THE OFFICIAL TAFLAGANIDE CHRONICLES
Sandman
Chairman of the Board
My brief history isn=t too complicated, although I wish it was totally screwed up as to scare the hell out of everyone, but I=m afraid it isn=t much. I was born in Mexico City, three years later, moved to Arlington, Texas where I lived for seven years, then on to Long Island, New York, 4 years, and finally down here to Boca Raton, Florida which so far has also been four years. There, now that all that is out of the way, Let=s talk about why we=re really writing this, and why your taking your precious time to read this. (Maybe your time isn=t all that precious, but hey since you=re here, might as well listen to the whole story).
These Taflaganide Chronicles will be good reading to all those people who frequently asked me what the hell did I have in that bottle. Well, read on and you shall be enlightened.
I=m not sure what to say about my feelings on Taflaganide, except that I think the stuff is totally, incredibly, undeniably awesome, and only the mentally disconnected can appreciate its
NOT-QUITE-FOR-ORDINARY-PEOPLE-NESS. I have grown as strong respect for this stuff, (just for all you perverts out there, I am not having a relationship with it so you can exhale now) for ever since we have started making it, I have seen what it can do and admire its complete essence of being the strangest liquid (shall you choose to classify it as a liquid is entirely up to you) on the face of the planet. (Earth) Without Taflaganide to break the monotony of the school year, then who knows what might of happened. I might have become normal...and we definitely couldn=t have that. :)
On a more serious note, I feel strong towards Taflaganide because I see it as a bond between friends. We have all contributed to it, and therefore, it is part of all of us. Its strength and weirdness resembles our friendship as a whole, which is both strong and definitely weird. I=m not going to summarize the whole book on this page, so if you want to know the true history of Taflaganide, you=ll have to read on. (wasting more of your precious time) Enjoy. (By the way, try not to be too distracted by the small AT@ on the bottom of the page.)
Freddie
Legal Advisor, Editor-in-Chief and Official Publisher
My article is going to be pretty short since almost everyong will be covering the same ground over and over again. I was born in New Jersey and I moved down here when I was around eight. I have lived here ever since and have never witnessed anything like Taflaganide.
My involvement with Taflaganide has been very active ever since the begining as I laughed at Sandman when his Sunny DTM bottles were switching liquids with other bottles and then adding ketchup and Mayonnaise into the containters. I especially laughed when he brought them back the next day. After that I helped add some ingredients to the Taflaganide base formula (most of the ingredients I added were spices). I also assissted the Administration in drafting the documents written earlier this year when MacGyver drank some of this disgusting stuff.
I found the explosion period very entertaining although I happened to miss the best explosion of all time. Other than that I=m sure that observations have been recorded to an extreme extent and do not need further reviewing. I will include, however, how much Taflaganide has become a part of all of our lives for our Senior year. Since the school screwed up our Senior year so badly, I can honestly say that Taflaganide has been the highlight of the year. We have laughed at so many frightened people, so many normal people and have laughed at my many actions and insane moments and laugh at normality in general, because being normal is boring.
A THOUGHT ON A FOUL FLUID
Kane
Airhead to the Throne
Taflaganide is important to me because I see it as a bond between friends. It is only by a freak (of course) accident that Taflaganide was made, much as it was an accident that I ever met the Administration, but it was the best accident I have ever made.
I was born in Chicago in May of 1982 where I spent 14 years of my life, I then moved to Boca Raton in the summer of 1996 where I=ve been ever since. When I started school, I didn=t know anybody but soon I found some friends and a lunch table. For about half of the year, I sat with a table on the opposite side of the courtyard than Area 52, however, in late January I got into a fight with my friends and I left. I saw the Chairman of the Board, Sandman, whom I knew from my Journalism class and asked him if I could sit at his table, little did I know that my life would never be the same again!
When I first saw (and smelled) Taflaganide I was oddly fascinated and it wasn=t long before I learned of the Administration and became a memeber. In my Taflaganide Administration initiation I was to open the next test bomb, which was a major disappointment, but I had done what I said I would and was accepted as a member. Since then, my life has been very fun (and weird) and I=ve loved every minute of it.
However, there was a dark time that fell on the Administration, which may have been fate, or maybe it was my fault (but I don=t think so!). The members of my previous table (who are now my worst enemies) moved in next to Area 52, from there, things became bad.
We carried on as normal (sure we did!) and for a time everything was going smoothly, until the other table began throwing things at us. We ignored them until MacGyver was hit with an apple, after that the Administration voted and we officially went to war (it was during this that Taflaganide was seized and destroyed but we soon made more). After that I suggested that we use the T-bomb but Sandman said that firepower of that magnitude was not yet to be used, so instead we set up a covert operation and poisoned their table, it was then that they retreated, we had won the war.
After that, things got back to normal (yeah right!) and we were our weird selves again and things went on smoothly. I couldn=t wait until our final ceremony and my assumption to the throne, which would be both a happy occasion and a sad parting, but I would take the helm and Taflaganide would live on.
I will always remember Taflaganide as a very special thing to me, I will even remember it on the day I die, it is so important to me and it really bonded me to my friends, all of whom I am very close to (ugh! not that CLOSE! Please!).
Bubba
Supreme Dodo
I was born in a hospital. (I cried when I was born) Mommy said I was a good boy. (but I don=t know why) Anyways, I lived in New Jersey for about 7 1/2 years. When my Father got sick we moved down to Florida (God, Florida sux). Anyways, later on that year, he died. I grew up, went to school, got in trouble (illegal stuff). I went to a camp (that suxed too). Well during the ninth grade I came to Olympic Heights Community High School and that=s where I met you guys. Time went on and now it=s Senior (finally) and time for Taflaganide. (Man that Sh** stinks).
Warhammer
General of War
My brief history begins with my birth on July 21, 1978 in Puerto Rico. I grew up in Bajamon (city south of San Juan) for 12 years. Then my family moved to Boca Raton, Florida where I still live now.
Let me tell you about my skills, hobbies and abilities. I have taken 3 years of drafting, which gave me the ability to design new containers and weapons using Taflaganide. Also I have studied computer science and programing for 4 years. I have studied Martial Arts for 3 years. My hobbies include; model and miniature construction, painting, and display. These skills and abilities proved usefull in this organization. Also one more ability that helps me is my imunity to pain. This proved very helpful when I drank a sample of Taflaganide.
BIRTH OF A FOUL FLUID
THE BACKGROUND OF TAFLAGANIDE
The substance known as Taflaganide has made quite a journey when taken into consideration of it=s history. There was never any intention of creating it, so it must have been fate that Taflaganide entered this world.
It all started one day at Olympic Heights Community High School in Boca Raton, Florida. It was during first lunch, which runs from approximately 11:21 through 11:58. It was a hot day, and a band of friends enjoyed this time of day to recoup from the morning classes and prepare for the afternoon. During a moment of extreme boredom (or more likely, just plain insanity), Sandman stripped the label off his two Sunny DelightTM bottles and replaced them as capes as though the bottles were little superheroes. Soon the other members at the table, Richtor, MacGyver, Freddie, Shabba, and Habib, joined the fun. Soon the bottles were exchanging liquids at a fast rate, and before long, the two Sunny DelightTM bottles (which were later named Jent and Chent) had a small storage of Mountain DewTM, milk, PepsiTM, ketchup, and mayonnaise. Then, as always, right when things got interesting, the bell rang and beckoned everyone back to class. As a joke on the others, Sandman thought it might be funny if he kept the bottles and had them return the next day for further adventures (little did he know...).
Soon, day after day, as the bottles returned, everyone at the table added to the ingredients until all that remained was a sickening brown liquid. The group agreed that the substance after coming this far, deserved a name. They came up with the term ATaflaganism@ which meant to excrete a foul fluid, and thus named the product, Taflaganide.
This continued for a few days until tragedy struck. The first discovery of Taflaganide was made. It built up pressure. This conclusion was brought up by the fact that the two bottles had exploded in Sandman=s school bag. Fortunately enough, they were contained in a ziplocTM bag which to this day, still remains uncleaned (with lots of little white fuzz growing inside). Jent and Chent were dead, and a small funeral was held for them.
However, it takes a lot more than that to defeat Taflaganide, which after a week returned in another bottle (this time with a screw on cap). The process continued again.
A short time later, a new situation arose. One member at the table, MacGyver, asked how much would he get paid if he drank it. Approximately $35 dollars were raised in an event which will be covered in a later chapter. However, a problem arose. The weekend before MacGyver was to consume the substance, the possibility of cyanide was discovered. One of the ingredients, a mushroom-like pod on the ground, was later identified by Sandman as a pod from a highly toxic plant, which he had growing in his own yard. By this time it was quite clear that MacGyver could not be allowed to drink this potentially lethal stuff, so plans were immediately underway to design a completely new batch, which would fulfill the agreement. This came to the creation of the Taflaganide Consumption Pact, which will also be seen in a later chapter. In the end, MacGyver drank the specified amount, vomited and was promptly paid the money. However, a member of the Administration (name won=t be mentioned) violated Article 2 of the Taflaganide Consumption Pact, by allegedly placing a small amount of cat litter into the base formula for MacGyver to drink. A penalty of violation was brought up, but due to technical rules of a previous agreement, the penalty was declared invalid and dropped. After the drinking ordeal, no one looked at Taflaganide the same way again.
After this event, all attention went to this new batch, and the old one, which was later named the AGrandfather Batch@, was never tampered with again and to this moment, remains unchanged. It was at this time that the group of friends decided to establish, The Taflaganide Administration. The base of the Administration and first members were, MacGyevr, Consumer; Freddie, Legal Advisor; Richtor, Local Idiot; and Sandman, Chairman of the Board. They set initiation for anyone wishing to enlist the Administration, at the consumption of one PepsiTM cap full of the drinkable Taflaganide (Known as the Base Formula). It wasn=t long until three new members completed the requirements and joined. They were, Bubba, Supreme Dodo; Shabba, Legal Assistant; and Habib, Chief of Justice, bringing the total to seven.
Over the next several months, Taflaganide underwent careful observation, testing, and some strangely absurd experiments, which learned the Administration a great deal about their creation. Unfortunately, two of the members, Habib, and Shabba, lost interest and dropped out of position. There were then five. These five continued to test, and later discovering that Taflaganide had the ability to Adetonate@ which was greatly exploited. Things didn=t change much for a quite some time, and they kept themselves busy by coming up with a new experiment each day.
One day, a new challenge arose. A nearby table taunted the Administration and tried to stimulate a food war. The Administration laughed back and ignored them, until one day, they launched several morsels of their meal at them. This was no big deal. The first attack was of raisins, which were promptly Adipped@ in a certain liquid and were fired upon the attacking table. They laughed and threw a handful of mushrooms and broccoli, but soon their laughter faded away as the Administration lept to there feet and collected the food by hand, placing it in the bottle, and thanking them. As a result, an empty fruit can bombed on the table striking Legal Advisor, Freddie, in the chin. The Administration filled the can with Taflaganide and when one of the other table=s members were close enough, the can was launched and the foul fluid splashed up dotting the back of his pants. This battle did not go on very long, and soon the two tables were allies. A strange feature that was noticed was Taflaganide=s ability to ASpawn@ other forms of itself. Taflaganide left out in the sun for several hours turned into a greasy, black clay that smelled like raisins and was named ATaflaganite@, the solid version. Later, by using a powder that solidifies liquids, Taflaganide branched out into another form. Gel. (a quick note, this same powder was used to solidify a capful of Adminstrator=s spit, and then added) Labeled as ATaflaganel@, this pudding-like substance, light brownish in color, became a rather nasty looking product. The third state, was quite obvious. There was a solid, liquid, and gel version, so the next goal was ATaflagon@, or the gaseous form. This was carried out at a further date when Taflaganide began producing its own gas. During testing of this gas, a balloon was placed at the bottle=s opening, and we watched as it inflated. Then, to the stupidity of the Chairman of the Board (who left it unwatched), the balloon popped and Taflaganide burst everywhere. Similar tests continued at the lunch table.
There was a fourth version, yet was accidentally destroyed. The liquid, solid, and gel were mixed and left outside overnight. The next day, they found a waxy, runny, gel, quite different from all the others. Since it was being held in a soda cap, it was accidentally screwed on a soda bottle and kerplunked into the then unwanted soda. None of these side products were as popular as the original liquid. The final version, was the long considered, ATaflaganice@, Taflaganide that was frozen which was made during the time these chronicles were being written. This form exists on a short video documentation.
Also during these months, the same table at which the Administration met daily, needed a name. Since this was the site at which all of our secret developments ran, it seemed only appropriate to name the table, AArea 52". This table is now scarred with multiple Taflaganide blast marks, spills, and many others signs of activities that no normal human would normally perform.
Within the last few months of the school year, a new person, Kane, showed a strange interest and shortly after, became a new administrator. By the enrollment of Kane, a new point was brought up, what would happen to Taflaganide when the members (not including Kane who was a freshman at the time) graduated and went their own ways. The was a short time period in which this was discussed and soon they came to a conclusion. The future of Taflaganide was split into two separate ways. The current bottle was to be sealed at the end of the school year, and to be held and brought back at the ten year reunion, untouched and unopened. The following year, during which Kane would still be a student of Olympic Heights, a new generation of Taflaganide would begin. Later named, Taflaganide X. Kane being the only member with seniority at that time, would lead, and was therefore given the title, Airhead to the Throne. Once power was transferred to him, it was to be changed to, Airhead OF the Throne.
Then, there came a snag. During a skirmish with another lunch table, Taflaganide was seized and thrown out of reach onto the roof of the school (by now Taflaganide was held in a 2 liter soda bottle). Angered by the action, The Taflaganide Administration set out to create another similar batch that would be worse than the previous. They accomplished that goal quite well. The following are just a small handful of the new ingredients: fruit juices, gauge fluid, car cleaners, shampoo, dissected fish parts, ink, spit, mucus, oil, bananas (nasty bananas), chicken fat (which will also be covered later on) and many, many revolting substances. The greatest effect was the smell which happened to be Taflaganide=s trademark. Then, the experiments continued.
Within the last month of school, Warhammer, who had known about Taflaganide and had witnessed some of the events, wished to become a member of the Administration. Meeting the minimal requirements, he drank his capful and became accepted as the last member of the original Taflaganide Administration. He was given the title, General of War.
The history of Taflaganide has traced itself up to the moment that these chronicles are being written, and soon it will be sealed for a full decade. It has come a long way, and yet still lies ahead a great journey when the Administration shall reunite and finish what they had started.
THE TAFLAGANIDE
BOMBING ERA
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It can easily be assumed that just by the mere name of this chapter that this must have been one of the high points in the Taflaganide Administration. Once everyone got to know the substance, and realized its capabilities, it was decided that Taflaganide=s ACombustible@ state must surely be abused.
In total, there were eight actual blast tests despite the many planned. Some were quite a show, while others colossal disappointments. The entire bombing principle was based on the pressure buildup of Taflaganide, which if you want to trace back, begins even in its first week of life. Sunny DelightTM bottles proved an insufficient means of containment after unknown pressure had built up, popped the caps and exploded in the Chairman of the Board=s schoolbag. Since then, it has been kept in stronger screw on bottles.
However, this newly discovered feature could not go untouched. Once the Administration realized exactly how the pressure worked, plans were immediately put on the drawing board in hopes of creating a Taflaganide bomb, or AT-Bomb@ which it was commonly called.
The first plans were to insert Alka SeltzerTM (well known for giving off gas) into a Sunny DelightTM bottle filled with Taflaganide and wait for the cap to pop off. The Administration did just that. They set it up and waited. It was a slow process, but soon they were able to watch as the bottle began to round at the bottom and top, however, there was no explosion. Sandman, held the bottle up to his ear to listen for any hiss. After hearing air release, and a cry of panic from Shabba, Sandman put the bottle down just in time to witness a tall column of Taflaganide soar up into the sky.
The first test had proved successful, yet, this particular method didn=t seem to work again, until changed a little. Several tables were placed in the soda bottles and left to pressurize for days, stiffening the bottle until the hardness of a rock. This also proved effective a few times.
For the bombs that did not rely on Alka SeltzerTM, ordinary food decomposition was used. This seemed to have a greater blast, literally blossoming across the courtyard.
There was one instance in particular, when an unappreciated moment occurred and Sandman had to regain his title of Chairman of the Board. Upon the initiation of Kane into the Taflaganide Administration, he was to open the next bomb. Sandman didn=t feel that the time was right for detonation, however, the rest of the Administration felt it necessary to Aoverthrow@ his title and demote him to head janitor. They confiscated the bomb from him, and attempted to blow it up. Satisfying Sandman=s I-TOLD-YOU-SO-NESS, the bomb merely hissed and did nothing else. The worst dud in the history of Taflaganide. Yet, despite being wrong, the rest of the Administration did not choose to return the title, so in a desperate attempt, Sandman suggested that he drink two capfuls in order to regain it. After a brief meeting, the rest of the council agreed, and Sandman forcefully drank two capfuls and was rewarded his previous title of Chairman of the Board (at the brink of massive stomach discharge).
It was definite that blowing up Taflaganide was quite a fun chapter in its life, yet there is so much more. The official documentation of the aforementioned bombs are followed on the next page.
The Observations of Taflaganide
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This chapter seems to be very hard to begin, considering what you are about to read is the meat information of Taflaganide. It=s the things that occurred in this chapter that made the Administration so fun. It is also the things in this chapter that make us respect Taflaganide, and fear it at the same time. The following is a random list of things (at least we think it is, all apologies if anything is left out, but I think it=s all here) that we have observed from Taflaganide. Some of them were very unexpected. Everything that you read in this chapter is true.
Pressurizing- Well, this pretty much takes the cake as the dominant feature Taflaganide has to offer. It is from this, that all the T-bombs were based on. Depending on what we put in it, the pressure could have taken a week to harden the entire bottle until you could no longer squeeze it, or an hour. The stronger the pressure, the stronger the bomb blast, naturally.
Bleeding- There was actually a point when Taflaganide had Ablood@. It was a result of putting in chicken skin and fat, causing the grease, (which for some reason was orange) to float around the bottle for a few weeks. When the bottle was disturbed, the grease would spread madly as if bleeding internally.
Preservation- This one baffles us even to this day. A couple of ingredients were a fish tail, and a banana (neither of which were previous preserved). A quick question, how long does it take for a banana and a fish to decompose? Not long, however, both lasted a couple months without decaying at all. (the banana however, had a strange affect. The little black Aveins@ in a banana turned green and arranged themselves in even stripes down the side) Even as these chronicles are being written, the fish is still intact. One theory was desperate, but still baffling. It is unlikely, but maybe it was possible that somehow, Taflaganide was cooling itself on the inside. For a while, every time that the bottle was opened, a white misty smoke would emit, much like that of a cool soda can. If there was some way for Taflaganide to keep itself cool (without ever being cold in the first place) then it may have prolonged the decomposition, however, we are still baffled.
Implosion- We have documented only two cases of this, one of which didn=t last long. After the whole ordeal with the Taflaganide Consumption Pact, the AGrandfather Batch@ was put away in the garage of the Chairman of the Board and let to rest for months. One day, when Sandman checked up on it, the container (a Sunny DelightTM bottle) which was normally round, was a triangular shape. Upon closer inspection, he realized that the sides had collapsed and were sucking inward, or imploding. This was strange considering that exploding is one of Taflaganide=s trademark features. When Sandman removed the lid, it made a sucking sound. The cause is unknown. The second case, was one day, the AMother Batch@ (the two liter bottle that is to be sealed) began to draw its sides inward as well. Imploding at a very slow rate, it ceased after a few hours.
Water- this simple, life giving element is Taflaganide=s worst enemy and one of two forbidden ingredients. The second forbidden ingredient is food coloring, it has been voted upon by the Administration that Taflaganide remain a natural color (puke brown). Water, after being tested and observed, has proven to Akill@ Taflaganide. Nothing else would harm it, yet water completing dissolves the fluid. Clothes drenched in Taflaganide easily come clean in the wash, rain washes Area 52 clean (thank goodness we were there to mess it up again), and after being poured into a small container of water, Taflaganide dispersed without making the water the slightest bit cloudy. Water and Taflaganide do not go together.
Color changes- Taflaganide has only been 3 different colors. A rule of the Administration says that it must always remain a natural color, which means no coloring or dye. The main color is a dark, to orange-brownish. However, due to the adding of gauge fluid, Taflaganide was once a dark vomit green. Another time we successfully turned it a shade of light red, or pink by adding fruit punch (go figure). Other than that, color has been the same throughout the year.
Burning- This was just a curiosity among the council, to see if Taflaganide was flammable or not. The answer simply was not. Although the liquid had no reaction to fire, ATaflaganite@ the solid version turned red (as opposed to normally being black) when exposed to an open flame. The cause of this is also unknown. (part of the final ceremony plans is to add gasoline so it will enable us to blow it up at the ten year reunion)
Smoke- stating again that once, Taflaganide had a whitish gas that emitted when opened. The actual gas is undetermined, however we refer to it as ATaflagon@.
Base Formula- This refers to the condition that for any reason Taflaganide is to be consumed or ingested. This is mainly used for a member initiation in which the recruit is to gulp a full cap full of Taflaganide=s base formula. Also every once and a while an already existing member took a sip just to remind them exactly how bad it really is. The base formula is simply a safety measure when drinking (the normal version being highly toxic with possibility of food poisoning). It consists mainly of multiple salad dressings, BBQ sauce, teriyaki sauce, milk, soda, mustard, ketchup, mayo, vinegar, spices, pepper, lemon juice and other similar sauces and condiments. This is the ONLY drinkable version, and it is deemed unfit to drink after about two days.
Regeneration- This has only happened once that we are aware of. We have strong beliefs that Taflaganide was once successful in slightly regenerating itself. After detonating a test T-bomb, we returned the next day to find that we had more Taflaganide that we did the previous day. Further evidence of this never showed up again.
Smell- This can be called THE trademark attribute of Taflaganide. This is what makes it an unenjoyable substance. The smell of the base formula is not bad, but smells like the dominant ingredient. Yet, once let to sit for a while in addition to adding new substances, Taflaganide can get quite in a word Astinky@. The longer it sits, the worse it gets. The smell eventually sharpens up and will literally gag the inhaler. One of the Administrators took a deep inhalation of it one week prior to the ceremony and claims that it gave him a certain unmentionably, Astimulation@. We won=t go onto that subject and wish to drop it here. There=s really no describing exactly what it smells like, just be thankful you haven=t, and for those who did, wish that they didn=t.
Digestion- A side effect that we expected. Many items that we placed inside the bottle, we never saw again. We just refer to it as digesting the item, which in a way it did. Depending on what the item was, Taflaganide often got gas. (pressurizing)
Foaming- On seldom occasions, Taflaganide goes into what we like to call Aa real pissy mood@ and seems to throw tantrums. When upset, the liquid bubbles and foams, and is usually followed by extreme pressure build up. Usually a result of self carbonation, which we believe to be caused by the digestion of certain materials. Once and a while, it will foam massively, and becoming unstable. During one of the detonations (Bomb #6, T-2.4) every single drop of Taflaganide was transformed into foam, covering Sandman, and the entire surface of Area 52. There was a measured blast radius of approximately 10 feet. About 5-10 percent of liquid was left in the bottle when the foam finally settled.
Stains- Area 52 is covered in scars and stains from Taflaganide. Most of these stains have come off, yet contrary to our observations, the lasted spill (we dumped Taflaganide in a square stain on the table) has lasted despite many rains. Every other stain is washed away, yet these persist. The possibility of water resistance has entered our minds but there is no further evidence of that.
Taste- This is one of the features that is probably looked upon as the most disgusting (besides the way it looks). This is one of the few things that tastes exactly how it appears. Like crap. MacGyver, upon finishing his amount to drink, claimed Ait=s like vomiting backwards@. A truly unrewarding experience. Richtor, Local Idiot, is the only person ever to drink Taflaganide and not scrunch the face in naseua, stating simply that he Adidn=t mind it@.
The Bug- a very small account, happened only once. A mosquito came to the table was swatted, and fell on top of the table surface. As it struggled and twitched, someone suggested pouring Taflaganide on top of it. We did, and the bug literally fell apart, partially disintegrating.
Life- Taflaganide is capable of supporting life, mold and bacteria have been spotted growing in the Grandfather Batch.
These are all the things that we have documented (if there are more things which we doubt, then they were to minute to even remember). However, we have reached a conclusion. Taflaganide is considered a primitive organism. It breathes (the implosion and explosion of gas) it gets gas upon digestion, it bleeds, it has tantrums, and it has Aspawned@ into other offspring...Taflaganite, Taflaganel, Taflagon, Taflagonelite (the mixture version, the mutt) and Taflaganice.
THE FUTURE OF TAFLAGANIDE
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Even though Taflaganide has been through quite a past, very long and possibly hazardous journey lies ahead. It was fun experimenting with Taflaganide throughout the school year, but the inevitable question had popped up. What would happen to Taflaganide after the Administrators had graduated? With the exception of Kane, who was a Freshman at the time these chronicles were written, each council member was a Senior and graduating at the end of the year. The first thought was to destroy it, but then an even better idea emerged. An idea that took creativity, and a lot of will power from the members. It was decided that at the end of the semester in May 1997, The Taflaganide Administration would hold a final ceremony and seal the bottle for ten years, and bring it back at the Ten Year High School Reunion in 2007. If the school doesn=t hold the reunion, then it was decided that the Administration gather anyway.
There were actually two separate bottles to seal. The AMother Batch@, the current supply, and the AGrandfather Batch@ the original formula which has remained unchanged since late 1996.
The set date of the ceremony at the time this was written, was May 29, 1997 beginning around 2:00p.m. The ceremony was to consist of a brief speech from each of the council members just before adding their final ingredient, then the reading of AThe Official Taflaganide Chronicles@. After that, the final ingredient was to be gasoline in preparation to blow the Mother Batch up in June 2007. Following that, a small time capsule of Taflaganide was to be buried, a mark on the table to identify it in ten years, and the passing of the throne to Jason Korbel, who would lead the next generation of Taflaganide, Taflaganide X. Certificates of Office were to be handed out to each member displaying their association with Taflaganide. The final and by far the biggest moment, was for MacGyver, named the Official Duct Taper, to wrap up the entire bottle of Taflaganide (Grandfather Batch too) with duct tape completely sealing the bottles until June 2007. Until that date, no administrator is allowed to even see Taflaganide. It shall remain in a silent slumber, awaiting to be awakened once again. The final step is to place the official label on the bottle reading:
TAFLAGANIDE
caution
biohazard2
DO NOT OPEN UNTIL JUNE 2007 A.D.
Biohazard2 is the chosen logo for Taflaganide, and by far appropriate.
These are the final plans for Taflaganide, and it is up the Administrators to see that it lasts the ten years.
FINAL MESSAGE
SANDMAN, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
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Well I really don=t know what to say except that this year has been very interesting and I think a great deal of it comes from the existence of Taflaganide. I=m honestly not sure why we started it (who knows why anyone starts anything) but I=m sure glad that we did. Despite some of the poor situations and general Aickiness@ of it, I enjoyed carrying that bottle around with me.
Taflaganide
That word will probably stay in my head as well as my heart until the day that I die. And when I die, I=m going to introduce Taflaganide to the afterlife and see what happens. Who knows, maybe Freddie can take over hell with it:)
Well it=s been a blast, and I=m going to find it real hard keeping Taflaganide stored for ten years without sneaking a peek, but as a promise and with loyalty to the rest of the Administration, I won=t. One of my main concerns is however, if I happened to get married in the next ten years, then how the hell am I going to explain all of this to my wife?
FINAL MESSAGE
FREDDIE, LEGAL ADVISOR
My observations of Taflaganide have been extensive and involved. In the beginning, Sandman was playing with the bottles and we decided to put some mayo and ketchup inside. After that, Sandman returned to school the next day with the bottles with the ingredients still inside. After that, we all began to add every crazy ingredient we could think of. Then MacGyver got a crazy idea and suddenly wanted to drink it, something we never even thought of doing. So we all paid some amount to watch MacGyver drink this stuff, and after creating a new batch since the current one was possibly poisoned we watched him drink it and promptly puke it up. Afterwards he complained of having incredible gas.
Well our next discovery is that Taflaganide began pressurizing and if left unopened becomes dangerous to open due to its violent reaction. This was quite entertaining and the Administration launched repeated testing at Area 52. Then our next task was to change the color of Taflaganide by natural ingredients. It turned blue, red, green, and most often brown. Other side projects have included altering Taflaganide so it takes on other forms, solid, gel, gas, liquid, and ice. All have to this day been created along with a really cool mix of the gel, liquid and solid. Unfortunately, I accidentally took the cap containing this unique hybrid and put it on a full PepsiTM bottle. After plunking into the acidic PepsiTM it was never seen again. That basically concludes my observations of the history of Taflaganide, all hail to Taflaganide and to Taflaganide X!
FINAL MESSAGE
KANE, AIRHEAD TO THE THRONE
As you read on the previous pages, Taflaganide has a split future, while the current Administration (not including me) breaks up and heads their own ways, I will take up the helm and continue the Administration (I need recruits: calling all weirdoes, come in weirdoes) until I graduate and leave some other Freshman in charge. I hope to continue in the footsteps of the current Administration and usher in a golden age for Taflaganide.
The Administration will never truly end (as in ten years when we come back to open the then ten year old bottle and run numerous tests on it.) even if no heir is left to take charge when I leave, it will have been already introduced into FAU and I will introduce it into my college. My first order as the leader of Taflaganide will be to make a more detailed consumption pact that will make Taflaganide a truly unenjoyable experience. I hope that Taflaganide will continue long after me on to unimaginable greatness, I will leave you to think about that, I will leave now, and may the force be with you, always.
FINAL MESSAGE
BUBBA, SUPREME DODO
I think, well I try not to but when I do. Now what was I saying? O-yeah. I feel Taflaganide has made me smarter...well maybe not, but I still think that it=s cool. Just don=t EAT it. I think it might give you eternal life. Um. Ok, that=s all I have to say. Live long and...DIE!!
FINAL MESSAGE
WARHAMMER, GENERAL OF WAR
My opinion of Taflaganide is that it is the most distasteful, sickly, morose, morbid, disgusting, offensive, atrocious, evil, foul, hideous, horrible, horrid, loathesome, nasty, nauseating, noisome, obscene, repellent, revolting, repugnant, repulsive, sickening, ungrateful, unwholesome, vile, ugly, hideous, unsightly, dispicable, ignoble, servile, sordid, squalid, wretched, wicked, sickly, flawed, and generally gross, liquid, gas, solid, gel, ice, flame and combination of solid, liquid, and gel.
RICHTOR
THE LIFE OF THE LOCAL IDIOT
Hello everyone. My name is Richtor, nicked Richtor, even though nobody really called me it, and that hurt me a lot. Now you hurt my feelings. I'm leaving now...
...Ok, I decided to come back and finish only if you promise not to laugh at me. Stop laughing at me. Stop it! Ok, I'm out of here again...
...Ok, I'm back again. Well, you want to know about my life...Ok. I was born a Greek demigod, my father was Zeus...what do you mean you don't believe me? Oh, you mean that was someone else. I knew it sounded familiar. Then who am I? Oh yeah. Let me start again.
I was born in North Lauderdale Florida where I lived for 7 years of my life. I then moved to Boca Raton where I know reside. I have been a number a things in my life, but I'm not going to bore you with stories of extreme violence, bloodshed, betrayal, dismemberment, nuclear warfare, plague, and pudding tossing...just watch a TV movie.
What...talk about Taflaganide and my experience with it...ok?
I was one of the first members of the Taflaganide administration, taking the position of Local Idiot, the most prestigious of positions. Local Idiots just sit around and do nothing and they get credit for it, what a neat job! I have been and will probably always be the only person who actually drank Taflaganide and liked it...but hey, that's me. Hey, stop laughing at me! Ok, that's it, I'm gonna kick yo face inside out boy. No, put that gun away. I didn't mean anything I just said. I beg you, don't kill me. NO, DON'T! AHHHHHHHHH! Hey, this gun was filled with pudding. You big baby. I'm leaving now.
The following is to prove that each member of the Taflaganide Administration has viewed the production of this documentation and verifies that each event is true as stated. All real and original copies of signed official documents (Taflaganide Consumption Pact and Penalty) are held by the Chairman of the Board.
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MacGyver, Consumer and Official Duct Taper
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Warhammer, General of War
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Kane, Airhead to the Throne
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Bubba, Supreme Dodo
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Sandman, Chairman of the Board
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Freddie, Legal Advisor, Editor-in-Chief, and Official Publisher
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Richtor, Local Idiot
T
(You are distracted way too easily my friend)