's a lot of pudding."

The Doctor grinned. "Two-hundred and forty american dollars worth of pudding."

"Worth of pudding?" echoed Sam.

"Aw yeah," replied the Doctor.

"You could've gotten a hundred dollars worth of pudding, and that would've
been a lot of pudding," Sam argued.

"But we had to go all the way... all the way home, baby," the Doctor
grinned, pulling off his jacket. "Two hundred and forty dollars worth of
pudding." Throwing his jacket into the corner, he continued. "Now excuse me
while I kiss the sky."

As the Doctor began to rub his ass in the pudding, Sam knew that this was
the beginning a beautiful friendship indeed.

Greg McElhatton  22/10/97

===========

Damon  wrote:
>I've often thought it would be a good idea to take that whole Dr Who 
>mythology/universe and create a 'Dr WHo: The next generation' style of 
>show with another timelord ... or perhaps a rebel group roaming round that 
>universe.  It'd be interesting to see a non-rebel timelord in action ... 

SCENE: Gallifrey, Panoptican Capitol. Several Time lords are gathered
around monitors, flowing robes reflecting their offices and ranks. Our
hero, THE DENTIST is there.

CASTELLAN: Look, there on monitor seven! The Dalek forces are massing for
their final attack.

GOLD USHER: Imigosh, they're going to wipe out 70% of all sentient life!

KEEPER: That virus is going to cause the utmost pain and suffering even
for the poor survivors.

THE DENTIST: Hmm. Too bad we can't interfere, huh? Tea anyone?

CASTELLAN: Ooh, thanks, don't mind if I do!

GOLD USHER: White with one, thanks.

KEEPER: Do you have any biscuits with that?

THE DENTIST: Anyone wanna watch some cricket?

Diddly Dum Diddly Dum Diddly Dum...

Robert Smith?  23/10/97

===========

Jamal Hamidi  wrote:
>And do tell us....

>What is Late Kaled for "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce,
>cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun?"

>And did they have these on Skaro. Before you blew it up. :)

This only displays your ignorance of Late Kaled (LK) culture.

Although we have lost most of the records of the LK era, files
recovered from a defunct orbiter do indicate that the concept
of the hamburger was unknown to the Kaleds and this is at
least partially confirmed by compound testing at various non-skaroisan
Kaled sites. (see ref 1).

Instead the most widely supported theory is that the common
convenience food in both the Middle Intermediate Kaled (MIK)
and the Forenzi Integrenum (FI) and the Late Kaled period was
a sausage made from processed *non* bovine meat which is
believed to have been called 'thorosch' (MIK) thorgoch (LK).
(see ref 2)

Therefore the closet that I can render your sentance in Late
Kaled is *Kachme ohn thorgoch dachblah' lit: render bun with
sausage in to my person'. It should be noted that this sentance
must be spoken in the martial/imperative tone scale placing emphasis
on the 2nd sylabal of each word and with a coughing indicitive
at the end of the sentance.

I hope this helps you.

ref 1 - 'Non Skarosian Kaled Refuse Dumps' L.Walker, E.Spat, Mombassa
University Press (3045) pp235-237, 401, 403-411.

ref 2 - 'Beneath The Golden Arches: A Study Of Culinary Imperialism'
H.Wagstaffe, Verone Books (3097) pp97, 106


Ben Aaronovitch  25/10/97

=========

Skreslet wrote:
>         Well, they did say in "Cold Fusion" that the Time Lords
> engineered themselves to a certain degree. This may be how it started.

Companion:  What's this?
Doctor   :  Why, that's my old copy of the DIY Time Lord Engineering and 
            Surgery Instruction Manual.   
Companion:  What?
Doctor   :  Well, have you seen the price of surgery these days?
Companion:  What?
Doctor   :  No, really, it's not that hard.  Have a flick through.
Companion:  Hmm.. OK... Yeah, fairly easy..  Hang on!  Pages 74 and
            75 are swapped around!
Doctor   :  Bugger!  So that's why I ended up half-human!


Bill Billingsley  26/10/97

==========

Granddrgn6  wrote:
>>Now that we know we will be frequenting rec.arts dr dwo as often as 
>>possible.

Diane L. Schirf  wrote:
>Who is dr dwo?

dr dwo was the name of a popular family television series produced on
the planet Tewwence during the thirty years immediately prior to it
being blown up by the Daleks in mistake for Skaro. Some of its well
remembered stories include Pwanet of a Daweks, Invasion of the Waston
Warrior Wobot, The Howwow of Fang Wock, and Wound the Wugged Wock the
Wagged Wascal Wan...

Keith Topping  26/10/97

===========

Michael S. Tumilty  wrote:
>Jon Pertwee has a tiny appearance (we're talking one line) in the movie
>version of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.
 
Have to ask... Was Jon Pertwee the funny thing that happened on the way to
the forum???

Sorry!

Sarah Groenewegen  28/10/97

========

You Know You've Been Watching Too Much Doctor Who When...

...You look up at the sky behind a landscape and think "Hey,
someone forgot to CSO on a background."

...You only have three co-workers, the rest are all cardboard
cutouts.

...You look at car dashboards and try to work out where the
dematerialistion switch is.

Alden Bates  28/10/97

=========

Subject:           Re: Fan videos?
Date:              Tue, 28 Oct 1997 21:38:49 GMT
From:              VBishop@er.I.mean.JJenkins.oh.shit (Jackie Jenkins)
Newsgroups:        rec.arts.drwho
References:        1


On Tue, 28 Oct 1997 00:19:22 +0800, "William Duffy"  
shared the following with us all:

>Hi all
>
>Seen any good fan videos?
>
>What's your opinions on them?

"Cold Blood Warm Heart"

The editing is bloody awful. God it stinks. I mean, the cuts are too
rapid most of the time, the colour correction's non-existant and I
dread to think what the video levels are. And the sound's been badly
mixed too. The editor obviously thinks Doctor Who is some kind of 70s
homage but with trendy fast cutting. And how dare he put in a
convincing split screen effect, we all know you should be able to see
the join in Doctor Who. Then there's that three stage crash cut zoom
on the Cyberman around 15 minutes in, what was he thinking of? That's
not what Doctor Who's about. 

Film effect! Film effect!! 14:9 (ish)! WHAT'S GOING ON? This editor
obviously has no idea what fan videos are all about and I therefore
damn the film into the lowest pit of hell with the assistance of Rev
Dechon. Where it shall burn eternal.

There is a story and acting as well and the film has been directed but
I'm not interested in that.

If you really must, go to www.korova.demon.co.uk where some tosser's
put up a webpage detailing how you can get a copy for nothing. I
wouldn't bother though. Myself. 

Jackie Jenkins

[Rumoured to be Paul Shields] 29/10/97

==========

Dave Stone decided to provide a recipe in his book.  Therefore, I've
decided to provide a recipe for a Dave Stone book.  This recipe will
be written in Dave Stone style rather than Margaret Fulton, partly to
preserve the feeling of suspense, partly to sincerely flatter Mr
Stone, but mostly because I couldn't be ARSEd to do it any other way.

*Note: This recipe was written by a professional stunt typer.  Do not
attempt to type this without full wrist and callus supervision.

HOW TO COOK A STONE

Start to half-bake your cliches - at least one per person.  These
should, for preference, be as noticeable as possible - you don't want
anyone to miss them.  Turn the knobs up on these as far as they will
go.

Your setting should be reasonably enclosed.  Make sure that nothing
too big should be able to get in or out for most of the time - say,
nothing larger than half a gnat's testicle.  This allows all the
elements to become purified.  Chuck in a large dollop of angst,
pathos, bathos, and any other athos's you may have lying around.
Athos is an acquired taste, so smother them with some ripe puns.

Round about now you should start thinking about your cliches again.
Give them a fair bit of reasoning - thyme is nice, as is sage.  Don't
bother too much, though, as all you really need to set them off is an
all powerful controlling being(or body, if you're short on beings).
Chuck these into the settings, allowing the being to sink deeply into
the angst and athos while the cliches float around on top.  You may
also want to explode a prekodravac in there somewhere.

Serve in an open-topped hyperactive blender while lightly pickled,
preferably by a bananananana dakkery.  It's absolutely scrumptious.

On a scale of 1 to Z, I'd have to give this pi stars.

And now, as an encore, a couple of other quick hints...

If you're cooking Ormans, remember to stick in at least two
groenewegens, and maybe a mel or two.  Characters can be killed, but
for preference, make them all at least three dimensional and torture
them lightly first.

As for Mortimores, I'd suggest avoidance.  If you must, however, then
get a whole bunch of cardboard cutouts, tear them into little bits,
boil them in oil and then jump on them until they've had enough.  Then
think of something even more horrible to do to them.  By now, they
should be dead, soggy, and have lost all point altogether.

Bruce Greenwood walander@ozemail.com.au 29/10/97

===========

In article <63500c$ng1$4@news01.li.net>, Peel  wrote:
>Jonathan Blum (jblum@access2.digex.net) wrote:
>>In article <19971027193100.OAA28295@ladder02.news.aol.com>, Jestingone
>> wrote: 
>>>John Peel wrote: 
>>>>For example, 
>>>>the one with the SSS agent was deliberately written to evoke the style
>>>>of the Dalek Annual stories of the Sixties (even down to the "this
>>>>one's for you" line). I don't think it'll come as a surpise to anyone
>>>>that I'm an advocate of returning to DW's roots to ensure its survival

>>>You think writing in the style of the Sixties Annuals is necessary to
>>>ensure DOCTOR WHO's survival???  Okaaaaaaayyyyyy...  :) 

>: Sounds to me kind of like insisting that your species has to clamber
>: inside metal shells and undergo radical emotional surgery eliminating
>: emotional weaknesses like compassion in order to ensure its survival.  :-)

>I'd answer that... if I was sure what you were saying!

 O
 |
---|->  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  >>------>
 |
/ \

John






                                                  o

                                              The point





Robert Smith?  29/10/97

==========


SHED148286  wrote:
>>I too am new to this group but I have to stick in my tuppenceworth 
>>(ooer) about this book .The whole "it wasn't Skaro all along "bit was 
>>just like one of those apallingly long and outragious lies people tell 
>>you to explain why they were late for work/didn't do their homework etc. 
>>sorry,it just did not work for me.

James Milton 
>But as John Peel himself has said, the Dalek Prime is as crooked as a
>dog's hind leg: for all we know, he's telling exactly the sort of lie
>you mean.  (snip]

The last time someone other than the Doctor tried to out-think
a meglomaniac, we ended up with a hollow planet that jumped through
space and enveloped other planets.  Worked for me.

Kathy Sullivan  2/11/97

===========

John Peel  said:
> I have a very specific vision of how England after the Dalek
> Invasion would be.

Flatter?

William December Starr  3/11/97

============

[Subject: Re: The new companion]

Basically, while Lisa is my favorite Simpsons character, I would
be happier with companions who used other models. Just imagine this
hypothetical scene from _The Bodysnatchers_:

      "By Jove!" said Litefoot, being the sort of stereotypical 
   Victorian who said that kind of thing. "What is this place, 
   Doctor?"
      The Doctor turned from his inspection of a control panel. 
   "It's a kind of ship - one that travels between the stars. But 
   one that was grown, not... Homer! Don't put that in your mouth!"
      The Doctor's companion stood transfixed. "Mmmmm..." he 
   murmured deliriously. "Organic crystallography..."

M. Wesley Osam  3/11/97

============

[Subject: Top 10 WORST crossovers!]

1)  	"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!  EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"
	
	"Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!"
	"YOU BASTARDS!"

2)  	"Susan, why are you wearing that absurd outfit?"
	"Grandfather, please, you can call me Sailor Galifrey, now."

3) 	"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
	"I think so, Brain, but was there *ever* an Accordion of
	Rassilon?"

4)	"Well, by this time the Generall Lee had disappeared down that
	ol' interstatial temporal lift, and the Doctor...  Well, he was 
	trying to explain things to ol' Boss Hogg..."

5) 	"Now, lets just see who this 'alien ghost' really is..."
	"It's the Master!"
	"Yes, Doctor, It was me all allong.  And my brilliant scheme
	would have succeeded, had it not been for you and these 
	meddlesome kids!"

6)	"Doctor, look at this!"
	"What is it, Sara?  Oh, a shipwreck.   Hmmm.  S.S. Minnow.
	Doesn't ring any bells."
	"Wasn't there an S.S. Minnow that got lost a few years ago in
	the Hawaiin islands.  It had a couple of celebrties on board.
	Thurston Howell, the millionare, and a noted actress as well..."

7)	'On September 9th, ****, a special session of the High Council
	 of Galifrey was conducted.  In a moment, the results of that 
	session." 

8)	"I can assure you, Ms. Slocumbe, K-9 is a very well behaved
	dog."
	"I don't care.  Protecting my pussy comes first.  I just know
	so many beasts want to have a go at it!"

9) 	[A crashed spaceship smoulders in the front yard].  
	"Lucy, you have some `splainin' to do!"
	"Waaaaaahhhh!"

10)	"The terrible Zodin has Davy Jones in her clutches...  This
	looks like a job for the Monkeemen!"
	"No, this is a job for the Sonic Screwdriver, Mickey."
	"Well, you use the Sonic Screwdriver, and we do a number,
	okay?"
	"Wait," [Pulls out recorder.]  "Now I'm ready!"
	
James A. Wolf  4/11/97

===========

John Peel  wrote:
>>And the title? Look up the word "legacy" in a good dictionary, and you
>>should have an inkling of what the plot's about...

Desperate Dan, the mad mail man  wrote:
>Getting your plots from a dictionary . . . well that's certainly one way
>to do it (joke!  Sorry couldn't resist . . .)

Well, now I've been found out... I have to confess I get every word of my 
books out of dictionaries...

John Peel  5/11/97

==========

[Subject: Re: Best muddled stories: Greatest Show in the Galaxy]

"Doctor he's drinking..cold coffee!"

"Oh COURSE!  He must be a a very rare form of being would needs to drink
caffeine in cold compounds, at a rate of, 15 miligrams an hour, so I would
be lead to believe that he's probably from the Sion Nebulae and that could
only mean he plans to take over the earth!"

"I dunno, he looks like a normal guy in a busniess suit and cheap wig."

"OF COURSE!  That business suit is actually a causal pressure suit for the
atmosphere and the wig is the futry creatire he has a telepathic link
with!!"

"Umm are you feeling okay?"

"Actually..no!  I have a headache!  Of course!  The evil mind control rays
of Sistranth are upon us!  Oh I have fought their evil every second since
my creation!"

"Than why haven't you mentioned them before Doctor?"

"What?? No time for that!   We must disable his qutanum neuro-generator
he's keeping inside his trousers!"

"How do you know he has one of those?"

"Logic my dear friend, logic!"

Charles Daniels  6/11/97

==========

[Subject: Re: Furry From The Deep...]

Chris Krisocki  wrote:
>   What I'd like to know is this: what did you find from the deep that
>was furry? :-\

We thought it had gone.
We thought it had been buried.
We thought it could never, ever return.
We were wrong....\

coming soon from Kasterboris productions
William Pfister, Justin Storey, Christopher Sanner, and Nicholas Kaine in
a film by Oliver Runcible Rassilon Stone

FURRY FROM THE DEEP

It was a red fluffy "Tickle Me Zygon". But Frankie's parents thought it
was inappropriate for a boy his age, so they buried it in a local
minefield. Needless to say, the doll was miffed. Two years later a bomb
sniffing dog on a lunch break dug a hole to bury a bone in, revealing the
doll. The doll spooks the dog, activates all the mines in the field, and
begins to wreak havoc on the lives of the family that abandoned him,
especially the boy who didn't stop his parents from doing this outrage.
While he's at it, the doll decides to destroy the entire town.
In a last ditch effort to stop the carnage, two experts are called in. One
is a professional exorcist who has fought this particular force for over
two hundred years. The other one is a paramilitary advisor with a fondness
for British candy who may be in league with the "Furry".

This film contains violence, death, destruction, and general carnage. It
is rated G.

Benjamin Elliott bfelliot@aol.com> 6/11/97

==========

[Subject: WhoTV]

With the advent of multi-channel digital TV, it's only a
matter of time before Who gets it's own channel. Therefore I provide you
with a taste of what is to come:

[picture cuts to a Cyberman sitting in an armchair in front of a badly
CSO'd background. Parts of his body disappear into the background when
he moves]

Welcome. We've got an action packed night for you here on WhoTV.

6.00pm - Who Tonight - The big news presented by PFJ and Karen McCoy
6.35   - Bates Motel - More wobbly sets and crap acting from the
         Midlands premiere source of board and lodgings.
7.00   - Watchdog - K9 investigates more of those BBC video faults.
7.29   - Everything You Wanted to Know About Mel - presented by Alden
         Bates
7.30   - Coronation Street - Now you can relive the episodes that
         gave Who a damn hard a damn hard ratings spanking.
8.00   - The Regeneration Game - Presented by Doctors 1 to 8. Guest
         appearances by the Master, Davros and Bonnie Langford.
8.50   - Points of View - Yads responds to more of your letters.
9.00   - The 9PM News (repeat).
9.35   - Panorama - An investigation into the incompetence of UNIT.
10.00  - You're all a bunch of sad wankers - A sensitive look at the
         life of fans.
10.55  - Strange But True? - Is Tom Baker really a transvestite alien
         from the planet Mars?
11.55  - Party Political Broadcast by Slyvestor McCoy Chocolate Sauce
         Party.
12.00am- Bullseye - Jim Bowen presents the popular darts quiz. This week
         3 contestants from UNIT try and hit the target (subsequent
         programmes may run late).
12.30  - World Championship Exterminating - WhoTV Sport is proud to
         present this exclusive event between Tyson Dalek and Bruno
         Dalek.
1.00   - Interlude
1.20   - Topless Darts - Features Katy Manning.
1.35   - Doctor Who - The Horns of Nimon starring Tim Peewee.
2.00   - Close.

Marcus Durham  7/11/97

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Charles Daniels  wrote:
>Umm okay but here's my question, if Cushing is some pre-Doctor
>Doctor, than HOW is it that he travels around with two people named
>Ian and Barbara and meets up with Daleks and the Dalek Invasion of
>Earth and then when he is Hartnell's Doctor he meets up with an Ian
>and Barbara, and then meet up with the Daleks and the Dalek Invasion
>of Earth and not recognise it, or get serious deja vu, or remember
>it at all?

"Egad," thought the Doctor.  "This _is_ an amazing string of
coincidences!"

William December Starr  7/11/97

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>Umm..Susan isn't a Galifreyian name of course, it was obviously a false 
>name she took on for her travels on earth that she became attached to.

Funny. I always thought it was short for
Susanatimetotwhocompulsivelyliesaboutacronymstrewunderbar...

Erin  8/11/97

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[Which companion would you like to have along for a long car journey?]

Dangermouse  wrote:
>> The Brig (very practical if we run into trouble)

wdstarr@crl.com (William December Starr) wrote:
>"Pursuing police car, five rounds rapid."

You know, just once I'd like to meet a tailgater who wasn't imune to
the finger.

James A. Wolf  9/11/97

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 - Robert Smith?