A Glance Heavenward

by Vicki James, 2000

Disclaimer: Asteroid was produced by Davis Entertainment and broadcast by NBC.  No copyright infringement is intended.

Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission.

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Many thanks to Kath, as always, for her editorial input and for making a convert out of me. =)

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The rural West Virginia night sky offered a panorama much different from that found in the city. But instead of looking up at Mother Nature's display of glittering diamonds set against a black velvet background, Jack Wallach stared into the writhing flames of the bonfire in front of him.

The small conflagration lay claim to the wood, enveloping it, consuming it until it glowed a superheated orange-red. It left only charred particles in its wake that would disintegrate to ash by the break of the morning sun. The sight kept fresh to mind the week just spent fighting for lives and land as a roaring wildfire laid waste to an area in California. Blessedly, no human life had been lost, this time. Such was not always the case. But as it was on this occasion, Jack could relax and revel in a job well done, rather than agonize over the should haves, maybes, and what ifs.

The rhythmic hiss and crackle of the fire, which had been the only audible sound in the lateness of the night, was punctuated by the slamming of the cabin door. Jack finally tore his gaze from the flames as Adam appeared at his side, another cold beer in hand to offer to his friend.

Jack liberated the bottle, which was icy and dripping wet after being confined to a cooler for much of the day and evening. He wiped the moisture off of the bottle with the bottom of his navy sweatshirt and then dried his hand on the leg of his jeans. A twist of the wrist and the bottlecap was off. Jack tossed it into the beer case at his side, which was near to full with empty bottles, remnants of the night's libations.

As Adam flopped down into the chair beside him, Jack raised his bottle to his mouth and took a drink. While the cold amber liquid glided down his throat he kept his head back and closed his eyes.

Though the smell of the woodsmoke should have reminded him of the past week spent in California, in this environment the scent was pleasing. Combined with the fresh air and the heady aroma of the surrounding woods it washed Jack's senses with a feeling of serenity. Not surprising, as even in the middle of Washington, D.C. Jack could take comfort in breathing air, though likely polluted as it was, free of the reek of disease, death and destruction that had all too frequently permeated his working life.

Here, in the West Virginia woods, Jack felt the last tensions of the past week, and months, and year drain from him. Fully relaxed, senses becalmed yet invigorated, and rapidly moving past being more than just a little intoxicated, Jack let out a huge sigh of contentment.

Adam grinned at the sound. "Enjoying yourself?" he asked.

"Yeah," Jack nodded, returning his friend's smile. "It's great out here. Thanks for inviting me."

"It seems to me it had more to do with persuading you than inviting you," corrected Adam. "But I'm glad you came. We've been working together for more than a year now and this is the first time I've see you take any time off."

Jack shrugged. "I'm not much for vacations."

"Well, you should learn to like them, Jack," Adam countered. "I wouldn't want to see you burn yourself out."

"My wife died while on vacation," Jack blurted out softly. His gaze lowered to stare at the glint of the fire's glow reflecting off of his beer bottle.

Adam's eyes widened in shocked surprise. "Oh man, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up. I had no idea."

"I met Krista in Africa, when I was working there for the American Red Cross."

"Jack, you don't need to tell me." Adam was dumbfounded. He hadn't even known Jack had been married, never mind that he'd lost a wife.

"Krista was a nurse at the time, there with a medical team," Jack continued on, either oblivious to Adam's protests that he need not elaborate, or needing to tell his friend about this tragic history.

Adam sat back in silence, letting Jack tell him what he would.

"She always said there was nothing special about herself, but she was wrong." Jack closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, as if summoning a memory. "She had the most amazing smile..."

...Jack dragged himself up the wooden stairs to the canvas flaps that served as doors to the mess hall. He was still trying to determine whether he might be better off just seeking out his cot rather than a bite to eat when his stomach rumbled insistently, sealing the decision for him. Food, then sleep.

After a week on the road with a team distributing food and medical aid, Jack was bone weary. Not just physically, but mentally as well. There was so much need, but not enough relief workers or resources. It made him feel so powerless at times.

He expected to find the mess empty that late into the evening, but nonetheless was not really surprised to find a lone person sitting at one of the tables when he pushed through the doorway flaps.

The small figure sat sideways on a bench, one leg stretched out in front of her and one leg bent at the knee. The white sneakers she wore on her feet served to emphasize how darkly tanned her legs were. Her riotously curly brown hair was tamed and held back with a clip at the nape of her neck and she was busy with pen and paper, probably writing a letter home.

"Burning the midnight oil?" said Jack to alert Krista to his presence in the tent.

Her head snapped up at his voice and turned in his direction. Her green eyes widened with delight and a grin spread across her face, which suddenly seemed to radiate with pleasure at seeing him.

At once, Jack felt lightheaded, but not from lack of food or a need for sleep. At that moment the villagers could have performed one of their traditional dances around him and he would have been oblivious to it.

"You're back!" said Krista.

"Yeah," Jack replied, still trying to get his mouth to form coherent words.

"How was it?" Krista asked.

Jack sighed and ran a hand over his face, memories of the past week interfering with the moment.

"It...wasn't good," Jack told her, walking over to the table at which she sat.

Krista's smile faltered and she reached up to lay a hand gently on Jack's arm. "Don't worry about getting into it now, I'll hear about it at briefing. You look exhausted."

"I was going to grab something to eat before crashing," Jack explained.

"I'll leave then and let you eat in peace." Krista began gathering up her papers.

Jack forestalled her by placing his hand atop hers on the table. "No, wait."

Krista looked up at him quizzically, but she didn't move her hand away.

While they had spent time around each other before, talking after dinner or playing cards in the evening, Jack had never craved her company like he did at that moment. It wasn't escape from solitude he sought, but time spent in Krista's presence. He realized something had unexpectedly, irrevocably shifted in the way he thought about her.

"Don't go," Jack asked her. "I'd like the company." Though he was requesting that she stay, he still removed his hand from hers.

"Sure," Krista agreed.

Jack smiled. "Just let me see what I can scrape up in the kitchen and then you can tell me what's been happening in camp while I was gone."

In the kitchen area at the back of the tent Jack routed through supplies and assembled a plate of bread and cheese and fruit. Meager as the dinner was, Jack still felt somewhat guilty for being able to fill his stomach when so many in that area were starving to death. But logic told him that he wouldn't be in a position to help anyone if he were undernourished.

After filling a cup with water from a massive jug Jack returned to the table and lowered himself onto the bench opposite Krista. "So fill me in on all the gossip."

"Cakusola had her baby," Krista began excitedly.

"Oh yeah?" Jack said with interest. "What did she have?"

"A little boy. He's named Luister." Krista's expression sobered then. "There were a few problems with the birth. It's a good thing Jeff didn't go with you guys because I couldn't have handled the complications on my own. I wouldn't have been any good to Cakusola or the baby."

"Hey." Jack put down the last bite of cheese he was about to eat and looked at her pointedly. "Don't beat yourself up over it. Jeff's a doctor. He's had more training than you."

"I know," Krista sighed, looking up to the ceiling and brushing some runaway curls back from her forehead. "It just bothers me when I'm limited in what I can do. I wish I could do more."

"We all do," said Jack consolingly. "But you're a great nurse. You already do so much for people."

"Thanks," Krista said, meeting his gaze. They were silent, staring into each other's eyes for a moment, and then Krista spoke. "I guess you'll want to get to bed now."

Reluctantly, Jack forced his gaze down to his plate, on which rested only his last piece of cheese. He picked the morsel up and popped it into his mouth, chewing and swallowing.

"I guess it is that time." Jack nodded and rose. He grabbed his plate and cup and brought them back to the kitchen area, giving them a quick cleaning while Krista folded up her papers.

He ambled back over to the table when he was done. "Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight," Krista replied, shooting him a quick smile as she rose from her seat.

He turned in the direction of the door.

"Jack," Krista called, stopping him. He turned back to her.

She clutched her papers to her chest and slowly rocked back on her heels. "I'm glad you're back," she told him softly.

"Me too," he replied, flicking his fingers at her in a little wave and then rounding toward the door once again.

He had taken two steps before spinning back around. Krista stood still, watching him.

"I'm going to the city in a couple days to pick up supplies," Jack said. "Maybe...would you like to come with me? I know a restaurant that's pretty okay and we could stay long enough to have lunch or something."

Krista's face glowed with a huge smile once again. "I'd like that. I'd like it a lot."

Jack left the mess tent, his exhaustion forgotten. He felt energized enough to take on anything...

"When she turned that smile on me for the first time..." the corners of Jack's own mouth twitched upward at the thought, "not just smiling with me around, but smiling at me, because she was happy to see me, well, I was lost."

"We were married by a minister doing missionary work in the village. I had asked Krista if she wanted to wait until we were back home so she could have a proper dress and all the trappings of a traditional wedding. She wasn't interested in any of that..."

...Jack stood with Jeff King in the tent they shared - had shared, as tonight he and Krista would have quarters of their own. The men were clad almost identically in short-sleeved button front shirts, one in white and one in blue, and beige coloured shorts. The tent was small, with just enough room for a man to stand up in the exact centre. Where the roof sloped down at either end of the tent was a cot, and a small desk and chair was placed between the beds.

Jeff poured a small measure from the bottle of scotch that he'd pulled from his trunk into two cups, then handed one to Jack. Picking up his own cup he raised it in a toast. "Here's to the end of life as you know it."

"And to the start of a better one," Jack fired back. "With a much better looking roommate."

An affable fellow, Jeff laughed at Jack's humour. "You got that right. But seriously, congratulations. I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I'm sure you'll find it. You and Krista belong together."

The men drained their glasses just as the tent flap was flipped back. A white haired, almost cherubic looking man squeezed into the tent with them.

"Jack, lad, it's near time. You don't want to keep your bride waiting," said the Reverend Hamish MacKinnon.

At the sight of the elderly minister, Jeff leaned over to his left a bit to try and hide the bottle of spirits. It wasn't that Reverend MacKinnon was particularly sanctimonious, just that it was, after all, not even eleven o'clock in the morning.

"I'm ready, Reverend," Jack announced.

"Then let's be off. But first, I wonder if the good doctor might share a wee dram of that whiskey with an auld Scot."

***

Standing at the front of the small church with Jeff and Reverend MacKinnon, Jack looked past the villagers and Red Cross workers who had crowded into the limited space. He was at once nervous and excited and thrilled beyond belief.

When Krista walked through the door of the church he felt a new joy spread over him. She'd told him earlier that she'd borrowed the skirt she'd be wearing, and her blouse might have seen one too many washings. But she was adorned with multiple beaded necklaces that could only have been gifts of the village women, and tiny white flowers had been woven into her hair...

"...I'd never seen a bride so beautiful." Jack's voice dropped to a whisper and his next words came in a rush. "It was the best day of my life."

For a full minute the only sound to be heard was the flames consuming the wood. Adam tossed another log on the fire, which then flared up again. After another minute of watching the dancing flames in silence, Adam began searching for something to say, words of condolence to offer, or a change of topic to end Jack's bittersweet reminiscence.

But before any words came to mind, Jack took a long draught of beer and continued with his story. Krista's story.

"Krista was good-natured, and giving. But she was also stubborn as could be." Jack turned to Adam and held up a hand in a gesture of surrender. "You didn't want to stand in her way when she had her mind set on something."

"We'd been married for about six months when Krista told me she wanted to return to school. She was a great nurse, but it bothered her that there were aspects of medicine she didn't know. She wanted to be able to do more to help people. She wanted to become a doctor..."

...As soon as he entered the tent Jack flopped down onto one of the two cots that were pushed up beside each other at one end of the canvas structure.

Krista was sitting rustling through some papers at the small table that filled the other end of the tent. If he so wished, Jack could reach over and touch her, so confined was the space.

After a full day of helping the camp administrator try to sort out some bureaucratic red tape Jack's mind was weary. He lay back and closed his eyes.

"Mail come?" he asked Krista rhetorically. "Anything interesting?"

"I got accepted to medical school," Krista replied.

Eyes still closed, Jack smiled at his wife's wry humour. "Seriously."

There was a pause and then Krista spoke with deliberation. "A while back I applied to medical school. I've just received this letter of acceptance."

Now Jack's eyes opened and he sat up slowly to look at his wife. In her hand she held a piece of paper bearing the letterhead of the eastern U.S. college at which she had received her nursing degree.

"What does this mean, Krista?" Jack was legitimately confused. Krista had never before mentioned anything about going back to school.

"I want to get my medical degree." Krista's eyes were wide, imploring him to understand. "I feel so limited right now and it bothers me because I know I could do so much more to help people if I became a doctor."

"So you want to move back home, halfway around the world, to go back to school. Where does that leave us?" Jack felt an absurd irrationality kindle within him. His wife had made all these plans for her future without bothering to consult with him, without bothering to even mention any of it to him.

"Nothing could ever come between us, I wouldn't let it," Krista said firmly, eyes never wavering from his as she looked over at him. "I know it would be asking a lot of you, but I thought you could come back to the States with me. We've talked about going back when we're ready to start a family and we wouldn't be able to do that right away, but I know you could find work to do back home. There is need there, too."

"I still have half a year left on my contract here," Jack mentioned, not knowing if he was denying her plea or considering it. "When would you have to start school?"

"In eight weeks," replied Krista. "I'd have to move back earlier and then you could join me when you were done here."

Jack saw a familiar set of determination settle on Krista's face as she carried on. "I don't want to be apart from you, but it's so important to me that I do this. I've been talking to Jeff about it and he thinks I have what it takes to make a good doctor."

"Jeff? JEFF?" Suddenly Jack exploded up from his seat on the cot. "You've talked to Jeff about this but you haven't talked to me about it? I'm your husband Krista!"

"Jack, I'm sorry! I spoke to Jeff because I asked him for a letter of recommendation. I swore him to secrecy, and he wasn't too happy that I wasn't telling you, but he agreed to not say anything."

"Jeff's too nice of a guy to refuse you," Jack muttered. "But Krista," Jack fought for control of his voice and continued in a softer tone, "why didn't you tell me about all of this?"

"Because I didn't see any point in having this argument with you if I wasn't going to be accepted into the program," said Krista quietly.

Jack took a deep breath. "But you were accepted." He reached down and took the letter from her that she held dangling between her knees. His eyes scanned it briefly and then he placed it on the table and took her hands in his instead. He pulled her gently to her feet.

"Do you remember Tomas Alovar?" Jack asked. Krista nodded at him.

"He's back in the States now, working in emergency management," advised Jack, letting go of Krista's hands so he could put his own to her waist. "He told me if I was ever thinking of returning to the U.S. to give him a call and he'd have a place for me." Jack drew Krista up against him.

She gave him a tremulous smile. "Really?"

"You will be a great doctor, sweetheart, and I'm proud of you for wanting to do this." Jack smiled at his wife whose eyes looked suspiciously wet.

Krista tangled her arms around Jack's shoulders and rested her head against his chest. "I love you so much," she breathed.

"I love you too." Jack closed his eyes for a moment, just holding Krista close to him. Then in one fluid motion he bent and threw an arm behind her knees and swept her up into his arms.

"What are you doing!" Krista exclaimed, laughing.

Jack turned toward the cots and the answer became obvious.

"I'm going to hate being separated from you when you go, so I'm going to make sure I have plenty of memories to keep me company when we're apart," he whispered, bending his head to kiss her...

The fire crackled and Jack shifted in his chair, straightening up then taking a deep breath as if to try and relieve a building of tension.

"My return home was coinciding with the end of the school term, so Krista and I decided to spend the break vacationing at an inn located on a small island off the coast of South Carolina. Krista went out a couple days before I was set to arrive... "

...Jack was packing when one of the young men who worked in the camp's administrative office came to tell him there was a phone call for him. Immediately, Jack dropped the pile of books he had been trying to cram into his trunk and set off for the office at a run. Personal calls were a rarity as reaching the camp by phone meant going through multiple operators. All Jack could think of was that something terrible had happened to Krista.

He tore through the door of the office and lunged for the telephone receiver, gulping air as he barked a hello into the phone.

"Jack!" Krista's voice, though muffled through the static, was instantly recognizable.

"Are you all right?" Jack asked, a good deal relieved to be hearing her voice on the other end of the line.

"I'm fine," Krista laughed.

Jack took a long breath, trying to get his racing heart under control. "I thought something was wrong when I was told there was a call for me."

"No, everything's great. I'm on the island!"

"Yeah?" Jack smiled now. "How is it?"

"It's wonderful. I know we're going to pay a fortune in long distance charges for this, but I just had to call and let you know how great it is here," Krista said excitedly. "We have a cozy little room with a fireplace, and the restaurant serves buttermilk pancakes with blueberry syrup. Except for the fact that it won't stop raining everything is perfect."

Jack replied, "For me, everything will be perfect as soon as I can be with you again..."

"...At the same time that I was travelling to the airport, a hurricane was travelling up the Florida coast. Emergency measures were put into place, with marine traffic being curtailed and evacuation procedures initiated. There was plenty of warning as the storm ripped northward, plenty of time to get everyone to safety, but someone screwed up. Because of disorganization in the chain of command, evacuation of two islands was overlooked. Krista was on one of those islands."

"My God, Jack," Adam breathed. He placed a hand on Jack's arm as Jack looked at him bleakly.

"There was an inquiry later that proved there was enough time to get everyone off the islands," Jack said with a heavy sigh. "But even determining who was to blame couldn't bring my wife and the others lost with her back to life."

"She didn't even die from the hurricane!" Jack cried, standing suddenly and hurtling his beer bottle to the ground. It smashed against the rocks encircling the bonfire pit.

His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides as he continued on, his voice still risen in tone. "There was an old storm cellar at the inn that they sheltered in. They made it through the storm, but others weren't so lucky. Krista joined in the local rescue efforts, providing what medical aid she could. She had been administering first aid on a man whose house had half collapsed on him. A few others had been trying to clear away the rubble when they moved the wrong beam and the rest of the house came down. Right on top of Krista."

Jack swallowed repeatedly before going on. "Communications from the island were out, but once the sea was calm enough someone set out in a boat to get help from the mainland. It was a day and a half from the time the storm hit until the time rescue teams arrived. By the time they got there it was too late for Krista. She was dead."

On the last phrase Jack's voice broke and he fell back into his chair, face buried in his hands.

"Jack..." Adam could say no more. There were no words. He squeezed Jack's arm in sympathy.

Moments passed and then Jack drew a great breath and lifted his head. He turned to meet Adam's concerned gaze.

"I'm sorry for dumping all of that on you," Jack said, his tone calm once again.

"Hey, no," Adam replied, "don't apologize. I'm glad you told me. I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that you lost your wife. It sounds like she was a remarkable woman."

Jack nodded. "Thanks. She was."

They fell into a comfortable silence for a minute. Adam mused over the story Jack had just related. He understood so much more now of what drove his friend to be so diligent. He now knew why Jack had made the directorship of FEMA his career goal and why he wouldn't give up until he had seen with his own eyes that all the residents of an area were secured if it was within his earthly power.

"You know, people think I'm a loner," Jack offered abruptly. "The truth is that I find it so hard to let people get close. To let women get close."

"Well, I only know of Krista what you've told me tonight, but from the sound of it, she would want you to move on, and to find someone to share your life with," suggested Adam.

"You're right," Jack agreed. "The problem is, when I start to feel ready to open up to someone it scares me that I'm only able to do so because I'm forgetting Krista."

"You won't forget Krista. When the right woman comes along you'll be able to open up completely for her."

"I hope you're right."

Adam threw another log on the fire, stood and turned toward Jack.

"Beer?" he asked.

"Yeah," Jack grinned.

Adam disappeared into the cabin, leaving Jack alone with the fire. For once, Jack tilted his head back to look up at the stars. He knew in his heart that Krista was out there, somewhere, still with him and watching over him. He also knew that Adam was right, that Krista would want him to move on.

He gazed at the pinpoints of light shimmering in the sky. Maybe when the time was right, when the woman was right for him to give his heart again, Krista would send him a sign.

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