Purely on Instinct

by Vicki James, 2001

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. No copyright infringement is intended.

Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission.

******

"I remember feeling...feelings," Jonah admitted.

"For me?" Thera was both curious and hopeful.

"No, for Tor," he responded sarcastically, and she laughed. It occurred to her that he could always make her laugh.

Jonah continued. "I don't remember much, but I do remember that."

"So." Where does this leave us, Thera wondered.

"So," he shrugged. "I'm just saying."

"Well then I feel better."

They sat in silence for a few moments, each digesting this newest revelation.

"We should get some rest," Jonah suggested halfheartedly.

Thera didn't move from where her head lay against his shoulder except to slide an arm around his waist. "I'm pretty comfortable here."

Jonah felt a warmth spread through him that had nothing to do with the fires or the steam that pervaded the power complex.

He slowly raised a hand and placed it against her cheek. His thumb rubbed gently over her smooth skin while his fingertips buried into her hair. Thera kept her eyes closed but her lips curved into a smile.

She was so beautiful, so special. He'd thought that since the first day he'd seen her at the plant. But wait, he'd known her from the mines, too. So that must have been where he'd first noticed her. He'd adored her from the beginning. He'd told her that. I adore you already. It must have been at the mines.

Throughout his musings Jonah had continued to caress her face. He was jarred out of his reverie when she turned her head to place a kiss in his palm. Her lips against his skin created a small explosion with the aftershocks coursing up his arm.

Thera turned her head toward him, opening her eyes to gaze into his. Her hand left his waist to move slowly up his chest and then her fingers slid around to the back of his head to prod him toward her.

Even as he brought his lips down against hers, his heart hammering in his chest and his body nearly trembling in his eagerness to touch her, he felt an annoying niggling in the back of his brain telling him maybe he shouldn't be doing this.

He gave the sensation of misgiving a mental slap as her lips parted beneath his. Their mouths began with a slow dance but gradually the tempo increased.

Thera wound her arms around his shoulders and held on to him as she shifted her upper body so she could press against him. Their kiss deepened and her tongue slipped into his mouth seeking a partner. Jonah was lost. Almost.

He brought the kiss to a leisurely end rather than ripping his mouth from hers. Even so, Thera gazed up at him with both confusion and disappointment in her expression.

"Is this wise?" he whispered. "I mean, if we really don't know who we are, how do we know this is something our real selves would want?" Despite his words of caution he still couldn't resist running his thumb slowly across those lips he'd just so thoroughly kissed.

"This is the one thing in this place that feels completely right," Thera replied, her words spoken as softly as his. "I don't know what's real about this place, about our memories, and what's false, but I do know we are somehow meant to be together. Don't you feel it too?"

"Yeah," he admitted. Then with more conviction, "Yeah, I do."

Thera smiled and nestled her head against his chest. "I don't want to think anymore tonight, or try to remember," she murmured. "I just want to concentrate on what feels so right. I want you to make love to me, Jonah."

She'd said it so quietly he almost questioned whether he'd heard it at all. But then she looked up at him with wide blue eyes filled with expectancy and desire.

"We can't, not here," he said. They could still see into the sleeping quarters from the corner in which they'd gathered.

"I know where. Will you come with me?"

"I'd follow you anywhere," he replied. Before she could move he placed a hand on either side of her head and bent down to claim a slow, sensual kiss.

When they eventually broke apart Thera rose on legs that were not entirely steady. She took Jonah's hand in hers and led the way out of the sleeping quarters and down the dimly lit corridor beyond.

She was being reckless; she knew it. She realized somehow that it wasn't like her, like her true self, to act so impulsively. But she also knew somehow, without a doubt, without the slightest hesitation that she and Jonah were meant to be together. The depth of feeling she had for this man, even when she couldn't properly remember who either of them had been or were supposed to be, both startled and excited her. She was operating purely on instinct now, but it was a relief to be doing something that at heart she needed not question.

Not far down the hallway Thera stopped before a door and opened it up. In the meager light of the corridor Jonah could just make out that it was a storage room of sorts. There was shelving along one wall, a few cots stacked up at the back and the thin mattresses to lay upon those cots piled on the floor.

"It's not much, but it's private," Thera said, tugging him inside and shutting the door.

They were plunged into utter darkness. There was a faint glow of light coming from under the door, but not enough to penetrate the blackness of the room.

Thera imagined Jonah could hear her heart pounding. She could hear his breathing, as well as her own, as they stood immobile, alone in the darkness. She felt a moment's awkwardness, but then Jonah was reaching out to draw her toward him.

Without light, they moved by touch and feeling alone. Jonah's hands slipped around her waist and she ran her palms up his chest to grasp his shoulders. She felt the warmth of his breath against her face and then the stubble of his beard rasp along her cheek as his mouth sought hers. Her lips parted willingly, eagerly, but his kiss was languid as though he was determined to take the time to savour every touch between them.

Thera's hands worked to unfasten his shirt and the push it down off of his shoulders. He released his hold on her to shrug the garment off of his arms and she slid her hands slowly up his naked chest and then down his warm, muscled back. He grabbed her again and pulled her hard against him and she pressed willingly into his frame.

Their kisses grew deeper, tongues thrusting and parrying, bodies straining with unfulfilled need. Jonah's hands stole up under Thera's shirt and his fingertips trailed around the bare skin of her waist to find the drawstring of her trousers. He divested her of the clothing covering the lower half of her body and she stepped out of them, kicking off her shoes at the same time.

Stumbling a few steps they found the pile of mattresses and landed in a tangled heap upon it, finally breaking their kiss. Jonah went to work removing Thera's shirt while she brought her hands up to run them through his hair. It had been darker when they had first met, she thought absently, but it had gradually become peppered with gray. It was perpetually ruffled.

Any further musings fled her mind as she felt Jonah's lips upon her neck; his mouth slid with a heated wetness along her sensitive skin as the stubble from his beard provided a contrasting sensation of friction. One of his hands trailed lazily down her now naked body, stopping to tease one of her nipples between his thumb and finger before continuing on to the juncture of her legs.

"Jonah," she breathed as his finger slipped between her folds to offer an intimate caress. She moaned, arching against his hand as she felt every inch of her body suddenly come shivering to life. Yet she felt poised on the brink, like a diver in position, body frozen just before taking the plunge.

She pulled his head back to her, seeking his kiss once more. She moaned into his mouth and then ran her hand down his back to tug ineffectually at his trousers, letting him know she needed more of him.

Jonah pulled away from her long enough to strip off the remainder of his clothes. Even the mere seconds that took seemed too long for him to be away from her soft, supple body and her enthusiastic touch. Once freed of his apparel Jonah lay back down beside Thera, gathering her against him. Both were breathing heavily and the need Jonah felt to bury himself inside of her was near to overwhelming but he still stalled in order to take a languid inventory of her body. His hands roamed over her and he pressed against her, seeking as much contact between their naked skin as possible.

Reaching a hand out blindly in the darkness, Thera found Jonah's cheek and ran her thumb lightly over the coarse hair that grew there. She brushed her thumb over his mouth and offered a smile he couldn't see when he captured her thumb between his lips, brought it into his mouth and then let her slowly pull it away. She wished she could see him, look into his eyes and let him view the wonderment and joy in her own.

She wrapped one leg around his and willingly parted the other when he rolled on top of her. Lifting her hips, she sought him out but he was still in no hurry yet to come to her. Instead he lowered his mouth to her breast, teasing her nipple with his tongue.

Jack, she thought, then her mind paused in confusion over the name. No, not Jack. Jonah. She whispered his name out loud in confirmation.

He brought his head back up to rest his cheek to hers. "I've been wanting this for so long." He spoke softly into her ear. "I can hardly believe you want me."

"I do," she assured him. "Very much. Very soon. Like now." She lifted her hips, rocking against him to further her point.

Jonah gave a low chuckle then obliged by slipping inside of her.

When he had buried himself deeply within he gave a soft groan and lay motionless for a moment, enjoying the sensation of her softness encasing him. Thera rolled her hips in a slow circle to bring him as fully inside as possible.

They moved against each other, first unhurriedly and then with more expectancy. Thera's hands skimmed lightly up and down Jonah's back but as their movements became quicker she felt the need to clutch on to him, to hold him closer, to bring him tighter and deeper within her.

With each thrust she felt the nerve endings throughout her body quiver to life, like all the leaves of a tree shuddering in the passing breath of the wind. She wrapped her arms tightly around him feeling a compulsion to draw him still closer as though they could somehow merge into one being and he could fill her both body and soul.

His mouth sought hers and they kissed recklessly. When Thera could no longer contain the gasps of pleasure erupting from her she crushed her mouth to his to stifle her cries. She went over the edge locked against him.

Her head dropped weakly back to the mattress but she was still in the throes of completion when Jonah found his release. As the cascade overtook him he buried his face in her shoulder. "Oh. Sam. Sam," he cried out against her.

It didn't occur to him until later that he had called out the wrong name; Thera hadn't heard him.

Jonah tumbled onto his side, pulling her with him and Thera lay nestled against his chest listening to his heart race as they both waited for their rapid breathing to subside.

She ran a finger idly down his torso as he softly caressed her back. She felt secure in his embrace, like it was where she was meant to be.

Maybe it was. Surely it was. The way they'd just joined together hadn't felt like a casual encounter. They seemed to share an intimacy on more levels than just the physical.

"Do you suppose we've done this before?" she asked Jonah quietly.

"I don't know," he said. "But I know I've dreamed about it."

Thera smiled. "Those dreams you had about 'other things'?"

His answering chuckle reverberated down into his chest. "Well, those too. But I think I've been dreaming about this for a lot longer."

"It's not a dream any longer," Thera sighed contentedly.

"No longer," Jonah echoed and in the darkness his head lowered to find her lips for a kiss.

Soon after they snuck back to their own individual beds in the sleeping quarters, but Jonah lay awake for most of what remained of the night. As confused as his mind was over what to believe about his life as he could recall it, on one point he was absolutely clear. Thera was a part of his life, a part of him. She owned his heart. He'd given that up to her when they'd shared their bodies, although he suspected it had been hers to claim for a long time before.

He remembered something else after looking at the white bowl he had kept because it had somehow seemed important to him. He rose to tell Thera about it but before he could they were summoned to Brenna's quarters. In the chaos that ensued there, true memories came crashing down on him like an avalanche on the glacial world outside.

Then later, his heart had caved in on itself.

"So. Colonel," she said, enunciating the title as though trying it out on her lips. Lips that he'd kissed mere hours before.

"Major," he responded. Major Samantha Carter. Sam. The name he'd called out when he'd made love to her.

Her mouth turned up in a fleeting smile in recognition of her rank. "That bald man you were trying to remember..."

"Is General Hammond."

"Right."

"He's from Texas you know." Jack tried to add some levity to the situation. He wasn't sure if it was to put her at ease, or to mask his anguish. "It's all coming back." It was. Everything. Rank, responsibility.

Regulations.

"Yes sir."

Jack looked away as the implication sunk in. They'd made love. When they'd believed they were Jonah and Thera they'd consummated the feelings he was sure they still shared. But while Jonah and Thera had been free to express those feelings, the colonel and the major were not.

"Sir," he echoed hollowly and Sam nodded her head. She understood too. Too well.

A chasm had opened between them and as much as he wanted to bridge it, Jack didn't know how.

"Let's go home."

"Yes sir."

******

Sam tossed her clothes into the laundry basket then made her way to the bathroom where she lowered her aching body into the hot water of the tub. She sighed in relief and contentment as the water and frothy bubbles soothed her aching muscles. She'd pushed herself too hard during her evening run, she knew that. But right then the discomfort suffered from overexertion was a preferred respite from the other feelings she had to deal with.

It had been two weeks since they'd returned home, two weeks since she and Jack had-- no, don't go there Sam, she admonished herself. Those thoughts led to feelings best forgotten. There was no way she'd be able to function alongside Jack - the colonel - in any sort of professional, never mind ffriendly capacity if she kept thinking about how they'd made such exquisite, soul-shattering love that night. She'd never felt so close, so connected to anyone. It had felt so right. At least she, thinking as Thera, had been correct on that account. It had felt...perfect...amazing...incredible.

Stop it! Sam chided herself. She grabbed a face cloth to which she applied a generous amount of scented body wash and then began to scrub furiously at her skin.

She could not go there. She and Colonel O'Neill could go on working together but only if they buried far beneath the surface the memories of what transpired between them, just as they'd been forced underground on P3R 118 where their loving had taken place.

Having finished her bath Sam pulled the plug and stepped from the tub. She dried off but didn't bother to do more with her hair than rub it briskly with a towel. It didn't matter; all she'd be doing was going to bed soon anyway.

They were reporting back to duty the next day. They'd been put on two weeks medical leave to recuperate from the "mental stress" but Dr. Frasier and the psych team had deemed them cognizant enough of their identities and surroundings to return to their homes. As such Sam had seen the colonel only once since they'd been put on leave when they'd been recalled for a briefing earlier in the week. That meeting had been awkward.

They'd maintained professional decorum. That was half the problem, thought Sam as she pulled on an old pair of pajamas. The trouser bottoms and long shirt were baggy and worn but that just made the ensemble all the more cozy and comfortable.

She and the colonel had lost their banter and their ease with one another. They'd get it back eventually, she was sure, if they could just forget about what had happened on P3R 118 and move on.

Even though she'd tried to scatter from the base as soon as they'd been dismissed from the briefing the colonel had still managed to catch her before she'd made it to the elevator. He'd wanted to talk; she'd told him there was nothing to talk about. They'd been memory-stamped, confused, susceptible to impulses they wouldn't ordinarily have considered. He'd frowned at her words. Sam had issued him a curt farewell and fled for the elevator before the hurt in his eyes decimated her resolve. Resolve to never mention that they'd given themselves to one another in an act of love. She could ignore that reality. But she'd never forget.

Sam decided some mind-numbing television was in order before she turned in for the night. She'd just made her way to the living room when a knock sounded at the door. Though the hour was advanced it wasn't so late that Sam found having a caller completely unusual.

She just wasn't entirely prepared for this particular visitor.

"Colonel." She greeted him in both surprise and trepidation when she opened the door to find him there. Her heart gave a funny little lurch. She couldn't stifle the happiness she always felt when seeing him but she was wary of his arrival on her doorstep at the same time.

Jack stood staring at her. He seemed to have lost his power of speech. Sam was at first discomforted by his intense scrutiny and then began to wonder if something was amiss as the moments ticked by in silence.

"Sir? Are you okay?" she asked, worried.

Jack closed his eyes and gave his head a quick shake. "Sorry," he responded finally. "But you look like you did back at the power plant."

Sam looked at him in confusion and then down at her attire. She hadn't noticed the resemblance but her pajamas were the same rust colour as the clothes they'd been issued on P3R 118 and had the same shapeless fit. Her hair was tousled and messy from her bath. Great. Now she was giving him visual reminders of their time together. Only she hadn't asked him to call on her.

"What do you want?" Her tone was icier than she'd intended.

He raised his brows. "To come in, for starters, if it's not asking too much."

Wordlessly she stepped back and let him enter. After she'd closed the door behind him she turned with her arms crossed over her chest and gave him a speculative stare. She was not smiling.

He met her gaze with an unwavering look of his own. "I need to talk to you."

Sam shook her head. "No. We've been over this already. There's nothing more to discuss."

A familiar fire blazed in his eyes. "You might not want to discuss it, but I do. There were two of us there that night. You and me. I want to talk."

Sam winced inwardly at his angry tone. "That wasn't us that night. That was Jonah and Thera. They weren't us."

"Bullshit," Jack spat out. "We might not have remembered much, we might not have known who we were, but that was you and me." He closed his eyes momentarily. "Sam, we knew what we were doing and it was something we both wanted. I don't think knowing who we are now can change those feelings. I think it's something we both still want."

When she responded her voice was small. "It was wrong."

"You told me that it was the only thing that felt right about that place. How can it suddenly be wrong now?' he asked in a plaintive tone.

Sam squeezed her eyes shut searching for her resolve. When she opened them she lifted her chin defiantly. "Our ranks don't permit it, sir. We have responsibilities."

If she was trying to shock him, drive home her point with her harsh use of his title, it wasn't going to stop him.

"There are ways around that, Major. But I don't see our feelings for each other having an easy out."

They glared at each other, both breathing heavily as they tried to quell their feelings of anger and frustration.

"Ah crap!" Jack exclaimed, whirling away from her, his hands clenched in tight fists at his sides.

Sam swallowed convulsively, allowing her pain to flit across her face now that he couldn't see it.

She schooled her expression into neutrality once more as he turned back around but not soon enough; Jack caught a fleeting hint of anguish in her eyes.

"Sam," he said softly, his anger spent. "If you can tell me you don't want me then I'll go and I won't bother you about this again. But it was you I wanted back on that planet and it's still you I'm in love with here."

"I..." Sam began. She blinked her eyes furiously but could not prevent the tears from spilling over. Her shoulders relaxed as the last of the fight drained out of her.

"I want you, Jack," she whispered. "I love you."

He had her in his arms, crushing her to him before she even had time to draw another breath. His hand lifted to cradle her cheek and he searched her blue gaze.

"I called out your name when we made love," he told her. "Sam, not Thera. Somehow I knew."

His words made her smile. "I knew too. I knew it was right."

"Always remember that," Jack whispered huskily as he lowered his mouth to claim hers.

******

End

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