Embers
(NC-17)

by Vicki James and Shane Vansen, 2003

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended. Lyrics used as preface are from With Or Without You by U2.

Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission.

******

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all, but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

******

They agreed it couldn't be left in the room this time. He should have clarified to her that he didn't want to leave it on the planet, either.

******

Travelling slowly they made their way back to camp. They didn't talk much, but it was comfortable silence. Jack thought his mind was too blown away to formulate words anyhow.

'Holy cow,' he thought. 'Sam. Me. Sam and I. We'd... Wow.'

He couldn't help but grin. He looked over at Sam who caught sight of his expression and exchanged it with a smile of her own. Jack's grin widened.

When he could see the campfire but they were still hidden outside of its ring of light Jack came to a stop with Sam pausing beside him.

"Hey," he said, demonstrating the mastery of language of which he was currently capable.

"Hey?"

Jack turned toward her, reaching out to lightly brush the back of her hand with his fingertips. He was hesitant to touch her again, as he wasn't sure where they now stood with that kind of thing. He wasn't sure where they stood with anything after what had just happened between them.

Sam's hand curled around his. Okay, so handholding was all right. Good.

Thus emboldened, he gave an experimental little tug with his arm and was delighted when Sam stepped into his embrace. She wrapped her arms around him. Holding, apparently, was okay, too.

Cool.

Sam rested her head against his shoulder. Her hair was soft and silky under his cheek and he breathed in the appealing scent of whatever it was she used for shampoo. He found the fragrance vaguely familiar as he'd managed to brush that close to her a time or two before over the years, but those occasions had always been on the sly. Now he could do it permissively and take his time. Except...they really couldn't take any more time. Jonas and Teal'c would be worried about Sam. They had to get back.

Suddenly Jack felt a bit cold despite the warm body in his arms. What had gone on between them -- it shouldn't have happened like that. Okay, it shouldn't have happened at all, or not right then anyway, but he'd deal with those repercussions later.

"I'm sorry," he said, letting his mouth ramble before his brain caught up with it. Sam tensed in his arms.

"I'm not sorry it happened," he clarified hastily, pulling away from her slightly so that he could meet her eyes. "Just that it happened here."

Her startled expression disappeared. "It's okay," she said, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. She tugged his head towards hers. "Here is where I needed you." Her words melted into a kiss.

They held on to each other for a few moments before Jack reluctantly dropped his hands to his sides and Sam stepped away. Before she could pull away completely he grabbed her hand and started playing with her fingers.

"Jack," Sam admonished, yanking her hand away. "We have to behave now."

"Yeah?" he asked, knowing they did but wishing otherwise.

"For the moment," she said, gifting him with a suggestive look.

His fingers twitched toward her again so he shoved both questing hands deep into his pockets to keep them under control. "I’m going to take you up on that," he promised.

"I hope you do." Her words made his stomach twist, but in a good kind of way.

Dawn was still hours away as they headed back to camp but already the day had brightened with new possibilities.

******

Sam took watch when they returned. After some murmured conversation between her and Jonas all was quiet except for the sounds of nature. Leaves rustled as the wind whipped through tree branches and some nocturnal insects kept up their chatter. Earlier in the night Jack had found the bug sounds soothing, calmed by the idea that some form of life continued on that cursed planet.

He lay with his eyes closed but he didn't sleep. Instead he wondered if the Canucks could possibly take Detroit in the series.

Yeah, right. Jack thought about a lithe body moving beneath his, fingertips raking down his bared back, soft moans sounding in his ear, long legs around--

O - kay. Maybe he should be thinking about the Stanley Cup. He rolled over.

What he really should be thinking about was what they would do now. He'd never expected that they'd suddenly end up together on an alien world while on duty. Fantasized about it, sure; thought it would happen, no. They were too professional. He knew nothing would have happened between them, except that they were -- and still might be -- a bit messed up after what they'd seen on the planet. They'd seen...something Jack wasn't going to think about and let ruin his greatest night in recent memory.

Then he had an unsettling thought. What if Sam was a lot more messed up than he thought? She hadn't been exactly rational; what if she regretted what they'd done? Damn. That notion shot Jack's good mood all to hell.

He started panicking, just a little. What if it had made Sam even more upset?

Okay, it was time to take a deep breath. And again. Jack decided he needed to scope out the lay of the land before he started freaking out. He figured if Sam was upset she'd be showing it on her face, thinking she was unobserved with the rest of her team asleep.

Cracking open an eye he peered over at her. The fire had her face cast alternately in light and shadow. The brightness of the night on the planet, however, was enough to make her expression clear.

She sat with her chin in her hand, staring at the fire. She was obviously contemplating something. Jack sucked in a sharp breath at the look on her face.

It bore the biggest, most beautiful, satisfied grin he'd ever seen.

In very auspicious, articulate words Jack thought, 'Yee Haa!' He rolled onto his back, feigning sleep but actually wanting to hide his face so Sam couldn't see his own huge, dopey smile if she happened to glance over. Jack went back to thinking about those long legs wrapped around--

No. What he really, really needed to be thinking about was getting his people home the next day. For that he'd need rest. He allowed himself one last peek at Sam. Then he closed his eyes and closed off his mind to recent, delightful memories and invited sleep to come.

******

Morning brought a spring to Jack's step that hadn't been there the day before. At first he'd woken with a slight feeling of trepidation. He knew he was willing to throw caution to the wind to have Sam, in whatever way she wanted him. But despite what had happened between them early that morning and regardless of the expression he'd seen on her face before going off to sleep, he was still unsure Sam would feel the same.

They passed by each other as they were busy breaking camp and Jack stopped dead right in her path.

"Morning, Carter," he said, trying hard to keep the question out of his voice.

She kept her eyes downcast as she mumbled a reply. "Morning..." Then she raised her face to him with a radiant smile and in a hushed voice meant for his ears only she added, "...Jack."

He flashed her a quick smile in return before moving along on his business.

A damn fine morning it was.

******

It didn't take long after they'd set out for Sam and him to fall back and let Teal'c and Jonas take the lead. They didn't really talk, seeming content to walk along in silence. Jack was happy to just have her in his radius. He couldn't help himself from glancing over at her every so often and she apparently was driven by the same compulsion. Their eyes would meet, they'd grin at each other, they'd glance away and Jack would smile foolishly to himself then censure his expression in case one of the guys glanced back and wondered what he was so pleased about.

At one point he looked over at Sam and she held his gaze, then her eyes darted behind him.

"Um, sir..." she began.

"Yeah?" The silly grin was taking over his face again.

"You've got a..." Her hand went to the back of her own neck and then she suddenly reached out toward him. Her hand came away with a fair-sized twig complete with two leaves.

"It was sticking out of your collar," she explained. Her mouth twitched.

"Stop laughing." Jack frowned at her.

"I'm not laughing," she protested as her smile broke free.

"Yes, you are," grumbled Jack. "You mock me, but I bet you're carrying some foliage on you somewhere, too."

Sam arched her brows. "Care to look and find out?" she asked in a low tone.

Jack's eyes widened. He blinked, but his eyes were still popping out.

Did she just ask him.

To search.

Her.

Body?

His footsteps came to an abrupt halt as he stared at her.

Flinging him a wide grin Sam kept on walking.

Whoa. That was one offer he'd definitely be checking into further. When they got back to Earth and the briefings and other post-mission minutia was taken care of he'd find Sam and see exactly what she had in mind.

******

Jack slowed as he entered the infirmary, scanning the room for his second-in-command. He'd learned through Jonas that Sam would apparently be spending the night under Fraiser's care although the reason why remained unknown; he knew for a fact the rest of his team had checked out clear of any alien toxins or illness. Had Sam come into contact with something that the rest of SG-1 hadn't? He felt a quick pulse of fear but tamped down the emotion with the thought that she had seemed fine at the debrief.

There was no sign of Sam but he did spot Doctor Fraiser heading in his direction. "Can I help you, Colonel?" she asked as she stopped in front of him, tilting her head back in order to look up at him.

Jack debated whether to ask after Sam, wary of seeming overly concerned when it came to her health. It was a line he found himself toeing all too often the past few years: where did his concern as CO leave off and that indefinable "something else" begin? Maybe more importantly, how would others perceive his concern?

Jack shrugged off the familiar worry and answered Janet's question. "I was looking for Carter. Jonas said she was here."

Janet nodded slightly. "She'll be back soon; she's just gone to shower."

So Sam was spending the night in the infirmary. "What's wrong with her?"

The doctor eyed him for a moment, looking indecisive, before apparently making up her mind. "Maybe we should discuss this in my office, sir." She waited for his agreement before preceding him into her private office at the far end of the infirmary. Once inside she leaned a hip against her desk and rested her ever-present clipboard against her thigh. He dropped into a chair, mimicking her informal posture. "Major Carter's blood work showed elevated CO2 and bicarbonate levels. It's nothing serious but something I'd like to keep an eye on, just in case."

"If it's not serious then why are you keeping her in the infirmary?"

"That's just it, Colonel. I'm not keeping her here; she volunteered to stay. I told Major Carter I needed to recheck her levels tomorrow morning and she that she wouldn't be allowed off-world until they were stabilized, and she offered to stay overnight." She lowered her voice. "Colonel, what happened on that planet?"

Jack clenched his hands as his mind supplied a too-vivid recollection of the villagers of P4R 284. "Everyone had been slaughtered. Everyone. It was a gruesome sight and Carter took it pretty hard. She had a nightmare on the way back to the 'gate and Doc," he lifted his head to meet her horrified but compassionate gaze, "in six years I have never heard her scream like that. Never."

They were both silent, the atmosphere sombre as Janet took in his description of the atrocities SG-1 had witnessed and Sam's reaction to them. With a sigh she broke the silence. "I'm concerned about her, Colonel. She's taking this mission personally and that's unlike her. I thought that as her CO you should be informed."

Her serious gaze met his and despite her insistence that she was talking to him as Sam's doctor, Jack knew there was something more to it. Janet wasn't stupid; even without knowing what had happened between Sam and him on the planet in the early morning hours of the previous day she had some idea of their feelings for each other. He nodded shortly. "Thanks Doc. You'll let me know if there's anything else?"

"Of course, Colonel."

Jack stood to leave, pausing at the threshold of Janet's doorway. Should he wait for Sam to return or let her have some space? A vulnerable corner of his mind whispered that she was spending the night in the infirmary to avoid him, but he dismissed the thought as ridiculous. She had been relaxed on their way back to the Stargate, had even flirted with him; he had nothing about which to worry. Sam was just a little shaken by the events they'd witnessed which was bound to happen occasionally, even after everything they'd seen. She'd be fine. They'd be fine.

Taking one last glance around the infirmary in the vain hope of seeing her before he left, Jack made for the elevator, content with the fact that he'd see her tomorrow.

******

Jack sat in front of his computer, ostensibly working but in reality not accomplishing much of anything. He was trying to finish his report on P4R 284 before the end of the day but every few minutes his brain reminded him of the feel of Sam's skin under his fingers, of the way she'd responded to his kiss, and he ended up doing nothing but grinning stupidly at his monitor.

A knock sounded at his door and he straightened away from the computer. "Come in," he called, welcoming the distraction. To his surprise Sam stood in his doorway.

"Do you have a minute, Colonel?" she asked.

"Of course, Major," he told her, emphasizing her rank the slightest bit and fighting back a grin. There was something almost fun about putting on an appearance for any potential witnesses that appealed to his sense of humour.

Sam entered, closing the door behind her but not moving any further into the room. He wondered for a moment at the distance she kept between them but didn't give it much more thought. "What's up?"

She didn't duck her head with that shy smile he'd come to anticipate whenever he gave her a compliment, nor did she give him that dazzling smile that he'd seen more often on their way back to the Stargate yesterday morning than he'd seen in the previous six years. Instead she wrapped her arms across her stomach and hunched her shoulders slightly, withdrawing into herself right before his eyes. The first niggling feeling of unease made itself known. "Sam?"

If he didn't know better he would have sworn that she actually flinched. As it was her gaze skittered around the room before she squared her shoulders and met his gaze head on. "We can't do this."

He raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"This. Us. What happened on the planet. We can't do it."

Jack stared at her, sure that he'd either heard her wrong or misunderstood what she was saying. But the longer he watched her, watched her expression, the more he knew that all the hopes that had been kindled just yesterday were being extinguished. He let out a slow breath but didn't take his eyes off her. "What's changed since yesterday?"

"I've been thinking," she told him, a small, sad smile touching her lips; and though he felt the urge to tease her about thinking too much he let her finish speaking. "This job means everything to me. I love working for the Air Force and I love being a part of the Stargate program -- it's who I am. I'm not ready to risk it all for this."

"But you're not just your job," he broke in, unable to simply let her give up on them without at least trying to persuade her to give them a chance. "You can't tell me that when you go home to an empty house every night that part of you doesn't wish there were someone there with you."

"What about our jobs?" she continued on without acknowledging what he'd said, though he could tell that he'd struck a nerve. "We're the flagship team fighting on the front lines in an effort to save the Earth from death and slavery. What gives us the right to ignore the frat regs and put more than six billion people at risk because of what we want?"

Jack didn't have an answer for her. He wanted to promise that their feelings for each other wouldn't interfere with what had to be done -- but he couldn't. He had been able to zat her when the computer entity had taken over her body but he couldn't bring himself to leave her on Apophis' ship. He wanted to believe that they could put their relationship aside for the "greater good" but he couldn't be sure.

That wouldn't stop him from trying to convince her to pursue a relationship, however. "Sam--"

"Please don't." She was actually pleading with him. "I've made up my mind, sir."

Jack wouldn't have thought he could hate that salutation any more than he had upon hearing it on P3R 118 but this was much, much worse.

Sam turned to go but paused with one hand on the doorknob. "I'll understand if you want me off SG-1."

"No," he said immediately. Unable to stop himself Jack moved around his desk and trailed his fingers down her arm in a gentle caress. "It's not going to come to that, Sam."

She shuddered slightly under his touch and for just a moment he thought maybe he'd get her to reconsider, but she merely nodded shortly before leaving, closing the door behind her. Jack sank dejectedly into his chair. The day had started off so promising and now....

Not bothering to shut down his computer properly, Jack jabbed the power button and left his work to be completed the next day. He needed to do something; he wasn't sure what, but he definitely wouldn't be able to concentrate on reports now. He swung open his office door only to come to an abrupt halt, stopped in his tracks by a wall in the form of Teal'c. He groaned internally, wanting nothing more than to get the hell out of the SGC as soon as humanly possible. "Something I can do for you, T?"

The Jaffa inclined his head. "Indeed. General Hammond requests the presence of SG-1 for a briefing at the behest of Jonas Quinn."

So much for getting off base, Jack thought with a sigh. Ensuring his door was closed and locked he headed down the corridor beside Teal'c. "What's up?" he asked.

"It appears that Jonas Quinn has found information that may prove valuable in finding those who are responsible for the deaths of the inhabitants of P4R 284."

Just what he needed right now, Jack mused; to sit in the same room as Sam while they discussed the mission that had started his current anguished state.

The other half of his team was already seated at the table by the time Jack and Teal'c arrived. "Carter," he acknowledged, hoping she didn't hear the faint note of longing in his voice; he'd been unprepared for the actual sense of loss he felt upon laying his eyes on her. "Jonas." He sat across from Sam since Jonas had already taken the seat next to her -- unless she had deliberately sat next to the other man in order to keep him distant. The thought hurt.

"Sir," she said quietly, and he felt his gaze drawn helplessly to her face. She looked somehow smaller than usual and he knew that she hadn't come to her decision lightly; this was hurting her too. Despite his small kernel of anger, Jack found that he couldn't blame her for her choice.

General Hammond entered the room then and Jack and Sam both half-stood before he waved at them to sit, taking his place at the head of the table. "I've called this meeting after having talked to Mr. Quinn about something he discovered today in one of our previous mission reports. I'll let him tell you what he told me."

Jonas stood and distributed folders to the rest of SG-1, and Jack was a bit surprised at how prepared he was for this 'emergency' briefing. "The more I thought about it, the more the entrance wounds of the weapons used to kill the people of P4R 284 seemed familiar. As you know I read through all of Doctor Jackson's notes pertaining to SG-1's missions. I also read through many of the post-mission reports of the other SG teams. Once we returned yesterday I began going through the old reports again until I found this." He flipped to the first page of the folder and everyone around the table followed suit. Jack found himself staring at a close-up of a raw and bloody wound that matched exactly those they had witnessed just two days earlier. Remembering Sam's extreme reaction to the slaughtered villagers he glanced across the table.

Her face was perfectly composed; to anyone else she would appear unaffected by the photograph that lay before her. But Jack had been there when the deaths had become too much for her, had been there for her uncharacteristic outburst and its equally unexpected aftermath, and he could only imagine how she was feeling now. Then she looked up, right into his eyes, and he knew for certain.

Knowing that there was nothing he could do -- for so many reasons -- Jack forced himself to focus on the briefing. "So what does this have to do with our mission?" he asked Jonas.

"The wound at which you're looking is that of an individual who was found nearly a year ago by SG-13. Upon further investigation they encountered representatives from a people named the Taicligh who were hunting a rogue group who use weapons that leave this mark." He tapped the photograph.

"Could these Taicligh help us track down those responsible?"

"It's possible. From all accounts the Taicligh are a fairly peaceful people; we've maintained casual contact with them, traded a few things, but nothing formal has been established as of yet. The only thing we really know about the faction who uses these weapons is that they're called the Hyksos."

Jack leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. "What do you think, General? If these Taicligh know who's responsible for wiping out that village then they just might be worth checking out."

Hammond nodded. "Agreed, Colonel. But I want you to use the utmost caution -- for all we know the Taicligh may themselves be responsible for the acts committed on P4R 284. You have a go for 0800 tomorrow. Dismissed."

******

A wall of floor-to-ceiling windows looked out over a small but sunny courtyard. A stone walkway outlined a lush carpet of green grass. The area was bounded on three sides by the great stone walls of a building and benches of a similar material blended unobtrusively into the corners.

On one bench sat a man playing some sort of fluted instrument. The upper windows of the room were open to admit the warmth of the spring-like day and the lilting notes of music wafted inside on the currents of air.

Jack wondered if the sound also carried to the field beyond the courtyard, where a combat unit drilled in a course of barbed wire and muddy trenches.

"He is a very accomplished musician."

Teal'c stood with his eyes closed and his hands clasped behind his back, seemingly enjoying the flautist's performance.

"Yeah, sure," Jack agreed. Before he could return his gaze to the scene beyond the window, the sound of an opening door caused him to turn in the other direction.

First Commander Jocasta Kenzie breezed into the room, acknowledging Jack and Teal'c with a brief smile and joining them at the window.

"Enjoying High Commander Tavish's practice session?"

Jack's eyebrows rose. High Commander? From his understanding of the Taicligh military that rank would be equivalent to a four star general in the United States Armed Forces.

"Does he do that often?" Jack asked.

Jocasta grinned. "He does it daily. He says the acoustics outside my window are better than those in the practice rooms. He also knows I like the music."

"It sounds great."

"He's one of Domhan's pre-eminent musicians."

"I'm impressed that he finds time to play," Jack said.

"He makes the time," Jocasta advised. "Colonel, the Taicligh do not want to fight. It was only when the faction of our people calling themselves the Hyksos aligned with the Goa'uld that we were forced to assemble a military to defend ourselves. But for most, academic or creative pursuits have remained as important as our training. We are dedicated to our fight but encouraged to not lose our other talents to making war. To do so would destroy who we are as effectively as the Hyksos attempt to do."

That would explain not only the practice rooms but also the art studios, libraries, theatres and science labs they saw on their tour of the military base. To Jack the facility seemed more like a great big university, if not for the obvious presence of troops and weapons and training grounds for battle. It also shed new light on why the annoying little soldier who had conducted their tour kept talking about his flower gardens.

Something else Jocasta said reminded Jack of a question he had for her.

"If the Hyksos are acting as lackeys for the Goa'uld, why isn't some Goa'uld claiming power over Domhan?"

Jocasta gave a slight shrug. "We wonder -- and worry -- about that ourselves. The mineral resources the Goa'uld sought on Domhan were depleted centuries ago. We know the Goa'uld who ruled here left at that time. We wonder if maybe we have been forgotten by the Goa'uld and in order to fulfill a personal vendetta against their own people, the Hyksos have not reminded their lords about us."

A chill passed over Jack at the thought of humans -- in the case of the Hyksos, a group of scientists who discovered the Goa'uld through the Stargate and amassed a cult-like following -- seeking to serve the Goa'uld of their own volition. He wondered if the same would happen on Earth if the Stargate and the Goa'uld were common knowledge. Then he thought of Adrian Conrad and had to suppress a shudder.

"It is admirable, Commander Kenzie, that the Taicligh have defended themselves against the Hyksos while engaging in other pursuits. It is a credit to your people as able warriors," Teal'c declared.

A corner of Jocasta's mouth turned up in a slight smile. "I'll admit we do have a handful of career soldiers as well, including myself."

"Then your sole desire was always to become a warrior?" asked Teal'c.

Jocasta gave a harsh bark of laughter. "No, not exactly. I wasn't supposed to be a soldier at all. As a young woman I was a classical dancer."

Jack nodded at this. Jocasta Kenzie possessed a certain grace that befitted a dancer. The way she wore her dark hair with its shock of gray pulled back from her face in a tight knot made her look like she might have just stepped off a stage. Jack suspected, however, that it wasn't just age that had marked her face with visible lines and creases.

"You don't dance anymore? Even for fun, I mean?" Jack was curious. The woman seemed rather indomitable.

A faraway look came into her eyes as Jocasta gave her head a slow shake. "I was performing in another city when two ships of Hyksos attacked my home. No one survived. The next day I joined the military. I never danced again."

She turned her head to gaze out the window and Jack and Teal'c afforded her a respectful silence. It was only seconds, however, before she turned back to them with a smile and said, "So by Taicligh standards, I've only been half alive since."

"Hey now," Jack said. "Sometimes what's dead can come back to life. Believe me, I know." A memory of Sam's smiling face flashed before his eyes and he added silently, 'Sometimes, you even start looking forward to each new day.'

"I'd like to find out you're right," Jocasta said. "If your people can help us in our fight against the Hyksos we will be forever indebted to you."

"Just save me a victory dance, okay?"

Jocasta nodded sharply. "Now, let's rejoin the rest of your group, shall we?"

She led them out of her office and through a maze of corridors. Jack couldn't help but note the details of the base, with its marble floors and stone walls decorated throughout with murals and tapestries, statues and sculptures.

Jack walked along in silence but Teal'c had a constant stream of questions for Jocasta. He became particularly interested in a painting that encompassed a wall just inside the scientific wing.

They paused for Jocasta to explain the picture and Jack started to drift away. A door stood ajar down the corridor and he heard a familiar laugh come from within.

He crept slowly closer to the door until he could peer inside. It was another room full of sunlight as the commander's office had been, only this one was chock full of gadgets and gizmos. Three figures stood around a laboratory table, their backs to the door: Sam, Jonas and...Balfour. That was his name. Chieftan Caelan Balfour. He was the scientist who had greeted Sam with a smile and an enthusiastic handshake and whisked her off to his lab. Now he had her laughing.

Jack frowned. Sam had barely spoken to him since their talk in his office the day before. Here was a stranger provoking laughter from her on the day they met.

He didn't want to hear anymore but he was oddly rooted to the spot. Thankfully, Jocasta and Teal'c came up behind him and swept him along into the room.

"Afternoon, class. How are the studies going?"

The three gathered around the table all turned toward him. Jack couldn't prevent his eyes from meeting Sam's and as she looked at him the smile she wore faltered then faded. Still, he held her eyes and she didn't look away.

"Finding anything worth studying here, Carter?" he asked.

Sam nodded. "They're doing some interesting work, sir."

"Interesting?" Jonas's voice was incredulous, commandeering Jack's gaze. "What they're doing here is absolutely fascinating. You used those words yourself, Sam." Jonas appeared puzzled by Sam's sudden lack of enthusiasm.

Jack looked back at her, but her eyes had skittered away. "I'm sure you'll find plenty of time to look over everything," Jack muttered. He had kept any bitterness out of his tone but received an odd look from Jonas all the same.

"I'd like to invite you all to go over to the officers' dining hall for lunch," Jocasta announced. "I'll take you over, but Teal'c has expressed an interest in watching one of our training sessions beginning shortly, so I'll continue on there with him."

"Alright then," Jack said. "Let's go eat."

"Actually, Colonel," Jonas piped up, "I wouldn't mind taking the time to check out the archives, if that's okay?"

"Sure, go ahead. So, Carter, that leaves you and me."

"I'd like to do a bit more work here, sir," she said. Of course.

"You're welcome to join us," Balfour said. "I can have some food brought up."

The polite, even friendly invitation grated on Jack's nerves, which were already strung tight by the unusual tension he felt emanating between him and Sam.

"Thanks," he replied, "but I think I'll just go for a walk."

******

Rounding the corridor in the SGC, Jack was surprised to see Sam waiting for the elevator. It was late Friday evening and SG-1 was on downtime for the weekend.

Jack had gone out for dinner accompanied by Teal'c and they had stayed at the restaurant to watch the game on the big screen. When dropping Teal'c back at the mountain Jack had been forced to return to the SGC to retrieve a DVD rental Teal'c had just informed him was due back. Damned if he was going to let Teal'c's movie obsession rack up late charges on his rental account!

Sam hadn't yet noticed him and Jack slowed his approach. She was slouched against the wall, head tilted upwards to monitor the numbers indicating the elevator's descent.

With a yawn, Sam scrubbed at her eyes. She was obviously tired and Jack wasn't surprised. From what he surmised, she'd been constantly working into the early morning hours in the week since they'd been to Domhan.

Her gaze flickered sideways and she saw him. "Sir!" She straightened up and pushed herself away from the wall.

"A little late to still be here, don't you think?" he asked her.

"I'm on my way home."

"I should hope so. It's the weekend, Carter. You know, time for fun and some R & R."

She offered him a wan smile. "I know. I was just finishing up some work."

The elevator arrived and they stepped inside, Sam pushing the button for the upper level.

"I hope you're not planning on working all weekend."

"Not all weekend," she confirmed.

"Carter," Jack groaned. "Am I going to have to come and drag you out of here?" His tone was the familiar one he'd used to tease her about working too much many times before. Still, Sam's gaze left his to study the panel of buttons in front of her.

Jack tried to ignore her seeming unease. "Hey, the guys are coming over for movie night at my place tomorrow. Why don't you join us?"

"I've got plans," Sam said hastily. Then, as if regretting her abruptness she looked back over at him and added in a softer voice, "But thanks for the invitation, sir."

"Yeah, no problem," Jack said, striving to keep the bitterness from his tone. He knew what her plans were: to make sure she kept the most distance possible between the two of them.

It hurt.

The rest of the journey to the surface passed in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar silence. Before parting ways at the parking lot Jack offered a simple, "Have a good weekend."

"You too," she replied. The smile she gave him didn't reach her eyes.

******

"Greetings, O'Neill."

At the Jaffa's salutation, Jack looked up from his cereal. "Morning, Teal'c."

His friend's tray bore the customary Jaffa breakfast of choice: six slices of wheat toast, orange juice, strawberry yogurt and what amounted to a whole can of baked beans, kept on hand by the commissary just for Teal'c's morning meal. Thankfully, the Jaffa's system handled the beans without...incident. Problems had only...blown...the first couple of mornings Jonas had joined Teal'c for breakfast.

Teal'c settled himself across the table from Jack but didn't immediately begin to break his fast. Instead he steepled his fingers and eyed Jack speculatively.

"Yeah, Teal'c?"

"Might I ask you a question about dreams, O'Neill?"

While he finished chewing his mouthful of cereal Jack tried, unsuccessfully, to read his friend's expression. "Sure," he finally replied. "You having nightmares, buddy?"

"Not I. Jaffa do not dream. A friend, however, came to me to inquire about meditation as she thought it might help her sleep. She is experiencing disturbing dreams at night."

"Oh?" Jack put down his spoon. Teal'c was well-liked on base but there were only a select few to whom he'd bestow the title of friend. And only a couple of "shes" among them.

"I thought perhaps my friend should be discussing her difficulties with another Tau'ri. Does it not help humans to talk about these nightmares?"

The ghost of a memory chilled Jack as he recalled his own aftermath of Iraq. "Yeah, it can."

Teal'c nodded once. "I do believe my friend has someone who would be able to speak with her. Someone who cares deeply for her."

At Teal'c's forthright comment Jack's eyes widened ever so slightly. He hid the expression by lowering his gaze to his cereal, picking up a spoonful to finish his breakfast. Before he could do so, however, the spoon clattered back against the bowl.

"I'll see you later." Jack rose from the table. "There's something I've got to go do."

******

He found Sam in her lab. The door was open and Jack hesitated before going in.

Her head was cradled in her hands as she sat at her worktable, staring at a few objects before her. Jack thought she probably wasn't contemplating the device on which she was working, as her gaze didn't waver in the moments he stood observing.

Taking a deep breath, Jack entered her domain.

Sam's eyes lifted as his movements announced his presence and seeing him she quickly straightened herself up on her stool.

"Hi, sir," she said, obviously attempting cheerfulness. It rang false; Jack could hear the weariness in her voice.

"Carter," he replied. Then he paused to study her, really study her. He'd been so busy the last weeks not taking too long of looks at her, not wanting to torture himself yearning for something he couldn't have. As a result he'd missed seeing how pale and exhausted she appeared.

"What can I do for you?"

Jack couldn't remember any of the delicate segues onto the topic that he'd rehearsed on his way to her lab.

"Is everything okay? You look like hell."

Sam's eyebrows shot skyward. "What?"

"Sorry. It's just..." Jack picked up a doohickey from her table and passed it back and forth between his hands. "You look worn out. P4R 284 was a brutal mission. I just want to make sure you're getting over it okay."

His hands stilled and he stared at her. For a brief moment her face clouded then she bent forward to claim back the part he held in his hands, effectively hiding her expression. When she looked back at him she was completely composed.

"I'm fine."

"Carter..." His tone was firm, brooking no falsities. "You're not fine."

"Okay, you're right. But I'm handling it." Her chin rose defiantly. "I'm just having some trouble sleeping. Janet knows. She said she'd give me something to help if I needed it."

"You've talked to the doc about it?" Did everyone know about her problems but him? Jack wondered. His brow furrowed. He was the last to know, when he should have been the first to whom she could come.

Sam was nodding. "Janet said she'd give me some pills, but I'd rather try to do without them."

"Okay." Jack shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "Just checking up on my second-in-command."

"Thanks, sir." Sam's wan smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Take it easy, Carter," Jack said before turning and retreating.

He stopped just a few paces down the hallway from her door. It shouldn't be Doc Fraiser or Teal'c she was going to. It should be him. Regulations and the current nature of their relationship be damned. He should be the one getting her through the nightmares and the long, solitary nights.

Someone passed by him in the hallway, greeting him. Jack gave a halfhearted wave in response, not bothering to look and see whom it was he addressed.

Abruptly, he wheeled around and strode back into Sam's lab, marching up to her table and smacking his palms down on top of it. Sam jumped and gazed up at him with wide eyes, startled by his sudden reappearance.

"I am here for you," he told her, his voice firm, his tone low. "Anytime. Night or day. Whenever you need me, Sam. Got it?"

Her face melted into a soft, sad smile. "Got it," she whispered.

"Good." With that Jack spun around and walked briskly out of her lab again.

Leaving was one of the top ten hardest things he'd ever had to do, when all he wanted was to grab her, hold her close and never let go.

******

Jack stood off to the side in one of the labs on Domhan, trying to keep out of the way as he conversed with Teal'c and Jocasta. He kept half an eye on Sam and Jonas as they worked with Balfour, the scientist showing them some of the technology on which the Taicligh were currently working. Of particular interest to SG-1 was a recovered Hyksos weapon like the one used on the inhabitants of P4R 284.

"We're not precisely sure how it works," Jocasta admitted, likely seeing his attention wander to the trio on the other side of the laboratory. "The Hyksos adapted Goa'uld technology similar to that of the hand device in its construction; we haven't been able to study it in action because it makes use of naquadah in the bloodstream. Unlike the Goa'uld, it is not an element found in our genetic makeup."

"If the Hyksos and the Taicligh were once of the same race, why are they able to use the weapon when you are not?" Teal'c queried.

"The Hyksos' worship of the Goa'uld is so complete that they desire to be as like them as possible. To achieve that end they began genetically altering themselves by adding trace amounts of naquadah to their biological composition. That was several hundred years ago. At this point, due to our limited contact with their people, we are unsure whether they continue to add the element artificially or if they are now born with it already present."

"Why have the Hyksos turned on the Taicligh if you share the same origins?"

Jocasta sighed. "As I told you earlier, we were never a warlike people. We were certainly aware of the Goa'uld and the slavery and death they wrought upon world after world but we did nothing, believing ourselves removed from the situation. When a faction of our people broke away to form their own cult and began emulating the Goa'uld, we felt responsible for their actions. We have been trying to stop them ever since. Although the Taicligh vastly outnumber the Hyksos in terms of population, we have found that we are unable to effectively counter the effects of their weapons. While we are not losing the war, neither are we winning it." She paused for a moment before turning to Teal'c. "You told me on your last visit that you were once First Prime to Apophis. I'd be very interested to hear how you made the decision to turn against the Goa'uld."

Jack only half-listened as Teal'c began relating his story; it wasn't that he wasn't proud of Teal'c for the choice he made to turn against his "god" but he already knew the facts. He instead focused his attention on the two scientists and the Kelownan deep in conversation over the Hyksos weapon; Balfour pointed at a specific part of the weapon before drawing their attention to what appeared to be a schematic, talking animatedly although Jack couldn't make out his words. He watched as Sam shook her head in apparent disagreement before picking up the weapon, no doubt to demonstrate her point.

Jack wasn't quite sure what happened next. He heard a low hum of electricity only seconds before the weapon discharged with a distinctive high-pitched whine and a beam of light, which left behind a fist-sized hole in the wall opposite the door. He was halfway to Sam before she'd even dropped the weapon onto the table and stumbled backwards.

"Carter!" he snapped, worry making his voice rough as he grabbed her by the shoulders and held her at arm's length, his eyes skimming quickly over her body. She looked a little shaken but unharmed. "Are you okay?"

Her hands came up to latch onto his forearms, gripping tightly. "I'm fine," she assured him. "It just startled me, that's all." Her gaze softened briefly as it met his before her features once more became composed. "I'm fine, Colonel," she repeated more formally, stepping out of his hold and he reluctantly let his arms drop back to his sides.

Sam moved to join the people gathered around the weapon and Jack followed, still feeling a bit rattled. "So what happened?" he demanded as they reached the table.

"I'm not sure," Balfour replied, glancing up from his study of the weapon. "I can't tell you how long we've been trying to make this thing work without any kind of result. I promise, Colonel, that I would have warned Sam had I thought there was any possibility of danger."

Balfour was already on a first-name basis with his second-in-command? Jack forced himself not to react. "I'm sure you would have," he placated the man. "But I'm guessing you might have neglected to mention that the weapon requires the presence of naquadah in order to work?"

Balfour's brow furrowed. "No, I don't think I'd gotten to that point yet. What difference does it make?"

Sam answered his question. "Several years ago I was taken as a host. When the symbiote died it left behind a protein marker that's detectable in my blood."

"And that somehow allows you to use the weapon!" Balfour concluded excitedly. "This is the biggest breakthrough we've had in years! You just might be the solution to solving this problem, Sam."

"Caelan," Jocasta admonished lightly. She turned to Sam. "Despite his enthusiasm, Chieftan Balfour has a point, Major. If you're amenable then it would be a great advantage to have you here aiding our research. If we can determine how this weapon works then it would give us a significant advancement in our fight against the Hyksos."

"As interesting as that sounds, it's not my decision to make. I'd have to speak to my superior back on Earth."

Jocasta nodded. "Of course, Major Carter. But you'll consider it?"

Jack saw Sam's eyes fix fleetingly on his face before she responded. "Yes, Commander. I think it would be a wonderful opportunity. I'll discuss it with General Hammond as soon as we get back."

Jack felt the bottom drop out of his world.

******

An incessant chiming disturbed Jack's comfortable doze. Throwing an arm off the sofa he groped blindly for the remote. When his fingers curled around the device he realized the sound wasn't coming from the TV. Someone was at the door.

Jack's eyes opened as he came fully awake. One glance at the clock told him it was late. Very late. Way too late for a fundraiser or salesperson to be knocking at the door.

That meant either he was in trouble, or someone else was.

He swung himself up and off the couch and made his way to the front door, wariness marring his features with a frown.

After cracking open the door, his expression changed to one of concern.

"Carter?"

She stood on his doorstep, looking at him with wide eyes. Dressed in baggy sweats and jacket, her hair tousled and untamed, she appeared so weary he almost questioned how she could hold herself upright. Immediately he pulled the door open and gently put a hand to her arm to usher her inside.

Shutting the door, he turned to face her, holding her lightly by the shoulders. He worriedly scanned her face. "What's wrong?"

She drew a tremulous breath and closed her eyes, her head falling forward. Then she moved her shoulders slightly against his hands as if drawing strength from his touch and raised her head. Her disquieted gaze met his. She spoke in a whisper but her words were clear.

"I don't want to wake up from my nightmares alone anymore."

Jack ached to put his arms around her and draw her close, to tell her he'd hold her through the night and keep the dreams at bay. But she'd made clear the parameters of their relationship. Yet she'd come to him, in the night, seeking solace from a friend and that was someone he could also be.

"You don't have to be alone. You can stay here." He moved a hand to her back to lead her further into the house. "I'll make up the guest room."

Sam shook her head. "No. I don't want to sleep."

"Okay. We can talk. Or just hang out." Whatever she wanted; he was there. "Go sit down," he said, nodding toward the living room. "I can make you a coffee. Or maybe tea? That might be better. Let me see if I've got some."

Jack was walking into the kitchen as he talked. He opened a cupboard door and rifled through the contents.

"Ah-ha. Here." His hands closed over a small tin and he lifted it down, turning to place it on the kitchen island.

"I don't want tea." Sam's voice came from behind; she had followed him in from the hallway.

"Okay." Jack didn't turn around as he was mentally cataloguing what else he had to offer her. "Hot chocolate? Hot milk?"

"Jack."

Her hand came to rest on his shoulder and he froze at her use of his name, at her unexpected touch.

"I don't want anything to drink."

Slowly, he turned to face her. She didn't drop her hand as he moved but let it trail down his arm.

Jack swallowed, suddenly uncertain of everything. "What do you want?"

"You," she whispered. Her voice was soft but the burning in her gaze conveyed the intensity of the single word. "I need you."

"I'm here," Jack replied without hesitation. A corner of his mind noted some surprise that he could speak, considering his heart was lodged somewhere in his throat.

She took a step forward, closing the distance between them. His arms came around her simply to offer some comfort but she swayed toward him and tilted her head back. Her expression was one of both trepidation and another feeling he recognized from P4R 284: hunger. He was familiar with that need as he was afflicted by it himself and he answered it in the way his whole being was calling out for him to do, with a kiss.

Part of him had still been uncertain of Sam's intentions but when he put his mouth to hers his last worries were obliterated by her response.

Her arms shot around him and she pressed the length of her body to his. A small cry escaped her lips between their kisses, which at her urging came quicker and became more demanding. The blood roared in Jack's head as his hands moved about her waist, down over her hips and back up again. When she dragged her hands over his chest to the hem of his T-shirt and back up underneath it he swallowed a moan by ending a kiss and replacing his mouth on the smooth skin of her neck. She arched backward to accommodate him, pressing against him below the waist in the process and eliciting from him an audible groan.

When her fingers found the waistband of his jeans and began to slide underneath some shred of sanity returned to Jack and he abruptly tore his mouth from hers and pulled away. She gazed at him, her eyes heavy-lidded with unrepentant desire, her breaths coming as fast and hard as his own.

"Sam..." He managed to say her name intelligibly, which was an enormous feat considering her fingers were still brushing the skin below his waist. Despite what he had to say to her, he couldn't help caressing her along her hips, his hands burning with the need to reach down and cup her lower...

Jack gave his head a quick shake. "Two weeks ago you were sure--"

Her finger suddenly pressed lightly over his lips to mute him. "Shhh. Two weeks ago I was scared. I ran from you and hid behind the regulations. I was wrong." She traced over the contours his mouth with her thumb.

Bringing up a hand Jack captured her fingers and planted a kiss in her palm. "I don't want you to regret anything."

Sam smiled at him then; her radiant smile made his world explode into brightness.

"I only regret the time we've wasted," she said softly. "This is right. We're right. I want us. I want you."

Jack wasn't sure what incomprehensible words he muttered before his mouth dove to cover hers. He didn't want her to regret any more wasted time.

His hands slipped down to cup her rear and she lifted one leg, running it along the outside of his and hooking it around his upper thigh. Jack leaned forward slightly in order to bear her weight and then picked her up, pressing her against himself. She quickly wrapped both arms and legs around him and her quiet little moan was almost his undoing before he turned and placed her on the island countertop.

She dropped her hands from around him so that she could tug his shirt up and over his head. He used the momentary distance between their upper bodies to pull the zipper down on her jacket and push the garment off of her shoulders. She wore just a tank top underneath and Jack delighted in the skin it left exposed to which he applied a series of quick kisses. His tongue darted out to taste her and his lips nipped at the tender skin along her neck. Her small cries of pleasure made his need for her all the more urgent and when her hands sought the button on his jeans he had to catch them before they could reach their ultimate goal.

"Not yet," he rasped out, having to retain his control so that he could complete his exploration of her. He released her hands and gently pushed her shoulders so that she was leaning back on her hands. Then he grabbed the bottom of her tank top and drew it upwards. He gave a groan upon discovering she wore nothing under the thin shirt.

Immediately his mouth swooped down to claim one already hard nub, his thumb stroking over the other. He heard Sam gasp and felt her tighten the hold her legs had on him. Jack's head was spinning with desire and such incredible arousal he knew he couldn't last much longer. He tore himself away from her breasts and straightened, pulling her back up against him and sharing with her an earth-shatteringly-passionate kiss.

He kept one hand behind her head as their lips clashed and tongues battled and his other hand slipped down to disappear under the elastic waist of her jogging pants. The back of his hand felt a soft scratching from the lace of her underwear while his fingers sank into her warm, wet folds. Jack's mouth smothered Sam's cry as she rocked against him. His fingers teased her then his thumb slid up and down as a finger slid in and out.

It was Jack's turn to groan as he suddenly felt Sam's hands slip under his pants to grasp him. He gave her one more thorough kiss then pulled his hands free of her clothing so that he could undo the button and zipper on his own. Sam helped him slide his jeans and underwear down over his hips, her eyes meeting and holding his. Then she took him fully in both hands and Jack had to close his eyes and brace himself with his hands on the countertop. He allowed a moment to savour the delirious sensation of her hands running up and down the length of him. He heard a series of moans and realized they were his. He captured Sam's hands by her wrists and brought them up to place a kiss against each palm. Then he released her and put his hands to the waist of her jogging pants, pulling them and her underwear free from her in one smooth movement as she lifted herself up to assist.

His breath ragged Jack paused, suddenly amazed at the sight before him. Sam -- Samantha Carter! -- sat leaning back on her arms, her long legs dangling in the air, her beautiful self naked all the way up to where her breasts heaved with quickly drawn breaths. Her tank top was still pushed up over her breasts and her jacket hung off her shoulders. Jack approached her, pushing himself up against where she would draw him into herself, but pausing at the threshold. Gently, he pushed her jacket down her arms and off of her, then removed her tank top. He slowly wound his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace, speaking quietly into her ear.

"I have dreamed about this for so long," he told her in an unhurried voice. "I am in awe of it actually happening. I am amazed and...so incredibly happy you want me."

Jack felt Sam's hands on his face and his head was pushed away from her ear. She held onto him with both hands cupping his jaw line and he was astounded to see her eyes glistening with tears.

"I want you," she told him solemnly. A quick smile broke the serious look as she pushed herself against him, illustrating her point with undeniable body language. "Now." Then she quickly sobered again. "Now and always, Jack."

As she pulled his face down for a kiss, he dropped one hand to her hips and used the other to guide himself into her. She was ready for him and he entered her fully. He groaned at the sensation of being inside of her and had to pause for a moment to relish the feeling. Sam twined her legs around his waist and dropped her head to his shoulder, murmuring something incomprehensible against his skin. Placing a kiss at the base of her neck, Jack began to move within her.

She met him thrust for thrust and Jack felt the blood rushing through him, desire coming in waves greater and greater all but ready to crash over him.

Sam was biting back cries, her head tossed back and her hands running in frenzied movements across his back. She began kneading his skin and then suddenly pushed herself against him. She didn't cry out but when she slackened and let her head fall to his shoulder he knew he'd brought her up and over her peak.

He drove harder into her. He'd held himself at the edge for so long that it took only seconds before he flew over it. He did call out, saying her name and repeating it several times as her hands clenched his rear and she plied hot kisses along his neck.

Jack's fingers traced small circles at the base of Sam's spine as his senses slowly returned to normal. No, not to normal, just to a more mellowed state of euphoria.

He was trying to find the words to express the wonder he was feeling when Sam placed a soft kiss on his cheek, ran her hands lightly up his chest and gently pushed him away by the shoulders.

Slipping down from the countertop she gathered up her discarded clothing and dashed out to the hallway, all without saying a word, without meeting his eyes.

The pleasant humming in his veins turned to an icy chill. That wasn't the reaction he'd anticipated. He'd expected some tenderness, soft words, a shy smile, an emotional conclusion to such mind-blowing sex.

Hell, it hadn't even been sex, it had been making love. Jack wasn't a fanciful guy, but what they'd done and shared was so much more than a quick bang, more than a release of long pent-up tension.

It had been oh, so much more.

Jack slowly did up his jeans then planted his palms on the countertop and leaned forward. It couldn't be possible that Sam hadn't experienced the emotional connection of the act, could it? She said she'd have no regrets.

Oh no. Jack's arms began to shake and he pushed himself away from the counter. Sam had still been experiencing some distress from P4R 284. Her very appearance at his house that night attested to that. Had he taken advantage of her?

He noticed with some detachment that they'd knocked the container of tea to the floor during their lovemaking. He had to call it that; he couldn't lessen what he'd experienced with her. Yet as he bent down to collect the tea bags scattered about he began berating himself with each one he picked up.

What a jerk he was! He hadn't even the courtesy to bring her to his bed. He'd tossed her up on the counter in his impatience. That was only one step up from doing it in the dirt like had almost happened on P4R 284.

Jack rose with the refilled container of tea, slamming it onto the counter. Sam was still fighting the demons that had followed her from P4R 284, for crying out loud. Running a trembling hand through his hair, Jack cursed himself repeatedly. He'd taken advantage of her, plain and simple. He was an ass. He was a selfish bastard. An ignominious prick.

Filling a glass with water from the tap he downed it, the drink assuaging his thirst but no thoughts easing his conscience. Was Sam distraught? Was she hiding in the bathroom, remorseful and sickened by what had happened between them? Did she hate him for it?

Not that. Please, not that. Jack buried his face in his hands. He'd leave the SGC. He'd present himself for disciplinary action if she wanted. He deserved the court martial. But please, don't let her hate him. He couldn't bear it.

Jack straightened, staring into nothing. Should he go to her, apologize, see what consolation he could offer? Or had she already left, sneaking out of his house into the night? Who would she turn to now? Who could be the friend in need that he so clearly had not been? What would she--

A pair of hands slid around his waist from behind and travelled up his still-naked chest, startling Jack from his self-recriminations. He must have jumped at her touch as a soft chuckle sounded over his shoulder. He turned to find Sam bestowing a gentle smile upon him; her arms still wound loosely about him.

"Sorry I disappeared. I just needed a moment after...wow," she said quietly, mouth widening to a full-fledged grin. That smile tugged at the knots tying Jack's stomach, giving hope room to breathe.

He lifted a hand to her face, gently caressing her cheek. "Are you okay?"

"Okay?" She shook her head, but her smile didn't lessen. "I'm...wonderful. Amazing."

Jack felt a grin of his own tease at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah. You are."

Suddenly, Sam's smile faltered and a hint of worry creased her brow. "What about you?" she asked.

"I'm..." He wanted to quickly alleviate the doubt she wore but still needed the perfect words to describe his current state of being. "...astounded. Ecstatic. Overjoyed."

Her smile flared back into existence and a brilliance that had been missing from her eyes the past couple of weeks returned. Jack's lingering uncertainty and fear dissipated like sparks from a fire being extinguished in the air.

"You forgot incredible." Sam murmured. "You are."

"You're beautiful," he returned. "I don't know how I got to be so lucky."

Sam pulled his head down to hers and they shared a tender kiss. When they parted she met his eyes and told him, "You've made me very happy, Jack."

"That's all I ever want to do," came his earnest reply.

He was given a radiant smile that almost made up for the fact that she stepped away from him, denying him the feeling of her body pressed against his. It did, however, afford him a clear view of her standing only half-dressed before him and he took the opportunity to unabashedly check her out.

She was clad only in her white tank top and a scrap of lacey underwear the exact colour of green as the BDUs they wore. Jack felt a definite strong stirring of arousal. Did she wear those to work, under her uniform? How was he going to stop thinking about that on missions now?

But he knew he would be able to balance work and a personal life with Sam, if that's where the night was leading. He'd long been living with fantasies; the reality was such a blessing he'd do whatever it took to hold onto it.

Sam put her hands on her hips as his leering continued overlong. "I'm going," she announced.

"Going! Sam, stay. Please? We need to talk."

"No!" she laughed. "I'm going to bed."

"Oh." Jack was immensely relieved that he'd misinterpreted her meaning. "Tired?"

Sam gave him a saucy grin. "Nope." She turned and walked out of the kitchen with a provocative sway of her hips.

His eyes widened with understanding and Jack hurried to follow.

******

"Netu?"

"No!" Jack sounded mildly affronted. "I was not having fantasies about you when we were in hell."

They sat on his living room floor with Jack leaning back against the sofa and Sam between his legs leaning back against him. She was dressed in a borrowed T-shirt and shorts he'd loaned her after they'd finally emerged from the bedroom for showers late that morning.

"I didn't think so," Sam assured him, selecting another slice of pizza from the box that sat open beside them.

"Well...unless you count after the fact."

"You're bad!"

"Hey! It was on the ship coming home after I knew we were safe. I'd been worried about you, then I wanted to be able to hold you and help you after all you'd been through. That idea sort of led to a few thoughts about groping."

Sam smacked his leg.

"Okay, my turn," Jack announced. "What about...Anubis' ship when we crashed into the ocean?"

"If we're counting after-the-fact then yes."

"Really?" Jack was intrigued.

"Well, yeah. After the corridor flooded and I saw you with your clothes soaking wet and clinging to you..."

Jack eased her off of his chest and got to his knees. "Come on," he urged, pulling at her hand.

"What are you doing?"

"I've got a shower; we can get wet."

"Jack!" She slapped his hand away. "I'm still eating. Save something for later!"

"Okay," he grumbled, resuming his position behind her. "Later?" he said into her ear.

"Yes."

His hand came around to flatten on her stomach, his thumb rubbing back and forth and creeping ever so slightly upwards. "Promise?" he whispered.

Sam's head fell back to rest on his shoulder. Her eyes were closed. "Yes," she breathed out.

Jack took that as an immediate invitation but just as his hand was about to reach its goal she moved her hand to still him.

"It's my turn again." She smiled but didn't yet open her eyes.

"Go ahead," he relented.

"The mission when we reprogrammed the Tobin mine on the Tok'ra cargo ship."

"Oh. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah."

"Really?"

"Come on, Sam. You were lying on the floor under that mine, wiggling your body all around trying to fix that thing." Jack smiled at the memory. "What was I supposed to think about?"

"Maybe that we were about to die?"

Jack shrugged. "Might as well go out with good thoughts."

"And my dad was there!" Sam opened her eyes to look up at him.

"Well, he wasn't standing right beside me," Jack said defensively. "That might have changed things."

Sam raised a brow. "Does he scare you?"

"Sometimes."

"He likes you, Jack."

"Would he like me doing this?" Jack turned his head to place a kiss against her lips.

Sam's eyes were closed again. "I don't think he'd mind," she murmured.

"He was a General, Sam. I don't think he'd be too thrilled about us having an illicit relationship."

"Being a Tok'ra has mellowed him. I think he'd want us to be happy."

They were both silent for a moment until Sam sat forward and turned herself around to look at him.

"Is that what we're going to do?" she asked quietly. "Have an illicit relationship?"

"Is that what you want?" Jack's heart pounded ominously in his chest.

"No." Sam sighed. "In a perfect world, no. But it's not a perfect world and I'm not willing to let you go."

The fierceness of her tone made Jack's heart swell with hope and relief and an even stronger but not yet voiced emotion he felt for her.

He couldn't help but reach out a hand to smooth his thumb over her cheek. "Where does that leave us?"

"I won't let you resign from SG-1." Sam was adamant.

Jack met her gaze evenly. "Ditto."

A wry smile twisted Sam's mouth. "We work for a highly classified military operation. We're very good at keeping secrets."

"Can you keep one more?"

"If it means having you, yes, I can," she said determinedly.

Knowing the decision came at a cost of ethics to her and sharing the feeling himself, Jack reached out and pulled her close. She lay her head against his shoulder and he brushed some stray tendrils of hair from her face. "It won't be forever," he promised.

"I know. And I know we can handle it." She gave a gentle laugh. "Judging by how I've been acting around you the past couple of weeks, I think we'll be better together than apart."

Jack smiled. "Definitely better together."

He felt her fingers come up to gently trace along his jaw. "But...if something happens, if we can't handle the secrecy..?"

"When something happens, we'll deal with it. Together. Okay?"

Sam raised her head to look at him, her eyes full of trust and acceptance. "Okay," she said, then she pulled his head down for a kiss.

The kiss continued and deepened and when Sam leaned into him Jack pulled her closer to straddle his hips.

Their passion heightened. Neither reflected on the fact that when discussing future eventualities that might adversely affect their relationship Jack had said "when", not "if".

******

End

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