Jesus Kills!

 

ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after
leaping through her moving car's sun roof during an incident best
described as "a mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye witnesses. Thirteen
other people were injured after a twenty-car pile up resulted from
people trying to avoid hitting the woman who was apparently convinced
that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up
into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she
claimed was Jesus.

"She started screaming "He's back, He's back" and climbed right out of
the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everett
Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced
dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I
stopped," Williams said. She thought the rapture was happening and was
convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on
to say.

"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the
force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison
questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was
dressed up as Jesus and was on his way to a toga costume party when
the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released
twelve blow up sex dolls filled with helium which floated up into the
air.

Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his
friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into
the air in frustration, and said, "Come back here," just as the
Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus
lifting people up into the sky as they passed by him, according to her
husband, who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else. When
asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied, "This
is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to
happen."
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