Warning: Some Content Not Suitable For People With Weak Stomachs Or Minors
Unbeknownst Swingers
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He,being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"
Why don't blind people skydive?
It scares the hell out of the dog!
Second Helpings
Joe goes to the diner after work and asks the waitress for his usual, a cup of coffee and a cold bowl of chili. She says "I can get you the coffee, but that guy over there just got the last bowl of cold chili!" Joe is a little put out but makes do with just the coffee. After about half an hour, Joe realizes that the gentleman is not eating his chili. "Hey, buddy, you gonna eat that chili?," Joe asks. "No, you want it," comes the reply. "Sure." So Joe begins eating his chili. About halfway down he finds a dead rat in the bowl and promptly vomits in the bowl. The other guy says, "Yeah, thats about as far as I got too!"
What should you do if you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw in a load of laundry
An elephant is walking throught the jungle, when she falls from having stepped on a thorn. Her screams of pain call the attention of a passing ant. The ant asks whats the matter and the elephant points out the thorn. So the ant crawls down to the elephants foot and yanks out the thorn. The grateful elephant offer anything she can do to repay him. The ant say that he's always wanted to screw and elephant. The elephat agrees and the ant climbs under the elephants tail and begins pounding away. At that second, a coconut falls from a tree and hits the elephant on the head and she cries in pain. Then the ant says "That's right, take it all bitch!"
