A MOMENT IN TIME

CODA TO THE EPISODE

"TIMELESS"

ALSO COMPANION PIECE TO THE STORY

"ALWAYS"

Written by Veronica Jane Williams

DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns Voyager. Janeway. Chakotay. I wrote this story.

Note: This coda is a companion piece to "Always", written from Kathryn's perspective.

RATING: NC-17

A MOMENT IN TIME

She wanted to be convinced. So badly. So many times in the past four years, they were so close, so close. They could almost touch the blue marble. Home then, no longer just a memory or a dream away. But so tantalisingly near.

And oh, how sharp the pain of disappointment. And how she had to stifle down cries, and hide what she felt, lest they sensed it in her. They needed her to be strong. And sometimes, sometimes... she knew, wasn't fooled, they could see her distress, feel the frustration she felt, saw her tears.

"I'll let you know in an hour," she told Harry, her back already turned to him as she left engineering. Her back was straight. Why was it that she didn't give them her answer immediately? She knew what she was going to tell him. Knew her answer even then. Already her words, "You've convinced me," raised their hopes.

Why didn't she tell them then? In that moment so many pairs of eyes were on her: B'Elanna, Seven, Harry, Tom... who had been apprehensive from the start.

But she knew deep in her heart why. Because of one man on this ship. One man. Her First Officer. A man like no other, she's come to realise these four years. Whose opinion she valued above all. Which is why she stalled. She needed to know what Chakotay thought.

This afternoon in engineering, he stood so damnably close to her, close enough that she could reach out and touch his face. Smell his cologne. See his worried frown. See the tattoo suddenly appearing more pronounced. They were friends. Colleagues. Why was it she never allowed him closer. Why was it she wanted that closeness now?

"I have a dinner date with a replicator," he said earlier, his face creasing into a dimpled smile.

"Cancel it," came her order, as she parted ways with him. "Dinner in my quarters."

She was already walking away from him when she heard his soft:

"Aye, Captain."

*************

She already knew her answer to Harry and Tom even before she left them. But she had prepared the dinner she had planned, thinking not to cancel it. She wanted to see him tonight. Badly. It was to be their last night in the Delta Quadrant. Tonight she had to tell him. Tell him how she felt. About him. About letting go of parameters finally. It was always going to be a risk.

Telling him.

Would he return her feelings? she wondered. She relied heavily these few years on the promise he'd made when he related that wonderful parable about the angry warrior to her on New Earth. She knew he'd not desert her, but...she needed to hear it one more time from him. One more time...

How many times didn't she come close to admitting how she felt? And how it came out! In what she thought was unobtrusive, every opportunity there was, she would touch him. His arm, rest her hand on his shoulder, let her eyes linger on his tattoo when he wasn't looking at her. Always feeling that sharp stab of what? desire? shoot through her. So many times there were chances that she could have made some commitment, but the only commitment she made, was to duty and command, knowing how he would at times sigh. She knew he wanted to protect her, do everything for her, but as what? Her second-in-command? Her aide? Her sounding board? Even now she wasn't certain that he would respond.

"If it's crumbs you're offering, Kathryn, I don't want it," he said once.

"You wear me down, Kathryn. I don't think you mean any of it."

"I wish I could be more, but you don't want more, Kathryn."

She closed her eyes thinking of the many opportunities she let slip by. How he would look at her in desperate frustration. She admitted now, only now, when they were on the point of going home, that she was lonely. Oh yes, the crew had been her family for so long, but her heart needed to be needed. By a partner. Her partner. A man like Chakotay. No, she corrected herself. She needed a partner. Chakotay. Period.

Her heart was thudding as she waited for him. When he entered, her eyes feasted on his oh, so familiar form. His broad shoulders, square set, his rock steady demeanour, his gentle eyes in spite of his warrior-like appearance. His smile...

They sat down to dinner. She talked about it being a special occasion. They talked inanities, until:

"You've made your decision."

How well he knew her. How could she escape that? Never.

"We launch tomorrow at 0800. You and Harry will take the Delta Flyer. Voyager will be right behind you."

She needed to have Tom at Voyager's helm, and although the Delta Flyer was Tom's brainchild, she needed her second best pilot at the Flyer's helm. That being Chakotay. At least that part of her decision making hadn't been difficult. She heard him sigh audibly as he unfolded his napkin.

"The crew will be pleased."

He said it as if he were saying a recitation. The crew will be pleased. She noted, and almost expected to, that he didn't say:

"We'll be pleased," or "I'm pleased." She knew he'd exclude himself. It's why he was the best First Officer she'd work with. He had apprehensions. Which he aired, and supported by statistical analyses.

"What about you, Chakotay? What do you think about my decision?"

She waited in bated breath. Looking at him she felt, with her heart in her eyes. She knew even if he said no, she'd go through with it. But as always, she would feel rotten about it. She'd be unhappy and try not to show it. She'd come so often to rely on her hope that he'd always stand behind any decision she made. Was this any different?

"It could be the only chance we'll ever have of using the quantum drive," she tried to point out to him. Her voice expelling the words in short quick gasps.

That was when he looked at her, long and hard. His eyes never wavered. She had the feeling that he knew he wanted to say it:

"We could find another way home. We've waited this long - "

"Long enough," she interrupted him, "we've waited long enough."

She said it with almost fevered haste.

"I know the risks, Chakotay. But I'm willing to take it."

He looked at her, his expression unreadable. But it became animated when she asked:

"Are you with me?"

"Always."

A statement, said with so much conviction, her heart flooded with hope. For a few brief seconds she looked down and closed her eyes, expelling a deep sigh of relief. It meant so much to her. So much.

She rose, walked round the table and rested her hand on his shoulder, an old, old gesture of comfort. She asked him about her home cooking, and he said something about going to sickbay afterwards. Her relief so great, almost without volition, her palm touched his warm cheek, and rested there for a second. His hand came up and over hers, warm, comforting, reassuring, loving. She closed her eyes again and pressed closer to him, feeling him respond. She placed her other hand against his head, stroked his black hair, and kissed the top of his head, her lips resting there.

"Kathryn..."

"Time to eat," she said as she moved away from him to her little kitchen and replicator.

Her heart was thudding. What was she doing? Seducing her First Officer?

They ate in silence most of the time. Each preoccupied with their own thoughts. But her heart had been filled with such peace, she knew he must have been aware of it. She looked at him, his eyes on her and he smiled. Causing a burning sensation in her heart as she saw his message there. She felt a loud thudding, even in her ears. Did she blush? She willed away that thought quickly, frowning as she did so. She felt his hand on hers where she rested it on the table. It was a reassuring squeeze, yet she felt little tremours of delight shooting through her. She smiled at him. Felt the same connection when they touched hands across the table in their shelter on New Earth. She saw him return the smile. His face that creased into those dimples she always thought unfairly beautiful on him.

At last he rose. To leave. It's now, she thought, or never. Say it, Kathryn, dammit. Say it. Don't let him leave, she screamed inwardly at herself.

"Chakotay," it at last came out, as a whisper, "don't leave."

She saw his surprise, or was it a flash of happiness she saw that suddenly brightened his eyes?

"I don't...want to be...alone...tonight."

She thought how the rest of the crew were still celebrating, how her presence would inhibit their fun. She would be in the way. It was going to be yet another lonely night for her.

"Kathryn..." she thought she heard again the old frustration in his voice.

"Please..." came her desperate plea again.

"You...don't have to beg...Kathryn..." he whispered softly.

But she didn't want him to go. Her eyes were fevered. She looked at him. His broadness, his shoulders against which she could cry these last years. Wide enough for her. She threw in those moments away all those walls she erected around her, which protected her from him...herself...prevented her from making a commitment to them. Gone fell away from her the barriers of duty, command, all walls. That crumbled as she hurled herself in Chakotay's arms the second he opened them for her.

She felt his hands on her hair, his lips kissing where his hands had been. How hard his chest was, she thought absently. How hard, like a rock. To lean against. She drank in his smell, his cologne, buried her face in his neck. Felt the warmth suffusing her. His arms around her as if he would never let her go.

She cried then. Unable to stop the tears. Years of pent up emotion now finding release, the second she let go. Knowing now she could entrust her whole life to him, that he would never let go of her. She reached her haven of safety and love at last.

"My love," he whispered to her, "four years is a long time for a man to go hungry. Too long I have waited."

She smiled tremulously through her tears.

"Fours, two months and eleven days," she corrected them.

He looked down at her, a gentle smile on his face. She thought in those moments how she could ever not have loved him.

"No more tears, then?"

"Only of happiness," she whispered.

When he kissed her at last, she knew she had come home.

**************** 

She woke slowly. To the most sensual feeling of lips on her skin, brushing lightly over her. Hot and passionate. She was lying on her back, and the lips roamed, from her hair in her neck, down her throat, resting in the hollow there. They traveled further down, to the rise of her breast. She started breathing in ragged, short gasps, as those lips covered one nipple.

"Chakotay..."

"Hmmm..." came his only answer as he sucked on her nipple, teasing it erect with his tongue, then nipping with his teeth. A shard of an electric impulse traveled instantly to her centre. Within seconds she was aroused, again. How many times during the night did they make love? she thought as Chakotay transferred to her other breast, and fed there. She held his head, her fingers going through his short cropped hair.

"Love me..."

"Aye, Captain..." he murmured as he slid down her body, his lips trailing hot kisses as he went along.

"What do you want, sweet Kathryn?" he whispered, his mouth against her skin, dipping and nipping with his teeth. She groaned before she managed:

"I...want your...mouth on me...lick me, Chakotay..."

"Aye..." as his mouth reached her pulsing centre, his lips and teeth grazing her vulva, pushing aside the damp curls.

"Ohhh..." she moaned.

"Yes...." you're ready again for me, sweet Kathryn, my love..."

"Now Chakotay...please..."

But this time, he was teasing, tantalisingly slow. He started lapping, her legs already wide part, his hands on her upper thighs, her hands on his hair. Already a fine film of sweat covered her body, and she was heaving.

"Hmmm..." he murmured as his tongue darted in her slit, parting her moist, soft folds at the same time. In long strokes, his tongue moved from the bottom of her long slit, in an upward movement, pushing into the slit as he moved his way up. Then he used his thumb and pressed away the folds from her clitoris, grabbing it greedily into his mouth, grazing with his teeth. He felt her buck against his mouth as she arched her hips high. She was nearing her orgasm as he continued flicking his tongue against her. Like that they moved, as if his shaft was inside her, her hips arching rhythmically into his mouth. Her body swamped with her juices, with intense desire which threatened to overwhelm her. She tensed hard into him as she crashed over, exploding into a blinding orgasm. She was breathing hard, her body throbbing, her vulva pulsing as he held his mouth there, and she knew he enjoyed the feel of her throbbing against his mouth.

He raised himself over her, and mounted her quickly.

"I love you..." she whispered as he moved into her, his thick, rock hard swollen shaft filling her so completely, as he did so many times during the night. His hands cupped the sides of her head, threading his fingers into her hair. He heaved into her. Kissed her. She raised her legs high around him, clasping his hips tightly, while he pounded into her, grunting and gasping her name over an over. She could feel herself pulled into the next vortex of orgasms as he took her time and again over the edge. She screamed his name as she went over everytime. Only then he let go, pounding now so hard into her, his face above her, noting absently how his tattoo became almost pronounced as he strained against her, until he gave one final heave and went crashing over. He collapsed on top of her, and slowly came down...floating...

"I love you, Kathryn..."

"Don't leave me Chakotay," she said through the tears that had fallen everytime during the night, everytime he filled her. Everytime he took her over the edge.

"Don't cry, my love," he soothed her. Then he kissed her softly.

"We will be together, when we get home," she said.

"Always," he assured her.

"No more walls, Chakotay."

"I'm glad, my love..."

When she woke again, he was bending over her, dressed in his uniform, ready to leave her quarters.

"Kathryn..."

"Hmmm..."

"I have to go now. We launch at 0800, remember?"

"Yes..." She raised herself to a sitting position, and threw herself into his arms. He held her like that for a long, long time. His hand cupping her head, his lips on her hair.

"This is our beginning," he whispered into her hair again.

"Our beginning, my love..."

He kissed her one last time, passionately, and when he finally broke off the kiss, said:

"See you in the Alpha Quadrant, my love..."

"Home..." she whispered into his neck. He rose, and for long moments she stared at the door of her quarters, after he left.

With a contented sigh, she fell back against the pillows. She felt a tremendous freedom and peace within herself. That she at last gave herself to the man she admitted now, she fell in love with the first moment she saw him on the main viewscreen on the bridge. When was it? Eons ago? Her eyes filled with tears. Wondering how she could ever have doubted herself, his constant love for her, his constancy. They seemed so far away now, as if they never were there. The walls she erected around herself.

Sighing again, she at last got up, and prepared herself to take the bridge in an hour's time.

***************** 

Crunch time Kathryn Janeway thought. Thinking about Chakotay in the Delta Flyer. Very soon they would be together again. Forever. Her heart warmed, just thinking about their commitment they made the previous night. But...

First...

"Voyager to Chakotay."

"Yes Ma'am." Kathryn smiled. How many times did he say that last night?

"Prepare to enter the slipstream."

"Acknowledge."

"Engage."

******************

Kathryn Janeway felt an ice cold hand grip her heart. Sitting in her command chair, she looked for all the world the essence of captainly calm, but inside, it was churning with a sick dread, as they entered the new phase corrections Harry sent.

They lost their comm link with the Delta Flyer. She ordered the drive shut down, but Tom at the helm, couldn't.

"There's some kind of overload, Captain." No one on the bridge appeared to have panicked, yet all knew things were going horribly, horribly wrong.

When Seven received a new set of phase corrections, their hopes flared again. Then Seven's words:

"They're not compensating for the phase variance, Captain.

The slip stream is collapsing."

"The hull is buckling Captain," as they felt Voyager thrown out of the slip stream. "We're losing altitude control! The inertial dampers are off line!" Tom called, furiously trying to compensate.

"The Delta Flyer remained in the slip stream Captain."

"Captain, there's a planet. Class L. Nine million km."

"Do it," she commanded, knowing that Voyager could not make it.

The ship fell from cold space, swirling, careening, like a coin tossed up, twirling and twirling before it landed. Voyager, in agonising slow movement, fell, ditched alarmingly.

Kathryn Janeway did not look at her crew. She knew their courage. Flipping the computer next to her open, she started a message, just as the ship came in to land on the ice planet...

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship USS Voyager. We are about to make an emergency landing. I am afraid we will not make a safe landing. We've lost all control, life support, hull breaches. We are hoping against hope that our luck will last in these last moments."

Kathryn Janeway only then looked at her loyal officers and crew, her heart bleeding. Then she said finally, as the ship touched the first rocks of ice...

"And should our luck run out, I'd like to say for the record that the crew of Voyager acted with distinction and valour - "

******************

"I can do it," the young boy told his friend, Freyne.

"So prove it. I think it's stupid."

"Huh-huh. This flat stone can bounce on the water." They were standing on the small shore of a lake, the water calm and gleaming in the sun.

"Then show me Tommy," Freyne said.

Tommy took the small flat stone, brought his arm back and threw the stone against the surface of the water. The two boys watched the stone skim the water, then bounced, one, two...three times before it skimmed again into the distance, then finally sank in the water.

"There, told you I could do it," the boy said.

The helmsman of Voyager felt his ship give way under him as it bounced and skimmed the icy surface of the planet...

*************** 

Kathryn Janeway closed her eyes one last time, her mind cleared of all worldly things, a blinding light as she opened them again, held her hand out to it and said simply, wordlessly:

"Chakotay..."

****************

On the ice covered bridge of Voyager, a man, his hair turned grey, looked down at the body of Kathryn Janeway, his tears falling hotly on the still form.

"Soon, my love. We'll be together again. Alive...alive...

THE END

I'd love some feedback. We writers thrive on it, I can tell you that.

Veronica Jane Williams

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