A Future Resolved

by Vicki Firth, 1997

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and its characters are the property of Paramount. This story is not meant to infringe upon the trademarks or copyrights of Paramount.

Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission.

Author's notes:
I began writing this story after I saw Before & After. At that time it was going to be a shorter piece. Then I saw Resolutions again, and had to add more (okay, a lot more!) J/C into the story. Then Blood Fever came along and I thought that P/T should have a little fun as well. :)

The story is set at a point in time many months after Kes's experiences in Before & After.

Special thanks to Kath Tate for assistance, encouragement and for telling me to get the darn thing finished!

***

Part I - Kes

She sat alone in her dark quarters, knees drawn up to her chin, arms wrapped protectively around, as she gazed at the starfield that seemed to stretch on to eternity. How incredible, and how wonderful, that she had not only seen the sun, but now travelled among the stars. She had left her planet behind to journey into the unknown and now her future had once again become such a journey as well.

If she could leave her home and her people behind without remorse, without too much upset at the thought of never seeing her loved ones again, then perhaps time would ease this ache as well. Perhaps as the hours, and the days went by and life offered new enchantments, the pain would ease...but it would never be erased.

The memories were hers alone, the experiences not shared by another soul within this reality. But the part of her that remembered could never forget.

Kes barely heard the soft sound that announced a caller waiting outside her quarters, yet she bade the door open with an automatic command.

Upon entering the room lit only by the stars streaming past, Kathryn Janeway hesitated for a moment as she could not see its lone occupant. The computer had verified that Kes was in her quarters, but even as her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, it took Kathryn a moment to locate the small form curled up on the corner of the lounger.

Reaching full Ocampan adulthood had somehow made Kes appear even more delicate that she had in her late adolescence, Kathryn thought. The long, glossy blonde hair which adorned a face with soft features gave Kes a serene, almost ethereal look. But the eyes that turned to Kathryn's at that moment had lost their serenity and reflected a troubled soul, instead.

Seemingly noticing her captain at her doorway at only that moment, Kes started suddenly, then uncurled herself from her seat and gave Kathryn a small smile.

"Captain...hello."

Kathryn returned the smile and gestured at the lounger. "May I?"

"Of course. What can I do for you?"

"There's nothing you can do for me," Kathryn began, "but perhaps there's something I can do for you. Kes, you didn't seem yourself at the party tonight, and you left very early. I thought that there might be something bothering you, and that maybe I could help."

It wasn't usually Kathryn's habit to seek out members of her crew who appeared to be having some sort of personal problems. She believed herself to be an approachable captain and indeed, it was not entirely unheard of for members of the crew to come to her from time to seeking guidance. Generally it was her policy to not push, to let someone who had a problem work it out on their own, or come to her of their own accord if they wished her counsel. But with Kes it was a bit different. With Kes, Kathryn felt as though she was...not so much a maternal influence, but rather more of a guardian. A guardian and a friend.

Kes continued to look at her, in silence.

"I just wanted to let you know that I was available, if you had something you wanted to talk about." It went against her grain to be overtly intrusive into personal matters, so Kathryn started to rise from her seat.

"Captain...wait." Kes stilled her with a touch of a hand on her arm. "I think that I would like to talk to you." She closed her eyes and gave her head a slow shake. "I think I need to share this with somebody. I need to know that someone else knows."

"What is it, Kes?" Kathryn questioned softly.

The Ocampa's large blue eyes met Kathryn's dead on. "Have you ever heard of mourning someone who hasn't existed?"

Kathryn's gaze was steady on Kes's and she smiled a bit sadly, recalling the fiance she had lost in an accident when she was a younger woman. "I've heard of mourning for someone and something that could never come to be. I've lived that, in fact."

"Then maybe in some way, you will understand. My mind is so full of conflicting emotions right now. Tonight we celebrated our defeat of the Krenim weapons technology and I'm joyous about that. But at the same time, in a way...that also gives me something, someone, to grieve for. I can't help but thinking that's a horrible, and selfish, way to feel."

"Kes, you're the least selfish person I know. Why would you feel that way?"

Kes took a deep breath and let it out again, slowly. "Captain, I have to tell you about my life, the life I lived in the alternate time line. But please know, please me tell that you believe me when I say, that no matter what I miss about that life that seems destined not to happen now, I do not regret for a moment my role in altering that time line. In helping to ensure that so many good people were not sacrificed for what that time line would have meant."

"Of course I believe that of you." Kathryn's brow creased in puzzlement. "We have you to thank for our knowledge of the Krenim and from what you've told me, for many lives saved as well."

Kes nodded. "I told you that in the time line I experienced, an encounter with the Krenim resulted in the deaths of eleven people on Voyager. But I haven't told anyone very many details about what happened in the years after that. I haven't told anyone about my husband, and my family."

"You had a family in that time line, and now you believe that because the time line has been altered, you will not have that family in this one."

"No," Kes replied, "I won't."

"You can't be sure of that, Kes. Just because the time line has been altered in one way does not mean that you will not find someone and have a child."

Kes raised a hand in a halting gesture and put her head down, eyes closed. Then she looked back up at Kathryn. "In that time line, one of the people who died in the Krenim attack was B'Elanna. And the man I eventually married, my husband ... was Tom."

Kathryn said nothing, but her eyebrows rose in surprise.

"When B'Elanna died, Tom was devastated. By the time of her death, you see, they had become very close. Tom told me about her death during one of my early jumps down the timeline, and I could tell that she still held a special place in his heart. But by that time I was his wife. He said that at first, as a friend, I helped ease his loss and from that, grew love." Kes smiled, wistfully. "And he did love me Captain, that I could tell. He was there, at every jump, and no matter how incredulous my story must have sounded to him, he believed me and stood by my side."

As Kes told her story and shared the memories that had previously been hers alone, the emotion that had been bottled up inside of her with those memories bubbled to the surface. Her eyes shone with unshed tears as she continued telling her tale.

"Tom and I had a child. We had a girl. Our daughter. Her name was ... Linnis." On reciting her daughter's name aloud, the tears spilled forth. Kes could do little more than look helplessly at Kathryn as the tears rolled down her face.

"Oh Kes," Kathryn said, the sympathy and compassion evident in her tone. She reached over and stroked the younger woman's hair lightly as Kes cried on her shoulder.

When her tears had been exhausted, Kes raised her head again. Kathryn was saddened to realize that this was not the end of Kes's story and felt heavy of heart at the sorrow the younger woman must be dealing with.

"Harry married...married Linnis." Kes managed a tremulous smile. "That made him Tom's son-in-law, and mine. They had a son, named Andrew. I was a grandmother."

She sighed heavily but seemed to swiftly gain her composure again. "So you see, Captain, that for me, this alternate life was a happy one, despite the terrible losses I had to bear. But it's a life that's not meant to be. And while I wouldn't trade B'Elanna's life, or anyone else's in exchange for it, I can't help but regret the loss of a husband who loved me and daughter and a grandson who now will likely never exist."

Kathryn sat back and regarded Kes thoughtfully for a moment. Then she took the younger woman's hands in her own. "You must never feel guilty for wanting that happiness Kes. From your perspective, it would seem like Linnis and Andrew will never be born, and it's perfectly normal for you to wish that the time line you experienced would somehow come to be. It's the same type of emotion one experiences when a loved one dies, particularly when they die at a young age. You envision the future they might have had, and the future you may have had with them. Only in your case, you were given a glimpse of the future, and what it held for those that do not exist at this time. But Kes, you can't be certain that such a future will not come to be. You did get a look at a possible future, but now you're back to waiting to see what the future will hold - just like the rest of us. And who knows - maybe there will be a Linnis and an Andrew in that future for you."

"You may be right, Captain, and I will remember what you've said. To be honest, I do still think that I will one day have a child, but...not Linnis. Though I only knew her briefly, she was a remarkable woman, Captain. A kind person and a skilled medic. And Andrew was a wonderful child. But could they really exist some day?" Kes shook her head. "Part of them were me, but part of them were Tom."

"Kes, what are your feelings for Tom now?" Kathryn said, tentatively.

"I must admit that I do have feelings for Tom that weren't there before I experienced the other time line. I think it would be difficult not to. He was the father of our child - he delivered her, in fact, on a shuttlecraft." Kes smiled as she recalled the event. "He chastised me for insisting on accompanying him on a supply mission and then told me that our baby was beautiful, like her mother. I remember those moments, the tenderness he showed me, and the affection he felt for me that was evident in his eyes. But I'm not in love with him. I've seen a different Tom Paris, or more of him than any of us have seen, and I can't help but think of him differently after that."

Kathryn considered her words for a moment and then asked, "Have you considered telling him about what happened between the two of you in the alternate future?"

Kes rose from the lounger and turned to stare out of the viewport at the starfield. "Yes, I must admit I have considered it. But I know it's something I cannot do. Though Tom may not have any interest in me, what would happen if the thought of having a daughter and a grandson, having that future that I experienced, began to appeal to him? What if my telling him about it caused him to rethink any affections he may hold for B'Elanna? I couldn't do that to B'Elanna, she's my friend. And if a relationship was forged between Tom and I based on my knowledge of a future we had together in one time line, I would never be certain that what there was between us was true, or just a mutual desire to see that time line to reality."

"That's sound reasoning, and very noble thoughts," Kathryn commented. "I must be truthful with you Kes. I have long believed that Tom and B'Elanna would be good for one another and I think there is something between them that both of them are too nervous to act upon as of yet. However, if they do end up getting together, there is no certainty that their relationship would last. It could burn brightly and then fade out."

Kathryn stood and threw her hands in the air. "That's why I always say I hate this temporal aberration nonsense. You see the future, you have to rethink the present. You see the past and you worry about the future. It just makes everything a great big confused mess. I really do just prefer my time to proceed from point A to point B like it's supposed to!"

>From the viewport Kes turned to smile at Kathryn. "So you're telling me I should just live each day as it comes."

"And enjoy each one as much as you can. None of us should worry about what the future has in store for us. We should just let life unravel as it will."

"Well I think a little nudge here and there wouldn't be harmful when we're after something we desire." Kes cocked her head to the side slightly and gave Kathryn an appraising look. "There's something else I'd like to share with you, Captain. It is personal and it may be somewhat intrusive of me to even bring it up. But as you said, we should enjoy each of our days as much as we can and I've learned the value of taking hold of each moment as it happens. This concerns you, and I think it's important that you hear it."

The comment Kes made about broaching a topic personal to her gave Kathryn pause for a moment, but she trusted the younger woman to be discriminate about just what exactly she thought proper to discuss with her captain. She took her seat on the lounger again.

"Then by all means, Kes, tell me whatever you'd like."

Kes took a moment to sort her thoughts and for an instant appeared as though she might be rethinking her boldness. But then she began to pace slowly about the room and plunged in to her story.

"When the Krenim attack came and the eleven people died, you were one of them." Kes paused to look at Kathryn and gauge her reaction to that news. The Captain appeared unruffled by this declaration, so Kes continued on.

"Understand please, Captain, that I did not have any of my memories when the attack happened. I had become familiar with some of Voyager's crew from previously jumps, but the only people I had grown any sort of fondness or attachment to were Tom, Linnis and Andrew. But this was before Linnis' and Andrew's time."

"You I had only met, to my knowledge, moments before the blast that killed you came, when I followed Tom and B'Elanna to the bridge. Because I had no recollection of the affection I hold for you all now, it was almost as though I was an impartial observer. It distresses me to think back on it now, but at the time it seemed like I was in a room full of strangers, watching these horrifying events play out. In retrospect, it gave me a very clear outlook on everyone's reaction to such an awful occurrence."

Kes paused at the small table that held her computer console and placed her hands on the surface, eyes unfocused as the events were replayed in her mind.

"I was standing just opposite the engineering station when the explosion came. The blast threw you and B'Elanna to the deck. I moved over to the both of you and felt for vital signs, but there were none. I told the bridge crew that you were both dead."

Kathryn was silent as Kes continued on with her story, but her eyes had grown wide at the tale. Kes glanced over at the captain then proceeded to relate the events which affected her more profoundly with the telling than actually living through them had.

"I looked first at Tom; he was horrified and he seemed unable to move. Then I looked at the Commander." Kes's eyes squeezed shut momentarily. "I have never seen so much pain reflected on someone's face before. It was not just an expression of grief at the loss of a crewmember or friend." Kes shook her head. "I will never forget the look on his face, and the anguish in his eyes. I'll never forget that expression of utter despair."

"Chakotay was at your side a moment later and his motion seemed to break Tom out of his daze. While Tom could do little more than stare in horror at B'Elanna, Chakotay reached out and gave your face a soft brush with his fingers, closed his eyes for a moment, then gently ordered Tom back to his post."

"I remember feeling a lot of admiration for the Commander at that moment. Despite his obvious pain, he was able to take charge of the bridge, even though he had just lost someone he obviously cared deeply about. Even though he had just lost someone he loved."

Kes turned at met Kathryn's gaze straight on as the Captain sat there, unmoving, mouth slightly agape. "I hope you won't be angry with me being so blunt about this, Captain. But I wanted you to know about it, in case the emotion that I witnessed written so plainly on the Commander's face was something he felt now, was something that you possibly felt as well. For the most important lesson I've learned from my experience is that one single action, or inaction, can have such far reaching consequences in life. That something you do, or something you choose not to do, can make such an irrevocable difference."

It took Kathryn a moment to react after Kes's tale had reached its completion, but she summoned up her best command presence and said, "I'm not angry with you Kes, and I appreciate you forthrightness and your desire to help. I'll take what you've said under advisement." Kathryn managed a cheerful smile for her crewmember. "Has talking about your experiences helped?" she asked, bringing the topic back to the younger woman's troubles.

Kes gave her a broad smile in return. "Yes, Captain, I think it has very much. At least now I know that there is someone else who is aware of Linnis and Andrew. That their existence in my life will not be remembered by me alone."

Kathryn stood and placed her hands on Kes's shoulders. "I will always remember them for you Kes. And you know that anytime you wish to talk, my door is open for you."

"Thank you. I think I'll sleep a lot better tonight than I would have if you hadn't stopped by."

"On that note, I think it's time I head towards bed myself. Sleep well, Kes." Kathryn headed to the door.

"Goodnight Captain. And Captain, one more thing. I trust that you won't talk about my experiences with anyone else, but if you ever wanted to, I think it would be all right if you shared them with the Commander."

Kathryn nodded briefly before heading out the door.

***

Part II - Kathryn

She made it ten steps down the corridor before stopping and placing one palm against the wall and her forehead in the other.

Kes's story about Chakotay's reaction to her 'death' had shaken her up more that she had wanted the younger woman to know. Her comments about the emotions that Chakotay possibly felt for her, and she for him, had hit rather close to the mark.

Kathryn couldn't fault Kes for her frankness and her apparent desire to help by relating her experiences. She knew that Kes had been motivated by a genuine desire to see her Captain happy. But for so long now, Kathryn had managed to keep the feelings she had for Chakotay tucked away in a neat little compartment which she didn't need to open up and examine. She knew they were safe there, but she didn't have to worry about them as she would if they were out in the open.

Her emotions were like a fire that had been banked, the flames still alive, but kept from becoming a raging blaze. Only now Kes's words had cranked open the damper and the fire was being let lose to burn.

It wasn't so long ago that she had been falling headlong in love with him.

Though she knew the seeds of this feeling had been sown long before, her emotions had seemed to take root during their time on New Earth. Just like their small garden had flourished in the sunshine that bathed that planet, so had her feelings for him blossomed.

It had been his story, his expression of his heart couched in a legend of an angry warrior, that had been the catalyst for her realization of those feelings. Still disturbed by Kes's admonition to her, Kathryn could not help but think back to that moment and what had transpired as a result...

"Is that really an ancient legend?" she asked, feeling a sting of moisture tickle at her eyes, moved as she was by his words.

"No," he replied, the smile on his face giving him a look of almost boyish shyness. "But that made it easier to say."

She raised her hand to him, fingers spread, seeking some of the physical contact that she had fled not even an hour before. Her own face broke into a smile, and she felt a stray tear escape and course down her cheek.

"That's got to be the most beautiful thing anyone's ever told me," she said. Certainly she'd heard declarations of love before, but none more touching, without guile and without the expectation of a like response.

"I've wanted to tell you for some time now. Of course, on the ship the time never would have been right. But here ... I felt like I was somehow hiding something from you. I need to be honest about my feelings for you, Kathryn. Even if you don't have the same sort of feelings for me, I need for you to know where I stand in our relationship."

He met her eyes straight on now, stripping away any pretense between them, and laying himself bare to her. Handing her his heart, to do with as she pleased.

Part of her longed to break away from his honest gaze, avert her eyes, excuse herself and return to her sleeping alcove to mull over this unexpected turn of events. But was it really so unexpected? To be truthful to herself, Kathryn had to admit that she had felt a connection between herself and Chakotay from early on. She owed him the same sincerity that he had granted her.

"You are so dear to me, Chakotay," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm glad that it's you I have here with me. But I've just barely accepted the fact that we are going to be on this planet for a very long time, perhaps for our entire lives. I have to come to terms with that before I can begin to consider any feelings I have for you."

She scanned his face for a sign of any hurt her words may have inflicted, but his eyes still shone brightly and his smile did not waver. He squeezed her hand, still linked with his own, gently.

"I'm not asking you for anything in return, Kathryn. I'm just happy being by your side. Just because I'm the last - the only - man on New Earth does not mean that I think I'm irresistible." He managed the last with a deadpan expression.

His humour broke the tension of the moment and Kathryn joined him in laughter. Then she rose and grasped his other hand in her own. "Good night, Chakotay. Sleep well," she said softly, before giving his hands a final squeeze and heading off to her bed.

***

Their relationship progressed seemingly unchanged after that night, except for the fact that they seemed to sit just a little bit closer, exchange just a few more casual touches, with Kathryn finding herself more often than not the instigator. She also found herself watching him, studying him when she thought he was unaware, analyzing his movements and motions as she might have done with a specimen in a scientific experiment. However, observing Chakotay was much more pleasant work than any scientific experiment she'd undertaken.

They'd decided to put in a small garden by the house, and plant a test crop of the seedlings they had been provided with from the ship, to see which plants fared best in New Earth's climate. Chakotay was breaking the ground, divesting the plot of its grassy covering to get to the soil beneath, which would nurture the small plants and hopefully provide a place were they would thrive. Kathryn had offered to help him in the labour, but he had smiled and said that he didn't need her getting more knots in her knots, and had given her shoulders a gentle squeeze. So she had sat back under the protective shade of a tree with padd in hand, studying agronomic data to ascertain the yield and harvest time of each of the tiny seedlings, and watched him again.

It was early afternoon and the sun beat down brightly from above. Chakotay had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and the muscles in his forearms flexed with every stab of the shovel he made into the ground. After breaking through the grass to the soil below along the perimeter of the garden plot, he shrugged out of his vest and tossed it to the side. He glanced over at Kathryn and caught her returned gaze before she could avert her eyes.

"So have you decided on our crop yet?" He asked, smiling.

"Still studying the data," she replied, and made a few fervent jabs at the padd, concentrating intensely on the screen which she had just managed to wipe completed blank. She called the information back up and Chakotay set to work again, turning up the verdant covering which hid the soil beneath.

Kathryn managed to keep her mind on the information she was going over until Chakotay had about halfway completed his task. By this time the signs of physical exertion were obvious, as his bronzed skin glistened with a sheen of perspiration. He rested his shovel in the dark earth he had just exposed, and began to undo the buttons on his shirt. Kathryn glanced furtively up from her padd while his head was bent to this task.

When she raised her eyes again, he stood grinning at her, the hands planted on his hips helping to pull the open shirtfront wide, exposing the hard planes of his bare chest.

"Talaxian tomatoes," she said abruptly. Feeling slightly flustered, she rambled on. "We'll plant Talaxian tomatoes. The climate is good for them, and a large harvest is produced from each plant. I think they'd be a good choice."

She gave him a quick smile and then brought her gaze back down to the padd. 'I can stare unwaveringly at an enemy in battle, but seeing him partially unclothed is making me yammer like a schoolgirl,' she thought. 'Why does this make me uncomfortable all of a sudden? We've been living alone, in close quarters for weeks and weeks now.' It wasn't, after all, the first time she had noticed just how good looking he was. She had been aware of how handsome the renegade Maquis Captain was the first time she had seen an image of him at Starfleet headquarters, during her briefing for the mission that had ultimately resulted in their lives being intertwined. As his Captain, she had spent long hours with him daily, coming to respect and rely on his insight, intelligence and loyalty as her first officer; during their time together off duty, she had enjoyed their camaraderie and appreciated his good nature. But now, Kathryn recognized, the restraints of her command had been dissolved. She was beginning to realize that those qualities she had admired in him all along were making her attracted to him in a very different way.

Her composure could have been lost completely when he tossed his shirt aside in the direction the vest had gone, all the while grinning broadly at her, while stretching out his arms and making the muscles in his upper arms and now naked chest grow taut, if the realization hadn't hit her that he was putting on a little show for her benefit. He'd known she'd been watching him, so he'd given her something to see.

'Sneaky devil,' she thought, somewhat amazed that Chakotay - honourable, honest, tranquil Chakotay - could be so sly. She was somewhat amused, as well. 'And two can play this game.'

"There you go, one garden plot, all ready for planting," Chakotay said. He dropped down on his knees before her, hands braced on his thighs, his chest still slightly heaving from the efforts of his work. He was sitting close enough to her that she could have reached out and placed her palms against that firm chest, ran her hands upwards and across those broad shoulders. Kathryn snapped her mind back to reality.

"Now we'll see if I can grow the food better than I can cook it," she said, and laughed.

He joined in her laughter and ran his hands through his damp hair. "I think I'm going to head down to the river for a swim. Care to join me?"

The last thing she needed, given the thoughts that were entering her mind at that moment, was to see him with even less clothing. Besides, if Chakotay was going to become an incorrigible flirt, she was not about to let him get one up on her.

"Brrr, no, the river's still to cold for me." She feigned a yawn and slid down to lay on her side, one hand propping up her head, the other resting languidly over her hip. "Besides, I'm feeling lazy. I think I might just take a nap and then have a soak in the bathtub this evening. I much rather prefer the feeling of sliding my body into warm water and feeling the heat all over my skin." She smiled at him sweetly.

Chakotay took in the vision of her laying before him, her body curving over the hard ground beneath it, and from the look on his face combined it with a mental image of her immersed in that warm water. He shot to his feet and said something about heading to the river. Kathryn could have sworn she also heard him mumble something about the merits of cold water at that particular moment, as he disappeared among the trees.

She rolled onto her back and would have laughed, if she didn't suddenly feel like she could use a good dousing in cold water herself.

***

Eventually their routine had come to include a weekly hike to survey the surroundings a bit further afield from their homestead. On a day that dawned clear, with soft white clouds being chased across the sky by a gentle wind that tempered the heat of the sun, they decided to hike out to the foot of the mountains that rose in the distance.

By early afternoon they were almost at their goal, and the terrain had turned rocky, with large boulders in their path and soft grasses giving way to stony ground. But they were enjoying their day of exploration and the ease they felt with each other and were caught up in conversation. A while back Chakotay had taken Kathryn's hand to assist her over a huge rock in their path and then they had continued on with their hands woven together.

Kathryn had been admonishing Chakotay on the hours he had been keeping, staying up until late into the night working at the computer. She'd been trying to inadvertently get him to share with her what he'd been working on, but he wasn't forthcoming. They were so engaged in their lighthearted banter, that they did not notice the harmless clouds that had trailed across the sky earlier had turned dark and foreboding, until they felt the first raindrops fall.

They had turned back in the direction of home right away but soon the wind picked up and the rain came down hard, making the need for shelter their immediate priority.

Chakotay had remembered a spot not too far back where two stones of monolithic proportion had come to rest together forming an archway of sorts that backed upon a craggy hillside. They headed in the direction of it at a run; though it wasn't a great distance away they were both soaked to the skin when they arrived at their destination.

They scooted under the great slabs of rock into an area that, while not roomy, provided ample shelter from the storm.

Kathryn grabbed a handful of the mass of hair that tumbled down her back, through which rivulets of water were coursing. She wrung the wetness from it as best she could.

Chakotay gazed out from under the awning of stone at the dark skies above. "Well Kathryn, it looks like you might have to get in touch with your pioneer roots one more time." He turned and grinned at her as he reached into the pack he carried. "But at least we can have instant heat, which is more than I can say for your ancestors." He removed a phaser from the pack and aimed it at a moss-covered rock on the ground. Soon the rock glowed red with heat which warmed its circumference. Chakotay reached into his pack once more and withdrew a thermal blanket. He wrapped one end across his shoulders and sat down, holding out his arm and the other end of the blanket for Kathryn to scoot under.

She sat down beside him on the hard ground and watched the storm rage on outside of their refuge. Enfolded in Chakotay's strong embrace, she felt the heat from his body much more than the warmth provided by the blanket or the rock.

"You know, this isn't so bad," she said softly. "I may be wet, but I'm warm and I'm safe and I feel ... at peace." She recalled the context in which he had spoken to her of peace, that night weeks before.

Chakotay looked at her, searching her gaze as if to read her thoughts, evidently recalling his words to her that night as well. He reached out and gently brushed a damp tendril of hair from her cheek.

"I would very much like to kiss you right now," he said, simply.

"I'd like that too," she whispered in reply.

Slowly, his mouth came down to meet hers, kissing her softly, almost reverently. He kissed her once, but languidly, gently, and then his mouthed moved to her ear, where it whispered her name.

Her arms came up and she laced her hands around his neck; her mouth sought his once more. This time, she deepened the kiss and he met her increase in tempo. Kathryn felt her heart race and soar, the gentle pressure of his mouth on hers and his solid body pressing against her. Her sense of the storm outside, the damp and rocky walls around her and the hard ground beneath her fell away. At that moment, her world became Chakotay.

They slid down to lay on their sides with the bare earth beneath them, Kathryn drawing a leg up and hooking it over Chakotay's thigh. She ran her hands down and up his muscular back and pushed her fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck. His mouth continued to plunder hers and she held his head firmly, seeking to know him in this way, to let loose between them the intensity of the feelings they shared. Those feelings that he had expressed for her, and that she had at last acknowledged she felt for him in return.

As he slowly traced his fingertips from her shoulder down to her hip, she felt a warmth and a tingling sensation in their wake, even through her clothing. His hand continued on down the leg which was thrown over his, to her ankle and back up again, as though he was mapping out her body, feeling the length of her and savoring it in his mind. He drew his palm across her pelvis and up, over her belly, cupping it around her breast Then he rubbed with slow circles and she felt herself swelling against his hand.

Kathryn made a noise low in her throat and felt an intense need to discover him, too. She pressed her hands tightly against his chest, wishing she could divest him of the shirt he wore and feel his flesh under her palms. Her fingers spread, she ran her hands down to his waist. She felt his stomach muscles tighten as she slipped her fingers under the waistband of his pants.

Chakotay made a gasping sound and abruptly broke their kiss. He rolled into a sitting position, pulling her upright with him. He held her in his arms, her head on his shoulder, one hand caressing her hair, as he tried to slow his ragged breathing. Kathryn locked her arms around his waist and remained silent, uncertain as to why he had broken their passionate embrace.

Once he had the breath for words, he placed a finger under her chin and tipped her head up to meet his eyes.

"Kathryn," he said, his voice deep and intense. "I don't want it to happen here, not in the dampness, with only a dirt floor beneath us. When we make love, I want us to be warm and comfortable, and to have all the time we need to know each other completely. Do you understand?"

She felt a heady sensation, as if something had suffused her with light and energy. A broad smile lit her face. "Yes," she told him. "Chakotay, you make me feel so special, so cherished."

"That's how I feel about you," he said, returning her smile.

"That's how I feel about you, too," she replied, and drew him down to her for a soft kiss. Then she snuggled up beside him, reveling in her newly admitted feelings for this man. With the sensation of being warm and contented and caring deeply for the man who held her in his arms, she drifted into a relaxed sleep.

***

He had woken her after the storm had passed, and they had managed to make it home before nightfall. Now, after a soak in the tub and a hot meal, Kathryn sat recalling the day's events in her mind.

She felt Chakotay's hands on her shoulders as he slipped up behind her. "Tired?" he asked.

"A bit. We walked a lot today. Are you going to give me a massage?" she said hopefully.

He chuckled softly. "If you'd like." His voice was low, sensual.

His strong hands began to work at her shoulders. She closed her eyes and sighed. "Umm. Now that's relaxing."

"Are you happy to be home?" he queried.

"Yes. Although our little excursion today certainly had its moments." She reached up to run her hands along his forearms before dropping them back into her lap. "And I was wondering," she said playfully, "if the rain hadn't stopped, if you would have pulled some sort of tool from that pack of yours and constructed a completely furnished cabin on the spot for us to stay in."

"Maybe I should go back and build a cabin. A weekend retreat for when we need to get away from this rat race," he replied teasingly.

"Or," he continued, leaning down to whisper in her ear, "for romantic rendezvous." He began kissing her neck, sending electric shocks throughout her body. She felt the fire she had found with him early that day begin to burn anew. His hands slid down her arms and began slowing making their way up her stomach.

That she desired him was without question. Her body was yearning for him. But the truth in how much she wanted him startled her. She felt more than lust for him, but was what she felt for him right now enough to sustain a lifelong relationship? If she and Chakotay were going to become lovers in every sense of the word, then she had to be able to give all of herself to him. Their circumstances did not allow for anything halfway, stranded as they were together on New Earth. She did not know if the rest of her was quite ready to walk the path her body was eagerly leading her down.

"Chakotay..."

Her tone was a plea for him to stop, rather than an entreaty for him to continue. Chakotay's hands froze in their tracks and Kathryn disentangled herself from his embrace and stood to face him.

The look of desire faded from his eyes and was replaced by worry and a hint of trepidation. Kathryn realized she was virtually reenacting the scene from the first time he had given her a massage and she had rebuffed his advances. Not wanting him to fear that her affections for him had diminished, she quickly skirted around the chair to stand directly before him. She grasped the hands that hung limply at his sides and looked up at him in earnest.

"I have all these feelings for you, wonderful feelings, that I've just opened my heart up to," she said to him. "These emotions seem so new, although I realize most of them have been there for a long time." She smiled at him tenderly. "I'm glad you stopped us today, during the storm, because I think I got swept away by those emotions. When we make love, I want to be able to give myself to you completely. Give you not only my body, but my heart and my soul as well. And I don't think I've quite reached the point where I'd be able to do that yet. I want what we have now, and I hope you'll understand and be able to wait for what would come later." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand that she was not rejecting his advances but allowing herself the time she needed to be able to accept them with her whole heart.

He let go of her hands, but only so that he could draw her closer to him. "Kathryn," he breathed softly. "Time is the one thing we appear to have plenty of. I want all of you, and I can wait until you're ready to give all of yourself to me. When we do come together, I want it to be true."

The breath that she'd been holding came out in a rush and she laid her head to his chest. They stood in a silent embrace, Chakotay softly running his hands up and down her back.

"God I love touching you, being held by you," Kathryn murmured in a whispery voice.

"Sleep with me tonight," he entreated. "Just sleep. Let me hold you all night and wake up with you beside me. Right now I don't want to let you go."

***

She awoke to find him staring at her, smiling. "You're beautiful," he said, "and you even snore delicately."

"Watch it," she warned, affixing him with a deadly gaze. "I haven't had a chance to even *think* about my first cup of coffee."

He laughed, then kissed her soundly, threw aside the covers and jumped out of the narrow bed. "I think that's a hint," he said, throwing a grin back to her and heading toward the kitchen area.

Kathryn was a little slower to rise, stretching languidly on the narrow berth. The bed was small, but it hadn't mattered last night, because she'd slept close in his embrace and she'd slept peacefully. She felt incredibly contented.

After a cup of coffee with breakfast and one for the road, Kathryn had gone to work in the garden. The plants were doing well, not quite ready for harvest, but they'd yield their fruits soon. Chakotay had interrupted her work and asked her to come into the house. He was finally going to disclose the project that he'd stayed up late all those nights working on.

The sound had come while they were excitedly making plans for the journeys they could undertake with the boat of Chakotay's creation. At first Kathryn's mind had shrugged off the noise, inconceivable as it was that she'd be hearing it. But it had come again.

Tuvok. Voyager. They were coming back for them. They'd found a cure to the disease she and Chakotay had been afflicted with.

Ending her communications with Tuvok, she could do nothing more than gaze soundlessly at Chakotay. She couldn't think of a word to say, her life had just been altered drastically. Again.

Chakotay's wry smile asserted that he had already given in to the inevitable. "This changes everything, doesn't it," he said quietly, crossing his arms over his chest to provide the only defense he had from the answer he was sure she would give.

Still in a state of slight shock, Kathryn remained seated in her chair. Her eyes conveyed the regret and the sorrow that she couldn't put into words. "It has to," she said softly. "I'm the Captain."

"Even the Captain goes off duty once in a while," Chakotay said, moving over to her side but not touching her.

"But I'm in command." She shook her head. "And so are you. We've been gone for so long, there's going to be so much we'll have to catch up on. This...you and me...us...it's too distracting. Too consuming. As much as we could promise ourselves otherwise, it would interfere. And I can't allow that." She now moved to take his hand. "Chakotay ... I'm sorry." She looked at him, imploring him to understand her decision.

"Don't ever apologize to me," he said, touching her face with his free hand. "Your dedication and your strength is part of who you are. Part of what makes me care so much for you." Part of what made him love her. He didn't say those words, as he didn't want to further complicate the emotions she was struggling with.

She placed her hand atop the one that rested on her cheek. "I'm not saying it's over, Chakotay. I'm just saying it has to be put on hold for a little while."

"I understand. My feelings for you will not change. I will be by your side as always and when you're ready to come back to me I'll be waiting."

She smiled a little at his words, but they did not ease the ache inside of her.

***

They'd spent the remainder of that day and evening packing up the house. 'Or modular shelter,' she'd amended in her thoughts while at the task. It was their home no more. One more night, and then they'd be back aboard Voyager. She should be jubilant, she'd worked so hard not long ago to find a way back to her ship, and now it was coming back for her. For them. That was the root of her melancholy. At first, she'd been determined to get off of New Earth. Then those hopes had been destroyed by the plasma storm that had damaged her scientific equipment beyond repair. But gradually, she had accepted the prospect of living out her life on the planet with Chakotay as her companion, and had actually began to enjoy that life. And then, she'd began to fall in love with him.

She looked up from her seat at the table to see him leaning against the privacy screen of his sleeping alcove, watching her. "Going to bed?" she asked.

"Yes. Are you coming with me?" Though his eyes bore into her, his expression was blank. If her answer hurt him, he would not allow her to feel any guilt as a result.

Her heart and her mind were warring with each other. She could say no, break that connection with him now, and set her mind back to the duty awaiting her aboard Voyager. Or she could say yes, and spend one more night in his arms, savouring the intimacy, the joy she felt in being with him, for all those lonely nights she would spend on board the ship.

Her heart won.

With the lights extinguished, she slipped into bed beside him in the total darkness. What the eyes couldn't see, the other senses made up for. They didn't sleep much that night, but neither did they talk. Knowing this was the last intimacy they would share for possibly a very long time, both seemed to want to use all the time left to commit the feeling of closeness to memory.

They held each other tightly for a time. She lay with her head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart, then drew her hand up under his shirt to cover his heart, atop his bare skin. She inhaled, breathing in the scent of him.

He drew her to him many times throughout the night, kissing her softly, at length. Then, as the omnipresent darkness of the room began to fade and dawn was not far off, his kisses grew more demanding, as if the fleeting time they had left, together, had become a palpable presence in the room. She clung to him, her need to savor their time remaining as great as his own.

He rolled on top of her, stretching out the length of her, and buried his head against her shoulder. He lay motionless, feeling their bodies tight against each other. She felt his weight atop of her, his strong body molding to her smaller frame, and she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Chakotay." She whispered his name softly, as an endearment, a promise and a pledge.

He rolled to his side once more, drawing her snugly to him. "My heart is yours," he murmured to her. "Sleep now, it's almost dawn."

She shed silent tears of regret before obeying his directive.

***

Throughout the next morning she managed to maintain a bright facade. Her composure only crumpled slightly when she took a last look at her garden, and in the moment before the beam out when they met each other's gaze. But seconds later they were caught by the transporter and back on board Voyager.

At first, they had been all propriety and protocol in their interaction with each other. But quickly, Kathryn realized that the crew was beginning to wonder what had happened with the ease that used to be in place between the Captain and Commander. So Kathryn forced herself to loosen up, and gradually they had fallen into the same comfortable companionship that had existed between them prior to their time spent on New Earth. Perhaps, their time spent there had even served to enhance their friendship, for they obviously knew each other much better now, and seemed more in tune as a team.

As the months passed, and the realities of being in command of a Starship absorbed her, New Earth began to seem to Kathryn almost like it had been an idyllic vacation. She knew she still had deep feelings for Chakotay, but it was much easier to regard him as her best friend, rather than anything more. Deep down, Kathryn expected that they would one day renew their romantic relationship, but she didn't feel that the moment was yet right. She thought there was plenty of time in some distant future for them.

But Kes's words now haunted her. *Something you do, or something you choose not to do, can make such an irrevocable difference*. What if something happened to her, or to him? Should she be denying them the happiness they could find with each other? Could she live with the regret she would feel if she didn't allow them to rekindle the flame that had sparked between them? That fire still burned for him deep within her. She still wanted him, still cared for him, still...

"Chakotay to Janeway."

Startled by the sound emitting not from her commbadge but being spoken in her ear, Kathryn whipped her head up. She felt the pain spread across the back of her skull a split second after she felt it connect with something solid behind her.

"Owwww!" Kathryn whirled around at the muffled cry to see Chakotay with his hand to his nose, blood trickling between his fingers.

"Chakotay," she gasped. "Are you all right?"

"I know you can be hard-headed sometimes, Kathryn. You don't have to prove it too me," he said glibly.

"Serves you right for sneaking up on an unsuspecting woman with those stealthy Indian moves," she shot back. But she gave him an apologetic smile. "Come on. We'd better get you to sick bay." She led him along the corridor to the turbolift.

"Deck five." Kathryn peeked out the corner of her eyes at Chakotay, who was still attempting, with little successes, to stem the flow of blood from his nose with his bare hands.

"Oooo." She made noises of sympathy and drew the decorative scarf she had paired with her dress for the party that evening from her shoulders. "Here, let me help."

He put out a hand to forestall her. "You'll ruin it," he mumbled from behind his other hand.

"It doesn't matter." She reached toward him with the scarf but at that moment the turbolift came to a jolting halt. Kathryn stumbled and narrowly missed smacking him in the nose, again, this time with the heel of her hand. He gave her a rather dark look.

"Turbolift, resume," she commanded. The lift did not move.

She tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to Engineering."

"Carey here, Captain."

"Lieutenant, I'm in turbolift two, which seems to be malfunctioning. Report."

There was a moment of silence, and then, "Uh, sorry about that, Captain. We're just in the process of switching the turbolifts back from auxiliary to main power. Just found a circuit that has to be rerouted. Should only be about five minutes or so and then we'll have you moving again."

"Fine. Just get it done as soon as possible. Janeway out." She darted a glance at Chakotay. She could request a site-to-site transport to sickbay, but Voyager had only just been restored to full power reserves after the Krenim attack and she did not wish to put any strain on their power supply as of yet. Chakotay looked like he could hang on a few minutes longer.

Still... "Maybe you should sit down," she told him, "and put your head back."

"Captain's orders?"

"Definitely." She grinned at him.

He complied with her demand, sinking down to the floor of the turbolift. She dropped to her knees beside him, and moved as to wipe at his face with her scarf. He put up a hand to once again stop her, but she grabbed his wrist with her free hand, and pushed his hand to the floor. "Let me," she said.

His other hand dropped away from his face in surrender, and she began dabbing at the blood running from his nose, its flow reduced to no more than a dribble now. As she wiped at his face, her thumb hovered just above his upper lip. Her eyes seemed drawn to the sensual line of his mouth and she recalled, vividly, again, the feeling of his lips upon hers. The turbolift was silent except for the slight sounds of their breathing, and as if by its own volition, Kathryn's thumb rested softly on his upper lip to slowly trace along its line and then moved down to draw across its lower counterpart.

When she felt his hand come to rest hesitantly on the back of her neck, her eyes flew up to meet his. His gaze was steady and did not reflect a question about her actions but rather provided a response to them. 'He's going to kiss me,' she thought. 'Or I'm going to kiss him. Either way, I want it to happen.'

As if being drawn together by an invisible cord, they slowly moved toward each other. She still had his one hand pinned to the floor and her other hand now cupped the side of his face. The fingers of his hand that rested on the back of her neck had moved up into the hair at her nape to aid in propelling her toward him. Neither noticed the slight motion of the turbolift in those infinitesimal moments before contact.

However, the sound of the turbolift door whooshing open just before their lips met jarred them back to reality.

At the sound of a muffled gasp from behind her, Kathryn rocketed back from Chakotay and pivoted around so that she was no longer practically kneeling over top of her first officer, but rather squatting beside him. Then she looked up at the occupants filling the door frame of the turbolift, and it was anybody's guess as to who was more shocked or surprised.

B'Elanna looked like she alternately wanted to shrink further into Tom's arms, where she was currently being held aloft, or jump frantically out of that same embrace. Tom, being Tom, wore a broad grin and looked delighted by the entire scenario. Chakotay, Kathryn noticed, looked slightly bemused and appeared to be attempting to hide a grin. For herself, Kathryn fell back upon command dignity and hopped to her feet in attention.

"What happened?" She asked B'Elanna, who was obviously allowing herself to be carried in Tom's arms out of necessity rather than choice.

"I hurt my ankle," she replied shortly, glaring at Tom.

"We're on our way to sickbay," Tom explained, stepping into the turbolift with his burden. "Deck five." This time the turbolift complied.

"Join the club," said Chakotay, who had risen to his feet following Kathryn.

B'Elanna eyed Chakotay, who still had some dried blood smeared on his face. "What happened to you?"

"She hit me," he said, deadpan, gesturing at Kathryn.

The Captain gasped. "It was an accident! He startled me in the corridor." She turned back to B'Elanna. "How did you hurt your ankle?"

B'Elanna looked up at Tom with a rather unfriendly look on her face. "I fell out of a shuttlecraft," she said.

"What were you doing in a shuttlecraft?" Chakotay questioned.

"I...he...we...it was an accident," B'Elanna muttered. She was saved from further interrogation at that time as the turbolift reached its destination.

Sickbay was empty when the foursome entered so Kathryn called the Doctor over her commbadge and requested his attendance. He arrived in a flash, literally, having transferred himself directly from the holodeck.

He took a look at B'Elanna, sitting on a biobed with her sore leg propped up, and Chakotay, leaning against the bed beside her, his nose slightly red and swollen looking.

"What, did you two leave the party and get into a brawl?" The Doctor quipped with his usual acerbity.

"This one's my fault," Kathryn interjected, gesturing a hand at Chakotay. "I hit him." At the Doctor's raised eyebrow, she clarified, "With the back of my head. It was an accident."

"Hmmm." The Doctor ran his scanner over Chakotay's face. "The bone isn't broken, the bleeding's stopped. You might have a bit of tenderness, but you'll be okay." He turned to the Captain. "What about you? Any headache or dizziness?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine."

The Doctor turned next to B'Elanna. "Now, what happened to you? I can see that ankle is definitely swollen."

"I fell out of a shuttlecraft," B'Elanna began, glancing from the Doctor to the Captain and Commander and then at Tom.

Tom stepped around the Doctor to face Kathryn and Chakotay. "I'll make sure she gets back to her quarters all right if you two want to be on your way."

Chakotay and Kathryn exchanged glances. "Sure," Chakotay said easily. "We can wait until tomorrow for your report on what unscheduled attention the shuttlecraft needed."

Tom managed a grim smile while B'Elanna cast her eyes downward. Kathryn waited until the sickbay door had hissed closed behind her and Chakotay before she broke into a grin.

"You're not really going to make them file a report, are you?"

"Come on, Kathryn. As first officer I need to what all personnel are up to. If there's a problem with one of the shuttlecraft then, well..." He smiled broadly.

"I think such a report might provide you with a little too much information," she said with a laugh.

They continued on with their light banter until they reached her quarters. As they halted outside the doorway in the quiet corridor, the occupants of the rooms along it either on duty, at the party, or ensconced in their quarters, they eyed each other a bit speculatively, or so it seemed in Kathryn's mind. Her actions, and his reaction in the turbolift coming to memory for her.

"What was it that you were so lost in thought about when I startled you earlier?" He asked.

She hesitated a moment and then said, "Just something Kes told me when I went to talk to her. It's something I've got to think about, but nothing to worry about."

He held her gaze with an intent look, seeming to search her eyes, and beyond. Kathryn felt her breath catch in her throat. His hand drew up to rest on her shoulder and she leaned toward him slightly.

He gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. "I hope it doesn't keep you up all night." He dropped his hand and then turned to walk the few paces to his own door. Kathryn escaped into her quarters.

***

She couldn't sleep. Wouldn't have been able to, even if she had tried.

So many months of ignoring her heart, believing herself free to indulge in their friendship without having to concern herself with her feelings for him that went deeper.

Yet in the space of one night, she had suddenly been quite prepared to revert back to that closeness they had once shared. She had been quite ready to kiss him...twice. She knew he had been ready to return that affection in the turbolift, but in the corridor outside her quarters, where she had held her breath and leaned toward him as he held her eyes, he had turned away. Walked away from her.

Was he simply waiting for her to fully acknowledge that she wanted their relationship to cross the boundary past friendship once more, or had his reaction in the turbolift been a momentary remembrance of the closeness they had shared, that he had afterwards decided he didn't want to return to?

Did she want to return to that closeness? It wasn't something she had given much thought to prior to that evening, but was all she could think of now. Now, in a matter of a few hours she had gone from not dwelling on her feelings for him and savoring the depth their past love affair had given to their friendship, to wanting that friendship to beget the passion lying beneath it. Now, her worry was that he no longer shared this desire.

Perhaps she should just leave things as they were. Maybe, at some time in the future, there would be another unguarded moment like there was in the turbolift that night. She could just let their relationship stand as it was, and leave the future in fate's hands.

*Something you do, or something you choose not to do, can make such an irrevocable difference.* Again, Kes's words came to mind. If she chose not to tell him she was ready to let the Captain go off duty when it came to their relationship, could it make the difference in their relationship not returning to what they had shared on New Earth? Certainly if something happened to Chakotay she knew she would have to live with the heartache of not only losing him, but also having lost what time they could have had together. Despite the fact that their voyage back to the Alpha Quadrant now seemed more and more like it would be a lifetime accomplishment, time, from the perspective Kes had presented her with, seemed fleeting.

She was not prepared to lose more time, lose a special gift her life had been granted, in finding him, and finding his love.

Her hand rose, slowly at first, to her commbadge, and then gave it a determined tap.

"Janeway to Chakotay."

A few moments passed, and Kathryn was about to repeat the hail, when she heard a decidedly groggy reply.

"Captain?"

Kathryn's eyes flew to the chronometer. 'Oh Lord.' She'd been so lost in thought, for several hours it appeared, that she hadn't given thought to the time. Now she had just roused Chakotay in the middle of the ship's night.

"Chakotay, I'm sorry," Kathryn apologized quietly. "I didn't realize the time. It's...it's nothing that can't wait. Go back to sleep."

"It's all right," he said, his voice low, but alert. "What is it?"

Kathryn felt a bit flustered; she hadn't intended on pulling him from a sound sleep to spill her heart to him. It couldn't hurt to wait a little while longer to tell him what she had planned to; perhaps she could have him to dinner in a night or two.

"It's something I wanted to talk to you about, but it's not ship's business so it can wait. I'm sorry I woke you."

"I'm awake now. And now you've got me curious. What is it?"

"It's not something I want to discuss over a commline. I need to talk to you, in person. Maybe we should set an appointment?" Kathryn cringed inwardly. Set an appointment to profess her heart's desire? If she was feeling that uncomfortable over a commline, not even talking about the actual issue, however would she manage it face to face?

Apparently, she was about to find out.

"How about now? I can come to your quarters."

Kathryn took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. "Fine. Come on by."

"I'll be there in about five minutes. Chakotay out."

A dozen speeches were decided on and discarded in those five minutes. She thought she'd finally hit upon the right way to tell him her decision about their relationship, but promptly forgot what she was going to say when he walked into her quarters.

"Hello," she managed.

"Hello," he replied, giving her one of his soft smiles.

She gestured to the lounger. "Please, sit down. Can I get you something? Some tea?" She asked, walking to the replicator.

"Sure," he said, taking a seat.

She used the few brief moments it took to order up the tea to compose her thoughts. 'Just tell him what you're feeling.' Taking the tea from the replicator, she went to join him on the lounger.

"So," he asked, "did you bring me here to tell me what's been keeping you up all night? And does this mean it's going to keep me up all night too?" His brows lifted in curiosity and he grinned at her.

Kathryn felt herself relax somewhat with his easygoing manner. "It might," she said teasingly, knowing that could turn out to be a loaded statement.

"Well....?"

Her expression sobered and she set her teacup down on the table before them. "Chakotay," she began, looking directly at him. He returned her gaze expectantly.

"Tonight Kes told me about what she experienced when she saw flashes of her life in the alternate time line. She also told me of what became of some of the crew in that time line. I died."

"And it's bothering you."

"No, no," Kathryn said, dismissing the notion with a wave of her hand. "That time line has already been altered. But what it has done is given me pause for thought about how quickly time passes, and how much things can change in a moment."

As Kathryn paused to collect her thoughts, she saw an imperceptible emotion cross Chakotay's face, and his expression grew solemn. "Kathryn," he interjected before she could continue, "is it what almost happened in the turbolift? Is that what you wanted to talk to me about? Did you want to tell me that it shouldn't have happened?"

His tone gave no evidence of remorse. His voice was steady, as if he was accepting that she was going to tell him their relationship could not surpass friendship, as if he was agreeing with that notion. Kathryn's heart sank. But she was determined to see this through, to know whether they had a chance to rekindle that flame or whether the fire had burned to ashes.

"No," she said softly. "No." Her voice took on more force, rising with the emotion she felt swelling within her. "Chakotay, what I want to tell you is that if anything happened to either one of us, and I had lived my life without letting you fully into it, I would bitterly regret it. If I lost you, as my first officer and my friend, I would mourn for you. But I'd rather have the memories of what we could share together to comfort me rather than grieve for what I didn't allow to happen. I need to know if you still feel the way you did on New Earth, because I'm ready to accept your heart, and give you my own."

Kathryn didn't dare take a breath when she finished her impassioned speech; her eyes did not leave Chakotay's. He regarded her with a serious look then moved to place his teacup on the table. Kathryn felt that time, while certainly fleeting in one respect, had at that moment stood still. Slowly, Chakotay turned to her.

"I told you on New Earth that my feelings for you would not change. That I would wait until you were ready to come back to me. I told you that my heart was yours." He placed his hands gently on either side of her face. "Kathryn, my heart is yours. Always."

He drew her to him to claim her mouth with his own. As their lips met Kathryn felt her breath escape with a whimper as a tear fell from her eye. Chakotay pulled back to wipe away the moisture coursing down her cheek.

"I was frightened," she confessed in a whisper. "Frightened that maybe you no longer felt the same way. That I had let too much time go by before I came back to you."

Chakotay shook his head. "Nothing could change the way I feel about you." He smiled fully, and Kathryn felt her limbs weaken with the force of it. "You've made me so happy tonight."

"I'm happy too," she said, reaching up to run her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck.

"So does this mean you'll be able to sleep now?" He asked humourously, inclining his head toward her desk where her chronometer was.

"No," she replied. She pulled him to her and kissed him soundly. "At least not right away," she said seductively. She trailed kisses up his cheek, then whispered in his ear. "But I'm sure I'll fall asleep afterwards, as long as I'm in your arms."

***

Part III - B'Elanna

"I can walk!" B'Elanna said, shoving Tom away from her.

If it hadn't been for her injury, he would surely have hit the bulkhead. As it was, it only took him a moment to regain his footing before he slipped his arm more securely around her waist.

"Sure you can," he replied smoothly. "But I seem to recall the Doctor telling you to stay off that ankle for twenty-four hours so it will heal properly."

"People are looking at us," B'Elanna hissed.

"And they're seeing what? I see someone helping an injured friend to her quarters. Do you think they're seeing something else?"

B'Elanna gritted her teeth. 'Aren't they?' She thought. 'Aren't they seeing this electricity snapping between us? The sensation, the connection is so strong, surely it must be visible.'

Fortunately, their arrival at her quarters saved her from having to respond to his question.

"Well...thank you," she said brusquely. She managed a nod and a quick smile. She did appreciate his assistance, even if her injury had been his fault. "I'll be fine from here." She stepped up to the door which opened to admit her.

"Make sure you follow the Doctor's orders and stay off that leg tomorrow," Tom said seriously. Then, unable to resist a parting quip, "After all, you do owe me a dance."

"What?!" B'Elanna whirled around on her uninjured leg to face him again. "I do not!"

"You do so. You lost the bet."

She looked at him incredulously. "I think the competition was called off when I fell out of the shuttlecraft!"

Tom shook his head. "Oh no. I bet you that as a pilot, I could complete a full diagnostic on the shuttlecraft quicker than you could as an engineer. I completed my diagnostic. You didn't."

"I couldn't complete my diagnostic because you were hovering so close over me that I missed my footing and fell out of the door!" B'Elanna's voice began to rise in exasperation.

"And you didn't complete your diagnostic. So I won, by default."

"Fine Paris. Fine. You want your dance? Then get in here, and let's get it over with, so I can get rid of you!" B'Elanna was fuming.

"Here? In your quarters?"

"Yes here. In my quarters. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Not at all. But I get to pick the music."

"Fine." B'Elanna ushered him through the doorway and stood with her fists on her hips, glaring at him.

"Computer, play musical selection Paris 4-7." At his command, a soft, haunting melody began to fill the room. Tom set one hand firmly above B'Elanna's hip and grasped her hand with the other.

It was an interesting dance, given B'Elanna's injury. She stood stiffly in his arms and half shuffled, half pivoted around on her good leg. Tom felt a bit guilty for pretty much forcing her into this, but he was not the type to let such an opportunity pass him by.

But even if his methods might be somewhat questionable, his intent was based on his heart. In his arms, B'Elanna's slight form seemed to belie her formidable physical strength and he felt very protective of her.

"I'm sorry you got hurt," he told her softly. "I really didn't mean for it to happen."

B'Elanna was scared to open her mouth to reply to his quiet words, scared to relax her rigid stance, for fear that it might thaw her icy demeanor, for fear she might melt against him. She was comfortable with the good-natured barbs that passed between them, she could even handle the light flirtation that their growing friendship had recently yielded to. But while she could find comfort in their sparring, she had been unprepared for the recent realization that she additionally longed to find comfort in his arms.

His apology was an honest one; he did feel guilty for being party to her injury. B'Elanna knew, however, that the real fault had been her own skittishness at his proximity. The least she could do to assuage his conscience would be to exhibit a modicum of affability rather than hobbling around like a stone statue.

She forced her body to relax, which was not really a difficult chore. She let her fingers linked with his curl around his hand while her other palm curved about his shoulder. She permitted herself a deep breath.

"This music is nice," she said. "What is it?"

Tom brought his head down to speak quietly into her ear. His breath whispered along her skin. She almost, but not quite, rested her forehead in the round between his neck and shoulder.

"It's a Bajoran piece, by Nika Stronn."

"Bajoran," B'Elanna murmured. The soft melody, the firm arm about her waist and that indescribable force that seemed to pull her to the strong body before her, was filling her with a warmth and a contentment she could not remember ever experiencing before. "What made you chose this piece?"

"It's three hours long," Tom replied.

B'Elanna jerked back from him, feeling as though she was being mocked, feeling like what was for her increasingly becoming an intimate moment was simply another one of Paris's ploys or schemes. But as she looked into his eyes, she saw that they held only a teasing warmth and beyond that, she could swear she saw a deeper affection. She had always taken his bets before, and in that moment, she decided to gamble on her own instincts.

"Tom!" She dropped his hand in order to punch him playfully in the shoulder. He used that opportunity to sneak his arm about her waist and pull her closer to him.

A charge coursed through her veins as she felt herself drawn tightly against him. B'Elanna wound her arms around him and traced over his bare neck with her fingertips. As he halted their parody of a dance, she threw back her head to gaze up at him.

"B'Elanna..." Tom whispered. A statement rather than a question.

"Yes," she breathed. An affirmation.

He lowered his mouth to hers. Their duet outlasted Nika Stronn's composition that night.

***

Part IV - Epilogue

Kes left her quarters earlier than usual that morning. Sickbay always seemed to be so much busier the morning after a party and she wanted to get there in time to prepare. She did not expect to find her first patient in the corridor outside of B'Elanna Torres' quarters; that the patient was Tom Paris did not necessarily surprise her.

"Good morning, Tom."

"Uh, hi Kes," he said with an awkwardness that was in opposition to his usual demeanor. He fell in step beside her.

She noticed that he was supporting one of his arms with the other. "Are you all right?" she asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm..." he paused. "Say Kes, do you think you could do me a favour?"

"Sure."

"Well, I have kind of hurt my arm but I don't want to go to sickbay and have it registered in the logs. B'Elanna, well, she might not like people guessing at the reason behind my injury. Do you think you might be able to come to my quarters and have a look at it? I don't think it's anything too serious."

"Certainly, Tom. I wouldn't mind. Just let me go to sickbay and get my instruments."

He flashed her a smile. They had reached his quarters so he stopped, and she paused for a moment with him. "I really appreciate it, Kes. This is the first time I can remember that I really want to make a relationship work, make it into something long lasting," he said honestly. "I'm not even sure that I have it in me, but I'm sure going to give it a try." The intensity of his gaze gave credence to his sincerity. Kes couldn't help but want to bolster his confidence.

"Of course you have it in you, Tom." She laid a hand gently on his arm. "You have inside of you what it takes to make that type of commitment. With the right person you will someday be a wonderful partner, and husband, and father too. I know."

The look Tom gave her made Kes realize she may have been a bit too forthright in her assurances. "I'll just go get my instruments from sickbay now," she said, hurrying away.

Tom stared after her long after she had disappeared around the corner. He remembered how she had not wished to discuss her experiences in the alternate time line and wondered just what she had seen. Then, giving his shoulders a shrug, he entered his quarters, his thoughts engrossed in deciding what he should serve to B'Elanna for their dinner that evening.

***

As was her habit, Kes first checked her daily messages upon arriving in sickbay. One in particular caught her interest. It was issued to all hands, from the Captain, advising that both she and the Commander would be off duty that day, and neither of them was to be disturbed. Anything issues needing an immediate solution were to be brought to the attention of Lieutenant Tuvok.

Kes smiled as she assembled the instruments she required to examine and treat Tom. Some futures were resolved. She would embrace the uncertainty of her own with an enthusiasm for the wonder it could hold.

***

THE END

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