Title: "The Gift"
J/C Rated 'R'
Author: Ruth G ruthg@ionet.net
Written 08/97
A while back someone issued a story challenge about Kes leaving Voyager. The story was supposed to include J/C mush. Here is my response to that challenge.
Warning: High sap content, may cause diabetic coma.
Kes wanted to give us a gift, 'us' being Kathryn and myself. She was leaving us, leaving Voyager. I think Kathryn and I felt a bit like parents sending our child off into the world. We regretted losing her, but Kes had been developing her psychic abilities and needed to stretch her wings.
Kathryn couldn't stand the waiting, "I wonder what sort of surprise Kes has in mind? It could be something she made. She showed quite a bit of interest in my paintings and wanted to try it herself." Kathryn was pacing her quarters as we waited for Kes and her gift.
I laughed, "I bet you were the kind of kid who found all of your birthday presents before the party!"
"Absolutely!" she said. "My parents ran out of hiding places before I was age eight."
We were in civilian clothes. The only hint Kes would give us was that she wanted us in casual clothing. Kathryn's wait was mercifully short as the tone announced Kes at the door. She entered empty-handed, which only increased our curiosity. With Kes we exchanged pleasantries and mutual gratitude for what we'd given each other over the past three years. I realized that I would miss her more than I expected.
Kes asked if we were ready for our gift and when we said yes she told us to stand on either side of her and for all of us to join hands. I felt something between us, like a surge of an electrical current, then a brief flash of light. Before my eyes had a chance to open and focus I could tell that we were no longer on Voyager. I could feel the warmth of a sun on my face and a breeze against my skin. By the time I heard Kathryn's "Oh, Kes!" My eyes adjusted and I recognized the grey and tan shelter I had briefly called home and the now overgrown garden Kathryn had tended.
"Kes, how did you...?" Kathryn started, but then stopped. One doesn't question a gift, even when one is burning with scientific curiosity.
"I know that this place was special to both of you," said Kes. "I wanted to give you one last chance to enjoy it. When you're ready to leave just call out to me. I'll be here." Kes gave us the details of a few things she'd taken care of for us back on the ship and then, in another flash of light, was gone and Kathryn and I again found ourselves alone on New Earth.
Kathryn walked to her garden and knelt among the vines and weeds. It had been over a year since we'd left this planet. The tomatoes re-seeded themselves and there were a few that could be salvaged. Kathryn carefully picked them and set them on the grass beside her. I went to investigate the shelter. There must have been more plasma storms because it had fallen into disrepair. Panels were loose where tree limbs had blown against them. Kathryn rose to her feet and went to investigate the rest of the yard. There was still a ring in the grass where the bathtub once sat.
I approached her. "I wonder what happened to your primate friend?" I held out my hand, "Want to see if we can find him?" She smiled and took my sleeve and we walked into the woods. Kes brought us here in mid-morning planet time and it was warm, but not yet hot.
We spent the next few hours exploring some of our favorite places, but we didn't go to the river. I think the river held special meaning for us. Somehow it was symbolic of our relationship. Conversations about exploring the river were heavy with subtext. We were talking about each other and about "us" as much as we were the river. Our final decision to explore the river was also a decision to embark on our own personal journey. I always thought that there, along the river, in the small survival shelter we would share, we would have become lovers. I think Kathryn believed that, too.
We found fruit for a late lunch and sunned ourselves lying side by side in the grass. "How long do you think we should stay?" I asked.
"We're both off duty until day after tomorrow. Kes said that she cleared this with Tuvok so he knows that he has the ship. I'd like to stay for at least a full day." I nodded. I was happy that she wanted stay for a while. I was almost afraid that she would take a quick look around and be ready to return to the ship. "I have to give Kes credit," added Kathryn. "I wasn't sure what her gift would be, but I never expected this."
"Are you pleased?"
"Yes," she answered softly and sat up hugging her knees. She focused on something distant for a moment, then turned to me. "Are you pleased?"
"Very. This is a beautiful planet. Staying here was the longest time I'd spent in any one place since I was a boy. It feels as though I've returned home." I sat up, plucked a long piece of grass and toyed with it.
She stood suddenly and reached down to me, "Come on, Chakotay, I want to find that monkey." I took both of her hands and she pulled me to my feet. The tug was harder than I expected so I took a step for balance and suddenly found myself standing close to her with my feet on either side of hers, still holding both of her hands in mine. Her eyes widened as she looked up into mine. Standing this close I could see the freckles that she so carefully smoothed away under the little makeup she wore. She released my hands and brought one of hers to rest on my chest. It was a gesture that was becoming more and more familiar, but never ceased to evoke a strong reaction. One I hoped I was able to hide. She gently stroked her thumb across my chest.
"You're right," she whispered.
"About what?"
"This does feel like home."
We were so close to embracing. My hands were at my side, but I could have easily put them around her and pulled her in to my arms. She hadn't backed away. Her hand was still on my chest and I was certain that she could feel my heartbeat. Then she moved forward a bit and touched her forehead to my chest. That was the only encouragement I needed. I wrapped my arms around her and held her, instinctively rocking while her arms closed around my back.
The embrace was like a drug. I could feel the tension leave my body as I underwent a baptism of peace. I was like a starving man finding sustenance at last. I was worried about prolonging the hug more than she wanted so I loosened my hold a bit. When she responded by tightening her arms I think I nearly pulled her off of her feet. I had to remind myself about the difference in our size and relaxed so that she could breathe, then pushing my luck, I buried my lips in her hair. Her hair smelled wonderful. Being in the sun had given it a warm, clean scent. A little salty, too. We'd both begun to glow a bit in the afternoon heat. But the smell was not overpowering. It was actually quite pleasant. I kissed the top of her head again and she took her head from my chest and backed up a half-step to look at me. I smiled at her and shrugged as if to say *Sorry, I couldn't help myself* then kissed her gently on the forehead.
I'd been cautious to this point not to do anything that could be construed as something other than 'friendship'. Even the kisses were chaste and brotherly. So I was surprised when she ran her hand across my cheek then tickled the back of my neck with her fingers before cradling my head in her hand and drawing it down towards hers. I let her kiss me first, just so I could assure myself that this is what she wanted. Then, when she stood on her toes to meet me again, I allowed myself to return the kiss. The kiss was perfect, of course. Is there anything this woman *doesn't* do well? I tried, briefly, to let her lead but my longing got the best of me. She yielded to me and allowed me a glorious moment of exploration. She tasted sweet. I knew that it was from the fruit we'd eaten at lunch and that I probably tasted the same, but for the time I wanted to believe that Kathryn Janeway always tasted of nectar.
I decided that I had to be the one to end the kiss. I wanted to demonstrate to her that I did have some self control. Although, at that particular moment the self control was a fragile shield that would have shattered with the slightest provocation.
We didn't say anything immediately after the kiss. We pulled away from each other. I took her hand and we continued our monkey pursuit. At that point I don't think either of us gave a damn about finding the monkey, but we needed something to *do* while we processed all that had just happened. We'd been walking for a few minutes when she spoke.
"You taste good, Chakotay. Very sweet."
I laughed. "So do you. I think it's the fruit."
"Maybe for you it was the fruit. I *always* taste sweet." She had sped up to walk a step ahead of me, but I could still see her smirk.
"We'll see." I muttered under my breath. She turned and raised an eyebrow. I tugged back on her hand and brought her to my side, then put an arm around her shoulders. She slipped an arm around my lower back and we walked like that for a while, but the day was growing hot and it was more comfortable to separate.
We finally found a natural spring running through a grove of trees. The grove was rich with signs of primate life. Discarded, half eaten fruit, tracks, tufts of hair, everywhere were indications that even if Kathryn's monkey friend wasn't around, his relatives were thriving. No actual primates, though. They had either moved on to new territory or scattered when they smelled us coming. I was becoming uncomfortably hot. Kathryn wore a short sleeved, loose dress and claimed that she was staying cool. Her shoes were fine for walking, but not conducive to strenuous hiking or climbing so we had stayed on gentle terrain. I, on the other hand, had worn a thick long sleeved shirt which was beginning to suffocate me. Kathryn had wandered into the grove to investigate a bit so I decided to dip my shirt in the spring and sponge off with it.
The water was ice cold. It felt wonderful dripping down my chest. I plunged my shirt in the stream again and rung out the shirt over my head so that water ran through my hair and down my chest and back. If I'd been alone I would have left my shirt off, but modesty and manners compelled me to wear it around Kathryn. Even though we'd lived together all of those months, we seldom saw each other unclothed. *Never*, of course, completely unclothed. I'd seen her in the towel when we first encountered the monkey. The few times I used the tub I would come back to the house with only a towel around my waist, but she barely glanced up from her work long enough to acknowledge me as I passed through on the way to my room.
I was trying to wring the rest of the water from my shirt and turned back to see where Kathryn was. It startled me to see her standing not more than a meter behind me and I must have jumped because she apologized, "Sorry, Chakotay. I didn't mean to scare you."
"That's okay." What had surprised me, even more than her slipping up on me, was the way she was looking at me when I'd turned around. I am not a vain man, but I know an appreciative look when I see one. It wasn't lascivious or lewd, and she glanced away as soon as I'd turned. She knew that I'd seen the look, though, and was a bit embarrassed. Much the way I felt when she caught me looking at her in that towel.
"I was hot," I explained.
She nodded. "I need to wash off my hands." She held up her hands which were smudged with dirt. I stepped aside and she knelt by the spring to rinse them off. She stood and tried to flick the excess water from them.
"Here," I handed her my shirt. "It's already wet. Use this." She thanked me and dried her hands on my shirt. She held the shirt out to me and when I reached out to accept it our hands brushed together. I grasped both the shirt and her hand in my hand and caressed her wrist with my thumb. She moved towards me and for the second time that day rested her hand on my chest.
This time there was nothing between us. No clothing. Just skin against skin. Her fingers burned like fire. That sounds trite doesn't it? But there is no other way to describe it. Every nerve ending was hyper-sensitive and every centimeter of flesh blessed by her touch sent waves of pleasure throughout my body. I closed my eyes and reveled in it. When I opened my eyes, and again saw the appreciative look, all I could do was whisper her name before I pulled her into my arms and covered her mouth with mine. One of her arms was around my back but the other was still between us and she'd managed to maneuver enough room so that she could trace her fingers in small circles across my chest. This time I had none of the control of our first kiss. I was running my hands across her back and rear, enjoying the feel of the breasts, fabric covered though they were, against my chest. She was more responsive this time, too. Her tongue was sliding across my lips and into my mouth. My lower lip was being sucked in to her sweet, sweet mouth.
She was the one who finally ended the kiss. She pulled away and pressed my shirt against my skin. "Let's go home, Chakotay." It took me a moment to realize that she meant the shelter and not 'Voyager'. We took our time walking back. It was evening when we finally reached the shelter.
Kes had obviously planned ahead. We'd removed all of the furniture and supplies from the shelter when we left, but there in the middle of the empty living area were two bedrolls and food supplies. I suggested that we dine outside and supplemented the food with the tomatoes Kathryn had picked. After dinner we went back in the shelter. It seemed larger without the furnishings. I guess that's always the case. I stood in the central room while Kathryn walked through her room, then came back out.
"There is nothing lonelier than an abandoned house," she said.
"It does seem awfully empty, doesn't it?"
"It feels ... *sad*," she said.
"It's a warm night. We could sleep outside and come in if it rains."
She thought that was an excellent idea so I carried the bed rolls while we found a place in the yard to pitch camp for the night. We chose the spot where the bathtub had sat, since the grass there was lower. It was getting dark, but we decided against a fire because we wanted to watch the stars.
I spread out the bedrolls close to each other, but not touching. We kicked off our shoes and lay on our sides facing each other and talked while the sky above us darkened. We stuck to safe topics, neither of us brought up what had happened earlier in the day. I filled her in on the ship's gossip, and she gave me a few tidbits I didn't know, thus proving my suspicions that Captain Janeway knows much more about the goings on of Voyager than she ever reveals.
With the sky full of stars we rolled to our backs and began to point out the constellations we'd identified and named, some of them together, some of them independently. "There, that's the one I called 'The Archer'," she said.
"Which one?"
"You see the 'Com Badge'?" The 'Com Badge' was one of my favorites. A constellation of eight stars shaped *exactly* like a Starfleet issue com badge. It was the first constellation we'd named.
"I see it."
"Come over here." She moved to the edge of her bedroll and I scooted beside her. She pointed and I tried to follow her hand as she spoke. "Come down from the 'Com Badge' and to the left. Those twelve stars are 'The Archer'."
"Ahhh, I see," I said. "I always combined that with the cluster of stars below it into one constellation."
"What did you call it?"
I mumbled something.
"What?"
I mumbled again.
"Chakotay," she looked at me. "I can't understand you."
I gave a sigh of resignation, "I called it 'The Lovers'."
There went that eyebrow again. "The Lovers? Hmmmm ... I don't see it."
"You see that brightest star? The planet?"
"Yes."
"That's the top of the woman's head. And she's, ummm, well, she's lying on her back - and the one you call 'The Archer' - that's the man."
"And those five stars that make up my Archer's arrow?"
"Well, errr ... , that would be his ... " She was laughing so hard I didn't have to finish my sentence.
"The way you spent so much time watching the stars I thought you were a 24th century Galileo, and really you were just looking for pornographic images," she teased.
"I was *not*!" I feigned indignation.
"Do you have any other erotic constellations to show me?" There was a moment of absolute silence during which I pondered any one of a dozen responses then we both burst into laughter. "Oh, Chakotay," she clutched my shirt trying to breathe amidst the laughter, "I did *not* intend for that to sound like a proposition!"
Our eyes met and the laughter stopped and all we could do was look at each other and breathe. I traced the line of her jaw and neck with my fingers, then ran my hand through the length of her hair. She brought a finger to my mouth and ran it across my lips. Then suddenly I again found Kathryn Janeway in my arms as I moved over her and lost myself in our kiss. Perhaps it was because we were lying down, or perhaps because we'd relaxed as the day had gone on, but the kiss was long and luxurious. There was no rush as our lips moved over each others again and again. My mouth finally left hers and I kissed her cheek and her ear before moving down to her neck and collar bone, then returned to her forehead, nose and lips again. All the while she was placing delicate kisses on my forehead, nose, cheeks, wherever I was accessible. When I moved back down to her neck again she arched her head back and I buried my face between her breasts before returning to her mouth. The kiss was growing more passionate. Our tongues had established a rhythmic thrusting which was echoed by a throbbing elsewhere on my body. Kathryn eased a leg between mine and pushed her thigh against my erection. I moaned out loud, but the sound died somewhere in her mouth.
Her breath was coming in short gasps, which I hoped was attributed to my amorous attentions and not because I was crushing her, but I rolled off of her and settled beside her just to be sure. She kept that wonderful leg between mine and she smiled when I thrust against it once. Her head was resting on one of my arms and I was half propped up on that elbow. She was lying on her back turned towards me.
"Kathryn, you are so beautiful," I whispered. She *was* beautiful, lying there under the pale night sky with her hair spilled around her. But her true beauty came from her courage and strength and confidence. Those were the qualities and caused me to instinctively trust her, then to respect her, and finally to love her. I couldn't find the words to express that to her. I could barely speak at all, so I had to settle for repeating "so beautiful..."
I caressed her neck and followed the neckline of her dress down to the first button. Her fingers joined with mine as one by one we loosened the buttons. She sat up and with a shrug of her shoulders the dress slipped down to her waist. I caressed her breast, above her bra, then over her bra and I could feel her nipple stiffen beneath my fingers. I kissed it and sucked at it through the cloth. She arched up so I could reach behind her and unfasten her bra. I slipped it down her arms and paused for a second to admire her. She was so perfect. Everything about her was perfect, from the splash of freckles across her chest to those lovely breasts. When I drew one of the nipples into my mouth she moaned and pulled my head closer. I moved over her again and rested on my elbows so I could easily alternate from one breast to the other. I tried to let her breathing and sighing guide me. I was tender at first; kissing and licking, sucking gently, wondering if there was any possible way that she could be enjoying this as much as I was. Encouraged by her soft whimpers I increased the intensity of my attention, sucking harder and nipping at her. She began to moan louder and writhe a little, her head rolling back and forth. I took her arms and held her wrists in one of my hands, above her head. I rolled one nipple between the fingers of my other hand while my mouth stayed on the other breast. Her whole body was thrashing against me now. I gave a final tug with my teeth, at which point she cried out and stiffened beneath me.
I released her hands and watched her face. Her eyes were closed tight, her expression a half-smile, half-grimace of pleasure. All I could think was 'I did this'. *I* did this! For so long I'd been trying to please her, as an officer, as her friend, as her confidant. Now she had allowed me *this*. She was allowing me to please her in the most personal and intimate way. She opened her eyes and smiled at me. I returned the smile and kissed her deeply. I felt her hands at the front of my pants and thrust against them, then she moved to my waist band, unhooked the fastener and pushed my pants down over my hips.
I suddenly pulled away, struck by a thought that left me cold. I couldn't do this only once. I could not make love to her here and then return to the ship as if nothing had happened. I would rather deny myself this love now, then experience it once and go through life knowing what I was missing.
"Chakotay, what's wrong?" she asked.
"Kathryn, I have to know what this means. Is this just because we're here - on New Earth?"
"No, Chakotay. I could never do that." She caressed my face. She traced her fingers along the lines of my tattoo. That felt nice, like she was using touch to try to understand who I am. "I care about you too much for this to be a one time thing." I had to close my eyes to squeeze back the tears of gratitude. She pulled me into her arms and whispered in my ear, "This is *us*, Chakotay. This is our future."
*Our future* - never had two words sounded as beautiful to me as the words *our future*.
We made short work of the rest of our clothing and Kathryn rolled us over so that she could lavish her attentions on me for a while. I found new limits of self-control when her mouth enveloped me, then even moreso later when I gripped her hips while she bucked and thrashed under my mouth, screaming my name. I love the way she says my name. She pulled up on my shoulders so that I lay fully atop her and shifted her hips to indicate that she was ready for our bodies to be joined. She reached between us to guide me into her.
"Chakotay ..." she whispered.
"Yes"
"Open your eyes. I want to look at you."
I opened my eyes and stared deep in to hers while I slipped inside of her. It was difficult to keep them open. I wanted to close them and surrender to the sensations, but it was wonderful to watch her expression. I could tell what she liked: deep thrusts, followed by long slow withdrawals. Over and over, again and again. She started tightening her muscles around me, gripping me as I withdrew. That felt amazing. The pace of this dance quickened, along with our breathing and moaning, until it was a fury of pulsing and thrusting and I pretty much howled out the pleasure of my release.
I was still awake long after she'd fallen asleep. I was on my back smiling at 'The Lovers' in the sky above us while I cradled my lover against my chest. I didn't want to sleep because I didn't want to waste one minute of possessing her to myself. Soon enough I would have to share her with the rest of the crew. There would always be a special part of her that was mine alone, but tonight I had all of her and I wanted to make it last.