Welcome everyone to the latest Quote File. The Quote File is basically the
"best and brightest" of rec.arts.drwho - that is, the funniest quotes to
appear in the newsgroup as nominated by *you*. To that end, if you see a
quote you think derserves an entry in the Quote File, just mail me at

smithrj2@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca

or the handy-dandy 

radwquotefile@geocities.com

and include the attributions and the quote in full.

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Disclaimer: The copyright of all material contained herein remains with
the original poster. No attempt is made to supercede any copyright and the
Quote File maintains its impartiality under Fair Use for purposes of
Comment or Review.

On with the quotes! 

========

Grant Watson wrote:
>Actually, I was wondering if it was deliberate to have the last Doctor
>Who NA titled "The Dying Days" and then follow it up the next month
>with "Oh No It Isn't!" (the dying days of the NAs, that is).

Was "War of the Daleks" actually commissioned as "Oh No It Didn't"?

Peter Anghelides  30/8/97

===========

Peter Anghelides  wrote:
>""Was "War of the Daleks" actually commissioned as "Oh No It Didn't"?""

Originally it was just "Oh No".

Lance Parkin

==========

Randy Jean-Marc Lofficier wrote:
> One word: Pertwee.

   I'm sorry.  For some reason I just found this really, really amusing. I
have this urge now just to throw it into a conversation, or better yet, an
argument, and watch others' reactions. :-P

K. M. Wilcox  31/8/97

===========

Richard Jones, posting under the account of Phil Stanger 
 wrote:
>>Yeah, but you're the guy who says that McCoy looks gay for carrying an
>>umbrella. I deduce from this you yourself use the word 'gay' as a insult
>>since you were talking about McCoy and further deduce that you were not
>>using the word to mean 'happy' since the constant carrying of an umbrella
>>suggests a somewhat pessimistic outlook.

James Bennetts  wrote:
> Not necessarily. Personally, I quite like rain.

Richard : Read the card. 
James   : Phil S ?
Richard : The other side.
James   : But this says...?
Richard : Richard J, Happiness Patrol undercover. Have a nice death.

Richard Jones  31/8/97

===========

[Subject: Re: Looking for vinyl]

Toyah? Is that you? :-)

Kate Orman  31/8/97

==========

Kate Orman (korman@laurel.ocs.mq.edu.au) wrote: 
>>I would bow before your obviously superior wisdom, except that you're
>>talking about Anubis, the jackal-headed god, and we're talking about
>>Set. :-)
 
John C. Dechon  wrote:
>Well, then, I apologize for my response. I'm the one who needs to get up
>to speed on the subject.
 
WARNING! WARNING!
 
CTRL-& INSTIGATE COMMAND OVERRIDE

PLEASE REMAIN CALM

WARNING! PARAMETERS EXCEEDED!

PLEASE DESIST REMAINING CALM AND BEGIN PANICING

ESC-^W (%) #802

BEGIN ERROR MESSAGE TO USER:

"Dear Mr Dechon,

"Unfortunately, I must inform you that you have destroyed the entire
internet and caused the annihilation of every newsgroup currently in
operation.

"The words 'I apologize' and your clearly humble attitude have exceeded
the parameters upon which this and every other newsgroup is run. Such
attitudes run contrary to the very definition of usenet and are,
consequently, clearly unacceptable.

"We'd like to offer you a number of alternatives, but we are unfortunately
faced with the bewildering prospect of being unable to do so on account of
never having seen those words uttered here at any time in the past.

"When a decision is reached, be assurred that you will be the first to
know."

CONJECTURE: BALANCE REQUIRED! SEARCH AND LOCATE ANTITHESIS ATTITUDE. USE
ALL SEARCH PARAMETERS TO LOCATE BELLIGERANT AND ARROGANT POSTER WITH NO
POSSIBILITY OF UTTERING THE WORDS "I apologize".

$$$ USER LOCATED! $$$

BEGIN MESSAGE TO USER:

"Greetings, Mr Azaxyr..."

Robert Smith?  2/9/97

===========

Mei Ray wrote:
>That's all fine, but what about Skaro getting blown to bits?  That has to
>take place last.

Does have to take place last; but shall DID have to have take place last,
at which point did not take place at all, with the result that will take
place but not as previously understood, but not necessarily having taken
place last (pursuant to Peel ).

Don't you love the chrono-grammatical implications introduced by
foreknowledge of an impending retcon?

Danny Gooley  3/9/97

==========

[Subject: Re: WANT TO MAKE DOCTOR WHO!!!!!! based on WANT TO MAKE MONEY!!!!!!]

Sorry if this does not have much to do with the usual topics of flames and
in-fighting, but Doctor Who is the universal traveller in time and space
right?

At first I believed it couldn't work. "No, that's a scam" I said to
myself. But then I thought, "Why not? What can it hurt?". So I invested
$5.00, with nothing to lose.

And guess what? When I went to sleep that night, I dreamt the most amazing
Doctor Who episode ever! And it only cost me $5.00!!!

Now, I know what you're thinking, that this is one of those newsgroup
spams. But it's not, it's perfectly legal. And I know, because I just
told you so.

Yes, you too can make the most exciting Doctor Who episodes ever, merely
by sending $5.00 to me and I'll tell you my amazing secret for dreaming
the most incredible episodes ever. You won't believe how little it costs
to make Doctor Who! And you'll be the envy of your friends - until you,
too, can tell them to send %5.00 to me and I can help them be as cool as
you.

Yes, that's right, only $5.00 and you can Make Doctor Who!!!!! Why wait?
At least this spam is *admitting* you're throwing away the money on a
dream...

Robert Smith?  4/9/97

============

[Subject: Re: WANT TO MAKE DOCTOR WHO!!!!!!]

Testimonial:

At first I wasn't sure about this - I mean, it sure *sounds* like one of
those internet scams that you hear about. But the more I thought about
what I'd be able to do with a *whole new* Doctor Who episode, I decided:
"What the heck?" I sent my $5 off to Robert Smith? that very afternoon,
and sure enough, just one week later, I got a whole, vivid Doctor Who
experience right there *in my own brain*!

Unfortunately it appears to have been 'Underworld' Part 3. 

David Versace  5/9/97

============

[Subject: Re: Announcement: "DW: DICKS "]

We are Kling Films, the freehand sketch/web-page/newgroup-
posting arm of the Topsham Corporation. Kling Films is a large
tasteful house in Fulham run entirely by electricity. Kling is
my brainchild, along with a random assortment of Febrile
Imaginings (tm) dredged up in the middle of the night.

I've been trying to launch DW: DICKS (Doctor Who: Done In Crayoned
Komic Strips).  This 
would have commenced in 1980 right after "Shada" were it not for 
the interference of another producer. I cannot name this person
for legal reasons, but his initials were JNT (no relation).

I haven't given up. Those of you who know me will know that, now
aged 22, I am a dynamic, go-getting, creamily dreamily sexually
potent half-man half-biscuit with a yearning to bring back DW
and my own box of pointy-sharp Crayolas just rarin' to hit the
page. Everyone on my premises is a DW fan, including my pet pig
(Mr Sin). We're all spotty fanboys, but when it comes to
business we pull our furry parka hoods tight, zip up our 
Milletts anoraks, and fill in those black-and-white comic
strips *without* ever going over the edge of the black lines.

I'm the powerhouse financial backer of this project, my sons
Billy-Pat, Jonny-Tom, Petey-Col, and... er... the Scottish one 
 
are the workhorses. And, of course, the brains of the outfit is 
Mr Sin.

I wish I could tell you how far we've got resurrecting the
high-quality strips that made TV Comic the true home of
canon-DW, but I don't want to jinx a project that I've
been working on night and day since I first picked up a tatty 
TV-21 while waiting fearfully in the dentist's waiting room 
at the age of five, with my dad sneering at me from the
corner of the room and leering at me and snapping "don't be
such a cry-baby, they're only gonna rip out the big ones at
the back, what's that yer readin' boy? bwahahaha."

Just stand by and keep your crayons sharp.

We have over *one hundred* TV Comic strips photocopied and
ready for colourization. One BBC Exec (who I can't name because
I cannot remember his name) said of me: "Didn't you send me
abusive mail in the early 1990s when you mistook me for
Jonathan Powell?" A second BBC exec moaned: "I think I remember
you appearing on Did You See wearing a dog poo on your head." 

Some things to note:

The Alastair Pearson Issue: at the time I thought he was rather 
heavily reliant on stock photographs, but after seeing his
covers for the early NAs, I have decided that far too many
photos of the time were composed just like Al's artwork. So
don't give me none of that "he's a photonazie" rubbish.

Recasting the Doctor: if we can't get permission from the
actors on whom the TV Comics' drawings of the Doctor were based
(none of them, of course, ever appeared in the original TV show),
I will redraw all the faces using the likeness of Kenny Baker,
who many of you will remember as R2-D2 in Andy Lane's "The Empire
Strikes Glass" and Hate Orman's "Return of the Living Jedi".

Availability: I cannot reveal which publishers will be printing 
these state-of-the-art colourized strips (for obvious reasons,
including I can't remember who I actually spoke to).  

I hope the fans will respect this highly secretive announcement,
and be aware that I do not want this information propogating
beyond the 12.7 million usenet people who may see this via
Yahoo or HotBot search engines. And of course, BE GRATEFUL.
BE VERY GRATEFUL, YOU WHINGEING BASTARDS. I'VE GOT WAX THE
COLOUR OF BURNT OCHRE AND VERMILION UNDER MY FINGERNAILS
AFTER All the work I've put in on this ALREADY OVer the
past SEVENTEen YEARS. 

I may have to restrict my Friendliness soon, because although
I bought a jumbo pack of it earlier last month, I think I've
been measuring it out with tablespoons instead of teaspoons.
(Sorry to go all Imperial on you for a moment :-) Some of you 
will love me like Sally Field at the Oscars. Some of you will 
hate me like the "McCoy vs Pertwee" thread. But you'll all agree
that Mr Sin is Some Pig.

"Ge'rouda Tawoon, B'dee" (Gallifreyan for "is that the time,
you must be going")* 

Peter Anghelides and the Kling Films Team

*yes, the Gallifreyan language has been invented from scratch
 from a recording of Mr Sin eating, replayed backwards at 16rpm.

Peter Anghelides  5/9/97

==============

Azaxyr  wrote:
>Not if you consider the possibility that after Davros' little coupe,

How does he drive it with only one arm?

Luke Gutzwiller  5/9/97

============

[Subject: Re: What do you call a Doctor Who Fan ?]

ARB  wrote:
>A Whovian of course -Thats what I have been since emerging from behind
>the sofa...

Does that mean that fans of the Sontarans are couch potatoes?

Peter Anghelides  9/9/97

===========

GM953 wrote:
>> Now I just finished reading the thread about Jackie Jenkins and I was
>> wondering...

>> "What about the good-looking MALE fans of Dr. Who???"

John Long  wrote:
>I hear Azaxyr is pretty damn cute.

Everything seems suddenly clear.

Random Companion  9/9/97

=============

howatson@mail.dec.com wrote:
>>I was at Gareth Roberts's house the other day (name-dropper), and I
>>noticed that he now has a shiny new computer in his room.

>>Would any that know him personally like to join in persuading him to get
>>a modem and start posting nonsense to brighten up our days ?

We do not believe you. Indubitably, were Mr Roberts to have gained
possession of the aforementioned machinery, he would have explained
its function to you as a device for computational analysis, pure and
simple. "A shiny new computer" sounds more like something Christopher 
Bulis would have. 

On the other hand, Keith Topping and Martin Day would need to describe
its 8XCD, 3 gighard drive, and MMX chip before you got into the room,
probably along with some joke about the Tardis computer having 
"Time-RAM". 

Craig Hinton would describe it in a four-sentence description of 
charmingly hyperbolic technobabble. 

Justin Richards would make you think it was a computer, but you'd 
discover later in the evening that it was really an ancient 405-line 
TV disguised as a 486-DX PC to keep it out of the clutches of BBC 
Engineering. 

Kate Orman and Jonathan Blum would describe it in three pages of clever
oblique prose, after which you'd go: "oh, it's a *computer* they're
talking about - neat!" 

You'd ask Paul Cornell to show you his computer, but he'd look at you 
with a glazed look and say something about how he can hear owls in his 
study. 

Terrance Dicks would write:
  "I had a computer. 
  "The drashig ate it."

Peter Anghelides  11/9/97

=========

STATE OF DECAY

Exclusive!  An In-Vision special by Andrew Pixie.

SCRIPT
In early 1980, Terrance Dicks was thrilled to bits to hear from the
new producer of Doctor Who.  Apparently he wanted to use some old tat
that Terry had written years ago but had always been rejected by
successive production teams over the years.  It was the one about
giant vampires!
	State of Decay was originally called Invasion of the Vampires
and written for the third Doctor.  Horrible vampire monsters were led
by the Master to Earth to suck the planet dry.  UNIT narrowly defeated
the alien menace by utilising garlic bullets and wooden missiles.
Barry Letts wasn't too impressed and commissioned The Claws of Axos
instead.
	A few years later, Dicks rewrote it as The Giant Vampire, the
debut story for the fourth Doctor but Barry recognised the script.  It
became The Wasting in 1977 as Dicks became rather cynical about his
script.  It was also submitted as part of the Key to Time sequence,
now entitled A Shit State.
	Dicks later explained at a convention that he changed the name
from A Shit State to State of Decay because it just might attract
unintentional negative views - "This story is A Shit State."  Another
rumoured title seems to point to Return of the Krynoid but this cannot
be 100% confirmed.
	So how did Terrance get on with the dynamic new production
team?
	"That script-editor was a right bastard - we couldn't agree on
anything.  I wanted to call the story The Vampire Mutations but he
insisted we call it Decay - No Vampires, Honest.  He was adamant that
he didn^Òt want the viewers to latch on to the fact that the story
featured vampires.  Oh he was off his cake, that one.  He cut all my
stuff about the chief gnome and his fishing rod because he wanted to
get rid of the fantasy aspect of the series and return to its
scientific roots!"
	"He also insisted that we put in that bit about Grimm's theory
of Language or whatever.  I said to him, "but Chris, it's crap."
	"No, no, no!" he cried.  "It's fascinating!"
	"He punched me on the nose and I agreed that it was, after
all, a really good idea.  Choking through blood, I asked him if the H
was short for Hamilton.  He replied that I should know that his full
name was Christopher Don't Give Me Shit Bidmead and kicked me savagely
in the nuts."
	Dicks goes on, recalling those halcyon days; "After that I
just agreed to write whatever he wanted.  I wanted to get paid.  A lot
of people have asked me why the scenes in State of Decay were so long.
That's down to sloppy directing and I blame that twit they got from
All Creatures Great and Small.  Mind you, that Moffat was a whizz when
it came to crosswords, but he was happier when he could film
Christopher Timothy ramming his arm up a cow.

SCRIPT EDITING
Christopher H Bidmead hated this script; "Terrance, this script is
shit!"  He said to the stalwart writer.  "Well, stuff you then,"
replied Dicks.
	"Yeah, but we're desperate mate.  This new producer needs a
script done in record time and if he doesn't get it then I won't get
paid.  You've got a reputation for churning stuff out at breakneck
speed."
	"You cheeky git!"
	"Come on - we'll pay you £ching!"
	"Okay, I'll do it!"
	Chris Bidmead extensively reworked the script that Dicks
delivered, maliciously ripping out the carefully constructed fantasy
elements that Terrance had slaved over.  Out went Damian the chief
gnome and his band of magic fairies with their purple shoes.  Instead
in came Kalmer and all that stuff about the Laws of Constanants, how
words change over the years.  A good example of this is the phrase;
"Three cheers for the chubby new producer!" which changed into "Sack
the fat bastard!"  Gone too was the chief gnome's fishing rod of
terror which summoned up the giant vampires from the magic circle on
Ancient Gallifrey.  Rumour has it that Stephen Payne came across this
draft of the story whilst writing The Greatest Script in the Galaxy.
	Bidmead had this to say about Dicks; "Obviously I respect the
man, he has a great talent.  I just don't think it lies in writing.
He's probably just unsuitable for writing Doctor Who.  If there's one
thing I think I achieved as script-editor on the series, it was to
change the direction that Doctor Who was going in.  After the ghastly
Graham Williams era, I feel that JNT and I totally revamped the show
to its advantage.  More science and less fantasy, that sort of thing.
I mean, did you see that Nimon one, good God!"
	At this stage the interviewer asked Bidmead if he has seen
some of the later shows.  As he had not, we took the opportunity to
show him The Twin Dilemma, Mindwarp, Paradise Towers and The Happiness
Patrol.
	"!"
	Christopher H. Bidmead is now residing in a mental hospital
where he was last seen scribbling strange figures with three eyes on
the wall in his ward with a green crayon.  The editorial team would
like to publicly deny all responsibility for the state of his health.
A state of decay...

DIRECTOR AND TEAM
JNT was in a right dither.  Gary Downie had yet to join his happy
little team and he only had Barry Letts for support and Barry would
only give him practical and formal help, not emotional or physical
relief.
	He needed a script fast and so he called in the resources of
Terrance Dicks whom he knew he could get for peanuts and asked him to
rewrite this script for the fiftieth time, the script that had been
rejected by the BBC every two years since the early seventies.
	Now he needed a director.  Using his vast network of in-house
contacts, he managed to get someone who once worked on All Creatures
Great and Small roped in.  Peter Moffat could get several complicated
shots of Christopher Timothy sticking his arm up a cow done in record
time.  This meant that he was cheap and everyone could go home on
time, if not early which was, of course, the main priority on Doctor
Who.
	Peter Moffat didn't see eye-to-eye with Bidmead either.  The
script editor didn't want a gothic, Hammer-style production despite
the fact that the story cried out for such treatment; "How the hell
can you set a vampire story in a medieval community without it looking
gothic and moody?  What the hell was Bidmead on?!"

FILMING
Location filming took place at terminal 7 at Heathrow on 24th to 27th
of June 1979.  Patrick Troughton was ill that week and couldn't make
it.  Louise Jamieson had bad memories of this story - "Nick Courtney
had been up all night with a stomach bug and he didn^Òt look too right
the next day.  After a few dodgy starts, I seem to recall him bumping
into Davros every few minutes or so.  I was convinced that he was
going to throw up on me and Camilla (Rhoda Lewis).  David Banks pulled
me to one side when Nick spewed up.  It missed me but the little
midget - I can't remember it's name, Mr Sun or something - got
covered.  This was my earliest memory of Jon Pertwee as the Doctor.
He made me very welcome when I joined the cast.  "Now listen to me,"
he said in that rich dark brown voice of his.  "This is my show, just
leave the hero business to me.  You're just paid to smile, flash your
legs and say 'What is it, Doctor?' at the end of episode one.  Do that
and we'll get on just famously."
	This was around the time that Louise appeared nude with a
Dalek in the pages of Colour Climax magazine.
	Nicholas Courtney had this to say about State of Decay.  "Ah
yes, State of Decay.  Brilliant stuff by Terrance Dicks.  I relished
the opportunity to wear an eyepatch.  And you know, there^Òs this
hilarious story about the eyepatch..."

VISUAL EFFECTS.
Tony Harding reveals the secrets behind the sumptuous effects on this
story; "Basically, we were skint!"
	We then asked him to elaborate if we gave him a bit more
money.  He agreed.
	"All right then - the producer, a fat bloke with a beard, I
seem to remember, asked me to knock up a sort of gothic tower. But
could I do it on the cheap?  I reused an old space rocket from Blake's
7 and tarted it up with paint and crap and stuff and that seemed to do
the trick.  When I showed it off to the script editor (he was a funny
bloke, I can tell you.  Kept on juming up and down and screaming about
being too silly and too much fantasy and not enough science.  When he
saw my shit-hot model he started crying and told me that no-one would
believe that it didn^Òt look like an old space rocket left over from
Blake's 7.  Then he gazed up with a funny look in his eyes and
disappeared with a set of scripts in his hand.
	A saw him later on that day and he was trying to explain that
he'd worked it out that the castle was actually meant to be a decrepit
space ship.  I nodded and smiled, I hadn^Òt the heart to tell him that
I had seen Christine Ruscoe's set designs.  I wasn^Òt sure if he^Òd
notice that the interiors looked like stone and brick.  There was a
furious row which ended up in a vicious stabbing and various broken
limbs but Christine took it very well.  She never worked on the show
again once she got back on solid food and returned home."

POST PRODUCTION.
Tom Baker recorded a voice over for episode three when it was
discovered that it under ran.  He says; "Buy HP Sauce.  It's as rich
and brown as my voice and it's great with sausages."

John Pettigrew  11/9/97

===========

Dave Yadallee:
>Looking at who we have now,  I wish some people who gave up on radw would
>return.

I know what you mean.  They should have ended r.a.d.w. back before the
introduction of colour, and let it go out on a high.  These days there is
no real character, everyone has lost the plot and is only interested in
smart one-liners.  It's descending into pantomime, I tell you!

Danny Gooley  11/9/97

==========

Shard Scatterstar  wrote:
>Romana, I think, could've pulled off Tom Baker's outfit...

And very likely did!

SaulChurch  12/9/97

===========

Robert D. Franks  wrote:
>>Hell, what about the 'Caves' tape. I never knew television making could be
>>so boring.

Marcus Durham  wrote:
>Yes, but on the upside you get extra footage of Nicola Bryants cleavage 
>during the regeneration! Well actually, given the quality of the
>recording all I could see were these two pink figures. I think one of
>them was Peter.

Nicola named one of her ... um ... norgs, Peter?

Elsa Frohman  12/9/97

============

[Subject: Re: Dr Who TIEs]

No Mr Meglos, I don't care if you are carrying your
dodecahedron with you this evening, but no-one gets
into the Quatre Saison de Zolpha-Thura without a Ti.

Ah I see Commander Grugger has arrived. Where can
he sit, d'you say? Well, looking at the mood he's
in this evening, anywhere he wants to.

No, I'm sorry Mr Meglos. We're full. Fitting you
in at this stage would be an impossibility. No, not
the ultimate impossibility. 

Goodness me, some of our customers can be a bit spiky.

Peter Anghelides  16/9/97

===========

[Subject: Re: Gareth Roberts' Computer]

Rob Stradling  wrote:
>Gary Russell's computer is a Sony 'My First PC' with big red buttons and a 
>Fisher-Price printer.

And it's full of "MicroChips" and the hard drive has been "programmed"
in ALGOL. This is so he can use it to access the "InterNet" "site",
rec.arts.drwho.

God, I'm cruel.

Dave Owen  17/9/97

==========

Jon Blum  wrote:
>I never knew Te Jene Rana in "Room" could teleport in a cloud of spangly 
>fairy dust!

And where are the Purple Mountains for Jason to stand on, draw his swords and
look at Te Jene, menacingly?

Come to that, what the hell is Liza Minelli doing on the cover of 'No
Future'? Why is the Seventh Doctor transfixed by Death's breasts on the cover
of 'Timewyrm: Revelation'? Is the stress getting to Ace so much that she's
gone grey by 'Cat's Cradle: Time's Crucible'? And why on Earth does the Eigth
Doctor look like he's having an orgasm on the cover of 'The Dying Days'
(actually, given the implications in the ending, I guess this one is
justifed)?

Gregg Smith  17/9/97

==========

Saulchurch  wrote:
>>What's Marry Poppins got to do with Dr Who?
>>Julie Andrews is not canon!

Peter Anghelides (topsham@ibm.net.antispam) wrote:
>Supercargoesfasterintheplanetofthespiders

...TVMispopularbutgetsreplacedbysliders,
Kaleddomeisonlyhometodavrosesandnyders,
Thebestnewadventurescoverisdimensionriders!

Om Mane Padme Hummulum Diddle-i,
Om Mane Padme Hummulum Diddle-i,

Of course, you can say it backwards, which is
Radwersdebatethecanonicityofauthors,
But that's going a little far, don't you think?

Rob Stradling  19/9/97

=========

DavidJudd wrote:  
> My, my.  You're all so cuddly and chummy in here.  Can I stay?

Absolutely - pull up a chair and witness the firepower of this fully 
armed and operational newsgroup!  :-)

John Long  19/9/97

=========

[Subject: Re: WAKE UP ONE SIZE SMALLER!]

If you had told me a year ago that I would
be marketing a product that claims it will
remove two inches of fat in 24 hours,
I would have laughed.

THEN I WATCHED TIME-FLIGHT

That gel just poured out of my nose, and
before I knew it, I didn't need to wear
that dreadful Khalid disguise any longer.

And for stubborn fat, there's always the
Tissue Compression Eliminator (tm, patent
pending).

Peter Anghelides  20/9/97

==========

[Subject: TIMES ARTICLE ABOUT BBC BOOKS - NEW COMPANION!]

LONDON - BBC Books has announced that a new companion will be joining the
TARDIS crew in the company's successful line of Doctor Who novels.
Following in the footsteps of Nicole Bryant, Kenny will be an American
from Colorado who perpetually wears an anorak. "We've gotton letters that
this is some sort of slam against Doctor Who fans, but we'd like to assure
them this is not the case," says DW editor, Stephen Cole.

Kenny won't be an ordinary companion, though. The character will be killed
off every novel, only to inexplicably return alive the next one. "We feel
that introducing this sort of regularity to the series will help people
become comfortable with the series, maybe even buying the next book just
to see how Kenny dies."

The new member will first meet up with the Doctor in the upcoming novel,
"Seeing I." According to co-author Kate Orman, "The title is, in fact, an
in-joke refering to Kenny's manner of death." Already, big plans are being
made for him. Terrance Dicks plans to kill Kenny off, not once, not twice,
but three times in his next book. "This will be a one time event,
something not likely to happen again," says Dicks.

What about Samantha Jones, the current assistant to Doctor Who? "She's
still going to be a part of the crew." There could be romance between the
two. "Things will never get very far though because he keeps dying." Cole
hopes the new companion will prove successful. "Only time will tell," he
says with a smile.

Micheal (Chris) Keane  23/9/97

===========

Michael S. Tumilty  wrote:
>>How many RADWers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

David Atkins  wrote:
>Depends on whether you consider lightbulbs canon or not.

It matters a bit more exactly how large the lightbulb is, and how many
RADWers you think would fit inside.

Elsa Frohman  27/9/97

===========

[Subject: Re: Top Five Sexiest Companions - a new JL Poll]

#1. Kamelion

#2. K9 Mark 1

#3. K9 Mark 2

#4. K9 Mark 3

#5. The hatstand

Robert Smith?  29/9/97

=========

Michael S. Tumilty  wrote:
>How many RADWers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1 to state that 40 watt globes suck

5 to ask for reasons why the 40 watt globes suck

6 to respond that the 40 watt globes are childish, inferior and aren't
very bright

8 to reply that all those characteristics occur with the 60 watt globes as
well

15 to yell that the 60 watts are the best and how dare anyone hate them

35 to try and explain that the original 8 were simply applying the same
arguments to the 60 watts as the 40 watts

112 to post reasons the 40 watts are the same as the bulbs used on the
Power rangers

264 to suggest that exactly these arguments could be applied to the 60
watt bulbs as well

339 to killfile those posters because they hate the 60 watts, which
everyone knows are the best

525 to try and explain that they were merely responding to the first
poster who said exactly the same thing

692 to request in vain that the discussion be taken to email

750 to flame everyone involved because that's not what this newsgroup is
about

825 to state that they should just ignore this thread

932 to claim that they like 40 *and* 60 watt globes

1028 to vote in a poll to determine which one is better

1 to state that people who like 40 watt globes enjoy light for all the
wrong reasons

Robert Smith?  30/9/97

==========

Brad Filippone  wrote:
>Which raises the queestion once again of where Susan came from?

The Stork of Rassilon?

William December Starr  3/10/97

=========

[Mawdryn Undead vs The Five Doctors et al]

In article <343416f0.6396581@news.erols.com> you write:
Charles Daniels  wrote:
>But the Doctor has touched himself often..so why can't Brigadier?

Because then he'd go blind.

Greg McElhatton  4/10/97

========

Patricia and/or Donald Gillikin wrote:
>Well, Sarah did point and run her finger along her teeth and then point
>to her hair, thus giving the Doctor the vital clues that the Doctor
>needed to stumble onto the description "Teeth and curls".

>It's not too difficult when you think about it.

unless sarah was trying to indicate that he had spinach stuck
between his teeth, and his wig was sliping.

Chris  4/10/97

==========

Ken Mann wrote:
>And so we come back to the point that always comes up when this thread
>is rerun.  Fans divide into those who want the Doctor to be human, and
>those who want him to be alien.  

You'd think they could find a way to compromise, eh?  :)

Daniel Frankham  6/10/97

==========

Dangermouse wrote:
>Seriously, what gets me is how the two factions tend to be Pertwee/McCoy.
>Why don't we see flamewars between, say, Hartnell fans and Davison fans? Or
>Michael Wisher fans and Terry Molloy fans? Etc.

>Why is it Pertwee/McCoy?

Because "Pratt/Beevers" would cause too much snickering and scatological
comment for the flamers to keep up the necessary level of hostility.

Corey Klemow  7/10/97

=========

John Long  said:
>Are you deliberately stating your opinions as facts or are you just
>too stupid to know the difference between them?

Thanks a lot, John.  I paid good money for that Ironymeter, and here
you've gone and reduced it to a puddle of molten slag.

William December Starr  9/10/97

===========

Andrew Raymond  wrote:
>Also, anyone who'd like to speak up now and claim to have lost their
>virginity to a Doctor Who actor can right now.

>PS. For any Doctor Who actors listening in, I'm still a virgin ;-)

And in other news, Andrew Raymond, aka DrAndrewho,  recieved a surprising and
delightful visit from Brian Blessed today...

Ben Varkentine  9/10/97

=========

Robert Smith?  wrote:
>Then again, perhaps he had a mathematician of his own who allowed him
>a bit of a glimpse into the *next* Cyberman story...you know, the one
>where the Cybermen are so vulnerable to Au they keel over just by
>Sylvester walking up to them and saying "Gold!" in a stern voice? :-)

I loved this image! Suddenly I see a Cyberleader with his hands over his
ears, and McCoy bouncing around yapping; "GOLD! GOLD!"

Cyb; "La-la-la I can't hear you!"

Doc; "GOLD!"

Cyb; "Ugh! Agh! Ooooh, Crikey!"

Doc; "GOLD!"

Cyb; "Ow! I'm not well..."

Passing Dalek; "Oh, what evil times are these, when timelords can say
'Gold' at defenceless old Cybermen!"

Rob Stradling  9/10/97

=========

 - Robert Smith?