Our eyes once met.

To a girl whose name I do not know,

You may think this strange of me to write this to you and to be honest I have questioned my motives for doing so for some time now, but in the end I guess it is just something that I feel I must do. You do not know my name and I know not yours, but even though we know nothing of each other deep in my heart I feel that I do know something about you. The reason I feel this way is simple, for you see our eyes once met.

I remember it all too well. The time, place, and circumstances of our meeting are all very clear to me. For me it was a brief, but meaningful encounter that could not have lasted for more than five seconds, but those five seconds are forever etched in my mind. I can never forget how I felt when I saw you, even if I wanted to forget I doubt that I could. As we slowly walked past each other, neither one of us said a word. We simple passed each other in deafing scilence. Due to the near cramped nature of the balcony we almost brushed shoulders as our eyes met, gazing for a moment at the other. I remember it well. I remember it far too well, all of it. The time, the place, the circumstances that brought me there, how I felt when I first saw you, how I feel now, the sights, the smells, the look on your face, all of this is clear to me yet it still seems like a dream. However, I do know that it happened. I know our eyes once met.

Our eyes once met at ground zero as we gazed on a vision of Hell. The smoke had cleared; the smell had not, rubble still laid at our feet. Some may say I had no right to be there, in a way they may be right. This was not the public platform from which a limited view was offered, this place where we met was off limits to all but a few. Where we met was the restricted access balcony reserved for only visiting dignitaries, and the families of those who perished that day. I came that day to ground zero as a form of honor guard. That day I was working with the mayor's office as we escorted the victim's families to the site so that they could see the wretched sight and bring closer to their pain. I came with reverence to show my respect to those who gave their all, to those who died that fateful day, but you came for a far more somber purpose.

You to were here to honor and remember someone, someone who died that day here in this very spot, someone you knew very well. It might have been your mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, or boyfriend. So many lives were lost here, and so many tears were shed here. However, as our eyes met on this now sacred ground the only sound heard was that of footsteps and the construction work below. The look in your eyes said it all, a look not easily forgotten. It is hard to describe for it is a look of many emotions; fear, confusion, sorrow, grief, anger, sadness, rage, and disbelief.

As I looked into your eyes I felt your glazed stare call out to me. "Why?" "Why did this happen?" "How could such a thing happen?" When we walked past each other and our eyes met I felt helpless. I wanted so much to turn back and face you, to offer some word or gesture that would ease your suffering. In the midst of all this chaos I felt so small, so insignificant. All I wanted was to do something, to be of use, to make a difference. I wanted to be able to do something that would be of value, of comfort to you and all the others whose loved ones died here that day. How I wish I could have spoken to you and reassured you that in time all would be well. I would have offered you my shoulder to cry on if I thought it would have done any good.

For weeks after the attacks my memory was haunted by the images that I saw. The footage shown on the news replayed constantly in my dreams, only this time it was enhanced by the sounds of chaos, the sounds of men, women, and children crying, screaming, dying. That was then, but now having seen ground zero and the sight of such horrid events new images lurk in my darkest dreams. Now instead of visions of the attacks my mind is filled with the aftermath of the carnage. I see the smoke and debris strewn ground. I can smell the foul scented air and can even feel my stomach turn at the thought of what such a stench could be, but most of all I see the faces of the families left behind and hear their cries as I try to sleep. Your face haunts me the most, for our eyes once met.

Since the day we met I have thought very hard about what I could have said or done to somehow ease your pain. I know now that at the time I could have done nothing, but now I know that there is something that I can do to help you and all the other families who lost loved ones in the terrorist attacks that day. I can write you this letter, tell you I care and understand, but most of all I can promise you all "never again". I wish that I was wrong, but I know that someday another attack or disaster will happen to this country, and when it does someone in your family, or another family will be in danger and maybe need some help. When that day comes, and I hope I never live to see it, I will be ready. Since that fateful day I have studied and prepared myself to respond. The next time disaster strikes I will be ready, to do what I must to help all those in need. I will be at the next ground zero doing what I must to assist and hopefully save a few lives. I know that it is not an easy job, and it is definitely full of risks, but someone has to do it and I know that someone is me. Like our country I was caught off guard by what happened, but now I am ready. I have some basic knowledge and the desire to respond; now all I need is time to further prepare.

I promise you now that I will do my best when the time to act has come. Failure can not be an option, for it has a heavy price. I know very well what this is, for your face still haunts my dreams. Maybe someday I will risk my life to save another, and maybe that day I will fall. Yet if I can save or help one person, save one family the grief and sorrow that you feel now, give one child back her loved one then I know in my heart that it was worth it. I honestly believe that to risk and give ones life to save another is the greatest accomplishment in life. This is a risk and task that I am willing to take. When I look back at all that has happened and I recall you tear streaked face I know that I am making the right decision, and that I simply have no choice. When I look at those around me, and the generation that says we must not respond I remember the look you gave me and I know that inaction is wrong. No longer can we be oblivious to the truth, the treat is real and it will happen again. We can not avoid it, but we can prepare for it and when it comes we shall be ready.

People have told me that I am crazy for wanting to do this. They often remind me that "one person can't make a difference". I know that is wrong. All great things start with just one person, and it grows from there. Even though I dread the day when I must use my knowledge deep down I know that my willingness to respond is the right thing to do. Before I was helpless and could only sit back and watch, doing nothing. All that has changed because now I can do something. I can and I will respond when needed. There are many reasons why I want to do this, why I feel I need to do this. Providing assistance to those who need it in times of crisis is one of them. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love, and knowing that I prevented a family from suffering a loss is reward enough, but yet I know that the real reason I am pursuing this career is a more personal one, and it has to do with you. To be honest my eyes don’t ever want to meet your sorrowful look again.

Sincerely yours,

A future First Responder