ALWAYS

CODA WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO "TIMELESS"

First in the "Timeless Trilogy"

by

vanhunks

 

DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns Voyager, Kathryn and Chakotay and Harry.

RATING: NC-17

 

ALWAYS

by vanhunks

In their white envirosuits they resembled much the polar bears of Earth's Arctic wastelands as they blended in with the pristine, stark whiteness of the ice planet. To say they walked, would have been a misnomer as they plodded their way through the thick snow and ice, searching, searching, until one of them bent down, pointing with his tricorder to the other, while at the same time he cleared away some of the ice.

Like an image in a mirror beneath the glassy surface, he could make out the letters or some of them: NCC-74656. He felt a rush of emotion so powerful, his eyes began to sting with tears. The ship lay beneath their feet in its icy sepulchre, the letters glistening dark in the fading light. For long moments he stared. His head bent, he closed his eyes and like a prayer, the words escaped from him:

"At last, Kathryn, my love, I've found you."

*

Chakotay transported them to the interior of the ship.This was his life, this was his home. Standing in the corridor he moved unerringly in the direction of the bridge was. While Harry searched, Chakotay moved and minutes later he found the bridge. His feet carried him to the command chairs. Their bodies lay close to where they last were, he noted, and almost in bizarre fashion, preserved by the ice. He bent down and looked at her, for he knew it was her. Even through her ice covered body, he could see her hair, almost red and shoulder length. He reached out a hand and touched the icy cheek, willing her to come to life again. His eyes were fevered as he uttered over and over, like a litany.

"We will be together again my love, alive, alive..."

He sat down next to her body, not wanting to move away from her, afraid to close his eyes and open them again, lest she be gone. He touched the cold cheek again gently, and remembered their last night together. She'd invited him to dinner in her quarters...

****

"It's a special occasion," she said, "our last night in the Delta Quadrant."

He looked at her, her hair beautiful and shining in the light, and loved her all over again. His memories of New Earth burgeoned in him and he knew that tonight, he'd not want to be away from her. He wanted to be by her side, forever, if she wanted that. He choked down those emotions and kept staring at her face. He knew instinctively that she had come to a decision.

"You and Harry will take the Delta Flyer," she said, as if her words brooked no argument. "Voyager will be right behind you."

He sighed. Even though they didn't tell him so, he spoke for the crew. They would do what Kathryn Janeway commanded, and they would respect her. He told her the crew would be very happy. He knew he wasn't happy, but his feelings didn't count, not now. There wasn't a time that she made any decision that he didn't feel it mattered to her what he thought. So he kept his own feelings under guard. But Kathryn looked strangely at him. What was on her mind?

"What about you, Chakotay?" she asked softly, her eyes in earnest appeal on him. He could see she waited for his answer. Sighing again, he pointed out the dangers, expressed his concern, his apprehension.

"We could find another way home. We've waited this long - "

"Long enough, Chakotay. We've waited long enough."

He thought back on the time they were in the void, when she shut herself away in her quarters, doubting the decisions she made for the crew. She had withdrawn from everybody, even from him. She had not wanted to see anyone, save him. He alone had witnessed her fears then; he alone was privy to her thoughts, her doubts, her loss of faith in her own ability to lead. She had shrouded herself in gloom and the darkness around her mirrored her depression. She had wanted him to take them home then, so deeply she felt her own guilt.

Now, he saw in her eyes the desperation. The fear of having to remain in the Delta Quadrant forever when home... home was only a touch away...

Her eyes were fevered.

"I know the risks, Chakotay. But I'm willing to take it."

He saw her resolve, and knew what her next question would be, even as he knew his own answer.

"Are you with me?"

"Always."

Always, Kathryn. Like I promised you so long ago, I swore I'd be by your side forever.

He watched how her body relaxed, the relief clear in her face as she looked down first, almost as if in prayer, then turned her face to him again. He imagined she said: "You'll never regret it, Chakotay."

She rose from her chair, walked round him and paused. Her face was close to his. She rested her hand on his shoulder, then her palm cupped his cheek. He felt the warmth of her hand flowing through him, his own hand going up to cover hers. For endless seconds they remained like that. He closed his eyes, drank in her scent, her nearness. She stood so close to him. He looked up again into her face, and saw the promise. More than that, he saw her need.

**************

"Always," he murmured into her hair later.

They had finished their dinner in silence, each deep in thought. He would look up at her, see the shine in her eyes, the peace. He would smile at her, his smile telling her not to worry. Sometime, while they ate, he saw a shadow again, and he touched her hand where it rested on the table. He gave it a reassuring squeeze. Then he would see her smile again, a gentle, tremulous smile that seemed to light up her eyes at the same time. His heart burned with love for her in those moments. He wanted to preserve the moment, engrave it on his heart, locked and treasured for all time in his memory. It was that smile that captured him, her hand coming up to touch his, palm against palm, fingers lightly touching. It was the feel and magical flow of peace from his heart right into hers that enraptured him. That was what remained with him, always.

When he made to leave later, he rose from his chair. He wanted to thank her for the evening. He saw the momentary panic in her eyes and frowned.

"Chakotay..." came her whisper. "Don't leave..."

"Kathryn?"

"I - " she paused, looked away and kept her gaze on a point of the bulkhead. He saw her swallow, and when she looked at him again, he thought he saw a plea in her eyes. "I ...don't want to be alone tonight."

"Kathryn - "

"Please..."

How he longed for her to voice her need! How he longed to feel her arms around him, showering him with kisses. How he dreamed even on New Earth that he could only for a second, a searing moment in time, touch her and feel that she needed him. Always, always, he kept this respectful distance between them, respecting her wishes, observing parameters. She had made herself untouchable, aloof, allowed him only morsels that made him hunger intensely and teased him to the brink of despair. Tonight, he saw those borders melt away like snow in the sun. Standing in front of him was Kathryn Janeway, and right at that moment, there was no Captain Janeway.

Who moved first? he wondered as his arms clamped convulsively around her. Did it matter? All that mattered was that she was in his arms, at last, holding him tightly, her face buried in his neck. He felt her hands around him and the way they trembled as they seared his back. His Captain was no more. This was Captain Janeway stripped of all veneer, all resolve to keep him at a distance, a Captain Janeway who finally, finally let the woman in her speak her wishes and desires. She needed him. It was evident in the way she nuzzled her face in his neck, as if she belonged there a long time ago and forgotten that his strength could protect her, his heart and soul could cherish her. His hand touched her hair, gently stroking it, and he pressed his lips where his hands had been, feeling how she held him closer.

He saw tears in her eyes when she raised her face to him.

"My love," he whispered hoarsely, "four years is a long time for a man to go hungry. Too long I have waited."

"Four years, two months and eleven days," she said softly, giving him her sweetest smile.

"No more tears then?" he asked.

"Only of happiness," she answered.

He bent his head to touch her lips with his, softly, almost tentatively. He felt her lips quivering under his and felt a wild rejoicing when she opened her mouth and his tongue plunged deep inside. Tasting her, swooning from the nectar in her mouth, she nipped his lower lip, her teeth biting, biting. There was no sound in the room, save their breathing, their soft, pained gasps of a long denied pleasure.

She moaned as he deepened the kiss, his hands in her hair, her head held back. Then he buried his mouth against her neck, nipped her ear lobe. She sucked in her breath. She was magic in his arms; his body quivering as she pressed into him. He groaned softly.

"Kathryn," he breathed heavily, "I want you..."

"Then love me, Chakotay, my gentle warrior..." she rasped as he felt her melting into him, aware already of his rock hard shaft against her stomach.

He broke off the kiss, looked into her eyes, and saw the tears. He hugged her to him again, his hand caressing her hair in a ragged movement of assurance:

"Don't cry, my love...please...let us have this moment in time forever."

He walked with her slowly to her bedroom, kissing, holding, not speaking, removing their clothes as they went along. She pulled his jacket off and splayed her fingers across his hard chest. He wanted to die of the waves of pleasure that rocked his body. Kathryn kissed him where her fingers had been moments before, causing him to groan out loud when her mouth covered one nipple. Recovering enough from the daze of her moist touch, he brought his hands up and thrust them under her turtleneck, pulling it over her head, and looked at her with smouldering eyes. He felt his eyes burn, knew he wanted to cry at the beauty of her. With a great sigh of peace he buried his face against her creamy breasts, kissing her, finding a hardened her nipple straining against the fabric of her bra. He heard her gasp as he sucked through the fabric, knowing the pleasure she must have felt as her body trembled against him. His hand moved down to stroke her thighs, his thumbs finding her centre. Kathryn groaned against him, instinctively pushing closer.

"I love you, Kathryn Janeway," he murmured as he removed the last of her clothing, pressing her back against the bed until she lay, looking up at him with eyes that invited him to feast on her.

"Always," he said as his body covered hers, and he brought his face close to her.

"Always," she said, as she held his face and kissed him. She brushed her lips across his tattoo. His hands were in her hair; he stroked her cheeks, felt her lips closing on his fingers.

He stroked her creamy skin, soft as velvet, and thought he could die in that moment. His tongue traced a fevered odyssey on her body, lapping, sucking, then capturing one nipple and sucking hard so that she screamed with the pleasure of it. Her hands moved between them, and she held his throbbing, hard sex and started moving up and down in lazy motions, feeling the friction as his skin moved over the ridges. It sent him crazy with need.

"Kathryn..."

"Hmmm...?"

"I love you..." It was a ragged cry that tore from his body.

"Then love me..." she whispered as he slid down her body and parted her legs. His big hands covered each firm breast, kneading them. She gasped as she felt his mouth on her. Her hands cupped his head where his mouth brushed her centre. He breathed in her sweetness, his lips grazing the damp curls where she was already awash and her juices flowing. She moaned softly as his tongue moved away her soft folds, and dipped inside her slit, plunging deep into her. It seemed to him that her body rocked as she raised her hips to him and started moving. He moaned his pleasure as her silken softness dazed, wanting to hold her in his mouth forever. But his Kathryn had ideas. She moved as he sucked and plunged, writhing to get him deeper in her. Her skin felt damp to his touch and the way she strained as the moved told him how much and how intensely she craved him. They moved together, in concert, she bucking her hips against his mouth, and he plunging his tongue in, pulling, then plunging. He could feel she was near the edge as her body stiffened, every muscle protesting as she let out a long keening wail when his tongued plunged deep into her again. Her hands were in his hair and the pain at the way she grabbed and pulled as she spasmed into him sent her crashing over the edge. In the distance it flt to him, he heard Kathryn cry out his name.

He didn't wait, but continued, his tongue unsheathing her clit, now pink and erect and quivering, as if waiting to be touched. Gripping it gently between his teeth, his tongue darted around her clitoris, tantalising as he made little circles, then flicked it on and on, until she screamed her release again, throbbing now wildly into him. He kept on sucking as she moved beneath him, sobbing his name over and over.

"I love you, Chakotay," she murmured, her voice quivering, on the verge of tears again, her body covered in a sheen of sweat. But she rose, pressing him into a sitting position, then flipped him right over on his back. It looked so strange to him: Kathryn's eyes full of tears and at the same time a victorious gleam in them made her like a cat, ready to pounce on him.

"Two can play at this game," she said slyly as her mouth traveled over his body, kissing first his tattoo, her lips lingering there.

"My little wild Kat," he said, "have your way with me..."

She did. Holding his penis with both hands covering him, she made love to him. Her tongue lapping all the way from the base up, squeezing the ridge, then right up to his tip. There, her mouth would cover the tip, and her tongue would play little circles, dipping into the little slit. He groaned his pleasure.

"My God, you are some woman, Kat," he grunted as he tried to raise his hips. But she would have none of it. She held him down, her mouth playing, playing, teasing, teasing, sucking at his tip until he begged her to stop.

"Kathryn...I - wait...I'm going to..."

Then she would release him for a second as her fingers squeezed his tip to hold back his orgasm. She would lick the first drops of his escaping juice. Her hand would gently squeeze his balls as her tongue worked his tip. He moaned again, but she held him fast as he tried to move.

"Kathryn, for God's sake," he begged. But she continued teasing, sucking, squeezing until he was a squirming wreck under her.

"What do you want, Chakotay..." she breathed against his rock hard shaft and let her tongue lap up all the way from the base to the tip.

"You..."

"Then it's me you'll have..." she breathed again, as her mouth covered him.

"Yes...ma'am..." he was still saying when he felt his penis being taken fully into her mouth.

She sank slowly into him, relaxing her throat muscles, taking him deeper and deeper, until she could feel his glans moving comfortably over her gullet, the ridge of his tip creating such an erotic sensation, she felt her orgasm coming upon her, and when it did, pressed even deeper into him, her lips touching his hairs.

"God, Kathryn..."

He moved, and she moved with him. He bucked against her mouth until he screamed as he released himself painfully in her, his body sweating and heaving.

"Kathryn..." he whimpered as his body shuddered against her, feeling his release coursing down her throat. Only then she released him, slowly licking him all the way to his tip.

She braced her hands over him on the mattress and looked at his flushed face.

"Only because I love you, Chakotay," she said.

And before she could say anything more, he heaved himself up, threw her back, nudged her legs open with his knees, his tip hovering at her opening. He raised her knees so that her feet rested flat on the mattress, wide apart.

"My turn," he said as he rammed himself into her, giving a cry of victory as he saw her face contort, heard her cry as he filled her. Not giving her time to adjust, he moved into her, slowly at first, her sheath muscles closing and squeezing hard on his shaft. He groaned his pleasure, his hands grabbing her head, fingers twined in her glorious hair. Her body felt incredibly soft and silky under his, fitting her to him with perfection as he continued moving lazily, wanting to prolong the moment of intense pleasure and satisfaction she was giving him. She gloried in feeling him in her, reaching so deep, she threw her head back, tossed from side to side, and felt, strangely, the tears flowing hotly from her.

He saw her tears, and kissed them while he moved in her, her body, hips swaying to meet his thrusts. It seemed she couldn't stop the tears as he thrust unto her, his body sweating, gasping, moaning, and whispering oh, the sweetest words of love to her.

They felt their bodies rising as his thrusts became faster, harder. He pounded into her, she called his name over and over and over as her head swam with the overpowering passion that raged through her body.

Until finally...

***

"Kathryn!!!" came his last, agonising scream... as Chakotay realised he was still sitting next to the body of Kathryn Janeway. He felt his hot tears, now flowing freely as he stroked the cold cheek, touched the cold hand, his fingers going over her cold lips.

So still.

So still.

Soon, my love, he cried. We'll be together again. Soon.

"Chakotay," he heard Kathryn's voice through the mists of his memory.

"Yes...my love..."

"This is our beginning..."

"Yes, sweetheart. Our beginning. No more tears. No turning back."

"I want us to be together, always, from now on."

"Always..." he said, nuzzling his nose in her hair.

They were lying in a tangled mess of sheets, entwined limbs. Her head was against his chest, her eyes closed. They had made love most of the night with their whispered promises on the wings of their passion.

"Never leave me..."

"I'm by your side always..."

"I need you, Chakotay..."

"As I need you..."

"No more parameters," she whispered desperately into his neck.

"I'm glad, my love."

"It's too lonely, here. I am alone."

"Never more, Kathryn, my love..."

"Whatever happens, Chakotay..."

"Whatever happens, my love..."

"Always..."

"Always..."

*****************

Chakotay rested his fingers on Kathryn's deathly pale lips.

Did you now, even then, my love? Of our parting? Did you know that I would live and you would die?

Did you know even then?

"Chakotay..."

His reverie broken, he looked up in the face of Tessa. Kind, loving Tessa.

"It's her?" she asked.

He nodded.

"You never stopped loving her, you know..."

"Tessa..."

"Please, Chakotay," she whispered, "let me finish. You searched for her for fifteen years. Your heart was always here, on Voyager, with her..."

"Tessa - "

"Loving her, even knowing she died."

"Please, forgive me..."

"Yes...Chakotay. I have. Years ago, when you first called out her name in your sleep."

"I'm sorry, Tessa."

"Even when we made love. We never really made love, you know. Had sex. Yet you called out her name."

Chakotay looked at this woman who had been his companion so many years. He was fond of her, but always, always, hidden in his memories, the thought of her...his Kathryn.

Kathryn who pledged to love him for all time. His heart contracted with such pain, it registered in his face. Just as he thought that they were together at last, their happiness was ripped from under them in the next moment. How happy they had been then. How happy. With the knowledge that they would be together even as they made it home.

Home.

He came home.

Without his Kathryn.

His heart bled for fifteen years.

"Chakotay..."

He looked at Tessa again.

"I don't regret the time we had together. I've always known your heart was here. Never with me. But I chose to be with you. Don't feel guilty, Chakotay. For me, just being with you, was enough for me."

But not for you, Tessa thought with great pain, but knew Chakotay had never ever really been happy. He never smiled, yet just now, as he looked at the body of Kathryn Janeway, she saw his smile, his face creasing into dimples she had never seen. She envied Kathryn Janeway, who even dead these fifteen years, could hold this angry warrior's heart captive.

"Come, Chakotay. Harry is ready now."

He looked at her with gratitude in his eyes, and kissed her briefly. Then she spoke:

"Come, your Kathryn is waiting for you."

 

THE END

 

Star Trek: Voyager, Captain Janeway, Chakotay, Paris, Torres, the EMH, and other characters of the series, etc. are the property of Paramount Pictures. Other characters created by the author, will remain the author's property. All photos/images are copyright of Paramount Pictures, 1998, 1999, No infringement upon their trademarks or copyrights were intended. All stories are my own property, that Paramount or anyone else doesn't own. The stories and displaying of pics are intended for entertaining purposes only and not for any financial gain.

Links to this web site is allowed, and links to the stories will require the author's consent.

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