Building Dreams

by Vicki James, 2002

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended.

Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission.

******

The snow stung Jack's face, biting into his skin like a swarm of angry insects. The world around him was a swirl of white, save for the off-white cold weather gear of the person who trudged along in front of him.

Sam was following what he assumed was once the path, before the freakish blizzard had erupted. She was consulting the compass trying to guide them to a shelter that so far was being as elusive as an oasis in the desert.

Should he have scrapped the mission when Jonas got injured? Jack quickly cast any self-doubt aside. The piece of Goa'uld technology was too important; they'd had to retrieve it. When Jonas had gotten hurt he'd sent him back to the village with Teal'c and he and Carter had carried on alone up the mountain.

They'd gotten the tech but on the way back down the blizzard had kicked up. The leader from the village had warned them of the unstable weather on the mountain but Jack knew the risk was worth it.

In the event of a storm the leader had told them about an old hut where they could seek shelter. In older times it had been used by villagers driving livestock into the mountain's grazing grounds. It was still kept stocked with firewood in case someone on the mountain needed it in a time of distress.

This situation qualified and they were doing their damndest to find the hut. They had to find it soon, Jack knew, or they didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of surviving the storm. Not that the warm fires of hell sounded particularly bad right then. But they needed to get the tech back and maybe even more to the point for Jack, was that avoiding death thing. Not so much for himself, but if anything happened to Carter...

Just then she stopped suddenly and he almost ran into her. She was gesturing with her arm and saying something to him.

"What?" he yelled, sticking his ear in front of her face to hear her above the screaming wind.

"Over there! Look, sir. I think it's the cabin."

Jack peered in the direction she indicated. He couldn't see anything save for the spinning, whirling wave of white blowing at them from every angle. He looked harder and then...

There! The white mound could have been another part of the mountain except he could just make out the stone column protruding from it. It was a chimney and it meant shelter and warmth.

Clapping Sam on the shoulder with a gloved hand Jack gave her the thumbs-up sign with the other. They struggled through the drifts to the cabin. On closer inspection Jack marveled that the flimsy looking shack had withstood the storm so far.

'As long as it gets us through the night,' Jack thought as they stumbled through the doorway. He slammed shut the door behind them.

Where outside the wind had wailed like a banshee, within the shack it merely whistled through the chinks and cracks in the structure's walls. Those spaces between the rough-hewn logs also let in what little light there was in the cabin. Some snow dusted in through the cracks.

"Home sweet home," Jack said.

Sam dropped the pack from her back and pulled off her gloves, rubbing her bare hands together and blowing on her fingers to warm them up.

She and the colonel stood just inside the door and almost immediately beside them was a small bed. The wall at the other end of the room, only a few paces away, was dominated by a crude fireplace.

After the exhausting march they'd had the past couple of hours in the unyielding, blinding snow the cabin looked like heaven to Sam. Except it was still frigidly cold.

She watched the colonel poke around by the fireplace. "Please tell me there's some wood over there."

"Some," he replied. "But not a lot. We'll survive but it's not going to be too toasty."

"As long as I can get the feeling back in my toes," Sam said, "I'll be happy." She knelt down before the fireplace beside Jack.

"I hope I haven't frozen my ba-- ...uh, eyebrows off," Jack grumped. He concentrated on building the fire and didn't notice the bemused smile Sam sent his way.

"Your eyebrows are still there. They've just turned a little white."

The fire snapped to life and Jack had to wipe moisture from his face. "I'm melting, I'm melting," he quipped as the snow that had clung to their bodies ran away from the heat of the fire.

Soon it was warm enough before the fire to discard their parkas and Sam took off her boots to massage her feet. As warmth returned her skin tingled with a pins-and-needles sensation. The discomfort was worth it as she relished the heat seeping back into her bones.

After the exertion of the day's journey the normally bland tasting dinner of ration packs and coffee filled them like gourmet fare. It was with no small contentment that they relaxed in front of the fire following the meal.

Jack reclined against his pack with his hands laced together on his stomach.

"A roaring fire in a cabin in the woods," he commented. "All we need now are some marshmallows to toast."

Sam got a sudden gleam in her eyes and stood up to pat down the pockets of her jacket. A smile crossed her face as she dug into one pocket and pulled out a small, square packet.

"I don't think we can toast these marshmallows, but will this do?" She held up a single-serving package of hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows. "I grabbed it from the commissary this morning but I never got around to making it up."

Jack grinned broadly, his eyes alight with affection and amusement.

"Carter, you amaze me. What would I do without you?"

Sam smiled at him in return and for a moment they exchanged the happy expression. Then as he continued to look at her, Jack's smile faded and the amusement in his eyes was replaced by a different sort of emotion.

Hunger. But not for marshmallows; not for hot chocolate. Sam's smile faltered and she quickly looked away, becoming intent on opening up the packet in her hands. She split the mix between their two mugs and added some lukewarm water left over from dinnertime. She finally looked back at the colonel when handing him his mug.

"Thanks Carter," was all he said. He sipped his hot chocolate while staring pensively into the dancing flames.

"You're welcome." Sam gazed into the fire herself, wondering if it held any answers for him. It surely couldn't concerning them.

Through the occasional looks in unguarded moments like the smoldering one Jack had just given her, Sam knew his feelings for her hadn't changed.

Neither had the circumstances keeping them apart.

Sam sighed inwardly. They couldn't change reality. But, to look on the bright side, they were spending the evening together in front of a fireplace, sipping hot chocolate. It wasn't exactly the stuff of her romantic fantasies, but it wasn't all that far removed either. She had to smile.

"What's so funny?" the colonel asked, staring over at her.

"This," Sam said, gesturing at the fire and at the two of them. "I mean, really, it's not so bad. It's actually kind of...relaxing."

"Could be worse," the colonel agreed. "But what I want to know is, why is it always the cold? Why can't we ever get stuck on some tropical island with beaches and palm trees?"

'Because we might not want to leave,' Sam thought. She shrugged. "Maybe next time we'll be lucky."

"Hope so." Jack stood and went to pick up his parka, shrugging it on. "Be right back," he said, opening the door and going outside. The cold wind blew a small cyclone of snow through the door before it shut behind him.

Sam yawned as she rose to go and retrieve her blanket from her pack. She wrapped it around herself to ward off the chill that was brought into the cabin through the open door. She was exhausted. It had been quite a day and they still had to get through the night.

The colonel was back inside quickly. "It's still snowing," he declared unnecessarily as great clumps of the white stuff slid off of him and onto the floor.

He discarded his parka then went over to the fire to add some wood. Sitting back on his heels he frowned in the direction of the flames.

"I don't know if we're going to get out of here tomorrow," he said slowly, "so we're going to have to watch how much wood we burn tonight. It's probably going to get a pretty cold in here." He rose, dusted off his hands on his pant legs and turned to face Sam. "I think... I think we should..."

His gaze flickered over to the bed then back to Sam. He sighed. "Remember Antarctica? The first time?"

Sam nodded. "I understand, sir. Conserve body heat."

"Right," the colonel confirmed looking anything but comfortable with the idea. "Because if it gets too cold and we're asleep..."

"It's okay, Colonel." Sam said the words with a slight emphasis on his rank to let him know she understood the sleeping arrangements were a matter of necessity rather than an opportunity for an illicit thrill.

He nodded sharply. "Better get some sleep then. If we're lucky we'll get to walk the rest of the way back tomorrow."

Grabbing his own blanket, Jack eased himself onto the far side of the bed. "Don't be hogging all the blankets, now," he grumbled.

"No, sir," Sam said softly as she lay down beside him. He draped his arm around her waist and she laid her head down on his shoulder.

"This okay?" he asked in a neutral tone.

"It's fine," Sam whispered. Then she regretted speaking in such a hushed voice; it wasn't as thought they were getting intimate!

"Night, Carter."

"Goodnight, sir."

Sam closed her eyes but didn't seek sleep right away. She took a few moments to commit to memory the feeling of being held by him. Only after she had savoured the feeling of being wrapped in his arms did she let herself drift off into a contented slumber.

******

Sam awoke disoriented to find herself in a man's embrace. Then she remembered the man was the colonel and recalled the situation in which they found themselves on the mountain and she relaxed.

A quick glance at her watch told her she'd slept only a couple of hours, but already the temperature in the cabin had dropped dramatically. The front of her was warm enough, but then she and the colonel were cocooned together like they were lovers and had been for years.

Her arms were nestled between their chests and he used his to hold her closely to him. One of his legs had come up to rest between her thighs. In all, it would have been completely cozy and shockingly intimate if her back wasn't freezing so.

The colonel was asleep, his breaths coming evenly. Sam gently pulled herself free of his embrace and slipped out of the bed. She shivered as the frigid air immediately held her in its grip and wound her arms around herself to try to stop shaking from the cold.

Padding over to the door through the darkness of the cabin she pulled it open a crack to check on the status of the storm. She was greeted by a night still and calm.

Despite the icy temperature, she had to pause at the door for a moment. The landscape was lit by the moon above. High up the mountain the stars sparkled so brightly overhead that it looked like someone had strung Christmas lights across the sky. One of those stars above was Earth and Sam marveled as she often did to be viewing her planet from such a vantage point. Looking out over the planet on which she current stood, she could see a vast expanse of white powder, glittering in the moonlight and unsullied by the footsteps of man or beast.

Sam shut the door as her teeth started to chatter. She crossed the cabin to the fireplace and began building up the fire from the few glowing embers. Confident that the storm had blown itself out she was lavish in feeding wood to the resurgent flames.

Once the fire appeared to be burning steadily she climbed back into the bed, easing herself close to the colonel once more. He hadn't moved since she'd left his side and his chest rose and fell in gentle sleep.

In the firelight she studied his face lying so close to her own. Seemingly without conscious thought she raised a finger to his cheek in a feathery touch. She'd always longed to trace the plains and angles of his face and the chance to do so might never arise again.

Her finger ran down and across his jaw line, then up again to slowly, so softly, brush against the hairline at his temple.

Before she could even register the movement the colonel's head angled down, his cheek nuzzled hers and then his lips covered her own.

Sam didn't fight his tender kiss. She was positive he was half asleep and undoubtedly not cognizant of his actions. The lure of tasting the forbidden fruit was too much for her to resist and her own lips moved to return the affection.

They parted after the gentle but thorough exploration of each other. Sam opened her eyes and saw the colonel's lashes fluttering.

"Sam?" he mumbled. Then his eyes opened fully. "Carter!" His tone stayed low with his voice still thick from sleep.

"Sir," she replied evenly. Neither had yet moved from their close embrace.

"I thought I was dreaming," he said. His eyes were wide, studying her.

Her voice came low and soft. "We are." Her gaze held his with an invitation and a silent yearning.

"Only dreaming?" He was both confused and hopeful.

There were dozens of reasons why Sam shouldn't say yes, but there was just one that made her say: "That's right. We're only dreaming. So in the morning nothing will have changed if it was only a dream."

Her hand rested lightly against his chest and she counted five breaths while as many emotions ran across his face. Finally, her heart soared as he growled out, "Don't wake me too soon," and he pulled her near for a second, deeper kiss.

******

Jack watched Sam as she moved on top of him. Her body was silhouetted by the firelight behind her and with her head thrown back her hair reflected the colour of the flames. He ran his hands along her thighs and up over her stomach, going higher until the lazy tracings he made with his thumbs caused her to cry out.

She was beautiful. She was beautiful and he was filling her and she was his and he loved her. He loved her so much. He wanted to tell her, to be sure she knew but he couldn't tell her. He couldn't say the words.

Or could he? It was a dream, after all. Dreams faded in the daylight like the sun burning away the mist. He could tell her and in the morning the words couldn't hurt them. It was only a dream.

"Sam," he croaked out, but her name was stolen away as he was hit by a wave of passion. "Sam," he tried again, his voice hoarse but audible. "I..." he gasped, "I love you."

The words penetrated her haze of arousal and she opened her mouth to respond but just then their loving took her to her peak and she soared off to the heavens before beginning to float gently back down to the ground.

Jack wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him, holding her as she trembled in the aftermath. He burned kisses across her shoulder and in a trail up her neck.

When her body had stilled Sam raised her head from his chest. Tears sparkled at the corners of her eyes but her face was lit in a smile. "I love you, too," she said, her breath still laboured from their union.

Again Jack brought her to him so that they rested cheek to cheek. His voice was rough with emotion as he whispered in her ear. "Thank you."

Sam turned her head to share a tender kiss with him then she pulled back and smiled.

"Don't thank me yet," she told him in a teasing manner as her fingers ran languidly down his chest and lower still until he groaned his approval.

******

They dozed for a bit then made love again. They lay silently afterwards, holding each other and trying to commit to memory a fantasy that would be shattered at dawn.

"Not that I want this to end," Jack said finally, "-ever-," he paused to place a slow, soft kiss on Sam's lips, "but we still have a lot of distance to cover tomorrow and we're going to need to get some sleep."

"I know." As she had begun the night, and unwittingly begun the dream, Sam traced over the lines and crevices of Jack's face. She could already feel her newfound self as Sam, Jack's lover, slipping away and being replaced by the good old conscientious Major Carter.

Jack suddenly gripped her hand in his own. "Don't forget," he said fervently. "Don't forget how I feel about you. Don't forget..." His words faltered.

Sam gently pulled her hand free to touch a finger to his lips and silence him. "I know," she said. "Me too."

He moved his head and placed a kiss against her palm. "Always, Sam," he whispered. "I always will."

She ran her hand down his face one last time. "And I'll be with you whenever you dream."

Closing her eyes she snuggled against him for those last few hours between dreams and wakefulness.

******

The bed was cold the next time Sam awoke. It was morning and the colonel was gone. She used the time alone to freshen up and prepare for the day's hike. He strolled into the cabin after she'd finished her breakfast and had gotten packed up.

"Morning, Carter," he said, pulling off his sunglasses and pushing back the hood of his parka.

"Morning, sir."

He looked at her wordlessly for a moment before asking in a softer tone, "Did you have pleasant dreams?"

"The best," she answered solemnly.

He nodded. "Me too." Sam could detect the hint of wistfulness in his tone. She gave him a fleeting smile.

"Well, Major," he said, his voice back to normal, "ready to head out?"

"Yes, sir!" she replied, pulling on her pack and marching out the door and back into normalcy.

******

Two weeks later...

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know

Sam sat in the festively decorated commissary with a glass of punch in one hand and her chin resting in the other. Her table was empty; she'd been temporarily deserted by her friends. Jonas was up at the buffet table with Teal'c who was explaining various Christmas customs of Earth. Sergeants Siler and Davis were amusedly adding details where Teal'c's observations weren't quite right. Janet was getting another glass of punch. Jack hadn't shown up.

A rectangular package sat in the middle of the table. Sam moved her hand off of her punch glass to run a finger along the green wrapping paper decorated in gold snowflakes. She'd wrapped it carefully, making certain every crease and fold was perfect and had taken delight in doing so. She'd been thrilled when she found it; the ideal present.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write

Sam wasn't dreaming of a white Christmas. Her dreams were of a cabin blanketed in a white snow where she'd shared a gift more precious than any Christmas present. But it was just a dream. It had to stay only a dream.

She wondered if the present for Jack had been a mistake. Were the memories better left alone?

Just then she noticed the object of her musings arrive at the door. He paused at the threshold to look around the room and when he spotted her their eyes locked. Everything else in the room fell away. The laughter and the music, Janet's chatter as she returned to the table, it all ceased to exist as for a few fleeting moments they communicated with a look what they couldn't say in words. It had been like that since their return.

"Don't forget. Don't forget how I feel about you. Don't forget..."

"I know. Me too."

"Always, Sam. I always will."

"...and then the rollerskating gorilla asked me to dance."

Sam snapped back to reality as Janet's voice sounded louder to her ear.

"What?" Sam turned to look at her friend, having no idea what she was talking about.

"Nothing." Janet waved her hand. "I was trying to see if you were paying attention. What were you--"

Then Jack reached the table, interrupting Janet. "Afternoon, ladies."

Sam thought she heard Janet quietly utter a knowing, "Oh." She chose to ignore it and not worry just then that she and Jack were being obvious about anything.

"Hi," Sam smiled at Jack. "I was wondering if you were going to make it."

Jack took a seat across from her at the table. "Had a few last minute things to take care of." He looked around the room. "Is the food any good this year?"

"Same as usual," Janet said.

"But Jonas has been up there since we arrived," added Sam.

Jack's mouth twitched in humour. Then he noticed the package on the table.

"Who's the present for?" he said, smiling.

Sam knew he had clearly seen the tag that read: Merry Christmas to Colonel O'Neill from Sam Carter.

"I don't know," she told him.

He glanced down at the gift again and put a finger on the tag.

"Oh look, it's for me. Can I open it?"

"Nope." Sam teased him. "It's not Christmas yet."

"Aw, c'mon. It's Christmas in...in... He looked at his watch. "In Scandinavia!"

Sam grinned. "Well, in that case..."

"God Jul." Jack ripped apart the carefully wrapped package without any delicacy and Sam smiled at his enthusiasm. When he had uncovered the gift within he studied it wordlessly for a moment. Then he looked up at Sam.

"Carter. Thank you," he said quietly.

Janet piped up. "Can I see?"

Picking up the gift, Jack passed it over for Janet to see the framed print. The picture was of a small cabin on a mountainside covered with snow.

"Very nice," Janet said. "It must remind you of your cabin in Minnesota."

"It reminds me," Jack echoed. He looked across the table to Sam, his eyes conveying a silent message.

"Merry Christmas, sir," Sam said softly.

"I have something for you, but it's not ready yet," he told her.

"That's all right."

Janet handed him back the print and smiled. "Well, I should get going."

"I'll walk out with you," Sam said.

"So we'll see you tomorrow for Christmas dinner?" Janet asked the colonel.

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Great. See you then."

"Have a good night, sir." Sam said.

"Oh, I will. Night, Carter."

After making their other farewells, Sam and Janet left the party.

Sam didn't want to leave that way. In a perfect world she would run back, wrap her arms around Jack, kiss him until they were both senseless and have herself a merry little Christmas.

But it wasn't a perfect world.

It was only a dream.

******

Dreeeeeam, dream, dream, dream
Dreeeeeam, dream, dream, dream

What the hell?

When I want you, in my arms
When I want you, and all your charms

Sam sat bolt upright in bed. She wasn't dreaming. She glanced at the clock on her night table. It was after 1 a.m. She was supposed to be alone in her house and someone was playing old music she didn't own in her living room.

She slipped out of bed without turning on the light. Before leaving her bedroom to investigate she hesitated, debating whether she should retrieve the sidearm she'd kept in her dresser drawer ever since her kidnapping. She decided against it, feeling secure with the notion that kidnappers and burglars did not bring along music to play while doing their jobs.

Only trouble is, gee whiz
I'm dreaming my life away
I need you so, that I could die
I love you so, and that is why

Sam opened her door and tiptoed down the hallway. Then she stopped, speechless, when she reached the living room.

A small blaze crackled in the fireplace. The lights on her little table top Christmas tree had been turned on. Resting on every other flat surface dozens of candles flickered. The music still came from the stereo. In the middle of it all, awash in the gentle, glowing lights stood Jack with his hands casually stuffed into his pockets.

"Hey, Sam," he said in a low tone that made her breath catch.

"What...?" she managed to get out when she found the power for words. "What are you doing here?"

He moved toward her, closing the distance between them and reached up to cup her cheek in his palm. "I brought you your Christmas present."

Sam took a step back, away from him. "Sir," she said firmly, working hard to keep the tremor out of her voice. "This isn't appropriate."

"Well," Jack said lightly, "I guess it's up to you whether you think having a man break into your house in the middle of the night playing the same song over and over again on a looped tape is appropriate. I can tell you that as of..." he looked at his watch, "...about an hour and a half ago, the United States Air Force no longer considers it inappropriate."

Sam's heart stopped and then started beating again at double the pace. "What do you mean?" she asked quietly.

He leaned down and picked up a slender gift-wrapped package from a nearby table. "Open your present." He handed it to her.

Sam looked at him questioningly for a moment and then she slowly, carefully peeled open the wrapping paper. Inside was a manila envelope. Sam glanced up at Jack before opening it and pulling out a single piece of paper. She squinted at it before dropping to the floor to hold the paper closer to the candlelight.

"Orders for transfer..." She raised her eyes to meet his. "Sir, you're leaving SG-1?"

He moved to sit down beside her. "Left. I've left SG-1. So it's Jack. Not sir. Jack." His fingers came up to trace lightly over her cheekbone.

Sam's eyes fluttered closed. "But...Jack. Why?"

"Because I'm tired of dreaming, Sam. It's time to wake up."

She inhaled sharply at his welcome words. Then her eyes opened to meet his and she shook her head. "We need you on the team. You have too much to contribute."

"I'm not leaving the SGC." His hand found hers and he held it firmly in his grasp. "I can contribute a lot elsewhere, too."

His thumb began to gently stroke her skin and Sam looked down at their hands rather than into his face. Her heart drummed joyfully but her stomach churned with confusion. She was getting everything she wanted, but at what cost? She'd have the man she loved, but he would be fighting for the defense of Earth from behind the lines.

"If it makes you feel better, the old knee's been acting up a lot the last few months. I had a little chat with the doc about it, asking her how much longer she felt it would hold up. She gave it about a year." At that Sam looked up to meet his gaze. "I was eventually going to have to leave the team, anyway. I just decided to make it a little bit sooner rather than later because," his voice lowered to a rough whisper, "I didn't want to wait anymore for you. I love you, Sam."

Tears pooled behind her eyes. Could it really be that easy? It really was more than she'd dreamed. What a Christmas present! She fought around the lump in her throat to get a few words out.

Her silence made Jack's face cloud over and for the first time Sam saw hesitancy and fear creep into his eyes. His thumb stilled against her hand.

"If this isn't want you want--"

Sam drew in a great breath, gasping with the effort. "This is what I want," she cried out, throwing her arms around him, her body against him and giving him the kiss she'd thought about earlier in the day in order to fully demonstrate.

Later, when they'd returned to their senses, they were lying in each other's arms in front of the fire. Sam lazily traced a fingertip along his hairline, around his ear and down his jaw line. She wasn't in a hurry; she'd have plenty of time to get to know every inch of his body. "No more dreaming," she murmured happily.

"Oh, we'll still be dreaming," Jack said. He lay with his eyes closed as he ran his hand up and down her bare back, causing her to shiver in delight.

With that he opened his eyes to gaze deeply into hers, where his love was reflected back to him.

"Only now we'll be building our dreams together."

******

End

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