The Words You Didn't Say

by Vicki Firth, 1998

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and its characters are the property of Paramount. This story is not meant to infringe upon the trademarks or copyrights of Paramount.

Please do not post or distribute this story without the author's permission.

******

"Is the Delta Flyer aboard?" Chakotay snapped at the transporter technician as soon as the away team had rematerialized.

The young woman's fingers flew over her console. "Aye Commander! Ops reports the Flyer has been beamed in the shuttle bay."

"Casualties?" B'Elanna asked before Chakotay could get the words out.

"Ensign Wildman has been beamed to sickbay," the technician advised. "Orders state Commander Tuvok and Lieutenant Paris are to report to sickbay later today at their convenience."

B'Elanna felt the wave of relief roll through her. He was alive! Alive and uninjured!

She hastily began picking up cases so that she could get the equipment stored away and get down to the shuttle bay as soon as possible. Though she knew now that he was all right, she still wanted to confirm it with her own eyes.

"Lieutenant," Chakotay addressed her. "I think you should report to the shuttle bay so you can assess the damage sustained by the Delta Flyer. I'll send someone in here to attend to the equipment."

"Yes sir," acknowledged B'Elanna. 'Thank you,' she mouthed silently to Chakotay in wholehearted gratitude. He winked at her in reply.

She saw Tom immediately upon entering the shuttle bay. He was scanning the Flyer with his tricorder and scowling at the instrument in his hand.

"So what headaches has your reckless flying wrought for me this time, Tom?" B'Elanna asked, announcing her presence.

Tom turned and grinned at her. "Hey! My flying is the only reason you see me and the Flyer standing here before you right now," he admonished.

B'Elanna's manner became a bit more serious. "I'm glad to see you standing there. I was worried. Frightened..."

"Hey," Tom said softly, putting an arm around her waist and pulling her against him, "it's okay. I'm here, and I'm fine."

"Just make sure you stay that way!" B'Elanna ordered, fists clenched to his shoulders. Her hands relaxed when he kissed her gently and at length.

B'Elanna smiled at him when they broke apart. "Now I supposed you'll want my help with this shuttle of yours?"

"Of course," Tom grinned.

***

They'd made fairly good progress during the couple of hours they'd been at work on the Flyer. Tom was dealing with the magnetic relays while B'Elanna ran checks on the secondary systems, effecting what repairs were necessary.

She frowned as she called up a new file on the console. "What's this?" she asked, perplexed. "It's encoded for delivery to me."

Tom rose from where he had been working. "It's nothing," he said quickly, waving his hand about to illustrate the unimportance of the file. "Just delete it."

"But what is it?" B'Elanna persisted. "Why is it for me?"

"It's nothing."

"Tom..." B'Elanna met his gaze sternly. She knew he was holding out on her.

Tom's gaze wavered. "It's nothing, B'Elanna," he muttered, shifting the tool he held from hand to hand. "It's just a message I recorded for you."

"A message?" she asked.

"A good-bye message," Tom relented, peering up at her from under his eyelids.

"Oh," B'Elanna responded, surprised. "A good-bye message."

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Tom shrugged. "It was towards then end, when we thought we weren't going to make it. We all left a message."

"And your message was for me." B'Elanna said quietly.

"Yeah." Tom lifted his head to look at her.

"Can I listen to it?"

"You don't want to." Tom laughed, but the sound was forced.

"Yes, I do," B'Elanna said.

"No really, it's just...silly."

"Tom, you made it for me, and I'd like to hear it," B'Elanna pressed softly. "Please."

"Fine," Tom sighed in defeat. He turned back to his work. "But it's just stupid, really."

***

"..... so long."

B'Elanna stood staring at the monitor as the recording ended. Her eyes remained on the blank screen for several moments before she turned them on Tom.

He was crouched on the deck, still in the position he had been in while working on the magnetic relays, but his work was forgotten as he gazed back at B'Elanna.

Silence stretched between them.

Tom couldn't take that silence for long. "It's never going to be counted among the universe's most romantic good-byes, is it?" he said mockingly.

B'Elanna shook her head. "It doesn't need to be," she said quietly.

Tom let loose a harsh laugh. "Oh come on, B'Elanna. At least when you thought you were going to die you were able to come clean with your feelings. I couldn't even do it then."

"Tom..."

"I couldn't tell you how I feel. I couldn't say the words." Tom spoke in a self-depreciating tone.

"You think I don't know!" B'Elanna cried in exasperation, rising from her seat. "It was there Tom, in the words you didn't say! It's there, whenever you're with me. You don't have to say it."

Tom rose as well and moved the few short steps that brought him to her side. "I should have. I should have been able to. If it was the last thing I was going to do..."

B'Elanna raised a hand to run her thumb along his cheek and bury her fingers in his hair at the back of his head. "It's okay, Tom." She gazed up at him, her expression open and honest. "Truly. I know how you feel, and you don't need to say it to prove it to me. Some people just can't."

Tom nodded. "As long as you know," he said gently.

"I do," B'Elanna affirmed. "Now get back to work before I really have a problem with you!" she laughed and pushed at him playfully.

***

Tom had finished repairing the magnetic relays and he watched B'Elanna as she continued her work across the shuttle from him. Her back was turned and she was unaware of his keen observation.

He watched her, admiring the supple strength in her lithe body as she yanked at console plates and pushed on couplings. He was amused by her mutterings to herself, her curses when she had a problem and her small cries of triumph when the problem was solved.

God, he was so happy he had made it back to her. She had been upmost in his mind the whole time they had been on that ill-fated mission, not just in those final hours and minutes. At first he'd missed her because he'd been away from her, and then he'd grieved for what he was going to miss out on, not being able to spend more time with her, spend his years with her.

God, how he loved her.

But what was wrong with him, that he couldn't tell her that? Not even in his final moments! Had he really not excepted, even when all hope of rescue seemed lost, that he would die in that cavern?

No, he hadn't. Not when he'd made the recording. At that point, while it had seemed a distinct possibility, it still hadn't been absolute. He still hadn't felt he'd come to the end.

But what was he afraid of? Was he afraid of the commitment that those words would imply? He had no reason to fear that, as the commitment had long ago been made by his heart.

So why didn't he tell her? What was he waiting for? The next time his life, or hers, was in peril? Were his feelings not good enough to be expressed under ordinary, everyday circumstances?

Whether or not he was good enough to have those feelings, good enough to hold her heart, she was good enough to know unequivocally, by his own admission, how deeply he cared about her. She deserved to know.

He watched her, her body now half under a low console, her forehead creased and her teeth biting down delicately on her bottom lip in concentration. She was beautiful. She was beautiful, and wonderful, and he was overjoyed he hadn't lost his life and lost the living he could do with her.

"B'Elanna," he called and she turned to look at him sitting on the deck with his back against the Flyer's bulkhead, studying her.

He smiled at her. A bit foolishly. In utter happiness.

"I love you."

***

The End

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